Misogyny is hatred, hostility, contempt, or ingrained prejudice against women. There are many levels of misogyny. Inner misogyny is when contempt, prejudice, and hatred are turned inward, toward oneself. It can also spread to other women who surround us in our daily lives - mother, daughter, girlfriend or colleague. What is the danger of internal misogyny, and how to deal with it?
What does misogyny look like?
The complexities of internal misogyny are astounding, and upon first examination, they may even seem slightly overwhelming. Men and women suffer from this differently at subconscious levels. Hate speech (misogyny in men and women) is not always a clear-cut action. In fact, self-proclaimed feminists themselves can sometimes be criminals. To the extent that they can commit violence against women and men equally. Sometimes the extreme results of this phenomenon are played out before our eyes.
In barbaric and aggressive senses, we were taught that the fault of lust lies with women. There are many religious and ancient texts that you can choose to learn more about the open and extreme history of misogyny. By default, in our society, the blame for everything related to the temptation or loss of control is most often the responsibility of the woman and her insidious ways or irresponsible choice.
Interesting questions
How can internal misogyny manifest itself? How do you know if you have any shades of misogynistic thinking? Here are some questions you can ask yourself. Some of them may help you see things from a different perspective:
- Do you tend to value, trust and respect male teachers more than female teachers?
- Do you find yourself sometimes saying, “I need a male opinion,” on different topics?
- Are you not training or not training the way you want because you were told that women should not perform certain types of exercises (for example, lifting weights), or that the muscles are non-female or “look ugly” on women?
- You use phrases such as “real men ...” or “real girls ...”
- Do you compete only with other women for men or women?
- Do you find girls better or worse based solely on their appearance?
- You say things like: “I’m only friends with guys because women ...”
- Do you think you are unworthy of loyalty in a friendly and romantic relationship?
- Do you feel unsafe or insecure when a woman is responsible for a common cause?
- Do you think being on time or being prepared is less important when working with women?
- Do you think women are physically weak and men should take care of them?
- Do you think men should be “alpha” and girls should be submissive?
- Do you think there are jobs that are not suitable for women or that women should not have?
- Do you underestimate women's talents and exalt men's?
- Do you think that all girls should strive to achieve one specific body type?
The way we see ourselves and our gender can affect the way we eat, meet, train, prepare for education and dream.
If there has ever been a topic that needs to be studied more deeply in order to truly understand what is happening behind the curtain in our own consciousness, this is this one. Hatred of women or men - where does it come from and how to deal with it?
A certain understanding of gender
From a very young age, we have been taught that female character traits are emotional, overly sensitive, physically weak, less intelligent, consistent, easily manipulated, educative, scared, awkward and kind. At the same time, male character traits: strong, persistent, cruel, leader, manipulative, lonely, intelligent, capable, average, practical, reliable, athletic and dominant.
These, obviously, are not the traits with which everyone agrees today. Men can gossip, women can save lives, or they can be manipulated, and both sexes can be equally kind or cruel. It is important to recognize that along with the gender roles prescribed by society, there comes a certain set of privileges (or their absence) that cannot be ignored.
This is an insidious problem in our culture, fueled by sexism and hatred of women. Almost every representative of the "weaker" sex experiences her echoes throughout her life. What is internal misogyny, and how can we fight it?
Myths and stereotypes
Stereotypes and myths about women and girls that we find in almost all aspects of our culture are widespread in the world. From the lie that girls do not like (or do not understand) science and mathematics to the myth that women are emotionally unstable and prone to manipulation. Our society is more or less immersed in misogyny. Not surprisingly, the girls who grow up in this poisonous stew begin to believe in these negative things because they have heard these sexist messages repeated throughout their lives, often from trusted adults such as parents, teachers, and other authority figures .
Hearing this lie, stereotypes and myths, girls and women often absorb these ideas. They believe that all women are cats, that women are passive (or should be passive), that women are not as smart and capable as men. These beliefs are reinforced by men in their lives who have also grown up hearing the same messages and who act accordingly. This is not a voluntary assumption of a worldview, but an involuntary process, because we are socialized to believe that this is true. We accept these relationships as we grow, observe, study and understand the society in which we live.
