Why personal life does not add up: reasons, awareness, desire to work on relationships and advice from family psychologists

Very often, what should saturate life makes a person disappointed. Of course, we are talking about personal life. This is the basic need of man, without which he practically cannot exist. Why doesn't my life add up? What are the reasons for this and what to do to make things work out? We will try to answer these questions in this article.

Reasons why personal life may not work out

Each person has his own story and his own destiny, completely unlike the others. But, one way or another, all the reasons why a person cannot arrange a personal life can be classified:

1. Excessive looping.
2. The imposed opinion of the public.
3. Bitter experience.
4. Fear of love.
5. Distrust of the opposite sex.
6. Selfishness.
7. Excessive requirements for a partner.

Try to find your case among these reasons and the answer to the question why personal life does not work out will come almost immediately by itself. Of course, each of the points has its own solution, which should be carefully studied. Having identified the root of the problem, it will be much easier to solve it.

Excessive looping

Most often this applies to girls. She wants to have a family by all means. For her, this is some kind of fix idea that she thinks about every minute. Each person of the opposite sex is a potential husband for her. But, as luck would have it, after the second or third meeting, men, as if by magic, disappear from her life. In fact, these are not random coincidences. Everyone wants to be loved and happy. This takes some time. Love at first sight is so rare that it’s better not to dream about it.

It turns out the following situation. Men subconsciously feel that they want marriage and family from them. For them, this is not a priority desire and, of course, headlong they flee from such a lady.

There are other reasons why the guy does not continue the relationship with the lady:

1. She is trying too hard to please him. Men are predators by nature, and they themselves are used to seeking women.
2. Talk about marriage and children. In most cases, this scares the man. He likes to communicate with girls, to seek her attention, to compliment her. For a man, a certain game is required. If she is not and there is no intrigue, he leaves.
3. Too sincere and open. This may sound trite, but every woman should have a mystery. If she is not there, the man loses interest.

Of course, you can try to control yourself, be cold and restrained. But if the girl is haunted by the idea of ​​getting married quickly, the man will definitely feel it.

There is a solution. Stop tormenting yourself with the question of why personal life doesn’t add up, and looking for a husband or someone else. Learn to live for yourself. Feel this incredible taste of freedom, and then the man will surely want to catch you in his nets.

Public opinion

Quite often, people wonder why their personal lives do not work out, but at the same time they themselves don’t know for sure whether this is really so. How to understand that there are really problems in this area of ​​life? The public opinion in this matter plays an important role. A girl or man who is over 25 years old is increasingly being asked questions about his personal life. "Why are you still alone?" These words are like a dagger hurt the heart. On the basis of constant questions, a whole baggage of complexes arises, which can be expressed in the following statements:

• something is wrong with me;
• I am too critical of the opposite sex;
• I will always be alone;
• I am unhappy because I am completely alone.

Moreover, others are constantly trying to give advice and guide on the true path. All this absolutely does not help a person to create a family, but rather causes stiffness, negative emotions, a sense of hopelessness and, as a result, depression.

For this reason, it is worth discarding the opinion of the public. Perhaps personal life does not add up precisely because it is not you who want it, but everything around you? Listen to your inner voice, to the little child who sits inside you. What is he talking about?

Bitter experience

Not every relationship can last forever, and people break up. But sometimes the gap is so painful for them that it’s not possible to build a new relationship. The human brain creates a certain protection, and he closes himself from other relationships. However, he understands that personal life does not add up. What to do?

First of all, you need to let go of past relationships and all the emotions associated with them. It could be:

• love;
• hatred;
• jealousy;
• anger;
• despair.

Take a piece of paper and a pen and write down all the emotions you feel for your past partner. Now think about why you are experiencing them. You must let go of every emotion. It does not bring you any benefit. If you did everything right, in the place where all these feelings were, it should be empty. It is very important to discard hopes, if any. Holding on to them, you cannot gain new happiness and success.

And of course, you should not immediately start looking for a new partner. It will appear in your life when you are subconsciously fully prepared for this. You should also not look for new relationships to forget the old ones. This business is initially doomed to failure.

Fear of love

Sometimes in a man two completely different feelings struggle. On the one hand, he wants to start a family, and on the other, he is afraid. Fear of love is usually associated with the fear of losing freedom, as well as the fact that the partner will bring pain and disappointment. Many people close their hearts to everyone, but at the same time think about why their personal lives do not add up.

In a girl, fear can be associated both with her own bitter experience and with the stories of acquaintances and friends. But most of all this problem affects men. They are very afraid of losing their freedom. As soon as the relationship becomes serious, and it would be time to make an offer, the man flees.

Selfishness interferes with personal life

Fear of losing freedom is nothing but a manifestation of egoism. Your inner tyrannical “I” will always stand in your way. And an affair with oneself will bring nothing but disappointment and fatigue.

If you are afraid of a relationship, then you may not be ready for it? Or maybe you just don’t love your partner? When people are madly in love with each other, they want to spend their whole lives together. They simply cannot escape from a partner and throw him in the middle of the road.

Distrust of the opposite sex

Of course, both the representatives of the female half of humanity, and the male, have reasons to doubt each other. Why doesn't my life add up? A woman has only insidious and cunning plans, and men are all polygamous males. Such public opinion cannot but scare. But on the other hand, how many happy couples surround us. Billions of people get married, get married and happy with their soul mates.

Answer yourself the question, what is the main thing in a relationship? If you think marriage and family formation, then perhaps you have never loved. It is a feeling that cannot be replaced by anything. In the head, thoughts are only about a loved one, and the heart is compressed only about one mention of him. It is for this sake that you should at least once experience this feeling, even if the first time you get burned.

Partner Requirements

Many of those who have problems in their personal lives are real idealists. They want the partner to be perfect and fit all parameters. But does it happen? Does it make sense to write a list of qualities of an ideal partner? Yes, maybe a few people out of 7.5 billion will suit your requirements, but is it likely that you will meet them? Often, such a list is also helped by parents. Mom worries why her son does not add up to personal life, but at the same time, each of his chosen ones does not like her. She sees in them a lot of flaws and immediately reports them to her beloved son. But perhaps for him it will be virtues?

Of course, it’s good that a person “doesn’t rush to the first bone”, but it’s not right to be too demanding of the opposite sex. Try not to analyze people from head to toe. Let them reveal themselves in a relationship, and then you will see that a lot of advantages can be hidden behind small flaws.

Little tricks

Personal life will certainly develop if you do not get hung up on it. Let the events in your life go your own way. Set aside books about the seduction of a partner and horoscopes. You are tormented by the question, why does Aquarius not have a personal life? Did you know that the other 11 zodiac signs are experiencing the same problems? The whole reason lies in the mindset of the individual. Try to change the usual course of things in your life.

Change the cafe where you have breakfast, or the way to work. But just do not think about your personal life and problems in it. Just live and enjoy life. Such people arouse great interest and desire to meet others.