Very often you have to hear the saying: “I feel like a jerk. Life has lost its meaning, and nothing in it pleases ”. Paradoxically, not only deeply unhappy people who do not have a roof over their heads and a piece of bread for food characterize their condition. Even the most successful and self-sufficient individuals sometimes become discouraged when a streak of failure accompanies them for a long time. Let's try to understand the problem and try to solve it as soon as possible.
Why i became a loser
"How to live if you feel insignificant?" - such thoughts come to mind of completely different people: choleric and phlegmatic, swaggers and misanthropes, introverts and extroverts, optimists and pessimists. Temporary discouragement covered each of us at some period of time, only to a greater or lesser extent. Since material well-being is a priority in all aspects of life, it is considered to be its main factor of luck. To some extent, this is true, since a person needs a certain amount of money every day so as not to starve to death. At the same time, each of us knows that money cannot fully satisfy human needs, especially moral aspects. A worthless person feels like this when he is not loved, respected, or simply ignored. And the degree of his experiences, believe me, does not depend on the amount of deposits in his accounts.
In support of the above thought, one can recall the great people who, in life, remained in poverty and only after death received recognition. Can they be called losers, because they have gained worldwide popularity? We consider them to be the most successful, but neither Van Gogh, nor Gauguin, nor hundreds of other unrecognized masters during their lifetime were able to feel the rays of glory on themselves. They suffered and needed an extra penny, considering themselves the most insignificant people in the world.
Signs of a classic loser
“I feel like a jerk and a loser,” say people who have fallen into despair. In order to realize and evaluate your condition (this is the first step in solving the problem), you need to analyze what obvious signs should be present. Perhaps this is just a momentary weakness that will pass quickly and leave no trace. But if you know your current state, you should begin to think through further tactics and strategies, which we will talk about later. So, the signs of a failure are:
- constant search for self-justification;
- exposing the flaws of other people is a "balm" for their pride;
- the constant presence of envy of other, more successful people (even strangers);
- constant dissatisfaction with oneself ;
- the presence of guilt before loved ones, because a person cannot provide them with a decent life;
- irritability, constant grumbling, chronic dissatisfaction with everything that happens around is noted;
- there is a feeling of anxiety, melancholy, or depression;
- thoughts about the past do not give rest, and regret that nothing can already be changed;
- fear that life passes in vain;
- panic attitude to the monotonous regularity of life.
Causes
If, after this list, you have established yourself in the thought: “I finally feel completely worthless,” then the description has hit the nail on the head. And before you deal with the consequences, you need to find out the causes of this condition:
- Too spoiled parents. The child is used to receiving everything on demand. As an adult, a person is faced with reality when people around are in no hurry to fulfill all his whims. He is disappointed, therefore, feels like a failure.
- Excessive severity in education. From childhood, the child was accustomed to being demanded of him too much. He tried as best he could, but not enough strength. He simply dried up and lost interest in life.
- Perfectionism. Man raised the bar too high, which he can’t overcome in any way. Constant demands on oneself and striving for the ideal cannot be embodied in life (it is impossible to succeed everywhere and in everything). The lack of success in one of the vital aspects is the reason to feel like a worthless person.
- Avoiding reality. Some individuals live in their own invented world. This is due to temperament (introverts prefer to be alone with their thoughts), lifestyle (isolation, lack of sociability, neglect of their health), addictions (alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling addiction). Returning to the real world, a person is lost and feels failed.
- Excessive daydreaming. Sometimes people are too keen on their dreams and start to confuse them with reality. They come up with such projects that are never destined to come true. For example, a person wants to make a billion or settle on Mars, while he does not have decent earnings and is afraid to fly on an airplane. It is necessary to objectively evaluate your capabilities, so as not to be disappointed later.
Wonderful transformation
The time has come to decide why I still feel like a jerk and what needs to be done to get rid of this obsessive thought. If a person was able to give himself a characterization (even the most negative), he already deserves praise. Only one who is not able to evaluate himself remains a loser until the end of his days. The saddest thing is that he himself does not realize this; surrounding people give him such an assessment. And this is much worse than excessive self-criticism. It is self-doubt that is the driving force for changing the situation for the better, so you should not panic, but it’s better to actively take action.
The best advice on how to stop feeling insignificant is a call to action. It is safe to say that in thirty days a person can feel the real result if he adheres to thirty rules. For this it is necessary to make every effort in order not to forget any of them. Every day you need to add one new recommendation. They are classified into certain sections, if desired, they can be interchanged (but not to get confused). To begin with, it is recommended that you familiarize yourself with the complete list of all the rules, and then proceed to a gradual development.
Do your best
A statement of the fact such as “I feel unnecessary” should be forgotten in the first place. This is a false impression, since it does not happen that a person does not have a single acquaintance who would like to contact him. In all likelihood, this is the choice of the individual, since he does not need outside attention.
Extreme efforts are urgently needed to rectify the situation. This can be done thanks to the recommendations:
- Abandon the habit of blaming other people. No matter what happens, you need to look for solutions based on your own behavior (analyzing the path traveled and making plans for the future), let the actions of others not be yours, but their problems.
- To turn out unnecessary things. To do this, you need to properly prioritize and deal exclusively with what benefits. It is about work, leisure and full sleep, and endless viewing of TV shows or freezes in social networks must be eliminated or minimized.
