"All children grow up. All but one." It is with this phrase that the 2003 Peter Pan movie begins. But how does a fairy tale relate to adulthood? There is a syndrome in medicine dedicated to this fabulous hero. What is Peter Pan's syndrome and how to deal with it in adolescence and adulthood in men, we will understand in the article.
Fairy Tale Barry
The children in Barry James's work are shown to be frivolous, even heartless, they have no idea what selflessness and self-discipline are. The author focuses his reader on the fact that in order for children to grow up and become responsible adults, they need to spend more time and properly educate.
Who is modern Peter Pan
What does puer aeternus look like, that is, an eternal boy in real life? It is easy to recognize him: he is self-confident, lives on today, calls himself a successful person who takes everything from life. This person regards any obligations only as a restriction of freedom.
Psychological portrait of personality
The abnormally protracted boyhood is characterized by several signs, among which:
- Psychological paralysis. How is it manifested? Such a person cannot control his emotions. He rejoices loudly and is furiously angry. Acts under the influence of an impulse. He is lonely, although he wants to have friends. Does not distinguish between "good" and "bad." Little is interested in the life of loved ones and requires attention only to oneself. If he is cold with family, then strangers, he is able to charm.
- Ostrich behavior. This is what Peter Pan syndrome is characterized by. In solving problems, he is inclined to hope for a miracle. Such a man is not able to bear responsibility, does not recognize errors and blames responsibility for actions on other people.
- Mother addiction. The essence of this relationship is that the young man wants to break away from his mother, but is afraid to make her hurt by his decision.
- A difficult relationship with his father. He longs for closer communication, but is not able to believe in his love for himself.
- He is infantile in a love relationship, so he wants to seem cold and indifferent.
- Another characteristic is the constant change of work. A male boy is not able to sit in one place for a long time.
- This man is interested in electronics and fashionable gadgets, even if they are beyond his means. All the accounts are handled by his beloved, she also performs all the duties and lives for him, while he satisfies exclusively his own interests.
- Do not wait for flowers and gifts if there is no benefit to him. What for? He lives in his own Universe, in which he is the center, and the people around him only fulfill the whims and satisfy his needs.
Such a guy admires himself. In communication, he is distinguished by some cruelty because of the fear of being rejected. Having reached a certain age, such a man from under a stick forces himself to become an adult, but the unwillingness to grow up remains. He is not able to make decisions and bear at least some responsibility for them. In adulthood, such a husband can easily go in search of young girls, dress in a teenage style and lead a laid-back lifestyle.
Causes of occurrence
Why does the eternal boy not want to grow up, even if the age on the passport has already exceeded thirty? Psychologists say that the cause of this is most often childhood injuries. Lack of attention, toys, parental affection, or, conversely, adults in all respects pleased him, did not punish him, did not teach him to think about others.
Why they are chosen
As can be understood from the psychological portrait, Peter Pan is an unattractive personality for girls. Why are so many smart, beautiful women spend years on a person who constantly betrays? Typically, this is due to low self-esteem and fear of being alone. This type of man knows how to masterfully lie and skillfully makes compliments. Under the influence of this girl they believe that everything will change, it will become better, you just need to be patient, you need help. After all, yesterday he was again sweet and reasoned about how wonderful it is to live together.
How to help him and whether it is worth doing
Is it possible to cure Peter Pan's syndrome at home, or is it better to seek help from a psychologist? Many girls, falling in love with this type of man, think that they can move the chosen one to truly male actions. But is it possible to help someone who did not want to grow up earlier? The idea of re-educating, changing an adult and already formed personality is doomed to failure in advance. You either accept the satellite as it is, or look for a more reliable partner. At times, he will surprise you with the desire for change, and maybe even decide to change his life style, but, unfortunately, this will not last long. But torment with promises of eternal love and that life, which is attractive for a girl, such a man can endlessly.
A person who has Peter Pan's syndrome is sincerely believing in what he promises to do when he talks about it. A man may even formulate an action plan, but he will not have enough willpower and patience for anything specific. Strong shakes can change his attitude to money, or to girls, but the eternal boy is simply not capable of a long and stable relationship.
Be prepared for him to leave, come again, promise and ask. For some time, everything will be fine, but, alas, it will not last long. It’s not your fault, everything is fine with you, just such is his life style. Assess the situation soberly, without emotion. Abstract from words to the analysis of his actions. If he left and came many times for a short time, and again vowingly promises to change, most likely the man will leave again as soon as he gets tired. An exception is possible only if the partner himself admits that there is a problem and tries to solve it on his own or with the help of a psychologist. Re-education and "training" of an adult man will not do anything.
Eternal boy and children
Some girls think that a child can make a man grow up. Do not rush to conclusions! Children are, first of all, responsibility, a desire to take care of someone other than oneself, the work and responsibilities of parents. All this contradicts Peter Pen. If you decide to take this step, be mentally prepared to raise a child yourself, if a man leaves for fear of responsibility, or take him in the rare moments of enlightenment. Of course, there is a chance to change something, but do not have too much hope and live in illusions. Even if children are born in the marriage, such a dad will not take care of them, most likely the kids in your absence will be left to their own devices while the father plays toys.
“There are all kinds of courage, for example, caring first of all for others” is a magnificent and deep phrase from the film “Peter Pan” (2003). Masculinity and adulthood are not indicated in the passport, they are not in muscle strength, but in the ability to take care of someone other than oneself, in the desire to take responsibility for the life and well-being of other people, their family, sometimes abandoning their own ambitions and desires in their benefit.