A whole Universe lives in man, which is incredibly difficult to solve, and often impossible. It so happens that we cannot understand someone's inner world, and this is certainly annoying. People are individual, and it's time to come to terms with the fact that they cannot and do not want to think in synchronism with us. Do not forget that we do not live in an isolated world, but in society. This means that the ability to find an approach to each person is an invaluable ability that any of us can acquire.
What is behind the criticism?
What is the root of the situation and how to love people? Behind a critical assessment of members of society, as a rule, is self-doubt and hostility to their appearance. Surely you have witnessed a situation where a young girl viciously evaluates another because of a skirt that is not long enough. She necessarily compares herself and is comforted by the fact that she is still well done: she does not allow herself to wear such "terrible" things. Or a man who is not endowed with biceps will never recognize the beauty of a sculpted body. Rather, he will demonstrate absolute disinterest and completely discount the other's biceps. Equal attitude to people - this is the central evidence of self-confidence, real, not invented. This is the whole snag: the acceptance of others and a positive attitude towards them is a consequence of self-love (do not confuse with selfishness!).
Mantra - all people are different, and this is wonderful. So, you need to gather strength and try to heal the injured ego, and then look at others with new eyes. It must be remembered that you are a unique copy of yourself; accordingly, it would be great to remove the mask of uncertainty and understand that each person is an individual. It is necessary to allow others to be themselves.
Let people take off their masks
Once Bernard Werber, a French writer, very originally, but so truthfully described the need for acceptance of people:
“Are you mad at the grass because it's green?”
- Not! Not angry. What's the point of this? She will not become less green from this.
“And what's the point then getting mad at a person, because he is not what you imagine him to be?”
The initial stage of accepting people as real is to exclude one’s own affections and exit the individual world, which implies an absolute separation of one’s and another’s. A person should fully feel freedom, and then give it to others. Contemplation of one’s own emotions is the most important task of achieving inner harmony, because through this process a person is able to accept his thoughts and state of mind, and therefore, understand and stop judging others.
Naughty emotions. How to love people through humility with their own feelings?
No one can argue that it is incredibly difficult to hide anger, distrust, resentment and other negative feelings. But the fact is that it is completely useless to abolish them by a willful act: this only contributes to the enormous loss of internal energy. Of course, a person can pull an insincere smile, make flattering speeches or give empty gifts, keeping the poison of hatred in his heart. Therefore, the most competent move in this case is not to be afraid to hide your emotions behind the screen of hypocrisy, which is about to fall, and there will be no harm.
Undoubtedly, emotions did not stand next to love, nevertheless they play a significant role in the mental state of each person. Indeed, love for others, not reasoned by feelings, means to love “badly”. Accordingly, it’s completely illogical to try to draw warm feelings at a subconscious level and to convince yourself of a good attitude towards your neighbor, because this is self-deception.
But do not forget that between actions and feelings there is a close relationship. Hundreds of years ago, James and Lange discovered a very useful law for modern society: emotions follow behavior.
To love “badly”, or how to love people in a conscious way?
The ingenious way to change your negative attitude towards people is to start loving them in a "bad way." Like this? In fact, such a primitive phrase carries a deep meaning. The problem of almost every modern person is to understand love as a special state, which often he is not able to explain even to himself. For some reason, we think that such a magical feeling will necessarily fall from the sky - and right in the heart. It doesn’t happen!
To love others is to initially formulate this decision in your subconscious, and then confirm it with appropriate behavior. That is, love is not a static feeling - it is the result of prolonged work on yourself and your emotions. This is not a ready-made state, but the most difficult path, the initial steps of which, as a rule, are ugly and awkward, but most importantly, they are.
It is possible to fall in love with each person, it is only worth programming an individual plan of action. To begin with, you should stop avoiding unpleasant people, after which the process falls into the “hands” of fantasy. It is completely uncomplicated to pay attention to a person, give him a smile, conclude in his thoughts the installation: “By the way, he is a very good person,” and to do good deeds in relation to one's neighbor, even if one-sidedly. The result of the above thinking is the formation of light in the darkness of dislike, which makes a person feel warmer.
Honest attitude to your emotional state is, of course, competent. It allows you to see your own inner darkness and not live self-deception. In addition, it serves as an excellent way to notice the undulating nature of our emotions, because often we do not always love loved ones. But to love “badly” is undeniable, the optimal solution is to turn on the inner light and program your good attitude towards the person. Do not forget that thoughts are material and the image of the interlocutor is a product of imagination. It should be remembered that a "bad" love for people will certainly show that you have room to grow.
