The most senseless feeling that a person is capable of is insult. A touchy person, by his behavior, is trying to prove to the whole world and to a particular individual his significance, not confirming this with anything other than illogical attacks and accusations. A look at relationships through the prism of resentment distorts the worldview so much that they cease to take a person seriously and try to end their relationship with him, giving rise to an even greater sense of frustration in the latter.
Resentment and resentment: what is the difference?
Resentment is a reaction, often demonstrative, in response to a statement, action or lack of action. A man is trying to show that he is dissatisfied with the course of what is happening, that he was expecting another, and with all his appearance demonstrates how much his disappointment is. Disappointment is intertwined with disappointment (one thing was expected - another turned out), pain and sadness (“I didn’t expect this from you”), excitement and anxiety (suddenly this will happen again), powerlessness (“you are stronger - therefore you consider yourself right”), irritation and anger ("I will avenge you").
Resentment is like the flu: you can feel the temperature and recover in a couple of days, but perhaps the inflammation will take over the whole body and cause a chronic condition or destroy the carrier. This condition is called resentment. A very touchy person is always ready to take offense at all possible irritants, sometimes from scratch raising up piles of nonexistent problems, with his whole appearance showing how unfair the world is to him.
All human feelings are a subjective thing, but the feeling of resentment is several times stronger than all the others, since their "I" and personal dignity are placed above the rest.
Why are people offended?
Psychologists divide all causes into four categories:
- Misunderstanding of jokes: most often a touchy person, deprived of a sense of humor, even a small puddle can hurt him - this is his protective reaction and an indicator that he does not need to do this. This is the easiest form, although it happens that a person goes in cycles and has been offended for years, developing a plan of revenge.
- Manipulation: wanting to get the plan, but not seeing the desired result, the touchy person “pouts his lips”, withdraws and is silent - showing with his whole appearance that he is waiting for completely different actions.
- Deceived hopes: often people give in to fantasies or attribute to others non-existent character traits, wait for unusual actions, and then are deeply disappointed with reality. Resentment, they try to show the magnitude of their disappointment, as if unobtrusively trying to change a person.
- Inability or unwillingness to forgive: too high self-esteem and hyperego make people blind to other people's emotions and motives. Moreover, this category of people can combine all three of the previous categories, turning a person into a paranoid.
How does resentment turn into resentment?
Due to the excessive sense of self and increased self-pity, a person often has internal strife: “Why me? Why can they, but not me? I deserve (for) better, more. ” This plunges a person even more into an illusory reality, invented by himself and, most likely, significantly different from reality. And the more often this happens, if the reason for the insult remains unresolved and settles inside, the more a person becomes touchy, fixated on his feelings and blind to the feelings of others. Excessive resentment becomes a natural state, destroying the inner world of a person.
Four types of offenders
Psychoanalysts divide the touchy people into several types, analyzing which, you can understand why you are being evil and how to fix the situation.
- People with a complex of eternal sacrifice: they are constantly offended by everyone and everything, with or without: any careless word, a sideways glance or gesture can drive them into the deepest depression, weekly silence or, conversely, constant nagging. This type of too touchy person in a state of affect can do anything, including attempted suicide, so you need to be extremely careful with them.
- Paranoids: people are touchy because of excessive suspicion, jealousy and fear of being deceived. They hear only what they want, understand the situation only from their extremely subjective view and look for a catch in almost everything.
- People with an inferiority complex: their total self-doubt gives rise to a feeling of insecurity, they think that others constantly want to offend, laugh at the shortcomings (sometimes visible only to themselves) and assert themselves at their expense. Often such people are touchy in a quiet way, they do not scandal, do not try to manipulate, but simply become self-contained, accumulating a lump of resentment.
- Avengers: their distorted view of the world, combined with delusions of grandeur, makes you constantly scroll through your head plans for revenge, retribution for insult and encourages further immoral actions. Moreover, their grudging resentment is so great (even from a trifle trifle) that for years they can carry in themselves a plan of a vendetta worthy of Moriarty himself.
Male resentment
Men in fact are very rarely offended - they are more likely to be upset, angry or disappointed in some actions of their loved ones. The logical mindset simply does not allow them to keep the cause for a long time - in half an hour the male consciousness will find more interesting occupation than specifying the past action.
The only thing that can really hurt him and unsettle him for a long time is a criticism of his "male" behavior: sexual failure, comparison with other men, public condemnation and the depreciation of his gifts. Then a man can either shut himself in, or, retaining his outward habitual behavior, keep a grudge in himself for a rather long time, and during a strong quarrel, state everything.
