The one who says about himself: "Nobody ever liked me," is a man who is clearly insecure. To figure out why it happened is to solve the problem by half.
Someone in childhood diligently inspired you that you are unattractive, and you will not succeed? Or is there a person who suppresses your dignity? Are you disappointed or unhappy with love? Maybe you are overly jealous of someone’s achievements, considering that only they give a chance to be interesting and pleasant to people?
But to begin the solution of this issue it is necessary, oddly enough, from a different topic: how do you feel about people. Who is he - a person you do not like? What qualities do you dislike and why.
Do you like people?
The bar that allows you to judge the attractiveness or unattractiveness of people may be too high. More precisely, overly overpriced. Sometimes the media stubbornly hammered into the head the rigid stereotypes of fashion, beauty, physical form. If the legs are not that long or the hair is not so shiny, then some young people equate this to a disaster. But in vain.
Think how many people you think are really worthy of sympathy? Maybe only two or three beautiful fashionistas (along with the winners of all the Olympiads)? This means that it is all about your own preconceptions. The problem is not in appearance, character, intelligence (yours and those around you), but in your false perception of the personal dignity of people.
If you take an objective look at humanity, you can immediately see that everyone is so different that it is difficult to develop a single criterion for sympathy. Think about the fact that people who even have opposing qualities are friends, get married, and are respected by their colleagues.
Opinion of friends
Suppose you are a girl. Naturally, pleasing to your teachers, parents or friends is not the same thing. And you have to earn the sympathy of these people in different ways. Are you ready to reckon with their opinion, is it always fair?
You probably don't just want to be nice to all people. You want to be attractive to friends and compare yourself only with young representatives of your gender. Do they really dislike you, or do you think so?
If your friends (like you) have prejudices about their social status, external data and moral values, and their opinion remains decisive for you, it still makes sense to look around. As psychologists say, go beyond the borders of your reference group.
All these "likes-dislikes" are not so unambiguous as they seem at first glance. Your surroundings may inspire false values. You may like people who are not able to understand and appreciate you.
Communicate on psychological forms, there are many frank confessions, everyday situations that will help you better assess the “like or dislike” problem. Pay particular attention to those who describe why they do not like people. Often they consider themselves exceptional, unique, and they just don't like practically anyone.
Trust and Verify
The strangest thing is that insecure people not only love to “poke” about this, but they don’t believe the compliments that they are told, pass words of support by their ears, look for an excuse to make sure of their imaginary “unsympathetic”.
There is amusing evidence of a falsity of opinion of one’s own unattractiveness in which women are so convinced. So, looking at their photographs five years ago, they are surprised every time: why did I then seem to me an ugly one that others do not like? After all, I was so good ....
The simplest advice most psychologists offer is to please yourself. Learn to respect your problems, notice in your features the best, develop qualities that are attractive to you in others. Everything will work out.
Think and do
However, there are a number of standard rules that make people prettier. The behavior that others do not like is often associated with the violation of precisely these laws. These include:
- Inner cleanliness.
- Easy to communicate.
- Smile
- The ability to understand the boundaries of the personality of another person, in other words, attention and tact.
Appearance? Yes, experience confirms that, fortunately or, unfortunately, is not a solution to your problems. If beauty will save the world, it is rather the beauty of the soul. And the old adage “in a healthy body is a healthy mind” should be understood as follows: it is good if a strong person is also spiritually rich.
Of course, there is no need to block the path to self-improvement, including the physical. But being a perfectionist is an extreme. To do something better than everyone else, to do well, or simply to find strength to create something, in life one has to consider each of these three options as a worthy line of behavior.
People like you
Avoid over-reliance on other people's opinions. Yes, unfortunately, there are parents, brothers and sisters, friends, colleagues who, out of jealous feelings, do not let other people (both men and women) feel their full value. Daffodils love to make a background for those around them. But the antidote is not at all in conflict with them.
Your intellect is your strength. Learn to objectively evaluate people. Do you like handsome men with arrogant faces? Wise guys despising peasant labor? Sluts who teach everyone about moral behavior? Chistyuli prone to fascist order? Of course not.
Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. It’s difficult to be a person who’s absolutely “dislike.” Age (both young and old) is not always a virtue, and not always a disadvantage.
If you asked yourself the question: “Do people not like me?”, Then you are on the right track. This means you are interested in social psychology, the laws of communication. You want to understand yourself and others. Which is a big plus for you as an individual. And people like this feature!