You have found a soul mate and are glad that she reciprocates. But after a while, dreams of happiness begin to fade and jealousy appears. It is not inherent to all people, but only to some. Basically, it affects people with low self-esteem. Such individuals want to control their lover and spend as much time with him as possible. You understand that you can’t control the feeling gnawing at your soul, but don’t know how to learn not to be jealous? Read about it below.
Causes
Understanding the issue of jealousy, you need to understand the causes of its occurrence.
- Low self-esteem. A person who is afraid of losing his soul mate thinks that in the circle of communication of the partner there are more suitable persons for him. Such confidence arises from a lack of self-love. How to learn not to be jealous? You need to recognize your uniqueness. Realizing that you are no worse than others, you can love yourself.
- Past experience. A person who has taken a lover away in the past will be very suspicious of people around him. Restoring trust is very difficult to restore. A person should understand that all people are different, and among them there are loyal and trustworthy individuals.
- Fear of loneliness. A person who has too narrow a circle of contacts, has no parents and almost no friends, will hold on to her soul mate. A person will be afraid that they will leave him and he will not be able to find anyone else.
- Nonreciprocal love. People do not always meet for love. In some cases, a person may start a relationship from boredom or because he is afraid to be alone. Such a person will really give cause for jealousy, as he will seek a replacement for his passion.
Jealousy
People express their emotions in different ways. Some openly talk about their discontent, while others try to hide the resentment. How does jealousy manifest itself?
- Violent reaction. Not all people have the ability to control their emotions. Some express them too violently. Such persons are not shy at a party to approach their soulmate and start a scandal because the man smiled at his childhood friend. How to learn not to be jealous? You need to curb your feelings and take them under control.
- Hidden reaction. A person may not react at all to the lover's communication with a colleague, but passions will rage in his soul. Such individuals will never openly blame their soul mate. Accumulated negative emotions they will splash out in the form of scandals. And the reason for such an outbreak can serve as any trifle.
- Total control. Persons who are afraid of losing their soul mate are constantly trying to control it. They can forbid a person to go to a party alone, they will call their lover every hour to check where he is.
- A joking reaction. A person who is afraid to openly demonstrate his emotions can hide them behind a mask of sarcasm. Such a person with a smile will reproach the partner that he too often flirts with the opposite sex. Behind feigned gaiety will be hiding pain, resentment and distrust.
Do not believe stereotypes
People tend to trust national signs and proverbs. Someone does this out of superstition, and someone because their parents did it. Believing in all such statements is foolish. For example, there is an opinion that all men change. Girls who firmly believe in this rule will be very jealous of their men. Ladies need to understand that such a statement with reality has nothing to do. There are many men who do not go left, love their faithful wife and are happy to raise a child. In whose heads do stereotypes take root? People who themselves have been burned several times and from personal experience have made sure that the saying is true will believe that it works in 100% of cases. How to learn not to be jealous of such persons? People need to turn to those couples who live happily ever after. You need to ask friends to tell their love story and make sure, by their example, that such statements are not always true.
Women are more likely to believe in superstition than men. But even among the representatives of the stronger sex, you can find individuals who are sure that all the women are bitch. Such statements are based on quotes about jealousy like this:
Ugly women are jealous of their husbands . Beautiful women are not up to it - they are busy with the fact that they are jealous of other husbands.
Why is this opinion formed? Psychologists say that people are looking for the same type of partners. It is not surprising that guys who are confident in the bitchiness of ladies fall for narcissistic egoists who really do not behave in the best way. Men should reconsider their type and pay attention to girls who did not fall into their field of vision before.
Cheating on those waiting for this
Have you ever heard the theory that a person with the psychology of a victim and a person with the psychology of a maniac always walk along the same street? No wonder they meet. The same can be said about people who are waiting for treason. Thinking about not being jealous of a guy? A girl who cannot believe in the honesty of her chosen one will be cheated. You need to change your moral attitude. A person who cannot allow the thought that his other half will be wrong will not be deceived. If you correctly build your relationship, love your chosen one and see the response in his eyes, you have nothing to worry about. If you constantly wind up yourself, as well as annoy the second half with reproaches, sooner or later unpleasant expectations will come true.
A person who knows from experience how jealousy is manifested can make a moral restructuring. You need not to muffle feelings, but to completely get rid of them. Day after day, tell yourself that your partner is faithful to you and you trust him. Such a suggestion will soon bear fruit.
