Excellent student syndrome in adults and children. How to get rid of an excellent student syndrome?

Among ordinary people with their advantages and disadvantages, there are such unusual personalities, in whom everything is perfect. Or at least they are striving for it. In such representatives of the human race, everything is always laid out on shelves - both thoughts and things in closets. They are neat and smart and do their job flawlessly. But for some reason, not all of them are happy. The thing is that their ideality is the result of such a psychological phenomenon as “excellent student syndrome”.

Ambiguous concept

This concept is one of the “popular” names for the term pathological form of perfectionism. This means that for the person who suffers, only the absolute and ideal result of any action is acceptable. That is, there are no “maybe” and “yes, okay”, no imperfections, but everything is structured, perfected and performed “perfectly”. And so in all aspects of life. Psychology has been studying excellent student syndrome in adults for a long time and with bias. There are many scientific studies and works on this subject, therefore, the awareness of people in this matter is quite high. However, unfortunately, there are fewer such “excellent students”.

Symptoms

Excellent student's syndrome can manifest itself in different ways, and sometimes an elementary desire of a person to do something good or right can be taken for it. But still there are “calls” that you should pay attention to in time to provide help and support to a loved one, child or friend. By the way, in both children and adults, the symptoms of this psychological ailment are expressed in the same way.

1. The desire to bring everything to the ideal: all toys are folded “under the ruler”, there are always “five” in the diary, every pan in the kitchen is brought to shine, there is not a speck of dust in the car interior, shoes are polished, flowers are always watered, etc. And no "nearly"! Everything must be brought to perfection.
2. A person reacts painfully to any criticism. Public opinion and appreciation for the work done - above all else in life. Any negative assessment (“two” or even “four” for the control, reprimand of a strict boss, remark of a passerby on the street, etc.) can simply plunge such a person into the deepest depression, cause a very severe psychological disorder or at least sadden and spoil him mood for a very long time.
3. Mad jealousy of praises addressed to other people. A perfectionist can easily fall into hysteria only because the teacher did not praise him alone today or several employees were given the prize for a successfully completed project. An “excellent student” should always be only the best of the best.
4. Self-sacrifice is the second self of such people. No hardship will stop them on their way to the ideal. They can sacrifice themselves, their family, interests, leisure, entertainment, in general absolutely everything, for the sake of fulfilling any task perfectly. As soon as the goal is achieved, they switch to the next, and then new victims are used.
5. Constant comparison of oneself with others: no one should be better, no mistakes and mistakes like others. If an excellent student meets an even more ideal person on his life path, then two outcomes are likely. Either “impeccable” will become an ideal for the perfectionist to follow, or such a meeting will lead to deep depression with serious psychological trauma and consequences.

Reasons for the appearance

According to recent studies in the field of psychology and genetics, the syndrome of excellent student can be both acquired and hereditary. Humanity has not yet learned to argue with genetics, but everyone can understand what causes these mental disorders.

1. Incorrectly given in childhood the attitude that love is not unconditional, it must be earned, and only with good deeds. And the better and more correct everything is done, the stronger they will love. How often parents tell their child: “If you were an excellent student, then I would be proud of you and love you.” Or like this: “Do not come near me, don’t talk with me because you acted very badly today,” etc. Of these statements, the child establishes a connection: if they do well and right, they will love, and if not, they won’t . The desire to do everything perfectly at all costs is born from here, because love and recognition are at stake. Unfortunately, not only parents can make such a mistake, but also teachers, grandparents, and even school friends and classmates. And loving and caring mothers and fathers simply will not know in time what kind of phenomenon it is and how to deal with it.
2. The constant presence in the human environment of one or more pathological perfectionists can cause the so-called “infection” in both an adult and a child. Of course, at the physiological level, no virus or bacteria is transmitted. But at the level of consciousness and subconsciousness, the adoption of skills, character traits and behavioral characteristics of another person with whom there is constant and close contact is not so rare. As people say, with whom you will lead, so you need. Often, perfectionist parents raise their child in their own image and likeness, and the result is another little man with exaggerated demands on himself and others, with a painful aggravated sense of imperfection of this world and the desire to bring everything to perfection.
3. Excessive self-criticism can also lead to this state. Analyzing his failures and mistakes, a person thinks that if he did the right thing or did something better, then everything would have turned out differently or something would not have happened. This leads in the future to the desire to do everything better, and then at the next failure it is even better, and so on. Very often this occurs in children, who are strongly scolded for mistakes and wrong actions.

