Problems in the relationship between children and parents are a frequent occurrence. Misunderstanding arises from the difference in age and completely different views on the world. Sometimes education is not easy at all, and many parents become annoyed by their own child. The fact that mom or dad think about this problem means that they love their child, but for some reason they can not restrain their anger. Annoyed by a child? What to do and for what reasons this may occur is what we will learn in this article.
Who is right and who is to blame
If you are raising a child, then most likely you ask yourself this question quite often. In a fit of anger, you can scold the child or even spank, but when emotions subside, guilt comes in their place. It is like a worm gnawing a parent from the inside. The same question arises: "Who is right in this situation, and who is to blame?" But in fact, this is an absolutely wrong approach to the problem.
Such a question only provokes one of two feelings: anger - if you still came to the conclusion that the child was wrong, or guilt - if you did the wrong thing. And the problem is not going away. The torment of conscience knocks a person out of a rut, he feels tired and irritated, and when a child annoys him again and again, everything repeats. The parent again breaks down on the child and constantly wonders how bad he is. In fact, you can influence a child without screaming and scandal. You just need to know some tricks.
If you are wondering what to do if your own child infuriates you, then you are already on the right track. And first you need to find out the cause of this problem. And there may be many. The age of the child is also important.
Newborn baby
Complex births and 9 months of pregnancy behind. The baby appears, which both parents and relatives have been waiting for for so long. Throughout pregnancy, as a rule, mother is in euphoria. She is really waiting for the baby, imagines how she will walk with him along the street, feed him and put him to bed. In fact, everything is not so rosy. The child often cries and sleeps poorly. The first few months, my mother practically does not rest. Fatigue builds up, and irritation and anger are added to it.
From time to time, a young mother breaks down on a baby and at the same time constantly feels a sense of guilt in front of him. She is annoyed by her own newborn child, and this causes bewilderment and even thought that she is a bad mother. In fact, many young parents are experiencing this, and there is nothing to worry about. All anger and irritation is the result of fatigue. In addition, a colossal restructuring of the body after pregnancy affects the condition of the mother. Often there is postpartum depression, and one of its symptoms is precisely that the mother is annoyed by the crying of her own child.
Solution
So, the main reason that a mother breaks down on her baby is precisely fatigue. And therefore, so that the child does not annoy, you should rest as much as possible. Go to bed with your baby. As soon as he falls asleep, you should immediately lie down and relax. It doesn’t matter at what time of day this will happen. Make time for your favorite activity. The birth of the long-awaited baby is not a reason to forget about yourself. Ask the dad of the child or relatives to take a walk with the baby, and at this time, collect a bath with foam and enjoy the tranquility and loneliness. Caring for a newborn is the main task of the mother in the first months of his life, but you should not forget about yourself and your health.
Little fidgets
Every mother dreams that the baby as soon as possible begins to walk and talk. But as soon as this happens, complete chaos begins. Little fidget is very curious, now and then something will tear or crawl somewhere. For many mothers, this is a difficult period. At 2 years old, his own child annoys parents with stubbornness and whims. And interestingly, he does many things specifically to attract the attention of mom or dad. For some parents, this is a real nerve test. This is especially true for young mothers and fathers who have not yet had experience in raising children. Why is annoying your own child? The mistake of parents lies precisely in the fact that they cannot establish a common language with the child.
Mistakes in education
In fact, the child’s behavior almost completely depends on the parents, on the situation in the family. From childhood, children try to imitate parents in everything, and especially in negative habits and things that mom does not even notice. Therefore, before starting to educate the baby, you should look carefully at yourself. Think about why your own child infuriates. Perhaps it does not live up to your expectations? But is that what you want is dogma? The child should be treated as an equal, take into account his desires and thoughts. The main thing is that it does not harm him.
Mom's character
Parents instruct the children on the right path, teach how to live, communicate with others, etc. What is such education based on? Of course, in the experience of the parent himself. That is, if in childhood he fell heavily from a tree and underwent several operations, will he allow his child to climb branches? Most likely not. Very often, your own child is annoying just when he does not do as parents would like.
In psychology, there is such an exercise called "my character." When you feel annoyed with a child, try to imagine a character who is keenly reacting to the baby's action.