Accept your past
At the very first session, a private psychologist will tell a person who is suffering from jealousy that he needs to accept the past. All his problems are somehow connected with the experience. Could not cheat on you, but your mom or girlfriend. If you are a compassionate person, then you could take a similar resentment of a loved one as close as your own. You need to understand that nothing happens by chance. It is not always pleasant to think that a person who has been cheated deserves it. Relationships are serious work in which both partners must participate. If only one tries, then nothing good will come of it.
How to learn not to be jealous of the past? Accept everything that happened to you. You cannot change anything in your past. Everything that happened has helped you become what you become. Once stepping on a rake that painfully hit you on the forehead, the second time you will not get on them. It is impossible to change the past, and therefore they should not live. Understand that all the mistakes you have made are a gift of fate. They will help you build good and strong relationships in the future. If a former partner cheated on you, think about the reasons that prompted the person to do this. From the past you need to draw conclusions. Realizing the acquired knowledge, you will be sure that a new partner will never change you for the same reason that your last chosen one did it.
Boost Your Self-Esteem
Who more often than others rolls tantrums and arranges scenes of jealousy? People with low self esteem. A person who is afraid of losing his soulmate is not confident enough. Such a girl believes that it will not be difficult to recapture a guy from her. But for some reason, the person who is nearby chose you. He preferred your candidacy to hundreds of others. And he has grounds for this. Want to know what your soulmate likes about you so much? Feel free to ask. A person will gladly tell you that he appreciates you for a good sense of humor, a wonderful figure, and a non-trivial way of thinking. Think about these words. You are a good person who is truly worthy of love. And remember the quote about jealousy:
A man is jealous because he loves himself too much; the woman is jealous because she does not love herself enough.
How can you increase your self-esteem? A private psychologist will advise you to start with sincere thanks for the compliments. Many people do not know how to accept words of admiration. They are embarrassed, deny, blush, instead of sincerely saying "thank you." Do not think that you are flattered. Sincerely believe in the admiration that others express. Only that person is truly worthy of love, who accepts himself with all the advantages and disadvantages. A person who admires herself and knows her strengths will be confident in the love of her soulmate. And when a couple has trust and respect, people will not have jealousy.
Be honest
Trust is the basis of any relationship. Where he is not, jealousy settles. It is difficult to earn trust, and not to lose it is even more difficult. How not to be jealous of a guy? Build relationships on trust right away. Tell the guy everything that happens to you. Share your thoughts and plans with him. Expect the same from him in return. Next to your soulmate, you should feel confident and comfortable. You can always share the most intimate with a loved one. He will listen and understand. If you do not have such a relationship, it is not surprising that you are jealous. Where there is understatement, mutual insults, misunderstandings and secrets, good soil for jealousy is formed. But do not worry. If you have never failed your soulmate, then you have a chance to build a trusting relationship.
Do everything gradually, dosed. First, talk about how your day went, with whom you saw and what you did. Expect the same stories in return. Gradually, you can become more frank and share your secret desires with your partner. Some people think that each person should have their own secrets. Maybe. But remember that hidden information may turn out to be a skeleton in a closet. Also do not allow understatement. If you shared only part of the information with a partner, then he will be able to think out the second half himself, and not the fact that his thoughts will please you.
Keep busy
In order not to seek prayers from jealousy and not waste time reading them, it is better to find a hobby. More often than others are jealous of those who have nothing to do. The seething of the mind that occurs in a person’s head during hours of lazy leisure will not lead to anything good. A person who can always find an occupation will not cheat himself. A person who is passionate about the business that she likes will be completely given to him. If you are a creative person, go to painting courses, start playing a musical instrument or do needlework. If applied art does not interest you, think about doing something moving. For example, you can sign up for dancing. You can throw out negative energy and improve physical fitness.
To strengthen relations with a partner and at the same time drive jealousy out of your soul, find a joint hobby. Collect mock-ups, drive out into the forest with a tent, or organize your own home workshop. If you have something to tell the world about, you can create a joint YouTube channel. By surrendering to the common cause, you will quickly forget about jealousy. You will spend all your free time with your soulmate. You will have something to talk about, something to argue about and what to discuss.
Learn to let go
Have you heard the expression that beautiful wives cheat? Do you think it is true? Nothing like this. Any person can change, regardless of his external data. In man, his inner fullness is always more important than the outer shell. He who loves his soulmate will not cheat. But a person who is tired of a relationship can go left. And no matter how you think of ways to keep a person, a person who wants to change will find a way to do this. Many believe that total control will help avoid betrayal. It is not true. This technique does not work. It does not make sense to keep a person close to him by force. The more freedom you provide, the more grateful your soulmate will be. Everyone must have free space. It is necessary to feel free. If you do not keep your lover near you, but he is still nearby, this is an indicator of love. If you keep a person by force, then soon expect that no matter how much you love your soul mate, it will leave you.
