Unfortunately, not everyone can be happy looking at the happiness and success of others. Envious people can be the closest friends. But why? We will try to give answers to these questions further.
What is meant by the term "envy"
Envy is customary to mean several things. Firstly, it is the desire to have what the other person has. Secondly, the wish of evil for another person, and thirdly, the behavior of a “dog in the manger” (I don’t have it - that means no one will have it).
Why do people feel envy? There are reasons for this, such as:
- More beautiful, from the point of view of the envious, appearance (for example, high growth). It is clear that there is definitely nothing to be done about it, except how to begin to perceive the appearance differently.
- Beautiful and expensive things.
- The best position.
- Having a family or a wonderful love relationship.
- Good relationship with parents.
- Other reasons.
Destructive feeling
Psychologists around the world are beginning to agree that even the most unpleasant human emotions serve him for the good. So, fear is designed to provide a person with safety and security of his life. This is the main work of the brain - to do everything possible to ensure a comfortable existence. At the same time, comfort means a well-known behavior. What is the positive side of such a destructive feeling as envy? Someone else's successes act as a kick to achieve their own. But in the usual sense, this is still the same defense mechanism. Man is a social being, and he is pleased to think that he is not alone in his grief. At the same time, other people's trophies inflate the envy's failures to incredible proportions.
The roots of envy
Why are people envious? This destructive feeling appears in early childhood. And, as often happens, adults themselves are to blame. Of course, mothers and fathers wish only the best. Every adult, when he was a child, could hear something like this: “Look, Olya is so good at drawing, and you?” And what does a small person feel? Perhaps the answer would be something like this: "I hate this Olya! Why do my parents love her more?" Children's perception is different from adult. Kids have only two categories: “They Love Me” and “They Don't Love Me”. Comparing children among themselves, adults not only spoil the relationship, but also instill in the child feelings of self-doubt, fear, and mistrust. Such a kid in adulthood will be afraid to change anything, feeling deprived, offended by the world, capable of nothing.
How to recognize envy
We turn to the question of how to recognize envious people. There are several signs that will give those with a head:
- Hatred without objective reasons. If you are faced with hatred, but have not done anything to deserve such a reaction, you can assume that you are simply envied. Nothing can be done in this case. The best option is not to go into conflict and release the created situation with the world.
- Gossip. Another feature of how envious people behave. If you have become a source of gossip, then this is a sure sign that you are envied. Getting involved in a conflict means spreading it further. Most often, envious people tend to speak behind their backs. They don’t have the courage to go into direct conflict. The weapon against this is a direct conversation with gossipers.
- The joy of failure. The envious person will simply fly on the wings, no worse than from her first love, when she witnesses the defeat of the one to whom he feels this feeling. Do not worry. No one is safe from mistakes. Skills and concentration are able to return to their former results, and the envious person will remain where he was. The very experience of negative feelings gives them a certain pleasure. The same low self-esteem prevents them from moving forward. Do not succumb to a negative attitude and boldly go forward. Maybe your little failure will turn into the biggest victory in time.
- Envious - the closest competitors. They always and everywhere try to get on the same level with you, although you just do your job, without looking at others. Enjoy life without turning to those who glare at you from behind. The best weapon is confidence and a sense of humor.
- Copying image, thinking, style. Keep your composure. Talk to someone who is jealous of you, explain the importance of being yourself, not a copy of another person. Maybe this will be the beginning of a great friendship and you will become the one with whom the other will begin great changes and good luck.
- Exaggeration of their merits. Author Bly says this: “In any environment there are people who are overwhelmed with negativity about themselves and their environment, fictitious weaknesses. As a rule, this is due to financial well-being and a desire to live better than it seems in the present moment.” What can be done? Admire the success of the envious. This will add confidence to him.
- Diminishing success. Whatever you do, the envious will try to convince you and the people around you that this is just a coincidence, and you are lucky. It is unpleasant, of course, but perhaps it refers to this with understanding.
- False joy. How to recognize an envious person? Very simple. He will congratulate you, give praise and scatter in compliments exactly until you leave the room.
