Young people are often in a hurry to bring the illusion of “adulthood” into their lives, giving too much importance to such things as sympathy, flirting, or even just the polite treatment of people of the opposite sex. However, in the life of every young man and every girl, a moment comes when a clear understanding of what “serious relations” means can save them from premature mistakes and help them not to miss a real feeling. About all the exciting issues on this topic - later in the article.
Serious relationship: what does this phrase mean?
All people, regardless of age, need a soul mate, and, starting from older adolescents, physical attraction is also mixed with moral needs, expressed primarily in the desire to touch their chosen one. Choosing a permanent companion is almost always a trial and error path, although each time it may seem to a person that he has found his only happiness. Why does this happen?
The main mistake of a failed relationship, which is revealed in the subsequent analysis of events, is the haste with which young people make decisions about the nature of their feelings and evaluate the partner’s reaction. What “serious relationship” means for a teenage girl is likely to be a manifestation of paternal care on the part of a young teacher, and the clumsy coquetry of a frivolous young lady by most guys will be perceived as a call for intimacy.
Passing relationships, if they are not a manifestation of sports interest, leave a bitter trace in the soul, but they are also part of an invaluable experience on the way to understanding important truths. Comparing his expectations and reality, learning to accept the individuality of a partner, a person forms his personal idea of a serious relationship. What does this phrase mean, each will explain in his own way. And the interpretation may not coincide with the majority opinion, for human views can repeatedly change over the years, but this phrase will be a guide in finding a partner for a specific period of life.
How to find a serious relationship
What does “serious relationship between man and woman” mean? In the modern world, not all romantic love stories end with a marriage proposal, so a transition to a new level of relationship is often determined only by the presence of new signs in the behavior of partners:
- the chosen one seeks to take responsibility for the health and morale of the second half;
- young people do not hesitate to consecrate each other in secret secrets;
- partners are not looking for a reason to meet or call each other;
- relatives and friends on both sides are aware of the relationships of young people;
- lovers have joint plans and long-term projects;
- if an important event occurs in the life of one of the couple’s members, the first person to find out is a loved one.
Another very important sign of a serious relationship is that partners are sympathetic to each other's hobbies, even if they are far from traditional or considered to be non-modern. Young people do not have to share the interests of the second half, but they certainly will not begin to relate to the lover's hobby with a mockery.
How to build a relationship right
In every relationship, there is a risk of "staying overboard", and you will never be able to completely get rid of this probability of the development of events. It’s possible for partners to reduce this risk to a minimum, but such work will be fruitful only with the joint application of equal efforts.
To begin with, lovers should decide what a serious relationship means (in their own words about the meaning that can be put into this concept, probably, any person can tell) for each of them. Are there any significant discrepancies in both theories, and is something that seems vital to the other not insignificant for one of them? Mutual recognition and frank conversation will remove all the omissions and give an understanding of what young people want from new relationships.
Compromise and concession is not a weakness when it comes to respect for the opinion or interests of a lover. At the beginning of the romantic period, partners tend to idealize each other and begin to feel cheated when events do not develop as in their fantasies. Avoiding this is easy if you immediately accept both the positive and negative sides of your loved one, and not turn a blind eye to his minor flaws, hoping that they will resolve themselves over time.
Different points of view
The significance of a serious relationship for a person changes not only with the change of partner, but also over time. A young couple can position themselves as strong and established in the presence of a harmonious sexual union, and being abroad 50 years, people will pay more attention to the sensitivity and prudence of a partner. This explains the huge discrepancy in the views and values of people with a big age difference.
Modern views of young people on relationships are also ambiguous. Despite the fact that in their dreams most girls adhere to the traditional scenario of relations prescribed by the classics, in reality they have to literally prove to their potential partner their right to exist next to him. Of course, this does not always happen, but more and more young people are entering adulthood with the confidence that a serious relationship does not come with taking responsibility for their soul mate, but after a certain number of successful dates.
How to recognize a guy’s serious intentions
Before moving to the stage of romantic relations, young people communicate a lot, try to interest each other and prove themselves to a potential partner. This mutual exciting game, if you do not rush into it with your head, but leave a little space for prudence, can tell a lot about the girl's true intentions.
You should pay attention to how the guy listens to his companion. If he interrupts her endlessly, often changes position, “wrinkles” during a conversation, then most likely he only creates an illusion of interest in the girl’s opinion or story. Perhaps he needs only a listener who would admire his exploits, or a girlfriend for a few dates, whose biography is not at all interesting to him.
