Many are familiar with the feeling when it is difficult to speak with a stranger or to do something completely ordinary, but in front of everyone. It seems that everyone is watching with condemnation or ridicule, and a flurry of criticism is about to fall. Shyness is an embarrassment that does not lead a normal life, shackles hands and feet and makes you feel inferior. However, not everything is so simple with this condition, which makes you blush or fade, once again retreat to the side.
What is shyness?
If you rely on the official definition, shyness is timid shyness, shyness and extreme, sometimes painful caution in words and deeds. In most cases, shyness is closely related to self-doubt, deep personal complexes.
However, it cannot be said that this is just a sweet and harmless eccentricity. In fact, shyness is a serious personal problem that can destroy a person’s life, deprive him of the opportunity to succeed, find a normal job and arrange a personal life.
Many people experienced a period of shyness and tried differently to deal with it. It was easier for someone, harder for someone, but there are those who lost in this battle. The victims of shyness are quite socialized, because this is not a disease, but just a character trait. But not all character traits can be changed or overcome.
Fears of a shy person
A shy person has many fears, and it depends only on his sincerity before himself, does he recognize this as fear or prefer the wording “reasonable fears”. You can be afraid of anything: put on a bright T-shirt, change your hair, change glasses to contact lenses, meet a person of the opposite sex ... Shy people do not sing in karaoke bars, do not go to nightclubs and are unlikely to become regulars in ordinary youth parties. If you see someone in the company who is trying to pretend to be invisible - this is he, a shy person. The word "shyness" in structure is very expressive. The person is behind the wall. A man pulls away and goes into a blank defense, believing that no one is seen, they are not attacked.
Before the problem is realized, the shy person does not even ask how to overcome shyness. On the contrary, this character trait is perceived as protective armor. Not to provoke something that will necessarily cause strong emotional experiences - this is the main task of shyness. And although this tool does not work or helps only partially, it is familiar and convenient. It is very difficult to get rid of it.
Is shyness modesty or cowardice?
When it comes to fears associated with shyness, another definition logically emerges - cowardice. Perhaps this is another factor that depresses painfully shy people, they consider themselves cowardly, and do not forget that this definition is traditionally associated with condemnation, censure and is not justified by any circumstances.
If synonyms are selected for the word “shyness”, then cowardice should probably be excluded from the list. This is an incorrect comparison of two apparently similar states. More appropriate synonyms such as excessive modesty, shyness, awkward shyness. But what about cowardice?
Many shy people are quite capable of heroic deeds, of true courage. These are the fruits of a complex process, when a timid person makes universal efforts in order not to succumb to his weakness to such an extent that he generally forbids himself from leaving home. Let the result be invisible to others, it is impossible to depreciate these efforts.
Painful shyness
There are different degrees of shyness, with some manifestations of this character trait it is quite possible to live and even make friends. However, painful shyness, which is accompanied by psychosomatic manifestations, becomes a severe test. This is the case when personal effort is clearly not enough, you need to contact a specialist. This is precisely the problem.
A shy person falls into a vicious circle, because only a good psychologist can help in this state, but shyness does not allow you to turn to a specialist for help. The psychologist will be able to provide qualified assistance, identify the causes of shyness and quietly push the patient onto the path of recovery and psychological comfort.
If shyness has developed so much that it makes it difficult to turn to a psychologist or at least ask for help from friends or relatives, then we are talking about a painful form. Normal shyness manifests itself in a lighter form, but if socialization is already close to zero, then measures must be taken. It is difficult to get out of this state alone, although there is also the likelihood of a favorable outcome.
Psychosomatic manifestations
If we consider timidity as a psychological problem, and not as a reprehensible defect, then you can get rid of one of the main causes of this phenomenon. To get rid of condemnation is half to solve the problem, which is shyness. This is considered in psychology as one of the fundamental techniques when the value judgment of the patient is absolutely unacceptable. However, in addition to psychological problems, a morbidly shy person has more pressing ones, namely psychosomatics.
If, due to shyness, profuse sweating, tremor of the extremities, disorientation in space and respiratory failure begin, then we are talking about serious psychosomatic signals. Of course, it is worth excluding the presence of a physical disease that gives the above symptoms, but everything is interconnected in the body. No wonder they say that all diseases are from nerves.