Black dot on a white sheet
Once a young guy was sitting on a bench in an autumn park. His eyes were full of unreasonable sadness. A lovely girl passed by and decided to inquire about the reason for such a confused look. The guy did not hide that his wife had become unbearable in communication; he was very annoyed. The girl’s reaction was very unexpected: she smiled, after which she took a sheet of paper from her purse and drew a black dot there. “What do you see here?” she asked the young man. “Fat point,” he answered in surprise. The mysterious stranger explained that the guy’s problem is the reluctance to see a white sheet due to the absolute focus on the point. So it is with respect to people: no one is perfect, but in each person there is much more good than bad. And this is an occasion to close our eyes to minor flaws and love our neighbor, regardless of such ridiculous circumstances.
Love the man himself - and life will sparkle with completely different colors. After all, everyone is able to engender a warm feeling without conventions. This can be proved by the complete acceptance of life and all its components. You have reconciled with birds, trees, the sun above your head and all-all-all, so what prevents you from accepting people for who they are?
Premature findings are often misleading
Almost everyone has a stupid habit of making premature conclusions about a person, which makes it very difficult to love people. Psychology gives good advice on this subject: in obscure situations, you should always put yourself in the place of another.
If you are sure that a certain person is completely uncharacteristic of rude or selfish behavior, then you should think about the causes of its occurrence. Most likely, this is due to trouble at work or in personal life. In general, there are many factors of emotional restraint, but this is not the point. The main thing is to learn to understand a person and, if necessary, help him, because it often happens that with his incomprehensible behavior he screams for help. It is very important at this stage to hear this call. All people are good, you should only at least superficially unravel and understand them (“love” and “understand” as synonyms).
Annoying everyone? This is a problem, and it is inside
How to love people and not reach that critical point when absolutely everyone begins to annoy and provoke negative feelings? Sometimes a person manages to find flaws completely in each of the current environment. He does not like a certain character trait, manner of behavior, communication or conversation, clothing style and, finally, just presence.
This behavior in psychology is explained by a phenomenon called the “projection trap”, which does not allow you to love a person for who he is. The fact is that each person embodies two aspects. The bright one is ready to fully accept and approve the behavior of his neighbor. And the shadow side of personality is associated with denial of oneself. Like this? A person who has fallen into this trap begins to ascribe his aspirations and intentions to other people only because he is not able to recognize them in himself at the level of consciousness. He projects his shadow part on his neighbor, and therefore irritation towards others is rapidly gaining momentum in direct proportion to his own denial. It must be remembered: a person is not able to notice in the neighbor those character traits that he is not endowed with.
Erase the line between the love of life and people
In the previous sections, the manifestation of love and respect for people through self-confidence was examined in detail. This factor plays a huge role, but another aspect is equally important: how to love life and people? In this chapter, warmth for society is defined as a consequence of an optimistic life position. There are people who notice only the positive aspects of life and all kinds of pleasures that provides them every day. Such people try to avoid negative moments or close their eyes to them.
But such a train of thought is appropriate not only in relation to love of life, but also regarding the acceptance of others. So, in order to sincerely form a warm attitude towards people inside you, you need to truly love all aspects of life. You should take a sleepy morning, autumn rain and even an allergy to your favorite fruit - then you will be absolutely ready to let humanity into your life.
All love begins inside
If you are in harmony with yourself, then it will not be difficult for you to love a loved one. Many have the illusion that they live with households, colleagues, friends, lovers and at the same time build relationships with them. In fact, they live and build relationships with themselves (“I was born”, “I got married” and so on). But communication with others directly depends on self-assessment. Antoine de Saint-Exupery in his work “The Little Prince” led a particularly truthful dialogue, which once again proves that the initial element in the life of every happy person is inner peace and harmony with yourself: “You are beautiful, but empty. You won’t want to die for your sake. ”
Exactly! When a person in every possible way develops and improves, he begins to be proud of himself more and more. So, self-love grows in direct proportion to the enrichment of the inner world. Accordingly, the degree of vitality and humanity is significantly increased, which is the ultimate goal of a person who has not yet accepted his environment.
Remaining oneself is the decision of happy people
It is no secret that the immediate person is the happiest person. Indeed, if you know how to remain yourself in any situation, then the loss of energy is completely irrelevant for you, because it is only “masked people” who are shy or afraid to show real ones who lose it.
It must be remembered that because of playing other people's roles you can not live your own life, but to understand this only at the end of the path, when it will be too late. So, it’s advisable to accept that you are in any case different from others. Trying to fix it is completely useless and even stupid, because you can use this chance wisely, and then endlessly enjoy life and yourself.
Each of you must realize that, having loved the soul of a person, you will open the doors for yourself to the unknown world of harmony and prosperity. Before you enter them, you will surely burn all the masks and with your head held high take the first step into a new future, where you will fully enjoy your spontaneity and mutual openness of others.