How to get along with a mother-in-law: simple rules

How to get along with the mother-in-law? Jokes about the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law would not be so popular among the people if it was easy for two women to establish a relationship. The situation is complicated when the newlyweds are forced to live with their parents after the wedding , not having the funds to purchase or rent their own housing. So, how to avoid conflicts with the husband’s mother?

How to get along with the mother-in-law?

When marrying a beloved and loving man, you should not expect his parents to immediately imbue you with tender feelings. First of all, this concerns the mother of the spouse, who cannot but be jealous of the “invader,” even being an intelligent and self-sufficient woman. Trying to get along with the mother-in-law, one should not expect love from her. People who suddenly become relatives in the eyes of the law are not at all obligated to relate to each other warmly.

Not only those who are rightly counting on love are mistaken, but also those who are actively trying to earn it. A deliberate demonstration of one’s own talents and virtues will not help to achieve the goal. The respectful attitude of the daughter-in-law will be appreciated by the mother-in-law more than, for example, the ability to cook well.

New Family Rules

How to get along with a mother in law in one apartment? The daughter-in-law should understand that she is actually invading someone else's house in which long-standing traditions exist. Some of them may seem strange and redundant, but you will have to come to terms with this to avoid conflicts. If the family has adopted, say, joint meals, do not defiantly ignore them, have dinner in your room.

This does not mean that the newlywed should completely abandon her own habits, views on the joint existence of family members. The main thing is to carry out “reforms” gradually, refraining from abrupt changes. In this case, the chances are good that the husband’s mother will agree to meet them. Otherwise, it is possible to limit innovations in the territory of a personal room, and mother-in-law to provide all the remaining space.

Allowed Borders

How to get along with a mother-in-law in one apartment so that there are no conflicts? Respecting the wishes of the husband’s mother, you should not forget about your own needs. A woman who constantly sacrifices her interests will feel unhappy, which will negatively affect her relationship with her husband. For example, being a convinced vegetarian, it is not necessary to eat meatballs, even if this is the mother-in-law's signature dish.

Talk about personal space should not be put off until later. The daughter-in-law has every right to not want her room being invaded without knocking, taking her belongings without demand, and so on. Of course, it is necessary to inform about this in the most correct form, try so that the list of "requirements" does not turn out to be too long.

So how to get along with a mother in law? Of course, the daughter-in-law should not only insist on maintaining the distance, but also herself not to forget about it. It is likely that there are things in the house that cannot be touched, and the mother-in-law does not inform her son about this simply out of politeness. A frank conversation solves many problems.

Independence

How to get along with my mother-in-law so that everyone is well? Often people marry before they become fully financially independent. However, it is naive to constantly resort to the help of the husband’s mother and at the same time count on her respect. If the young family is completely supported by the parents, they feel they have the right to actively intervene in the life of the spouses, comment on their behavior and actions, give advice. This cannot but affect the relationship negatively.

Nowadays, even full-time students can easily find a part-time job. This is beneficial not only in terms of financial independence. Having got a job, the daughter-in-law will see the mother-in-law much less often, which will positively affect their relationship. If there is an urgent need for money, it is more advisable to ask for the required amount in debt, and not free of charge.

Respect for subordination

We further study the question of how to get along with my mother-in-law. Today, the tradition of calling the mother-in-law a mother is already gradually disappearing. At least in the first months of cohabitation it is preferable to use the name and patronymic, contact "you". Of course, if the mother-in-law herself insists on the option "mother", do not actively resist. Even if at first it sounds a little fake, you can gradually get used to it.

Household

Many are interested in how to get along with a mother-in-law under one roof. Studies show that inexhaustible cause for conflict is homework. Every woman, no matter how old she is, has her own views on housekeeping, which she considers to be truly correct.

While the daughter-in-law lives on the territory of her mother-in-law, she has to concede mainly to her. This does not mean that it is imperative to perform many unusual actions, for example, to agree to participate in daily wet cleaning if you are used to washing floors twice a week. It is better to express admiration for the culinary talents of the husband's mother and ask her for recipes for her specialties.

Some part of household chores is certainly worth taking on, even if the mother-in-law is trying to continue to do everything on her own, otherwise in the near future this will be an occasion for reproaches.

Common interests

Considering the question of how a daughter-in-law gets along with her mother-in-law, it is worth saying that it is much easier for people who have common topics for conversation to get along with each other. Do not wait for the mother of the husband to take the first step, as this may never happen. To find out the hobby of a new relative is quite simple. Of course, interest in her hobbies should be sincere. For example, you should not talk about your love for four-legged friends, suffering from allergies. Sooner or later, the truth will come to light, as a result of which relations will deteriorate, rather than improve.

