“I am worse than others ...”, “I am constantly unlucky, because I am a loser” ... Is that familiar? These are all the first signs of low self-esteem. A person with low self-esteem voluntarily “locks himself in prison” of personal opportunities. It cannot be fully realized in life, to achieve success. He is comfortable alone with himself. Such "imprisonment" from society will be accepted by man as the norm. But after some time, a person with low self-esteem will realize that he is deeply unhappy. His timidity, cowardice, an abundance of complexes do not allow to go further in life. They literally tied his hands. The first step to get out of this vicious circle is to understand the reason for this condition. Let's try to delve into ourselves?
What is the level of self-esteem?
Self-esteem is a mysterious property of a person that arises unconsciously. Its level is formed in the process of growing up and personality formation. Self-esteem is compiled from the perception of oneself, one’s inner qualities, capabilities, place in society and in the manifestation of one’s value.
Self-esteem is a manifestation of a healthy self-esteem.
Self-esteem determines the relationship with other people, the choice and purpose in life.
A healthy adequate level of self-esteem is the main indicator of a mature person as a person. In many ways, a certain level of it is laid in childhood.
What is low self-esteem?
Unfortunately, parents do not pay attention to the level of self-esteem of their child. But in vain. When educating, they are guided by their intuition and the example of their parents. However, raising a child the way your parents raised you should not. Perhaps their approach was not entirely correct. And it does not fit your child.
As a result of the parents' incorrect approach to raising a child, signs of low self-esteem may form. Anxiety, indecision, and dependence on the opinions of others develop. Such signs indicate an underestimated level of self-esteem of a person.
Low self-esteem is a complex symptomatic complex that negatively affects a person’s life.
"Symptoms" of low self-esteem
Consider the vivid symptoms of low self-esteem:
- “doom” appears in behavior;
- the tendency to trust the wrong person, yielding to him and committing an unprofitable act for you;
- dissatisfaction with their relationships with others;
- excessive sensitivity and vulnerability;
- increased anxiety and anxiety in an unusual new situation;
- indecision in decision making;
- self-doubt to do what many do without much effort;
- stiffness and discomfort in the presence of other people;
- abstinence from publicly expressing one’s opinion, even among people close to you;
- feeling of unhappiness and deprivation;
- Constant comparison of oneself with others in order to assess the level of success or attitude towards your person.
Well-known specialist Dr. Marilyn Sorensen, who founded the US Self-Assessment Institute, believes low self-esteem is a disorder in thinking. With this “pathology”, a person is steadily convinced that he is inadequate, incapable, incompetent and unattractive. Such thinking leads to the formation of emotions and feelings that make a person constantly doubt themselves or refuse to change something in their life. For example, a person goes to an unloved job for many years. Such a passive attitude towards oneself is destructive.
A person with low self-esteem often refuses a profitable offer. So, he will continue to go to an unloved job and live like a doomed prisoner of his own destructive thinking.
How is low self-esteem formed?
Undoubtedly, low self-esteem has been formed since childhood. It is during this period that a person develops an idea of himself as a person. Basically, this process begins from birth and can continue until adolescence.
Signs of low self-esteem in the child are formed with early experience. For example, if a child was born in a complete prosperous family in which he is supported and loved, he feels his importance and need, enjoys freedom of choice, interacts well with people, then most likely he will have a healthy adequate self-esteem.
If the child is brought up in a strict strict form, criticized, ridiculed, humiliated, suppressed and not supported, then he will surely have low self-esteem, if not low.
Negative conditions for the formation of a healthy self-esteem
The level of self-esteem is influenced by some negative factors. Signs of low self-esteem develop against the background of verbal, sexual, emotional and physical abuse. As a result of these conditions, the child develops deep emotional pain.
Consider the conditions that prevent the formation of an adequate self-esteem:
- if the parents abandoned the child;
- if a child grows up, realizing his insignificance, uselessness and incompetence;
- while ignoring the feelings of the child;
- humiliation, violence, coercion of a child;
- excessive criticism, ridicule;
- lack of support and assistance;
- if someone is seriously ill from the immediate environment of the child;
- if the child has never been told that they love him;
- with a lack of praise for achievements and successes.
Signs of low self-esteem are more common in women than in men. However, this is not quite true. Men equally suffer from low self-esteem, they simply do not admit it to others.
Signs of low self-esteem: causes in women
Indeed, women often admit to themselves that they are not confident enough in themselves and they have low self-esteem. The reason is rather trivial: perhaps the parents wanted a boy, and a girl was born. Did not have an abortion on time. It happens. However, the child, being a fetus, feels the emotions of his mother. Reluctance of parents to have this baby is manifested in the form of a message to this fetus: "He is not needed, he is not expected." In such conditions, a person is already born with low self-esteem.
Low self-esteem can develop throughout life. For example, the girl’s parents often compared her with other children. Of course, parents did this in order to motivate their daughter for further development. Also in kindergarten and school there is a constant comparison with other children. Worst of all, if you compare children in the family. For example, if several children are brought up. How often have you heard such a phrase from your parents: “Look, daughter, and Marina writes better than you (draws, dances, reads)” or “You are as loser as your father.” The list of “affectionate” words is endless. A child’s self-dislike gradually develops. He really believes that he is not succeeding. If you tell a person that he is a pig, he will soon grunt. This is from the same opera. What kind of healthy self-esteem can we talk about?
Typical signs of low self-esteem in women:
- Criticism in the family, in the garden, at school.
- A boycott was announced for some reason in the classroom.
- I didn’t want to be friends at a university.
- Cheating on a guy with another girl (demonstrating that someone is better than you).
- If the teacher, employer, husband do not appreciate your efforts and do not support.
- If the girl was brought up in a family that had financial difficulties. From childhood, a child sees that someone has a toy, bicycle, clothes, cars, an apartment better.
Of course, all these factors upset and impede the determination and acceptance of one's virtues.
What prevents low self-esteem?
Low self-esteem can "come" to a person as if a serious illness, regardless of age, gender, nationality, religion, education and profession.
Moreover, the number of people who literally suffer from low self-esteem is growing steadily.
If there are signs of low self-esteem, what are the consequences? Let's consider in more detail:
- Man cannot fully enjoy life. Inside himself, he always appreciates something: who is wearing what, how he walks, how his society accepts.
- Even petty trouble in life can unbalance and inflict another “blow” on self-esteem.
- A person with low self-esteem does not achieve the intended goal. He is afraid to correct something, often does not start new business. He values himself low, does not believe in his own abilities, and therefore does not move forward.
- A low level of self-esteem interferes in building relationships with people. Man puts the other above himself in communication. Afraid to be the first to write, call ...
Low self-esteem affects all aspects of life without exception. An open question arises: "If someone in your childhood contributed to low self-esteem in you, then why SOMEONE should manage you? Aren't you the master of your life? Or can I admit that I am a puppet and I play?"
Signs of low self-esteem: how to deal?
The first unspoken rule: we change the attitude of our beloved to ourselves.
Second, we turn negative into positive. Replace the phrase “I am not worthy of this” with “I like this like no one else.”
The third rule: make a list of your strengths and successes. For example, “I graduated, I know how to play chess, became a mom / dad, learned a foreign language ...”.
The fourth rule: do not compare yourself with others. Why "feed" your low self-esteem? Praise yourself even for small successes.
Fifth rule: find the reason. The source of the problem can be objectively identified by a psychologist. Only with the help of his professional help will you defeat this symptom that destroys you from within.