In our life today there is still quite a lot of negativity with which a large number of people meet daily. And one of such harmful psychological factors is domestic tyranny. How often do you hear complaints from women who are literally harassed by their husbands. Moreover, their tyranny is so strong and all-pervasive that women for the most part cannot even think about how to get rid of this slavish position and permanently leave their tyrant husband. Living with a person who is constantly humiliating and insulting his wife and other household members is very difficult, but rarely does anyone try to free himself from the oppression of his home tyrant and continue to silently endure all these bullying.
Let's try to figure out what is the secret of such endless patience of women and how to get rid of a home tyrant. It is impossible to understand and justify a husband who carries pain and fear in his family. But why women meekly agree to endure such an attitude towards themselves is a mystery. The psychological phenomenon of this phenomenon has long been deeply studied. Modern psychology has already accumulated enough material to comprehend this phenomenon and is trying to adequately withstand such shameful manifestations by domestic tyrants of its superiority. At the household level to be able to resist the despot. Therefore, you need to know the psychology and signs of a home tyrant. What to do with such a husband and how to get rid of him? We will talk about this later.
What are the signs of a spouse with tyrannical tendencies?
The main feature of people prone to ruthless tyranny, can be considered their obvious obsession with a thirst for omnipotence. They long for a dominant position in the house and control everything around. If your husband is a home tyrant, then any attempt to disobey him is extremely annoying, and open resistance to his psychological pressure will lead to outright fury. He clearly feels complete discomfort when someone escapes from the zone of his total control and subordination. With such a man, one should not have an opinion on any question, because for him there are only two opinions - his and the wrong one.
Other signs of a home tyrant - a man shows his power and a bright inadequacy of behavior if someone tries to remove it from the pedestal and debunk its significance. He will do his best to suppress rebellious people who pose even the slightest threat to his unquestioned authority. It is important for a tyrant to spread his power as far as possible and subject everything to his control - any trifle should be consistent with him and the final decision also remains with him.
Tyrant behaves like a slave owner
Home tyranny is a neurotic disease. Its owner does not even know about it. He will never recognize mental health disorders, but under all his suppressive, aggressive actions he will fail a suitable specious reason, which should whitewash his ugly actions and attitude towards others. It would seem that there are all the signs of a home tyrant. The husband behaves as a slave owner, does not allow anyone to take a step without his obligatory participation, keeps his wife and children in strict obedience - but it turns out that he shows his concern for them. And it doesn’t matter that this concern looks like a maximum security colony - it’s impossible to convince a tyrant of this.
The opinion of a tyrant is the only true
And by the way, to convince him of anything is also impossible. Indeed, in any dispute, the opinion expressed by the home tyrant should win. The signs of the disease are manifested in the fact that to agree with the opinions of others is above his strength. He considers this to be a manifestation of the weakness of his position and an undermining of authority. Even if this is completely obvious, and you will give a lot of evidence that he was mistaken, you still will not hear him admitting that he is wrong - he will most likely burst into abuse and defiantly leave the interlocutors, rather than agree with their point of view.
Dependent position of the spouse
Such a spouse sees his main task in putting his wife and household members in a position dependent on themselves. The characteristic signs of a home tyrant are manifested in cutting off his loved ones, those whom he considers his property, from other people and different from his views on life and family structure. He will certainly seek to ensure that his wife does not work, even if he earns not so hot. It is important for him that she does not for a moment fall out of the zone of his influence and control, does not see another model of family relations and does not want to get rid of his power.
Motivating the demand by taking care of his wife’s health and the fact that while sitting at home, she will be able to pay more attention to the issue of raising children, and the tyrant husband is conceived. The psychologist would have seen in such behavior undoubted signs of domestic extravagance. After all, it is clear that a disabled woman falls into complete material dependence on her husband. Having no income of her own, she is forced to ask her husband for money, motivating her every purchase. Meanwhile, he receives an excellent lever of pressure on the personality of his wife, and children, too, reproaching them from time to time by the fact that he feeds and dresses everyone.
