Feminine nature is a complex puzzle from the ornate threads of passion, attractiveness, sensuality, expression, beauty, spontaneity and amazing life energy in one ball. Women are so different in their manifestations and behavioral habits, and at the same time so united in their views and perceptions that it is difficult to develop an approach to them according to the same pattern for everyone: each lady needs her own approach. In exactly the same way, the actions of women themselves differ from each other depending on their character, mentality, concrete nature and peculiar disposition. But very many representatives of the beautiful half of humanity suffer one unpleasant and undesirable fate - the emergence of feelings for a young man who already has a legal spouse. What to do if you fell in love with a married man? What to do if on the scales are cordial affection and a cold mind, which are opposed to each other?
Love for a married man - an accident or a vice?
Today, situations with forbidden love are far from rare. Almost every third girl in desperation asks the question: "I love married - what to do ?!" Many argue that love comes suddenly. That this feeling is beyond human control. He cannot immediately take and throw out from the heart and head the object of his adoration. To do this, you probably need to be a superman or at least possess superpowers. But psychologists argue that this is not entirely true. Yes, indeed: it is difficult to get from the depths of the soul those feelings that stubbornly settled inside and are experienced by a woman in relation to a strange husband. But isn’t this woman at the initial stages and the first moments of communication with the “married man” able to feel her overly strong sympathies for him? Is she not able to stop this communication, or at least keep it within the framework of what is permitted? Does she not understand the degree of responsibility taken upon herself when she allows a married man to take care of herself and does she not be cunning, believing that “this is already my man”? Probably, the sanity of an intelligent woman will be able to stop her at the first attempts of such a "cauldron" and will help to stop his tackle in the bud, even if his face is very pretty, and his appearance is quite sexy and attractive. A ring on the ring finger of such a boyfriend should signal the lady about danger and, with a red light of a traffic light, inhibit her movement on the way to plunge into the abyss called "the destruction of another family."
What if I fell in love with someone else's spouse?
But what if the rules are already violated and the movement to the red light has already been committed? What to do if you fell in love with a married man? And how to behave if there is no way out of the situation? Here women are divided into three categories:
- those who seek financial or career benefits for themselves in a stranger — they will not let go of a “married woman" just like that;
- those who go ahead to their goal and the desire to be happy next to another's spouse - they will put all their strength into breaking up a married couple and being with their loved one;
- those who understand and realize their mistake, but cannot get rid of their passion and hot affection for someone else's man.
Speaking about the first two categories of women, we can confidently say that they do not need someone else's help and advice on tactics of behavior. Such women in the secular world are called sharks - rarely what man can break out of the tenacious jaws of such a predator. But if a woman really feels remorse, if she sincerely regrets that she was let in by a family man and that she has fallen in love with a married man - how to forget him and stop these meetings, this forbidden love, these traumatic psycho-emotional state of feelings? Psychologists recommend proceeding from a specific situation and a specific state of things, in view of which the girl had a love "for the wrong" young man.
Love for a man with children
What if I fell in love with a married man who has children in addition? I must say that this exacerbates the situation and simplifies it at the same time. On the one hand, the presence of a married, womanizer, one, two, or three cute babies to some extent explains his behavior. Suppose a situation is not uncommon when a wife ceases to pay attention to her husband's chores and worries about caring for her children, taking care of herself to the extent that it seemed possible before, thereby pushing her husband away from herself and contributing to his search for joy from another representative the beautiful half of humanity. Maybe here you can understand a man, roughly speaking, rejected by his own wife.
But there is a flip side to the coin: how can a woman who encroached on the father of two or three children sleep peacefully and continue to pretend to be a man who does not belong to her? After all, he has a duty to his wife and his children. He bears the burden of responsibility for his own children, for their education, their formation as individuals. One can hardly speak of any moral principles of a woman who fell in love with a married woman, with children, with her family, and does not let him go because of her own egoism. Not a single woman has yet built with impunity pure happiness on the misfortune of someone else's family.
Love for a married adult man
It also happens that young girls, captivated by the charm and masculinity of a man of a more mature age, by their naivety and immediate gullibility, are carried away by a beautiful stranger and fall in love with him. Adult men always attract girls who have not had such an experience in communication: they are interested in recognizing such people, they admire the intelligence, ingenuity, courage and some greatness of such men. Therefore, even when a young lady learns that the object of her adoration is married, she does not cease to respect him, value him, admire him, love him. Rather, it is the other way round: she feels a sense of ownership and, due to the lack of this kind of experience, does not understand that, by her connection with him, she takes away the breadwinner who loves his father and spouse. A girl who has fallen in love with a married man older than herself initially condemns herself to suffering and unrequited love, since in most cases such ladies are only temporarily used, but they never leave the family forever.
Love for a friend who has a wife
Even more difficult is the girl who fell in love with a married friend. It is hard enough to play the role of a good friend, comrade, assistant while you are experiencing deeper and more sincere feelings for a man . The mere fact of the destruction of his family for the sake of his own satisfaction and getting what he wants already smacks of egocentrism and meanness. But even if you take into account the “innocent” attempts to hint a friend about your feelings, they themselves become a threat: either the young man will not understand such hints and such an attitude from his old girlfriend, or he will go on adultery, but then you can forget about friendship forever. In any case, this connection will end with someone else's suffering - the tears of the unfortunate wife or the bitterness of losing friendship interfered in the relationship of a girlfriend-lover. This connection will certainly harm one of the parties, and a decent woman who has not lost her moral principles and has not completely lost her head from her exciting feelings should stop her eagerness to remove her beloved from the family in time.