Misogyny in women: signs
The result of this takeover is that many women have negative perceptions of women and girls, even though they are also women. This is female misogyny. It manifests itself in different ways. This may be a female politician who rejects sexist remarks promoting sexual violence. This may be a woman who says that the rape victim herself “requested it” by dressing in a certain way. It could be “I'm not like other girls.”
You can say that you do not get along with other women or girls because they are too sensitive. This may be the accusation of the victim of domestic violence that she was or remained with her cruel partner. It can also lead to negative self-esteem, as women absorb messages about how they should look or act. This can make women doubt themselves by saying things like “I could be wrong, but ...” or “nothing special” to downplay their accomplishments.
Internalized misogyny
Internal misogyny prevents girls and women from forming healthy relationships with each other. It promotes isolation, which attackers can then use. And this can lead to the fact that women and girls will define themselves in very negative terms. So what can we do to combat the internalized misogyny?
The first step is to acknowledge that it exists. Due to internal mesoginia, women are also able to make negative, false comments about other women. The second step is to challenge your own beliefs. When you find yourself saying something negative about another woman, whether about how she is dressed, about her appearance or moral values, stop and think. Why are you saying this? Are you sure that you know exactly how women should look, act or behave?
Finally, repulse sexism and hatred in all its forms - both in relation to women, and to men, girls and boys. Set an example and change the model of socialization that makes our girls and boys learn these harmful myths.
Misogyny Backgrounds
For some of us, the concept of internal mesoginy does not make sense. How can a man hate his gender? But the sad truth is that this is very common. Actually, this is just the case when the sexist messages of our culture are so successful that even the victims of these messages absorb hatred and continue to perpetuate it. This is the same as gay men, believing in all the homophobic nonsense that they have heard all their lives, and becoming evil and closed. Or an African American who adopts the racist ideas of our society, learns to resent his own race or culture.
Maintaining sexist ideas
Struggling to be an exceptional girl, you support negative ideas about women and subconsciously reveal your self-hatred. Indeed, how will you feel happy and whole if you deeply hate what you are? Unfortunately, such ideas are constantly being strengthened.
Yes, some women are petty, cruel, angry, dishonest, etc., but just like some men! We must learn to appreciate that women are first and foremost people, and only secondly - women. Every woman has the same potential for greatness, villainy, and everything else, like her male peers. Ideally, the girl will be evaluated by her actions and character, and not just by gender.
Reasons for Preserving Mesoginia
Part of the reason why internalized misogyny persists is because it has a certain appeal and incentive in our patriarchal society. Some of the attraction of being the only woman (who was recognized as exceptional or, at least, bearable) in the male social group comes from an increase in ego.
When trying to make friends with people where physical attraction is not set by default, you should make more efforts to be a worthy and interesting person. Thus, on the contrary, it is easier to be friends with people you are sexually attracted to - you just don't need to try so hard.
Insidious dynamics
Due to the widespread objectification of the female form, women learn to objectify other women in the same way as men. So much so that both the male and female brains perceive men as people and women as parts of the body. This alarming quirk makes girls make comparisons and measure each other in our daily lives to such an extent that it is almost impossible to turn off this process.
This happens unconsciously and instantly. Most women enter the room and instantly evaluate themselves and other women in accordance with this unspoken hierarchy of attractiveness, which only increases the uncertainty and thirst for external verification.
How to prevent your own misogyny?
So what can we do to facilitate our own inner misogyny? You can start by recognizing that women should not be our biggest enemies, they can be the biggest allies. Think: What are you really competing for?
Attention and approval of men? This is greatly overrated and does not really make you happy or satisfied with yourself. Because true satisfaction is not something that other people can give you. This is what you build for yourself. When you build relationships with yourself, you do not need other people to determine your value.
It’s worth starting with yourself
A million men can tell a woman that she is magnificent, but that alone will not make her feel less insecure. Teasing, criticizing, mocking, committing verbal violence against women and not supporting each other at all - all this will only harm you in the end. Hatred of others leads to self-hatred.
Inner misogyny is a destructive cycle that we definitely need to break. And we break it through self-love, including our femininity, appreciating femininity in others and striving to see people in women.