Everyone needs communication from birth. Communication between people can be divided into three important aspects: perception, communication and interaction. An interesting fact is that if it is possible to meet perception or communication in a “pure form”, that is, separately from all other components of communication, then it is almost impossible to separate communication as interaction in a separate line.
The name of this process already carries the meaning of an action: “He pushed me to something,” “She pushes me, but I do not succumb to it,” or “She adjusts to me.”
Communication as interaction requires active participation in the conversation of two interlocutors. And if communicative communication is limited only by the communication of information, and perception is simply by listening to someone else's opinion, then any reaction of the interlocutor transfers the process of communication into another category.
Some people have difficulty communicating. The reasons are very different. Autism, inability to express one’s thoughts, shyness and secrecy lead to the fact that the person closes within himself, he is only capable of perception, but does not react to the information received.
Gradually, people who just like air need a response from the interlocutor, begin to bypass such a person. But in vain! Very often, a tender, responsive heart is hidden behind silence and external detachment, and deep spiritual work is constantly being conducted inside. And if someone manages to "talk", to win over this nature, to turn ordinary perception into communication as interaction, then he will be extremely lucky. Perhaps the best adviser and friend cannot be found in the whole world.
More often individuals, especially among women, who themselves create problems for their interlocutors with the fact that they prefer the exclusively communicative side in the conversation. They say about such that they are like a grouse on a current. Spreading information that nobody needs, completely not thinking about whether it is interesting to anyone but them, they impose their form of communication, absolutely not interested in the opinion of the interlocutor. Such a “one-way game” is by no means communication as interaction!
What does one need to know for a person who wants to be a pleasant conversationalist or who has set himself the goal of proving something or using conversation to change the mind of his “counterpart”?
Despite the fact that it seems to all of us that there’s something worth talking about and it’s not worth teaching us to talk, there are still certain rules for talking. Indeed, at the heart of the conversation is a science!
The first condition for communication between the two to take place as interaction, and also effective, is the correct distribution of the positions of the interlocutors. That is, in each specific situation, one is the leader, and the other is the slave. During the conversation, this "subordination" should be respected.
The leader’s position also has its own divisions into the “controller” and the “understander”. In the first case, communication is based on the desire to manage the situation and the desire to dominate. Such communication is not always pleasant to the slave, so basically people try as little as possible to contact people - “controllers”.
In the second case, the leader’s position can be considered as based on the concept of equality of interlocutors. Here, a great role is played by the leader’s desire to dispense with conflicts, understand his partner and achieve mutual agreement and satisfactory results of negotiations. It is with such people that it is extremely pleasant to communicate, those around them appreciate them even regardless of whether the results were truly real. After all, contact with people of such a warehouse leaves a pleasant feeling in the soul that the interlocutor has delved into the problem and made an attempt to help.
This implies the postulate: if you want people to communicate and want to contact you, try to understand them, take the position of equality, even if you are being asked or for advice.