How can you give freedom to a person when you are jealous? Very simple. Trust. If the chosen one returns time after time, searches for your company and wants to spend time with you, then you are not indifferent to him. Where there is confidence, there is no place for jealousy.
Stop controlling everything
A faithful wife is that woman who loves her husband, is not afraid to let him go, but she does not go left either. But not all girls and men understand the simple truth of a happy relationship. Some people believe that you need to control everything and everyone. Such persons are similar to tyrants or experienced leaders. If something goes wrong in their life or someone does not do what they want, people are offended. It is logical that the nerves of such a person are always at the limit. It is not surprising that he will be jealous of his soul mate, often even without much reason. Such a person can be compared to a bad businessman. When the owner controls his business and directly takes part in its development, things are going well. But as soon as he absent himself, everything goes downhill. To allow such a development of events is impossible neither in relationships, nor in business. It’s impossible to control everything all the time. So you can go crazy. And many people really gradually lose their sobriety of thought. It seems to them that their soulmate is their property. They sincerely believe that a person can be forbidden and constantly indicate. Jealousy is a matter of course for them. Are you one of those? Urgently rebuild your perception of the world. Learn to relate to problems easier and at times let them drift. So you can save the nervous system and get rid of jealousy.
Expand your social circle
“Beautiful wives cheat,” say husbands whose social circle is narrow. A person who has a lot of contact with people knows life better than someone who prefers his society to the society of others. Talking with happy couples, you can learn a lot of interesting things. For example, that people lived in love and harmony for many years and they never had thoughts of treason. In happy families there is no jealousy, people love each other and trust each other. If you want your relationship to be harmonious, stop quibbling about your partner. To facilitate this task for yourself, expand your social circle. Making new acquaintances and spending time with interesting people, you will not constantly think about your soulmate. Your loved one will be able to breathe calmly, freed from total control.
Jealous people are afraid to be alone. If you have many friends and girlfriends, you will not worry much about the fact that you have to spend the end of life alone. Having friends helps a person understand their significance and uniqueness. This awareness raises self-esteem and helps get rid of jealousy.
Don't believe gossip
How not to be jealous of a girl? Less listen to what friends and acquaintances tell you, and trust her, yourself, and intuition more. Around a happy couple there will always be many envious people. Do not pay attention to them. Try to keep love and do not believe the rumors that spread evil tongues. To reduce the amount of gossip that entangles your relationship, do not flaunt your love. The less your friends and colleagues know about your personal life, the happier it will be. This does not mean that you need to hide your soulmate from all friends. You can go out with your beloved to visit, go to the cinema and get together for the holidays. But try not to talk about the details of your personal life. No one needs to know how often you swear and what plans you have this weekend. Do not post joint photos on social networks and do not ask the opinions of friends about your partner and his actions. Your choice, and life is yours too. Make a decision consciously and independently. Do not hope that someone else will suit your happiness. Nobody needs this.
Advice
Are you constantly jealous? How to deal with it? Psychologist's advice will be as follows:
- Build trust. When you are confident in the sincerity of your partner’s feelings, jealousy will disappear.
- Do not be afraid to discuss your feelings with the other half. Tell her that it hurts you to watch a person flirt with your friends. If your chosen one loves you, he will cease to give cause for jealousy.
- Unreasonable jealousy can occur in people who do not know how to trust. Accept your past relationships and understand that not all people are the same. Never row all under one comb.
- Are you jealous of your partner and decided to check if he has anyone on the side? Do not do this. Your check will ruin the relationship in any case, regardless of the result you get.
- How to get rid of jealousy? The advice is simple: become irreplaceable for a person. If you know what a loved one needs, like air, jealousy will no longer bother you.
- A person in whose soul jealousy boils, can commit rash acts. So first calm down, and only then do something and say to your soulmate.
- Never take revenge. Your fellow man is flirting with some girl in front of you? This does not mean that in revenge you urgently need to find some guy to flirt with him. This approach to solving problems is very unreasonable.
- Jealousy is sometimes helpful, but it needs to be dosed. It will help you warm up the feelings of your partner and make yourself even more attractive in his eyes. But do not resort to this method of inflame love too often, otherwise the simulated jealousy can ruin the relationship.