Deplorable consequences

What is the danger of pathological perfectionism? Excellent student syndrome in adult women and men, as well as in children, manifests itself both in psychological problems (limited social circle, frequent nervous conditions, depression) and in physical ailments (disruption of the cardiac and nervous systems, jumps in blood pressure, nervous and physical exhaustion of the body).

Understanding the symptoms, causes and consequences, you can turn to a psychologist for help. If there is no such opportunity or desire, then, in principle, everyone can develop their own way of dealing with this ailment using the following tips.

How to help a child?

So that your beloved child does not have problems when forming his own family, and then with his own heirs, it is necessary first of all to provide him with favorable conditions for life and growing up. And the psychological attitude plays a paramount role in this regard.

Tip 1: Love and Attention

From birth, let the child understand that love is an unconditional concept. Even if a "deuce" appeared in the diary or the director kicked the parents out to school for the student’s bad behavior, mom and dad will still love. Yes, they will be upset, an educational conversation will follow, and perhaps even they will apply some acceptable punishment, but at the same time they will be with their whole heart with their child. And no physical punishment, excessive deprivation or exclusion!

Tip 2: Genius is not the most important thing

In order not to grow the syndrome of an excellent student in a child, you should not "sculpt" from him a genius or a winner in all contests, competitions and olympiads. Let the child do what is interesting to him and perform tasks that are within his power. Let him not be an excellent student, not a prize-winner in ballroom dancing, not a winner of the competition of the best sculptures from plasticine, etc., but his beloved, dear and mentally healthy!

Tip 3: Diversity and Improvisation

If a student spends an excessive amount of time studying, without resting and walking, sits at books, tries to be the best student for the whole school, then this, of course, is good. But, as you know, "a lot is good - also not good." In order for such a diligent kid not to earn “excellent student syndrome” along with fives, letters and medals, parents need to stop being moved by it and distract the child to something else, to show that there are a lot of things that are not ideal, but such interesting things in the world. For example, to start a tradition in the evenings walking a dog together and chatting about all sorts of things, and to use not the same route, but to improvise each time.

Or, quite unexpectedly, in spite of a mountain of unwashed dishes or unfinished work, to pack up and go with the whole family to nature to play badminton.

How to get rid of excellent student syndrome in adults?

Here, after realizing the presence of such a problem, you will have to try it yourself. As they say, the salvation of drowning people is the work of the drowning people themselves.

Tip 1: Small changes

Allow yourself at least some negligence. To begin with, you can make a hairstyle that does not imply perfect styling. Then choose a few things that will not look like everything else in the wardrobe. You can also try to go to bed without washing the dishes, go to work, without taking with you a bag of garbage that you need to throw away, hang towels in the bathroom out of place. At first it will be difficult, but then changing these little things will make it clear and feel that the world will not collapse, if not everything in it is perfect and impeccable.

Tip 2: Delegation of authority

A good way to get rid of an excellent student syndrome is to let someone do something for themselves. For example, letting her husband go to the store himself and buy any products that he chooses, and not those that are indicated on the strict list. Or allow a colleague to bring the project to the end, without every minute control and verification. Of course, this will cause a wave of emotions, but it will be difficult only the first few times. Then the same principle will work - the world is not perfect, but, despite this, it still holds on, and people in it are happy.

Tip 3: The process is important, not the result

And, finally, the syndrome of an excellent student in adults can be overcome by learning to enjoy not the result that will be obtained at the end of the path, but every step and moment. After all, it’s important not only, for example, the customer’s delight from seeing the result of the company’s work, but also every minute spent at work, all the smiles of colleagues, all the pleasant memories and bright little things.

It’s difficult to overcome the syndrome of an excellent student, but still quite real. The main thing is not to try to do it "perfectly"!