What happens to a wife whose spouse is a tyrant? Changes in the psychological state of the spouse-victim
Of course, in this situation, there are few who wish to relieve domestic tyranny. Obvious signs of a home tyrant are also manifested in the fact that a non-working wife, after a short period of time, will lose self-confidence, the sufficiency of her knowledge and ability to perform a particular job. In psychology, there are enough examples of how a lady who spent several years at home is afraid to go to work. At the same time, it loses its independence even more, becoming a free application to its owner.
But, having discouraged his wife from work, the tyrant will not calm down on this and will go much further. He will become dissatisfied with the fact that her relatives and friends go to them. If your husband forbids to communicate with relatives, neighbors, friends, classmates and other numerous acquaintances from premarital life, these are also signs of a home tyrant. A man will begin to dissuade you from those people who are capable of at least a little shake his authority, and will impose on friends those whom he considers necessary.
Such total control over the environment of the wife provides her with complete isolation from the outside world and past life. Now for her there should be one authority and light in the window - her husband. What to do with a home tyrant so that he does not seize complete power over you? After all, this person wants to rule completely and completely subjugate his half to himself. He will stubbornly and fiercely defend his power, for its loss for him is similar to the loss of the meaning of life.
With the advent of emancipation in our lives, more and more women are decisively getting rid of domestic tyrants. The signs of the disease in husbands are completely obvious to them, and most modern girls pay attention to the behavior of their partners on time. Noticing the husbands' attempts to crush them for themselves and begin to dictate their will, they break family ties and forever leave the sphere of influence of the usurper spouse. But these are women, strong in spirit and soberly looking at the world, not closing their eyes with pink glasses. They can discern and resist these painful symptoms.
But there are many women who want to believe in the best and try not to notice the signs of a home tyrant. What can be done to such stubborn idealists who, in a rude and unceremonious attempt to rob them of their work, money, friends, personal opinion and freedom, see a manifestation of concern for the family? How to teach them to respect their unique personality and not let anyone suppress it? Where can they get enough strength to oppose the firm will of a tyrant husband? And do they want to resist their beloved curator and master? Maybe they feel loved and protected from external aggression with such an attentive husband?
Assert your rights
If you want to preserve your individuality and personal freedom, if you want to live your own mind, and not be a silent performer of someone else's will, take steps to limit the influence of your husband on you and the children, barely detecting signs of a home tyrant in him. What to do so that your relationship does not go so far as to have to be broken urgently? First of all, you do not need to reproach all the commands of the husband. After all, by this you provoke, until time, a hidden neurosis to break out. At the beginning of your family life, your husband may not know about his claims to life and you can get along with him. But recognizing his exceptional position and fulfilling all his even erroneous requirements, you by your obedience convince your husband in his dominant role.
After all, the psychology of a home tyrant is such that it is very important for him to have a victim, which provides him with the necessary emotions. If you begin to assert your rights from the very beginning of the relationship and disagree with the role of the victim prepared for you, then you will not allow his distorted signs of a home tyrant to develop. What to do in order not to become a victim of an excessively ambitious husband? We will talk about this a bit later.
The relationship of a domestic tyrant with his victim
Now I want to highlight a little the relationship of a domestic tyrant with his victim. Psychologists qualify an overly obsessive desire for power as a sign of neurosis. And for a neurotic, it is typical to divide people into weak and strong. Strong people admire him, and he really wants to seem so surrounding. But he himself is weak, which is why he needs material confirmation that he is not weak. Truly strong people do not need to attract attention or demand admiration. They are confident in themselves, everyone around them also sees this confidence, and it would never occur to anyone to doubt their strength.
Weak people, weighed down by a neurosis, try to prove not only to others, but to themselves that they also belong to the strong. And for this they need to demonstrate their strength to someone and distinguish themselves from someone else. And here comes the finest hour of the victim! In fact, it is just a decoration, against which the tyrant hopes to look strong and confident - a kind of omnipotent master, manager of hearts and souls. No wonder they say that the king is played by his retinue, otherwise how to understand that he is a king?
