One of the basic human needs is the need for communication and recognition. In a shy person, the need to communicate causes certain difficulties. What is natural for others becomes a problem for him. It is inconvenient for him to ask for help, to establish contacts with new people, he may feel severe constraint and embarrassment while in society. Both adults and children are overly shy . The age-related feature of the baby in some cases passes into a stable trait of character.
Why is the child shy?
In some periods of growth and development, all children are shy, although the degree of manifestation of this property is different for them. For example, girls are more often shy than boys. This is due to their gender and characteristics of education. Sometimes children outgrow the “shy” age, but the character remains the same. A preschooler is afraid to look up at an adult or ask for something for himself. The schoolboy is embarrassed to raise his hand in the classroom, the teenager does not dare to get acquainted with a peer of the opposite sex, fearing failure. Parents and relatives need to know why the child is very shy and how to help him.
Age features
At the age of 8 months, babies begin to experience a “stranger's fear”, which is a psychologically justified stage of growing up. Relatives and acquaintances, to whom the children before that calmly walked into their arms, are often discouraged. Do not worry and sound the alarm - this is not shyness. So the baby grows up, starting to feel his autonomy.
From a year to three years, the child trusts close and familiar friends. Strange people cause him anxiety and embarrassment. The question of why the child is shy should not worry the parents of such a baby. His mother and father teach him to get acquainted and learn in a new environment, instilling confidence in his presence and support.
At three years or a little later, most babies begin to attend kindergarten. Some peanuts calmly get used to the situation, while others are still too early to change anything in their lives. There are boys and girls to whom the children's institution is categorically contraindicated due to the nature of their character and upbringing. For a shy kid, a new environment is stress. How to ask for help, express your needs, if the teacher is one (or two), and there are many children?
Has a recent baby gone to school? So he first sits at his desk, then becomes a teenager, a high school student. Too obvious manifestation of restraint and indecision at this age suggests that the child suffers. It is difficult for him to show spontaneity and activity, to get acquainted with other children. It's hard to say no or insist on your own. The need to adapt to the representations of other people and the dependence on their assessments hinder the development of their own abilities and the search for personal vocation.
Exciting questions
What to do if the child is too shy, about which his uncertainty and fear can speak, how can parents help their son or daughter overcome the negative experience that prevents them from breathing fully? Should I try to "rebuild" the baby, if he is shy by nature? These questions have always worried parents. The answer to them lies in the individual characteristics of the minor: character, temperament, education, environment, the situation in the house and so on. You can help the child, but parents must understand the main thing: the well-being of the child to a large extent depends on them.
"Themselves ..."
The formation of internal confidence depends on many factors. Modesty and modesty can be a manifestation of an innate temperament or be determined by the influence of the family environment in which the small person lives. Shy parents dream of a lively and mischievous son, and they have a shy child. The reasons for the shyness are obvious, where does the little one gain decisiveness if his parents are fearful and do not know how to fend for themselves?
Control or permissiveness
Controlling parents often broadcast excessive rigor and an authoritarian approach to education. The child is surrounded by obsessive attention and guardianship, each step is checked. Parents of this type are proud and oriented towards external evaluation. Their child should be the best, his real inner world of adults is not interested. Instead of empathy - criticism and appreciation. Instead of genuine interest, they point to the successes and abilities of other children.
The opposite side of control is excessive indulgence. The lack of clear boundaries and lack of emotional support are its main features. The result of such “upbringing” is extremely similar to the result of a drill with prevailing control. The kid perceives himself weak and insignificant, suffers from feelings of guilt. Controlling parents and adults with an indulgent parenting style may be wondering why the child is shy, but, unfortunately, they rarely realize that the reason lies in themselves.
“And here they are, conditions ...”
Separately, the influence of a dysfunctional family should be highlighted . Perhaps in such a kinship environment there is violence, or parents suffer from alcoholism. There are many options. Children from such families are sure that the world is unsafe, and they do not deserve a good relationship. A sense of awkwardness for their family poisons their lives and makes them shrink from shame. Also, the formation of a healthy “I” structure is endangered by those guys who have lost their parents or were early separated from their mother.
If the child is shy ... Tips for parents
It is necessary to change the approach to the baby. Close and trusting relationships will help . It is worth learning how to use active listening and “I-utterance” techniques in a conversation. No need to admire the child for any reason, but for real, albeit small achievements must be praised. It is useful to entrust responsible affairs and to thank for their implementation. You need to talk with respect, even if the baby is in front of the adult. You can not raise the voice on the child and compare it with other children. Let him make sure that it is important in itself, such as it is, then his self-esteem will begin to strengthen.
Fathers often even more than mothers worry that they have a shy child. “What to do?” They ask, especially when it comes to the boy. Papa sons need to understand that courage and determination will not appear at will or at the will of an adult. To form such character traits, a child needs parental support. A father should always be on the side of his baby, do not scold him for cowardice, but protect him, be a support. Then the child will gradually overcome his timidity and in the future will become courageous and courageous, like dad.
The personality of each person is unique. Children are no exception. Parents are mistaken in spending energy and time on “remaking” a small person. He will never exactly meet expectations, because he has his own way. Wise parents do not cherish the dream of a perfect baby, they are attentive to their real children, know their needs and come to the rescue when necessary. They know why the child is shy or too active, as they are responsive to any of its features. In an atmosphere of trust and friendship, even flowers are revealed, so the main advice for adults is to treat children seriously and respectfully. And do not forget that their happiness and prosperity are in your hands.