Rules for communication with parents. Culture of communication and behavior

The relationship between adults and the younger generation is sometimes quite painful and difficult. Ivan Turgenev described the problem deeply and in detail in the famous story Fathers and Sons. Misunderstanding and resentment, a different outlook on things and inability to compromise - this is what most families raising offspring face. Despite the complexity of the situation, native people can always establish contacts. The main thing is to have a great desire and try to apply the maximum amount of energy to such an important matter.

The main "family" periods

The rules for communicating with parents in children are different. A lot depends on the age of the baby, the characteristics of his character and the style of education that adults adhere to. Psychologists identify four important stages in the formation of such relationships:

• Dependence (from birth to 11 years). At this age, usually there are no serious problems. If adults love the baby, he enjoys spending time with mom and dad, loves to tell them about their affairs.
• Confrontation (12–20 years). Feeling himself an adult, the heir in everything is trying to contradict his father and mother, seeking his own freedom.
• Independence (21–40 years). Appears in the process of growing up, reaching a climax in middle age.
• Interdependence . An adult man again approaches his parents, realizing the value of this connection.

It is at the last stage that the psychological problems of intergenerational communication disappear. A son or daughter, having their own teenage children, experience all the injustice of their relationship to themselves. Therefore, they become more loyal to their own parents.

Family Communication Styles

They directly affect the child and his attitude to parents:

1. Authoritarian . It implies strict leadership and suppression of the baby's initiative. He either closes himself, or rebels against the older generation.
2. Liberal and conniving. This communication is based on the principle of permissiveness. The son or daughter ceases to reckon with the opinion of the parents.
3. Hypercaking . The child grows up as a non-selfish egoist. He constantly turns to adults for advice, hangs on them his problems.
4. Alienated . The older generation is not interested in the life of the younger. Children become indifferent and alien. There is no communication as such.
5. Democratic . The correct construction of relationships in the family, where the dominant factor is the possibility of compromise.

Styles of communication with parents in babies are built on the basis of the above behavioral models. In any case, a lot depends on the older generation: what style of relationship they will set crumbs in early childhood, such fruits will reap in the near future.

Friendly family

Everyone wants to have it, but not everyone puts in enough effort for this. Often, both parties - children and parents - blame each other for intransigence and alienation. Having thrown all their forces into the confrontation, they do not understand: if they only stop from the unnecessary "arms race", the problem will be solved by itself. It is important to catch up on time and take a step towards: even if the relationship was not the best before, they can always be brought closer to the ideal. At heart, both generations are trying to find a common ground: this is laid at the genetic level.

A friendly family is a common interest in maintaining warm, sincere, comfortable and effective communication between generations. By the way, it is built on four important principles:

• Understanding each other's feelings and motives.
• Respect.
• Mutual acceptance - without criticism or desire to change something in a loved one.
• Responsibility for actions and words.

Following these simple rules, psychologists say, you can make your family a real role model.

Communication teenager and parents

Often it is very stressful. The reason lies in the transitional age of the heir: he feels adult, trying to prove his own independence. Parents often do not realize that their little baby has grown and continue to dictate their opinions, impose positions and decisions, control the offspring in all his actions and endeavors. A guy or a girl should show maximum tact: they must understand that mom and dad love them, try to protect them from difficult life problems and mistakes, and therefore behave accordingly. The rules for communicating with parents during this period should be based on obedience, but with the opportunity to discuss the situation, share points of view and joint efforts to come to the right decision.

The main rule is to talk about everything. At the same time, try so that your words do not differ from the deed. They promised to return home at exactly 10 p.m. - nosebleed, but come. Otherwise, lose adult confidence. Be honest with the older generation, do not hide or deceive anything: being much more experienced, they can give practical advice, for which in the future you will only say thank you. Children should respect their parents - and especially at this age.

