Many people are convinced that love is an invention of poets and dreamers. These are those who never met the person who evoked a deep sense of respect and affection.
Some people believe that the saying is true: "To be tolerated - to fall in love." You should not wait for a person who will cause an explosion of emotions, but you need to build relationships with those who are nearby. Others spend their lives in search of that one, from the appearance of which in life everything around will change and will sparkle with bright colors. If you want to understand this problem, you should get acquainted with the proposed article.
What is love?
The definition of this feeling can be found in the works of classics of world literature, in explanatory dictionaries, and monographs on psychology. S. Ozhegov speaks of cordial affection, which can manifest itself in selfless acts towards people, the homeland, music, etc. In the proposed article, we will talk about the relationship between a man and a woman, a special kind of love. In the pictures presented to your attention, you can see three different definitions:
- given by a classic of domestic literature;
- from The Little Prince, an allegorical tale of Exupery;
- expressed by a child perceiving the world through the eyes of adults.
They are all different, but most likely most will agree with everyone. And even try to give his own, based on personal experience, which will also have a right to exist. For we are talking about feelings, and they are often very subjective.
Let us consider from the point of view of psychology what love is. The definition will include three aspects:
- Physical attraction, passion.
- Emotional closeness.
- Moral obligations.
About the tit and the crane
Young people are increasingly talking and thinking in quotes, not bothering to read classical works. Everyone knows the saying about the crane and the tit, determining for themselves whether to agree to what is nearby or to try to realize their dream. Someone chose a bird in their hands and are unexpectedly happy, while someone continues to peer longingly at the sky. Why is this happening?
Very important are childhood and relationships between family members where the girl was brought up. The first man in her life is a father. It is he who forms self-esteem and lays the future scenario for relations with the opposite sex.
If he spoils his daughter, admires her virtues, takes care of her and turns her dreams into reality, the girl will form a sense of self-esteem, the right attitude to herself and adequate ideas about the future chosen one.
But permissiveness and indulging whims will form high expectations from a partner, while a lack of love and care - low self-esteem and lack of demanding.
Of great importance is the example of the father and his attitude to his wife. Children have ideal ideas about how it should be. They are looking for either similar, or, on the contrary, diametrically opposite.
Who dreams of a crane? As a rule, girls with high self-esteem or having the good fortune to grow up in a family dominated by genuine love and understanding. It is about such a poem by E. Asadov "Eccentric".
How to find a soul mate
The main mistake is to look for, relying on a spark and the emergence of passion. Love is a deeper feeling than just physical attraction, which we talked about above. Therefore, the inclusion of a rational beginning in the first stage is very important. Misalliances ("young lady and bully", "businesswoman and homeless") rarely lead to harmonious relations. We offer you five consecutive steps to get closer to your goal:
- Draw a mental portrait of the chosen one, including his age, education, income level, life values and priorities.
- "Falls in love - is endured" absolutely does not work where a woman does not care about her appearance and is not confident in herself.
- It is necessary to expand the circle of friends, focusing on your favorite activities and travels.
- Be selective. Do not succumb to passion if the identity of the partner is not interesting to you and there are no common topics for conversation.
- Do not ignore the possibilities of dating sites.
How to understand that it is he
Paradoxically, for real feelings to arise, both must be prepared for this. That is why 35% of men and 37% of women at least once registered on the relevant websites. In terms of choice, the heart will definitely tell you who causes the greatest emotional response. You should be able to screen out at an early stage those who are absolutely not suitable for you. First of all, these are:
- Those in search of entertainment, including intimate nature.
- Not meeting your basic requirements.
- People who tell a little about themselves and are clearly interested in collecting information about the partner.
How to understand that a man who aroused interest and who enjoys meeting is the one with whom there is a future and a real feeling can arise ? "To be tolerated - to fall in love" - what does this mean in relation to the chosen one?
Given that love is a feeling directed at another person, the main criterion should be the step that everyone is ready to take for the sake of the other. For example, quit bad habits, revise your values, give up any benefits or decide to move. Moreover, this question should first be asked to oneself. And if the answer is no, then this is not love.