- Forget about past failures. No need to doubt, whine and compare current plans with past events. There is nothing in common between them.
- Strive for improvement. To understand how to learn to value yourself, it is necessary to try to do each new business better than the previous one.
- Be engaged in what brings a positive attitude. We are talking about a new hobby, visiting various institutions, exciting travels, etc. Everyone will decide what exactly gives him pleasure.
- To apologize. If you did something wrong, apologize for your behavior. By doing this, you can lighten your soul and take the path of new victories without unnecessary moral burden.
Extend your limits
The realization that “I am a jerk” will remain forever forgotten if you continue to follow these guidelines:
- Objectively evaluate your fears. You can understand how dangerous they are if you look at them from the side and imagine the most negative outcome of the situation. If nothing threatens your life, it means that your attitude to fears is too exaggerated.
- Make extra effort. Try to do the job better, do not be afraid to spend extra effort for a better result. Over time, full dedication will become a habit, and efforts will pay off handsomely.
- Do not get hung up on the opinions of other people. This is how one can understand how to learn to value oneself. Definitely, behavior should be worthy, but people's judgments are always subjective. Listen to yourself, as it’s impossible to please everyone.
- Experiment with problems. It is recommended to choose a business that requires some effort. Easy victory does not bring full satisfaction, so it makes sense to bet on your own strength.
- Question all situations. Do not immediately dwell on the obvious answer to the question, you need to consider other options.
Be brave and determined
A person can never say about himself that I am a jerk if he listens to the following tips:
- Tune in to the long term. Only reasonable planning will lead to a long-awaited victory, quick successes are not always a guarantee of well-being.
- Do not despair. Do not feel sorry for yourself and analyze the failures for a long time, this will turn into a waste of time. It is necessary to draw the necessary conclusions and start another attempt to establish your life.
- Do not stop half way. If everything is going well, but the real result has not yet been achieved, do not stop. Not everything can change overnight, you need to be patient.
- Do not stop moving towards success. Even if there is almost no strength left, you need to take a break and move on. Real victories do not come on their own, they must be won. So did all successful people.
Do not be afraid to make grandiose plans
To the question of how to get out of despondency and depression, there is one answer: to dream and plan. Thoughts have the property of turning into reality, so grandiose prospects will certainly benefit. To do this, take the following steps:
- Plan more than expected as a result. It is not necessary to build unrealistic plans, but it is simply necessary to raise the bar. This stimulates a more responsible and constructive work.
- Think of the great. No need to be afraid to take risks, the plan should be more global than the banal lack of loss. We need to plan things that lead to profit (or improvement), and not limited to a modest balance between good and bad.
- Forget about recognition. This is not about the absence of fame and honor, but that it does not need to strive for on the way to achieving the goal. Work is of the utmost priority, and the respect of others will only be a reward.
- Prepare for defeat. This is a common situation on the path to success, since it is not possible to achieve everything the first time (statistics show this). There will be many obstacles along the way, it is necessary to treat them philosophically.
Give people thanks
You can never say the phrase: “I feel like a jerk” if you listen to the following tips:
- See the positives. In any, even the most disastrous situation, it is necessary to look for positive aspects. They must be present, because "a negative result is also a result."
- Fix the positive points. It is necessary to make a rule to write down all your achievements and positive moments in life. By periodically rereading your triumphs, you will erect barriers between fears and reality. It is very useful to recall how terrible everything seemed and how ordinary it became at the end.
- Stop fussing. No need to rush anywhere and make unnecessary movements, it is better to plan your time wisely.
- Thank people more often. Teach yourself to say “thank you” for every service you provide. Soon you will see how many positive emotions such communication with people will bring.
- Laugh at yourself. This is very important when a person knows how to laugh at himself, because it is self-irony that allows you to relax and look at your mistakes from a different angle.
Defeat your fears and concerns
I feel like a jerk. Such an attitude towards yourself will be impossible, because, approaching the final stage, you will already be proud of something. But for complete satisfaction, you need to take a few more steps:
- Choose the optimal mode of operation. An increase in the hormone cortisol leads to negative changes in the body. To avoid this, it is necessary to provide the brain with rest, since it is necessary to restore moral and spiritual strength.
- Controlling emotions. Do not succumb to impulsive desires and whims, and anxiety and fear must be controlled.
- Listen to objective opinions from the outside. It is necessary to find a person whom you can trust and consult with him on some issues. Your point of view and a view from the side will help to recreate the true picture of what is happening.
- Normalize activity. Active activity suppresses fear. In order not to repeat "I feel unnecessary," it is better to do something than to sit and be afraid.
- Abstracting from the negative. It is recommended to think exclusively positively and not to project negative experience (oneself and someone else's) on oneself. The expressions “I am always unlucky” or “something bad always happens to me” must be permanently excluded from our vocabulary.
- Avoid extremes. Since in life there are many shades between black and white, it will be a reasonable decision to try not to be so categorical. It is necessary to consider the situation from different perspectives, be flexible and be able to always find a compromise.
Summing up, it should be said that thoughts and expressions such as “I feel like a jerk” have no place in a person’s head. Each individual is a person who deserves respect. You can not underestimate yourself, give up and mourn your hard and hopeless life. It is necessary to test the above method, it must necessarily bring positive results. And such thoughts will be regarded as temporary weakness or seasonal melancholy. She passed as soon as the gentle sun appeared in the sky.