Female resentment
Women belong to the palm of offense: they are offended several times a day, while some have fleeting conditions that you can’t even call an insult - so, I was upset for five minutes and forgot. For some, this is an idea-fix of all life: “You offended me - you didn’t see my tears”, because of which they begin to poison the life of themselves and others. At the same time, the offended woman looks like a mad woman : she has absolutely no control over her mind, emotions and can tell mountains of superfluous, rude and unnecessary. Excessive sensitivity and destroys such women.
Children's resentment
Resentment of a child is a great psychological trauma that can lead to a lot of complexes, rejection of the realities of the world and a distorted perception of the people around. The danger is that the unstable children's psyche cannot cope with emotions, cannot properly respond to the stimulus, and imprints negative experience on the subconscious, forming an illusory reality.
Most too touchy people brought this feeling with them from childhood, they grew together with him and without him they can no longer. 80% of all fears, phobias, complexes and reactions are laid in a person at preschool age, most of them come from parents and close relatives. So the next time, before scolding a child for something, think ten times whether it is necessary.
What is fraught with communication with such a person?
When there is a touchy person in the company, it looks like a boil: it is very in the way, but no one dares to touch, so as not to hurt. An inconspicuous ring of alienation is formed, which further offends a person - the circle is closed. In addition, a very touchy person sharply reacts to criticism. Therefore, openly judging him for his susceptibility is like adding fuel to a fire.
The constant need to select the “right” words, expressions and actions already indicates that you are being manipulated, which means that the person has understood the power of his influence and will use it every time as necessary.
Why aren't all people offended?
The psychology of a touchy person is different: some are extremely rarely affected by such a painful reaction, while others, on the contrary, are hypersensitive. You can joke with some on the verge of a foul, while others react sharply even to a comment about a hairstyle. Why it happens?
In fact, everything depends on the person’s internal state: how much he is self-sufficient or dependent on public opinion, what is the magnitude of his sense of pride and his own significance. Each has its own weaknesses and pain points: for some they are on the surface and painful, while for others they are hidden under a thick layer of character and willpower.
How to communicate with a touchy person?
For others, this is sometimes a problem. How to call a touchy person, so as not to offend? How to communicate with him at all, if there is no opportunity to end the relationship (is it an employee, relative or husband-wife).
The first way is to try to ignore attempts at manipulation, provided that your own rightness is indeed such. You can ask the opinions of an uninterested person (of course, tactfully so as not to offend the offended even more).
Second: try to take the situation into your own hands and transfer it from sensual altercations into a calm discussion of the problem.
Communicating with overly emotional people teaches tolerance and loyalty, this is a good reason to look at yourself and others from a different angle. One must be condescending to sensory surges - after all, if the reasons for such a reaction are known, then it becomes clear that the touchy person has internal problems above the roof. Pity him, only mentally.
All-In Method: Imagine Resentment Perhaps, having felt himself in the place of a “pseudo-offender,” a person will change his behavior and attitude. Try to put yourself in the place of the offended and mentally scroll through the situation, trying to look at it with his eyes. Ask yourself what percentage of your guilt that a person is offended. Be objective: maybe you unconsciously, without thinking, hurt a person.
How to help get rid of resentment?
Explain to the person why you did and said so, and not otherwise. Explain in detail in the smallest details the reason, with all his appearance make it clear that there was no desire to offend. If the situation really requires it - you need to apologize. Just do not forget: to apologize is to regret the deed and promise to do more so. Human reactions come from actions, not just words.
Try to explain that resentment is a destructive feeling, showing how offended he does not respect himself as a person. Show that you respect him, but you will never have close relationships if they develop so one-sidedly.
What will the accumulated grievances lead to?
Does everyone know that resentment is a manifestation of one of the seven sins of Christianity: pride? A wounded sense of superiority spurs a person to rash acts: this is how relationships are broken, marriages and family ties collapse. Everything happens because everyone puts himself above the other, and this is a manifestation of pride.
Focusing on one’s inner experiences, a person loses the ability to think sensibly, his capacity for work falls, which, in turn, can lead to loss of work. In an attempt to drown out the pain of resentment, some people start drinking or taking drugs.
Why is a touchy person often sick? His nervous system is constantly overloaded with stress, depression and neurosis. Under the influence of feelings, he violates the usual diet, which adversely affects the digestive system: gastritis, gastric ulcer - these are side effects of stress.
From constant experiences, migraine, spasm of the muscles of the neck and shoulder girdle develop (which can lead to problems with the spine). Spasmodic muscles, in turn, block the free functioning of the lungs, hyperventilation is impaired, and this is the first step to colds and various kinds of inflammatory processes.
In the process of communicating with a touchy person, try to convey this information, perhaps common sense will prevail, and resentment will go away.