An obedient child suddenly arranges “scenes” of hysteria, begins to stomp his legs in order to achieve the desired result. This is a crisis of 3 years - a period in which changes in the mental development of the child occur. Sometimes the intensity of this period is so high that parents begin to get valerian. However, psychologists consider a 3-year crisis in a child as a mandatory stage in the life of every baby. It is during this period that the child realizes that he is an independent unit. It is not necessary to prevent the growing up of the baby. But how to help him survive this difficult period, you need to know more about this.
What is a crisis of 3 years in a child?
Nature does not tolerate static. Everything that surrounds us is constantly moving and mutating. This rule fits into the description of the child's psyche.
From time to time in the development of the psyche crisis stages occur. During this period, knowledge and skills are rapidly accumulating.
Features of the crisis for 3 years - a complete change and restructuring of social communications.
Why is this crisis developing?
Imagine a baby in the form of a chick, which is in the shell. To him this world "in the shell" is familiar and understandable. He is so comfortable. But such a “defense” is not permanent. Once there comes a moment when, in this period, there is a “crack”.
The shell breaks, and the child comes to the realization that he can perform certain actions himself. And even to some extent, do without the help of his mother. The kid consciously perceives himself as an autonomous person who has the opportunity and desire.
So, the crisis is 3 years. Psychology claims that this period contributes to the formation of volitional qualities and independence in the child.
Despite the child’s great desire to be independent, the baby is still incompetent. Therefore, without the help of a parent or adult, he can not do. There are contradictions between "I myself" and "I can."
The main negative of the child is immediately sent to mom. With peers or other adults, the baby can behave more or less calmly.
What is the age period?
During the formation of the personality of the child, there are certain age limits.
The first manifestations of the crisis may appear in 18-20 months. This is an early age. A crisis of 3 years can usually occur from 2.5 to 3.5 years.
The duration of this complex phenomenon is rather arbitrary. In some cases, a crisis can last several years.
Pronounced psychoemotional reactions depend on several characteristics, namely:
- Children's temperament. In a child, choleric / sanguine symptoms are more pronounced than in a baby, phlegmatic or melancholic.
- The manner of parenting. If parents have an authoritarian style of upbringing, then the manifestation of child negativity is exacerbated at times.
- The peculiarity of the relationship between mother and child. The psychologically a mother is closer to her child, the easier it will be to overcome negative moments.
The brightness of the manifestation of emotional reactions is also affected by external conditions. For example, if the peak of this period falls at the beginning of the adaptation of the child in kindergarten. It often happens that a younger brother or sister appears in the family. Such indirect external conditions exacerbate the child's psycho-emotional reactions.
Signs of the crisis 3 years
The crisis is characterized by seven symptoms. These distinctive features will help to accurately determine that the child has entered the period of independence from adults. But his excessive emotionality is not a consequence of spoilage or harmfulness.
Negativism
This manifestation must be correctly learned to distinguish from disobedience. The behavior of a spoiled child is determined by a desire that does not coincide with the parental requirement.
But during childhood negativity, the baby refuses even his own desire, because the initiative comes from an adult loved one. Let's take a closer look at an example:
- Disobedience. The kid played in the street with peers. Mom calls for him to eat. But the child refuses to go home, because he has not yet walked up. The basis of his behavior is the desire to walk, which contradicts the requirement of mom to go home.
- The manifestation of negativity. The kid plays for a long time on the street. His name is home for lunch. But the child categorically refuses to go home, although he is already tired and hungry. The refusal to enter the house is due to the fact that he wants to confront his mother. Despite the fact that their desires are identical.
In a crisis of 3 years, the symptoms and reactions of negativity are not directed to the request itself, but to a specific person. Most often, mom becomes such an object.
Obstinacy
Resistance in behavior can be confused with negativity. However, the negative attitude is not directed at a specific person, but at a lifestyle. Simply put, the baby protests against those objects that surround him.
The crisis of 3 years of life is sharply manifested in those families where there is a different approach to raising a child. It often happens that grandparents pamper the baby very much, and parents, on the contrary, prohibit a lot.
A child in a state of obstinacy does not want to fulfill any requests at all. He often simply ignores them. For example, the baby continues to play Lego, despite the fact that the parents said to put the designer in a box.