Sharing time is the shortest path to friendship. It is possible that both women like to go to the theater or indulge in shopping. Why not do it together from time to time - at least once a month? You can also offer your husband’s mom a joint visit to the pool or gym if she expresses a desire to play sports. In the end, there are banal walks in the park, useful not only for relationships, but also for health.

Attention

How to make cohabitation with my mother-in-law peaceful, avoid conflicts? Any person likes when they pay attention to him. This does not mean that you need to stuff a woman into a girlfriend. It’s enough just from time to time to show interest in her life, to ask about success at work, to congratulate on important dates.

It is also worth learning to listen to the advice of the mother-in-law, even if she gives them constantly, without waiting for the corresponding request. It is not at all necessary to follow the recommendations of the husband’s mother, but her words should not be ignored. In the end, from a woman who is much older and more experienced, you can always hear something really useful.

In addition, do not forget about compliments, you need to focus on those qualities that the mother-in-law loves most in herself. It is difficult to find a person who does not have any advantages, the main thing is the ability to detect them. It is highly likely that the mother-in-law as a result will learn to notice the positive aspects of the daughter-in-law. It’s not easy to treat a person who sincerely praises you.

Talking about son

How to get along with a mother-in-law in one house peacefully? Of course, married life is hard to imagine without conflict. The spouses, even if they love each other very much, from time to time there are some claims to the second half. The husband’s shortcomings are strictly forbidden to discuss with his mother. We must not forget that every woman sincerely considers her own child to be the best. Complaints of the daughter-in-law against her son are unlikely to find sympathy, rather it will hopelessly ruin the relationship with the mother-in-law.

Talking about a husband with his mother should be conducted only in a positive way. She will be pleased to hear praise for her child. Do not forget that it was she who was engaged in his education. Why not show appreciation?

Make a list

How to get along with the mother-in-law? Advice of a psychologist, unfortunately, does not always help. What to do if the spouse's mother refuses to make contact, continues to provoke conflicts? Constantly hearing reproaches from the mother-in-law, you should make a list of her claims and analyze it. It is possible that fair reproaches will appear on the list. Say, the husband’s mother does not like the fact that she is forced to take on the lion's share of the housework.

By separately highlighting fair claims, you can think through and write down answers to unfair reproaches. This is necessary in order to calmly and reasonably discuss the current situation with the mother-in-law, not surrendering to the power of emotions and not being provoked.

Do not inflate conflicts

Is it possible to get along with a mother-in-law if she likes to sort things out on elevated tones? Unfortunately, this also occurs. In this case, it’s worth doing what diplomats do. No need to try to shout down the opponent, you just have to agree with him on everything. At the same time, the voice should remain measured and calm. Any debater will fall into confusion upon hearing that he is absolutely right. In the end, you can wean the mother-in-law from scandals, constantly agreeing with her and not succumbing to provocations.

Of course, the above is a conflict in which only one party is guilty. If the quarrel occurred due to the fault of the daughter-in-law, you should not start the Cold War with the husband’s mother, refuse to communicate, and so on. The ability to admit being wrong is a quality that has been appreciated at all times.

Husband's involvement

Do not say the other half unpleasant things about the mother-in-law, no matter how huge the temptation. Extremely rare are people who are negative about their own mothers. Connecting a husband to a conflict is possible only as a last resort, if the situation is completely out of control. It is also not recommended to set him up against the mother, such actions will only spoil the relationship between the spouses.

By the way, psychologists do not recommend discussing the mother-in-law in a negative way, not only with her relatives. Even your own girlfriends or mother should not be dedicated to the details of the conflict.

Children

How to get along with a mother-in-law if she actively intervenes in questions of raising children, guided by her own views? Many women, seeing the "second mother" of the enemy, are trying to limit her communication with the child. The main victim in this situation is the baby, as adults unknowingly drag him into their conflict.

It is much better to take the time to calmly explain to the husband's mother what exactly she is doing wrong in what is connected with raising children, taking care of them. In order for the result of the conversation to meet expectations, you need to back up your words with well-thought-out arguments, refer to the opinion of experts.

Useful literature

“How to get along with a mother-in-law?” 63 Simple Rules ”is a wonderful book authored by Irina Korchagina. This manual is aimed at women who have recently married and have not yet mastered the art of communicating with relatives of the second half. The book contains simple recommendations. Using them, you can easily put an end to the “battles” with the husband’s mother. Representatives of the fair sex, who have been married for a long time, but have not yet learned how to get along with their mother-in-law, can gather useful information for themselves.

This work is useful not only for daughters-in-law, but also for women whose son is going to marry or is already married. The author does not take sides, sincerely rooting for all parties to the conflict.