Patience and courtesy
Why are people envious, it became clear, but what to do about it? Ideally, just stop talking. If this is not possible, be patient. As it became clear, envy is often the result of self-doubt. How to behave with envious people if you have to see each day as part of a work team? Encourage someone who is jealous of you, praise, celebrate his success, be polite. Remember, in any situation you choose whether it owns you or vice versa. Look at what is happening from the side, as if you had to play an exciting game. This technique will free from emotions and give a larger viewing angle. A simple example: when you watch a football match, you can see the whole field, all the players. And the attention of football players is limited by the figure of the ball and its location. Feeling respect and courtesy to the person who had not the best feelings for you, you yourself will not get dirty in the negative, and you can build friendly or at least tolerant relationships for yourself.
Philosophical view
Remember: very envious people are the most unhappy at heart. Internal fear and an impressive supply of excuses do not allow you to go forward, and digesting the same negative requires a huge expenditure of internal forces. If it is within your power, consider how you can help a person who is envious to become a little happier. Do not waste your energy on the conflict - the mood will deteriorate, and the problem will not go away.
Communication Rules
How to communicate with envious people with minimal damage to their own emotions? A few simple recommendations:
- Limit communication time to the minimum possible.
- Envious people are such from a lack of information on how success is gained. Try to talk with a person about how much effort has been put in order to have all that is. At least, the interlocutor will be convinced that nothing from the sky just does not fall and you need to work. Maybe the envious person, having listened to what success is worth, will simply say: “I feel good” - and will lag behind you.
- Many have heard the saying that you need to be quiet and happy. Do not tell everyone around you about success, good relations with your spouse or girlfriend. Protect your own world, and let your happiness be only yours.
- Do not complain about failure. It will be used against you.
- Do not respond to the stinging of envious people. They are just waiting for this. More self-confidence.
What to do if you yourself are envious?
How it relates to envious people is now clear, but what if you yourself are among them? The answer is simple - love yourself. Each person in the world is unique in his own way. And each has his own gift: someone writes poetry, someone draws paintings, while others are excellently prepared. What are you the best that is unique within your universe? When answers are found, envy will go away on its own. Because the understanding will come that there is neither the best nor the worst, there are simply those who are not in their place, and the Universe is trying to reach out to a person through a strip of some kind of failure.
Even if you were compared to a friend or an older brother, let it go. Events are already in the past. It is not necessary to listen to the opinion of the environment, parents, relatives. Find and develop the best that is in you, and those around you will certainly notice and appreciate it.
Magic and amulets
Of course, you can find an amulet of envy, pin a pin, but does it work? If you believe that this will make you feel better, you can wear it. If you are not so dubious and this is alien to you - you should not rape your world. Any amulet is valid only if the owner sincerely believes in its power. But better than any amulet, this is a simple, kind attitude towards a person who experiences destructive emotions towards you. Of course, with such people it is very difficult to be in space for a long time, but think about it: it’s hard for you to be with an envious person for a certain amount of time, and he is with him all his life and is forced to endure pain.
Does jealousy affect health?
Can envy somehow affect the physical condition? Of course, there will be no direct and noticeable consequences to the eye. But at a person’s energy level, the following symptoms can be observed:
- Loss of vitality.
- Lack of joy and positive emotions after talking with someone who is envious of you.
- Stress.
- Problems at work.
- A series of minor troubles.
- Other signs of what are usually referred to simply as the "evil eye."
Why it happens? Envious people are not able to give positive energy to space. After all, they themselves are filled with negative emotions. Therefore, they take away from the environment something good, their joys and successes, but not in physical form, but in energy. That is why often there is a feeling of emptiness after even a brief contact with an evil and envious person. I want to sleep, I have no strength, and I don’t feel the joy of communication. If you yourself feel that you can no longer tolerate such an attitude towards yourself and do not want to give your success to someone, it is better to stop communicating, even if it is a best friend or childhood friend. Look for real friends who can sincerely rejoice for you.
Your relationship with the world
A person receives negative emotions from others and unpleasant situations only when he creates something that is not too pleasant inside himself. So the world responds to radiation into space. It is worth perceiving it as a signal to become better, and not as something irresistible. And then it may happen that you yourself will understand: not all people are evil and envious, there are those who sincerely rejoice, are inspired by the successes of other people and derive joy from this. Be kind to the world, and he will answer the same, because you are part of it.
Advice from a psychologist
Here is what psychologist Zeltser says: "You do not need to look at everyone and everyone with suspicion and distrust." Not everyone will notice your success and will be envious. Instead of suspicion, it is easier to simply analyze your environment and calculate the envious and the reasons for this feeling.