How to stop loving a friend if this love is initially doomed? You need to pause, temporarily stop communication, give yourself time to think about the harmfulness of this situation and give yourself the opportunity to understand your own thoughts and feelings. It may turn out that these feelings were excessively far-fetched, and in fact, such love was only a temporary clouding. Otherwise, it’s worth looking for ways out of the situation in the enthusiasm for a new object of sympathy - it is not for nothing that they say that the wedge is knocked out by wedge .
Woman's love for a married colleague
No less common is the situation when a feeling of love arises for a young man from work. If a woman fell in love with a married work colleague, it is also quite difficult for her to hide her attitude to him. How to be in this situation? How to overcome your feelings? And is it worth fighting with them at all? Psychologists are not judges, they do not reproach their patients for the fact that their behavior does not completely fit into the framework of ethical standards. They do not dissuade them that love for a married man is normal. However, psychological methods of influence consist in this, so that a person himself, through introspection, comes to the realization of his mistakes, mistakes, wrong actions. That which rereads his conscience will surely work in the consciousness of man, if he himself wants it. So in the case of an unfortunate lady who fell in love with her colleague, who already has a legal wife. Getting into someone's family is fundamentally wrong. You cannot justify yourself by the strength of your feelings and the fact that "my man will be happy with me" or "he will feel bad with her, he will be much better with me." This is a deliberately false and incorrect opinion. A man who is ill in his marriage costs nothing to divorce and leave this unsuccessful marriage party, without the help of his mistress. Therefore, at the time of rethinking life values, a woman in love with a colleague should minimize communication with him, try to ignore thoughts about him and perceive him exclusively as a business partner.
A married woman's love for another man
All of these situations unanimously boil down to the fact that flared up feelings towards another's spouse is an accident, which subsequently will definitely hurt someone. Be that as it may, the struggle for such a man will ultimately lead to someone else's suffering, and it will be very mean-spirited to withdraw from the family a man who had previously been a diligent spouse and loving father. However, there are even more stalemate cases when a not free lady begins to feel warm feelings for the same not free man. If a married woman falls in love with a married man, she not only strives to destroy other people's relationships - she is able to injure her own spouse with her treacherous feeling. Many ladies who have fallen into this situation perfectly understand all the risks of their love, which can make at least two out of four people unhappy, therefore, in an attempt to calm their feelings and gain peace of mind, they turn to a psychologist for advice. The recommendations of specialists include a list of techniques, the main of which are the following:
- the cessation of all communication with the object of his sudden sympathies;
- rapprochement with her husband in all possible ways - spending time together, preparing holiday dinners and romantics, increasing the frequency of sexual relations in her married couple;
- immersion in work is one of the most effective ways to forget about everyone and everything;
- hobby distraction - painting, music, opera, ballet and many other hobbies will help to abstract from mental upheavals and forget about your passion for a married lover.
Self-control, work on oneself, one’s own prohibitions and attitudes given to oneself can significantly change the attitude of a lady stymied by her own feelings. The prospect of having a married lover seems attractive to few people, so it’s worth stopping her at the root even before the situation has gone too far.
How to behave
What to do if you fell in love with a married man? How to calm down the flow of your passion and unbridled feelings? There are three ways that can resolve the current situation with various options for its outcome. The first is to confess his feelings to him: he will surely take advantage of the attitude of a woman in love with him, but only once as carnal pleasures. The second is to use the tactics of seducing a man and tying him to himself: it smacks of, at least, meanness and treachery, since such behavior, although not criminally punishable, but morally criminal. And finally, the third is to try to fight your feelings, because they will not lead to good in ninety-nine percent of a hundred.
Is it worth fighting for someone else?
What if I fell in love with a married man? How to forget about your feelings, and is it worth to forget about them? Perhaps it makes sense to fight for him? Many girls, in a fit of their emotionally unstable state, begin to think that this man is destined for them, since the combination of circumstances led to their meeting, and that it is worth trying happiness and trying to achieve it at all costs. But such ladies need to take note: not a woman should strive to fall in love with a man, but a man should seek her. And if he did not rush headlong after her after the first meeting, if he did not leave his family and crawled on his knees with a request to become his lover, then he hardly needs it at all. Then the question of whether it is worth fighting for him, disappears by itself: you can’t get into other people's relationships, and there’s no special meaning.
On someone else's misfortune happiness can not be built
If, nevertheless, a girl fell in love with a married man and stubbornly does not want to understand the perniciousness of her feelings in relation to herself, him and his whole family, she should think about what fate is capable of not only giving, and taking away what it once gave. The male stolen from another family’s nest, having betrayed one woman, will surely betray the second. And the ubiquitous karma will send a boomerang to the warrior’s suffering, once suffered because of her abandoned by her beloved wife. And this is not idle chatter. Psychologists say that people who deliberately hurt someone once project their criminal action on their own life. In everyday life we often hear speeches that thoughts materialize, that everything that we think attracts to us. Psychology explains this by the fact that the consciousness of a person who has committed meanness works through his conscience on himself and affects his behavior, his habits, his actions. So, a lady who once left a man from the family is subsequently subjected to the same fateful situation - she will inevitably be betrayed to her lovers in the same way as her previous wife was betrayed. This is no wonder - happiness cannot be built on someone else’s misfortune.