If the crisis of 3 years in a child is so manifested, then it is important to timely switch the attention of the baby to another activity. After a certain time, he will remove the toys himself or wash his hands. And the parent will not have to force him to do this and “stand over his soul”.
Stubbornness
Stubbornness and perseverance are two different things that cannot be confused. Persistence is about the manifestation of will, which allows the baby to achieve his goal. But the stubborn child will stand his ground only because he had already demanded it before.
Let's take a closer look at the difference between stubbornness and perseverance:
- Perseverance. The child flatly refuses to sit down at the table because he did not finish building a tower of cubes. And she is crumbling all the time.
- Stubbornness. If mom calls the baby for breakfast, but he refuses. And before that he said that he was not hungry. In fact, he was hungry and did not mind eating something.
What to do in this case? Convincing the baby and continuing to insist on calling for breakfast is not worth it. The right decision is to leave food on the table and tell the child what he can eat when he is hungry.
Despotism
The kid is trying in every possible and impossible way to force the parent to do what he wants. Even if this desire will be momentary. This phenomenon is called child despotism. A kind of desire to rule over one of the adults.
For example, a child wants to be with his mother every second. If there are several children in the family, then the baby is sharply jealous of his brother / sister: takes away his favorite toys, does not want to go out for a walk with them, tweaks secretly, etc.
This behavior is a great example of manipulation.
Tip: do not follow in the wake of the little despot. Demonstrate to him in every possible way that attention can be attracted in more peaceful ways, while not conflicting or rolling tantrums.
Depreciation
In psychology, the crisis of 3 years is also characterized by the fact that the child abruptly ceases to appreciate what was important to him recently. And this applies both to adults, to toys, and to the rule of behavior.
If suddenly a well-bred calm child begins to throw his favorite toy, tear off the doll's limbs, tear out pages from the book or pull the cat's tail, then the crisis is 3 years old.
It is during this age period that kids are rude to loved ones. A baby can hit a grandmother or call her mother a "fool."
Three-year-olds during this period actively develop the vocabulary of words. It is not uncommon when a child begins to use foul language. Children use this to attract parents' attention to themselves.
It is important to learn how to redirect the negative emotions of the child into positive ones. For example, watch good cartoons with your baby, read fairy tales. Effectively lose some story game with your child.
Self-will
Children aged three try to become independent. Therefore, you can often hear from them: “Do not meddle. I myself! ” It is important for a child to try to do everything on their own, without the help of an adult.
Of course, it’s good when the child tries to tie the shoelaces on his shoes or put on trousers. But it’s bad when he pushes his mother’s hand when crossing the road.
Independence in the behavior of a child is the first step to gaining life experience. Even if something does not work out for the baby the first time, then he will gradually learn from his own mistakes. But you need to introduce bans on the actions of the child, which hypothetically can harm the baby.
Revolt
“Riot on the ship” - the baby’s reaction to moral pressure from significant close friends who constantly require something. Have breakfast at the same time, do not laugh out loud on the street, do not break toys.
Parent dictatorship "spills out" in the form of abandonment of usual actions. For example, the child will not eat on his own, he is hysterical and in every way manifests his anger.
Doctors and psychologists unanimously say that hysteria is not as simple as it might seem at first glance. Such negative bursts lead to the failure of the immune system and the defense system in the body. If aggression does not go outside, then auto-aggression occurs (the child directs it toward himself: hits himself, bites, scratches).
The situation is not simple. During the next "riot" it is important for the parent not to lose their temper. If the kid is rebelling against the safety rules (he wants to play with the ball on the street), then there’s no need to go about it.
What should parents do?
If the baby has a crisis of 3 years, how to behave? Often parents ask psychologists this question. It is important to understand that such changes in the behavior of the child are not congenital harmfulness or heredity. Just a small person wants to grow faster and become independent. Therefore, it is important to learn during this period parents build a different paradigm of relationship with the baby.
At the age of three, the child begins to accept himself and become aware of his “I”. Psychologists say that during this period, the child begins to form an initial self-esteem. And this means that there is a process of the birth of a personality, albeit only a child.
Parents should smooth out the “sharp corners” of the negative manifestation of the crisis. Basic rules for parents:
- Give the child more independence. Begin to attract the kid to small household chores. You can trust to wash plastic dishes, lay napkins on the table. The only exception is working with electrical and gas appliances. Let the baby have a simple duty.