Psychosomatic manifestations block the path to salvation from shyness, and they must be fought to the best of their ability. If the psychologist is not able to provide assistance, then the next will be a referral to a psychiatrist who will prescribe an easy sedative. Of course, this dulls the attention, but also does not allow you to worry too much.
Shyness as a symptom
It is necessary to clearly distinguish between the shyness born of childhood psychological trauma or other negative phenomena, and psychiatric symptoms. Sometimes painful or even exaggerated shyness is a symptom of a disease that can be treated with medication. You can spend a lot of time on trainings of personal growth, meditation and other practices aimed at achieving balance, but if along the way symptoms such as impaired thinking, all kinds of manic and depressive states, suspicion are observed, then this should not be ignored.
When shyness attacks
Sometimes you have to admit that severe shyness is a disease, despite the absence of such a diagnosis in medical practice. If a person is at first embarrassed to smile at another person or is shy when a representative of the opposite sex turns to him, and then comes to voluntary self-isolation, then we are talking about a powerful attack from the side of a personality problem.
Shyness can sometimes grow to inconceivable sizes, when it already becomes absurd. In order to prevent this manifestation of shyness, which is destructive for a person, it is advisable to declare a fight as lack of strength and ability.
Causes of shyness
First of all, it is worth understanding the reasons that led to such a character trait. There are no innately shy people; this is an acquired feature. However, often in young children there is a charming timidity. Shyness in children is a kind of unconscious defensive reaction to everything new, unfamiliar, potentially dangerous. A foreign aunt holds out a candy, and the baby smiles timidly and hides behind her mother. What's happening?
An alien large creature with an unknown purpose seeks to violate the personal space of the child. At the same time trying to seduce a treat. If the mother at the same time shows anxiety or aggression, then at the subconscious level the child can fix the correctness of such a reaction - contact with strangers is dangerous. But open aggression is dangerous, so a defenseless creature accepts the tactics of a deer left by his mother - it tries to become invisible. If you cannot become invisible, you need to convince the potential predator that this creature is not a trophy of value, but something that is completely not worthy of attention.
Subsequently, this pattern of behavior can be fixed in contact with unfriendly peers - children are cruel. And if the parents do not support the child and do not give a sense of security, then in the future difficulties are likely.
The fight against shyness
The most important thing in the battle with shyness is awareness and acceptance of the problem, plus the first steps. It is worth reconsidering your attitude to failures - mistakes on this thorny path are inevitable, and they are just testing for debugging a loose self-esteem. How to get rid of shyness? Perhaps it is worth mentioning first how to not do it, this will help to significantly reduce the number of failures.
You can not humiliate yourself and scold. Any person who courageously engages in combat with his psychological problem is well done by default. The internal censor, which is invisibly present in every shy person, must be silent.
There are many ways to get rid of shyness: the already mentioned psychologist, a radical change of team, support for like-minded people. Timid friends also have friends, and their support is extremely important, especially when you consider that shy people can hardly make friendships and their social circle is small. There are known cases of getting rid of shyness when getting into a fundamentally different team. Yoga, dancing, hiking, and even kayaking - anything will do in search of people of a different formation. You can get out of the vicious circle, the main thing is not to give up.
Unwanted Extreme
If a person painfully seeks a way to overcome shyness, he can hit the other extreme. Find even more timid and assert itself at his expense. Become a censor, persecutor and executioner for another person. Yesterday's shy and awkward cranks could very well become violent initiators of bullying. However, this will not solve the problem - in half of the aggressors there is a typical timid loser who is mortally afraid of being in the victim's place. It is impossible to overcome shyness in this way, it is just hypercompensation, a gesture of despair, and it destructively affects the psyche.
Shyness is not a sentence
Is it really necessary to get rid of shyness and rush to the other extreme - to create the image of a successful person, to include acting, to spend hours rehearsing a dazzling Hollywood smile in front of a mirror? Thinking about how to get rid of shyness, you can choose a comfortable mask under which to remain as unhappy, but sooner or later, any disguise ceases to work.
Many shy people are fascinated by their timidity. Nowadays, the fighting sneak, which units could be proud of before, has become commonplace. With shyness it is quite possible to learn how to live by building your own comfort zone in which troubles from outside are not allowed. The main thing at the same time is not to slide into self-isolation.