Parents become the first educators of the child. In the family, kids get acquainted with the rules of human relationships, learn life attitudes, spiritual values. Relations between parents and children have a huge impact on personality formation, so they are given so much attention in psychology.
Study history
The first direction that began to talk about the influence of the family on the development of the child’s personality was classical psychoanalysis. B. Bowlby and M. Ainsworth developed a "theory of attachment." According to her, people caring for a baby give him a feeling of reliability and security of the world. This creates the basis for further development, the inclusion of the child in the social life of society. The baby realizes itself through the prism of relations of close people. These ideas, developed at an early age, largely determine the behavior of an adult.
Family relationships, in which, one way or another, the child is involved, are called parent-child relationships. Not always do they affect the formation of personality positively. The legislation clearly spells out the responsibilities of parents and children. In particular, it is forbidden for the father and mother to inflict mental or physical harm on the health of the child. However, in practice, not all adults know how to effectively interact with children.
The study of the characteristics of parent-child relationships was carried out by various scientists in order to identify the conditions necessary for the formation of a healthy personality.
Classifications
Relations between children and parents can be different depending on many factors. It is important to study them both from the point of view of an adult and from the perspective of a child. Psychologists distinguish the following types of parental relationships with their children:
- Unconditional acceptance, when the negative behavior of the offspring does not entail a denial of its significance ("I love you, although you are now behaving badly"). This attitude creates confidence in the child’s safety.
- Conditional acceptance, when the love of parents is a reward for success, good behavior, obedience. Children in such a family grow anxious, because they constantly have to earn the love of mom and dad.
- Ambivalent attitude. Parents experience opposite feelings for the child. They are characterized by a high level of aggression, the baby is subjected to harsh punishments. The rest of the time, adults try to atone for their guilt, showing exaggerated care and attention.
- An indifferent attitude when adults do not feel love for children, are indifferent, cold and try to distance themselves from them.
- Hidden rejection. Formally, parents regularly perform their duties, but at the same time they are constantly dissatisfied with the child and ignore his feelings.
- Open rejection. The parent actively demonstrates his dislike for the baby, humiliates his dignity, applies harsh punishments, neglects children's needs.
Types of child-parent relationships were studied by G. T. Homentauskas. He identified 4 positions:
- "You love me, and I love you." The child trusts parents, is attached to them, seeks cooperation.
- "Mom and Dad live for me." The child has an overestimated self-esteem, he is selfish and tries to manage other family members.
- "I will make my parents love me." The child feels rejected, inferior and by all means trying to please adults.
- "You do not need me, leave me alone." The child does not feel the love and care of parents, shows hostility towards them.
Diagnostics of parent-child relationships
Adults turn to a psychologist when they have problems in relations with children or a child has difficulty communicating, learning. Most often, the help of specialists is needed by the family as a whole. A diagnostic examination helps to understand the cause of tension .
In families, there are different ideas about the responsibilities of parents and children. Adults adhere to different styles of communication and methods of influencing the younger generation. The psychologist is trying to see the problem from two sides, studying the position of both parents and the child. For this, various techniques developed by both domestic and foreign specialists are used.
Work with children
To see the family through the eyes of a child, special techniques are used. The study of parent-child relationships takes place in a relaxed, playful atmosphere. Most commonly used:
- The technique of R. Gilles, allowing to understand the attitude of children to the family environment. The child is invited to consider the pictures that depict people in various situations, and choose their place.
- Test Bene and Anthony, adapted by domestic psychologists Leaders and Anisimova. He diagnoses emotional relationships within the family. Children are invited to 20 figures, from which their relatives should be selected, and then in the game form to correlate the proposed statements with them.
- Questionnaires by Schafer, Markovskaya and others, where a teenager needs to assess the degree of fidelity of these provisions.
- The method of A.I. Zarov, revealing the degree of identification of a child with mom and dad, as well as features of their attitude to them.
Diagnostics of parent-child relationships also includes a cattle test. The child is invited to paint a family, and then talk about it. The psychologist carefully studies the location and occupation of the characters, the features of their image, the behavior and emotions of the young artist in the process. All this allows us to understand how children perceive family members and their place in it.
Work with parents
It is important for the psychologist to identify the features of family education, the causes of deviations. To do this, he offers adults to undergo various tests. Parent-child relationships can be assessed using the following questionnaires:
- PARI (Schaefer, Bell). It allows you to make a portrait of the family in the primary approximation.
- DIA (Eidemiller, Justickis). With its help, you can identify psychological disorders in the family.
- ORO (Stolin, Varga). This test gives an idea of ​​parental feelings and behavioral stereotypes.
- Adult version of the Markovskaya questionnaire. Its main advantage is mirroring, so you can see the interaction in the family through the eyes of both parents and the child.
An effective, but difficult to implement technique was developed by A.O. Karabanova. Adults are invited to write a story of their motherhood or fatherhood in a free form, to independently evaluate the successes and failures in this field. As a result, the author’s position regarding the parent-child relationship becomes clear.
The technique was subsequently simplified. Adults more readily undertook the continuation of unfinished phrases about the child and their attitude to him. In this option, it is often used by psychologists in the diagnostic process.
Types of education
After the tests, family features become clear. Psychologists talk about 4 types of education, most often found in mixed form. These include:
- Dictate. Adults suppress the child, actively using violence and orders to educate. When resisting, they use threats, deceit, coercion. As a result, children grow up self-reliant, uninitiated and unsure of their abilities.
- Guardianship. They surround the child with care, try to satisfy all his desires, and intensely protect him from difficulties. Often this leads to riot in adolescence. When they become adults, such people are defenseless against life's difficulties, and they hardly fit into the team.