For this simple reason, the home tyrant desperately needs victims, and the more they will be in his environment, the wider the borders of his possessions and the greater the “kingdom”. Neurotic constantly tormented by the feeling of his weakness and worthlessness, because he knows about this and to convince of the opposite he needs first of all himself. And he achieves this by humiliating and oppressing the victims completely dependent on him. It is not in vain that he chooses such a difficult period as the beginning of his exaltation and humiliation of his wife, such as pregnancy and the first years of raising a child, when a woman is the weakest, most vulnerable, defenseless and requires support. This is the best time to break her will and curb her character.
The neurotic very skillfully manipulates his victim, using both a stick and a carrot. But they too are easy to manipulate - you only need to make a humble appearance and agree with his decisions. He encourages such “reasonable” behavior not only with praise, but also with expensive gifts. So, a smart wife can well twirl her ambitious husband like a gypsy in the sun, and he won’t even understand this. For him, the main thing is to be admired and demonstrated who is the boss in the house, and the fact that his wife carefully led him to the decision is already the tenth matter.
But if such coexistence does not suit you, we will consider the useful advice of psychologists on how to get rid of a home tyrant. It is better to leave your husband without explanation.
Psychologists advice
When a woman has learned to manipulate her own tyrant husband, there is no need to fear for her fate. She herself will perfectly cope with this issue, since she is not a real victim, but simply plays her in her own interests. Her psyche is not damaged, and she thinks adequately. But if a woman feels herself a victim of tyranny, is attacked by her husband and suffers incredibly from this, but does nothing to defend her interests - this is already sad and sad.
A potential victim is hard to teach how to deal with a home tyrant. The despot husband is her karma. If he suddenly dies, such a woman will marry the same tyrant again and will also suffer. But she needs to understand one thing - here no one from outside can help her - either she will learn to respect herself and will fight for her rights, or she will remain a victim for life. A woman herself should want to become different - courageous, independent, free, only in this case the fight against the tyrant husband is appropriate. We will focus on those women who decided to eradicate the sacrifice in themselves and begin a new free life. Which, however, does not necessarily mean an indispensable divorce - if you can show by force of your character that you are no longer a victim, and he will accept it, you can continue your family life, just don’t let the slack again - be on the alert and always assert your rights.
Change the psychology of the victim
So what to do if the husband is a home tyrant. The advice of a psychologist is useful to those who already understand - just leaving your husband does not solve the problem. To be happy and free, you need to change your psychology and worldview, otherwise you will go in a circle and the next husband will be an exact copy of the previous one. If you have made up your mind that there is no longer room for tyrant men in your life, these tips are for you.
When deciding on a change in your life, do not be afraid to be independent and make decisions about how you live. Cut the umbilical cord connecting you and your husband and take responsibility.
Having chosen freedom and desire to be a person, completely reconsider your worldview, make a serious reappraisal of values ​​and life priorities. Think about how you would like to build your future independent life, where to live, what to do. Make a phased plan to achieve your dreams and begin to realize it from a small one. If you feel difficulties and insecurity, visit a psychoanalyst. A qualified specialist will help you gain confidence and choose the direction of movement.
We increase self-esteem
After a long suppression of your “I”, you may initially feel a tendency to underestimate self-esteem. Buy fashionable clothes, make a beautiful hairstyle, dazzling makeup and admire yourself in the mirror. Walk along the street - nothing enhances self-esteem as much as admiring glances of men and envious - of women. Love yourself - and the world around you will change for the better.
Recommendations for women
Remaining with your tyrant husband, succumbing to his persuasion and tearful assurances, do not be mistaken about him - you won’t be able to re-educate the tyrant, so you will have to ruthlessly suppress all his attempts to dominate so that he doesn’t put on his crown again.
If children are holding you back from a decisive step, think that they too are mentally affected in such an environment. In addition, the constant suppression of personality in childhood gives rise to such severe psychological consequences and incurable complexes that it will be very difficult for your children to enter a normal life with them.
Conclusion
If your husband is a tyrant, then it is up to you to stay with him or to leave. The main thing is to remember that you have a self-esteem that no one should trample on.