For example, mom annoys that her daughter Anya constantly answers “no”. She just gets angry and gets mad when she hears this three-letter word. Now the psychologist asks her to introduce the character. She sees a little obedient girl who always does everything her parents ask for. How does she feel about Ana? The character is jealous of her, as he could never answer requests in this way. It turns out that the mother’s inner child is simply envious of her daughter that she knows how to fight back. Try this experiment, and you will see that the high demands on the child are just an imprint from your childhood.
Single parent
An incomplete family is one of the reasons that annoys your own child. And this is not surprising, because one of the parents (most often the mother) falls simply a colossal physical and mental stress. She becomes annoyed and angry, because she herself has to solve all issues with the child.
You can avoid such a problem if you create a social network around yourself and your child. In other words, try to communicate as much as possible with all relatives, friends. Perhaps, sometimes it will even be possible to leave a child with them in order to at least relax a bit. Of course, the upbringing function will remain on one parent, but you will have someone to rely on.
There is one more nuance in a family with one parent. It is also incredibly difficult for a child to communicate only with his mother or only with his father. He lacks communication with other adults, and that is why he can behave badly.
A difficult age
The adolescent period is difficult for both children and their parents. It was at this time that the character of the child was rapidly forming. A colossal restructuring is taking place in the body, views on many things are changing, and the hormonal background is raging. During this period, conflicts between parents and children very often occur. The latter complain that mom and dad do not understand them and do not support them. Teenagers tend to act in spite and not obey, and all this is only because they lack love and care. They look adult and independent, but a small and defenseless creature still lives inside them. The thing is that the older the child becomes, the less attention parents give him. And it is during this period that he, as never before, needs support and protection.
What if my own child (teenager) is annoyed? Of course, first of all, one should clearly understand the cause of conflicts in the family. If a teenager constantly protests - most likely, he lacks attention. Try to speak with him openly and find out the reason for the behavior. His own child is annoying because he behaves in a manner inconsistent with your desires, but it should be understood that he is already an independent person who has the right to choose. Only calm conversations can help build relationships with your child, and constant cries will only aggravate the situation.
Ignoring feelings
There is another mistake that many people make. Ignoring feelings is a very bad way to smooth out a conflict situation. If displeasure and tension does not find a way out, it builds up and then, sooner or later, can turn into a big explosion. Moreover, the reason for this may be the most insignificant. What can a child think if his mother is constantly silent, and then, for example, because he, for example, has forgotten to wash his hands, throws himself at him with fists? Of course, he does not understand why some wrongdoings forgive him, while others, more insignificant, cause such a whipping. It is for this reason that every time you feel angry, do not suppress it in yourself.
What to do with irritation
There are 7 simple steps that allow you to resolve any conflict situation, while each of its participants will not feel embarrassed.
- First of all, you should admit to yourself that you are angry. Tell yourself: "I am really very evil right now."
- Talk about how you feel. It should be told to the child that now you are very annoyed. But you should not say "because of you" or "because you are."
- Ask the child to leave the field of view so as not to fall off on him. Let him go to another room until you calm down.
- When you feel that the outbreak of anger is passing, and you have become more calm, you can return to the conversation with the child.
- You should discuss his behavior and your reaction. Quietly explain why you think he is wrong. Listen to the excuses. Tell us how you see the situation on your part.
- Tell your child how to restore relationships. For example, agree that for his misconduct, he should help you in the kitchen.
- You should end the conversation on a good note. Tell the child that you love him and wish him only good.
Such a systematic approach to conflict situations will teach you not to restrain anger, but at the same time not to rush at a child with fists. Moreover, this method does not cause mum a sense of guilt for having broken on the child. Of course, the approach may vary in each specific situation. For example, if you are not very angry, you can skip steps 3 and 4 and talk to your child right away. Do not say to yourself: "OK, I will not say anything this time." After all, then the situation will certainly happen again and you will be even more angry. And the child does not always know how his parents feel, and silence for him means that everything is in order.
Time to relax
Everyone deserves a vacation, and especially this applies to parents. In fact, raising a child is a life-long job that requires a lot of strength and nerves. If you notice that your own child often annoys you, and you are angry at any trifles - it means that the time has come to replenish the reserves of energy and energy.
Make yourself a weekend, rest and relax. Remember that a child needs a healthy and happy mother, and not forever tired and unhappy with everything.