- Non-intervention. Parents are passive and practically do not participate in raising a child. From an early age he is left to his own devices, solves problems without the help of adults. Such children grow up independent, but they do not know how to trust other people, they feel lonely.
- Cooperation. Parents respect the child as a separate person, let him act independently, but at the same time they are always ready to help. Family members support each other, spend a lot of time together. With this upbringing, children grow up confident and open to fruitful communication.
Major Family Disorders
Relations between parents and children who turn to psychologists are often disharmonious. There are many reasons for this. Nevertheless, the most common problems of parent-child relationships were identified. Here is a list of them:
- Hypoprotection. The child is not given enough attention. Adults can reject him like Cinderella, confine themselves only to formal care (food, clothing, textbooks), buy off offspring with expensive gifts. The last option is child neglect.
- Hyperopec. The child is surrounded by increased care, often they make an idol of the family, fulfill all desires and do not apply punishments. At the same time, adults fully control the life of the offspring, protecting them from difficulties.
- Contradictory upbringing. Family members present incompatible requirements for the child or dramatically change their attitude towards him during divorce, the birth of a second child, etc.
- Increased responsibility. Children are required to meet the requirements. For example, a child is required to always be ahead of their peers or instructed to take care of his younger brother after the departure of his father.
- Cruel treatment. The child is punished for every misconduct, attributed to him all sorts of vices. At the same time, family promotion is not applied.
- The cult of the disease. Parents bring up children with diseases in an atmosphere of permissiveness, try to protect from any duties. It begins to seem to kids that people around should feel sorry for them, to fulfill all the whims.
- Parenting outside the family. The child lives in a boarding school or with distant relatives, practically not communicating with mom and dad.
Correction methods: work with parents
Psychological assistance is needed for families in difficult situations. Problems can be caused by external changes (age-related crises in children, divorce of parents, death of a loved one) or individual characteristics of specific people. Correction of parent-child relations involves the creation of a favorable climate in the family, adult education in proper communication with the child.
It is important that they become aware of the problem and want to solve it. The psychologist uses various techniques in his work. Parent-child relationships can be fixed, but this requires a lot of strength and patience. Most commonly used:
- Conversations with adult family members. During them, parents receive information about the development of their child, his psychology and age characteristics.
- Discussions. Adults are asked to express their attitude to the topic posed by the psychologist. Discussions also help to analyze educational activities in a particular family, exchange views, understand the essence of the problem, and jointly work out the optimal solution.
- Bibliotherapy. Parents are asked to read books on parenting, and then share their views on this issue.
- Trainings Parents are encouraged to solve difficult situations typical of the family during the role-playing game. At the same time, new options for finding a way out of the problem are sought, ways of effective behavior are worked out.
Adults are taught to accept and support their child. To improve family relationships, parents need to:
- Demonstrate love for the child, pride in him.
- Rely on the strengths of the offspring and not recall past failures.
- Find common activities, fool around more and laugh with the children.
- Allow the child to independently solve feasible problems, correct the consequences of their mistakes.
- Avoid severe punishment and criticism.
- Listen and hear children, inspire optimism in them, enjoy the smallest progress.
Correctional work with a child
It is difficult for children to realize the motives of their behavior, to understand what makes parents act one way or another. But their psyche is more plastic. Correction of parent-child relationships allows you to timely correct the mistakes of education and to avoid problems in the adult life of a grown child.
The psychologist tries to create a relaxed atmosphere in the classroom so that the young client relaxes and begins to freely express their feelings and thoughts. The absence of other family members at the consultation allows us to give way to the crowded-out conflicts present in the parent-child relationship. The techniques that help do this are listed below:
- Game therapy. With the help of dolls, the child can reproduce the communication situations that disturb him, express anger or fear towards loved ones, and realize his feelings. The convention of what is happening eliminates the negative consequences, removes internal clamps and restrictions.
- Art therapy. Being engaged in creativity, the child is liberated and gives out unconscious fears, feelings. With the help of paints, crayons, clay and glue, children express themselves, so it is important to approve the final result of their activities, regardless of its quality.
- Fairytale therapy. Explaining a difficult situation to a child is easiest through the adventures of magical characters. Heroes experience the same problems as a small client, demonstrate different ways to solve them, and help to look at the situation from an unexpected angle. Psychocorrection tales gently affect the emotions and subconscious of the child, teach him productive ways of behavior.
Correction methods: the interaction of a child and an adult
Group classes, in which all family members participate, are very important for building new parent-child relationships. The techniques used by psychologists allow us to see from the side our typical behavior, its impact on loved ones. As a result, there is a desire to rectify the situation, to create a warm microclimate in the family.
Psychologists apply:
- Art correction, when adults and children paint a joint picture. At the same time, all the main problems in the relationships of family members become apparent. With adults, they must be analyzed and in the next lesson given a task aimed at building a new type of behavior.
- Game communication, allowing you to remove emotional stress. Parents and children become equal partners, begin to better understand each other. The most effective are outdoor games (for example, jointly overcoming an obstacle course), construction from the Lego constructor, and sand therapy.
- Body psychocorrection, which allows to bring the family closer through massage and special exercises. At the same time, muscle clamps are removed, emotional rapprochement occurs.
- "The hour of the star." Family members take turns trying on the role of a "star". The remaining participants in the lesson should give the lucky person increased attention, play the games chosen by him, and make pleasant surprises.
The psychology of parent-child relationships is extremely complex. In each case, an individual approach and the utmost correctness of the assistance specialist are required. Nevertheless, if desired, a way out can be found, even if initially the situation seems to be a dead end.