A little bit about the saying
In former times, the main destination has always been considered the continuation of the human race. If a person was born, then he simply must continue the chain. This is read in the words “man” (“husband”) and “woman” (wife "). At a young age, the man has already started a family, regardless of whether his feelings for someone arose or not. In 18-19 the girl was reputedly years old. Her father often put her on a cart and drove her around the villages in search of a groom. Therefore, parents often conspired among themselves even at the stage when their daughters and sons were still children.
Does this mean that the saying "Suffering - falling in love" implies some comfort to those who have not experienced real feelings? In fact, in Russia they rarely used the word "love", more often it sounded - "regret". There is compassion, patience, and sacrifice in it. It was believed that during the years of birth and upbringing of children, the spouses became so dear that they turned into a single whole. Love could be compared with the poetry of patience. That is, the proverb was not laid comfort, but a real grain of love.
Modern look
Today, more and more often, a person’s mission is seen in his self-realization, the development of a professional and creative career. Children sometimes not only fade into the background, but the movement of the so-called childfree grows - people who do not want to have them.
Not everyone is focused on creating a family, preferring communication with the opposite sex without mutual obligations. Relationships that should be easy to communicate are promoted. When difficulties or misunderstandings arise, recommendations are given on changing the partner. In pursuit of the ideal, many girls marry late or remain single, raising children in single-parent families.
New research
So is it worth the wait or is it better to start a family with a guy who is sympathetic and suitable for other parameters? Is it true that hurt - fall in love?
American researchers conducted an experiment: 112 people of the opposite sex were shown photographs to single people. At the same time, they were asked to rate their appearance on a 9-point scale. What turned out? If the same photo came across the subjects for the fourth time, his grades increased significantly. Dr. Tirucselvam proved that a person is able to feel sympathy for another not immediately, but after a while. After he had the opportunity to get to know each other better. This, incidentally, is confirmed by numerous service novels. Psychologically, a person is more willing to love what is familiar to him.
Gender differences
There is an opinion that men and women have different perceptions of the expression "Endured - falling in love." The secret of the relationship lies in gender differences. A man is a hunter by nature, he must seek his second half, overcome obstacles and even beat her off from other males. Under the pressure of a woman and with the manifestation of an obsessive initiative, he can marry, but cannot fall in love. It has been common for a man since Domostroevsky times to take care for granted. If the second half expects that by serving her beloved she will achieve a result, then this will be the exception rather than the rule.
But for a woman, the motto "To be tolerated - to fall in love" works to a greater extent. It is not by chance that wise mothers advise daughters to start a family with those men who have stronger feelings for their chosen one than herself. For there is a strict rule that women can eventually fall in love out of gratitude. They are inspired by the attitude of the partner.
Psychology of a man’s love for a woman
If the representatives of the beautiful half shine when they experience strong emotions, and it is impossible not to notice this, then men do not like to analyze their feelings. The manifestations of their love are different from the female ones and are often described as a fear of losing the object of affection, a desire to care, and a feeling of admiration. What actions testify to this? Phone calls, desire to meet, competition with other men for the right to be with a woman. If a representative of a strong half of humanity avoids meetings, does not call, do not look for reasons outside. He who loves is looking for opportunities to be near.
Care is manifested in the desire to give advice, worries about health, mood of the chosen one. "When you get, be sure to let me know" - these are the real words of love on the part of men. Admiration should not be confused with compliments. The latter can speak by no means all, but only a woman whose mind, beauty and soulfulness captivates the chosen one will be truly desired.
Instead of a conclusion
Returning to the definition of love, one should pay attention to the third aspect. What are moral obligations? This is a sense of responsibility for another person, that sacrifice that brings happiness to the most loving. For love does not ask for anything, it gives. She knows no fear, has no reason. "To be tolerated - to fall in love" is that spiritual unity in which the other person seems to become part of you. And he cannot be betrayed, he cannot be left in trouble.