Recommendations for adult children

If in the transition period problems usually arise from misunderstanding, then at an older age, their causes may be a lack of interest in each other, a banal lack of time, a mismatch of points of view on the nature of things and people's actions. Therefore, adult children must know how to talk with parents in order to achieve the desired harmony in the relationship:

1. Think of the father and mother as they are - without false expectations. They are ordinary people who have flaws.
2. Learn to listen. Even if you hate TV shows, courageously survive the retelling of the next piece. Your mother is crazy about him, therefore, show tolerance: it is not known that you will look at old age.
3. Speak "in one language." That is, try to put yourself in their place in a particular life situation.
4. Recognize that parents need to communicate with you.

When you see that conflict is inevitable, give in. You are already wise enough to go to this little trick: agree with the opinion of the older generation, do it yourself in your own way. Continue to respect your father and mother: they gave you life, brought up - already for this they need to be loved and silently endure all their whims.

Mutual respect

Quite a lot has already been said about him. Now let's look in detail at what is its essence. Psychologists state: respect is the main pillar, support, foundation on which your relationship with your parents is built. Communication features of people of different ages are fundamentally different: young people love to discuss fashion news, popular gadgets, nightclubs, older people - politics and religion, food prices and their own diseases. Often we don’t want to hear about the difficult economic situation in the country: we encounter it every day, so in our free time we try to free our heads from gloomy thoughts. But if the father wants to discuss inflation, keep the conversation going. Remember how in childhood he taught you cycling or fishing - now it's your turn to please dad.

The rules for communicating with parents also lie in your endurance, when the older generation teaches you, patience - in the case of criticism, equanimity - if the opinions are diametrically opposed. Be polite and accurate, filter your statements, do not judge strictly and do not behave superficially - these communication qualities are also very important in dialogue with family people.

Love

Sometimes it is the most basic among a kaleidoscope of other feelings and sensations. Do not deprive parents of the confidence that you love them. Believe me, it is very difficult for them to realize that their baby has grown and no longer needs help. Create the illusion that you really need their support: the daughter can consult with her mother about raising grandchildren or preparing a new dish, the son has the right to turn to his father if he quarrels with his wife or encounters trouble at work. A sweet friendly conversation in a relaxed home atmosphere will make the older generation feel your love and deep affection.

The rules for communication between children and parents are formed throughout life. But know: it's never too late to take the initiative. Even if the father was a tyrant, try to forgive him. Perhaps dad has long repented, but is silent because of pride. Talk to him, hug, say that you love. Of course, it’s hard to forgive the offender, but it's worth a try. Letting go of children's insults, you will feel the ease of being and peace of mind.

Parent Tips

I would like to turn to the older generation. Sometimes, even being experienced and smart, because of intolerance, self-confidence or ambition, they make basic mistakes that ruin all attempts by a son or daughter to establish communication. To avoid this negative phenomenon, psychologists give the following recommendations:

• Do not be afraid to change your attitude towards the child, focusing on the degree of his growing up. Remember yourself in your youth: most likely you acted and thought identically.
• Accept the fact that the heir has become mature and independent. Build relationships on an equal footing.
• Stop monitoring and criticizing. Give freedom to the child: let him make his own decisions, because he has his own point of view. Do not be afraid that he may be mistaken - it is even useful from time to time.
• Be friendly and kind. Remember the meetings at school and the teacher’s interaction with parents. So, your dialogue looks so dry and official, if you do not show warm feelings.

Help if you are asked. But in no case do not meddle in the soul if you have not been contacted for advice. Just hug the child and stroke him on the head, as in childhood: often such a manifestation of feelings is more important than any words.

When the relationship is established

How to determine that the rules of communication with parents brought the desired result? It is actually very simple. The following points will become positive “calls”:

1. Mother or father does not annoy you. They are also glad to see you and do not feel discomfort from the dialogue.
2. Self-confidence is formed during communication.
3. You are able to trust, speak on equal terms, as with a friend.
4. Grievances are forgotten; instead, love warms your soul.
5. The desire to argue and conflict vanished. You feel harmony and understanding.

The culture of communication and behavior is a simple alphabet. You can learn it: sit down and deal with your own inner world, put things in order there and arrange everything on the shelves you need. In any case, you need to start with yourself, and only then introduce the older generation. In this way, you can re-educate your own mother and father. They say parents do not choose. But who knows if this is really so. At the very least, you can definitely set the right rhythm for your relationship and color it with new colors.