A good sign is if the guy himself asks the chosen one leading questions about her family, hobbies, friends and each time listens to her “to the point”, without interrupting. A young man who really likes a girl is in no hurry to “pour out his soul”, talk about painful things or make hasty confessions.
If a guy raises all serious conversations only after taking alcohol, it is better to immediately abandon the hope of a strong relationship, since in this way passive-minded men seek to relieve themselves of responsibility for further events. With the refusal received, they can easily reduce everything to their inadequate condition and not resume attempts until the next binge.
Actions - Relationship Indicator
Men cannot help but make promises, and their character varies from explicit (“Let's go to the movies on Saturday”) to veiled ones (“It would be nice to go to the movies the other day”). It is noticed that the guys who firmly decided to conquer the girl very rarely use “blurry” messages and try to put more certainty into their promises. Conversely, often used vague word forms that look like promises always show insecurity, a lack of a direct goal, and a fear of binding oneself with consent.
If a promise is given, then it must be kept. Following this rule will show that for a man, a serious relationship at this stage of life and with a particular satellite means. A very common mistake of gullible girls is the constant forgiveness to the guy of his “mistakes” and wasted words. Men quickly lose respect for too "understanding" darlings and subsequently already consciously avoid going "from words to deeds."
Intimate question
Of course, not every couple who has postponed the time of their first sex until the engagement has a happy life together, and not all relationships that began with bed fall apart in the very first years. However, statistics of successful marriages say that it is better not to rush with intimate relationships until the partners have completely passed the stages of preliminary acquaintance and courtship. There are several reasons for observing just such a sequence:
- it is very important for men to be a conqueror in a relationship, and too easy access to the girl’s body makes them unable to express themselves completely;
- having sex during the first dates, the guy may come to the conclusion that he got in touch with a frivolous person and stop taking her seriously;
- sexual intimacy between people who know each other poorly, as a rule, causes disappointment, which leaves a negative imprint on relations in general.
Patience and the desire to first learn the intentions of a person, his habits and values are always rewarded with quality sex, perceived as a reward, and not as a predictable event. Psychologists do not call the exact period of “waiting” for the desired moment, but they advise you to definitely refrain from having sex in the first 5 dates (provided that they occur 1-2 times a week).
How to recognize a hopeless relationship
A person who clearly understands what “serious relationship” means will seek this understanding from his potential partner, however, the goals of young people may not coincide initially. An attentive girl will easily understand whether a guy is ready to associate his future with her or perceives her as a temporary friend. Here are the signs by which it is easiest to recognize a womanizer:
- after 3-5 visits, the girl was not able to find out about her young man anything but general information;
- for a partner it is considered the norm to disappear without a trace for several days, and then reappear with a careless look;
- the man taunts the serious relationships existing with other couples, and also openly denies the institution of marriage;
- all meetings of a young couple occur according to one scenario in which a man does not seek to prove himself, but rather expects the first step from his girlfriend;
- the guy, even after several months of close relations, still does not introduce the chosen one to friends and relatives;
- a man never asks his girlfriend leading questions about her life and always escapes with general phrases of false interest ("How are you?", "Well, what's up with you?").
And finally, a guy for whom the whole description of a serious relationship fits into the concept of “keeping someone close by” will not ask his partner for help or participation under any circumstances, nor will he allow a situation in which she could do this.
The path to happiness or the road to nowhere
Describing their problem with unfolded or collapsed relationships with a psychologist, many people (mostly women) emphasize that they were deceived, betrayed or even used under the guise of serious intentions. Once alone and analyzing their recent happy past, these people come to the conclusion that they did everything possible, “put their whole soul” into a strong union. In other words, they were sure that their actions deserved a guarantee of a successful outcome.
However, life does not give any guarantees, and the person who became the culprit of the gap is not at all to blame for the fact that the partner initially perceived him as a party to a tacit agreement, and not a person with free will. He could have really serious intentions, but the circumstances were such that the relationship became impossible. Such a domestic situation, if not analyzed from the point of view of useful experience, can give rise to a deceived partner's fear of relationships.
Fear, as many famous psychologists say, is the antonym of love. Without giving himself the opportunity to hear the former lover, to understand the motives for his departure, a person deliberately deprives himself of the opportunity to move on. Therefore, if such a situation did occur, you should not focus on failure and regret the time spent. You should give yourself a break on the realization of all the advantages received in connection with the death of an unnecessary person and continue to move forward.