- Calm and only calm. If parents are too emotionally react to changes in the behavior of the child, then the situation will only become more complicated. If the mother calmly looks at the tantrum of the child, the baby subconsciously understands that it will not work to manipulate the tears. In the end, the child will calm down and his behavior will return to normal.
- Reduce the number of bans. You should not limit the child in some matters, especially if it causes him anger. Sound important rules that will concern his personal safety and social norms. In no case should they be violated. But in the little things, the parent must find a compromise with the child.
- Give your child the right to choose. To avoid a conflict, let the child make his own choices. For example, ask the baby in which of the dresses she will go to kindergarten today: in red or pink.
- Analyze the situation. After any conflict, hysteria or tears, discuss the internal state of the child. Share your emotions as a parent. During the discussion, the baby will learn to understand what his mistake was. Verbally expressing your emotions and states is important.
Wise parents listen and hear their child.
How to deal with a child’s tantrum?
A crisis of 3 years is a time of increasing child tantrums. Psychologists identify several rules for parents in order to be able to prevent the appearance of such negative emotions in time:
- In order to prevent emotional hysterical outbreaks, you need to learn how to negotiate with a child. For example, prior to visiting a children's toy store, specify exactly what you will buy. Of course, in 100% of cases this will not help, but the likelihood of a tantrum will significantly decrease.
- In the midst of hysteria, you do not need to try to explain something to the child. Wait for a while when he wakes up and calms down. Only in the calm state of the baby, discuss why his behavior was unworthy. Please note: he is not bad, but his behavior is bad. Feel the difference?
- If tantrums rolled in public, then deprive the child of the audience. Take the baby to the place where the least people. Distract his attention with a passing beautiful car or a running cat.
- Encourage independence. If a child wants to show a desire to do something alone, do not bother him. Help is also not worth it. Be sure to praise your child for success and support during failure. Offer your help only in the form of a question.
- Do not evaluate the actions of the child. Call your baby and hang tags on him is not worth it. “Greed”, “mischief”, “evil” - we often hear these and other words when mother scolds her child. This cannot be done. In a child at a subconscious level these concepts are laid. In the future, this may result in low self-esteem and actions "on the contrary."
The characteristic of the crisis of 3 years involves the game as the main activity. All situations that lead to tantrums, lose. For example, buy groceries with dolls, sit your favorite dolls at the table during lunch, play a trip to the clinic or dental clinic.
Patience is the main quality that parents should show towards their child. Especially if he is experiencing a crisis of three years. To be patient is to respond to all the tantrums of your child without irritation, while maintaining calm and confidence in their actions. If an adult is irritated, he will automatically teach the child what to lose his temper is the norm.
Being patient with your child means being loving parents. The baby should feel the love and warmth of his parents. It is important that the child sees that you love him in any condition. Only when the child subconsciously feels that they understand him, will it be easier for him to cope with all the difficulties.
Between restrictions and permissibility, it is important to balance. Too strict authoritarian style of education will suppress the activity and independence of the baby. Hyperopeca is also extremely dangerous for the child, as the parent prevents the full development of their care.
In a family where the center is a child, conflicts often arise in the context of child-parent relations. There, the symptoms of the crisis of 3 years are most acute. It is important to adhere to the same model of education for all adults, including grandparents.
It is important for the child to give sufficient freedom for development and activity. Only in this case, parents will not have the need to "fight" with the baby. Give freedom - to support the newly formed idea of oneself and the world in a child.
What should parents not do?
If you do not want the child to grow up stubborn and uncontrollable, weak-willed and uninitiated, then do not show him that his opinion means nothing to you. Do not suppress it in statements. Give the baby independence.
In no case should the child be scolded and stand his ground, trying to fight his obstinacy. This will only lead to the fact that you completely lose control of the child. There is another option: the development of low self-esteem in the baby.
Diagnostics
Typically, a crisis of three years passes without medical intervention. Parents adequately perceive the behavioral changes of their baby. But if in a crisis of 3 years the symptoms are excessively expressed, then parents can seek help from a child psychologist, psychiatrist, neurologist.
Diagnostics includes the following working methods:
- A conversation. A survey to identify the onset of symptoms, the frequency and duration of the symptoms.
- Observation. During the conversation, the specialist carefully monitors how the child behaves. Symptoms are more pronounced during the accidental interaction of the parent and the baby.
- Inspection If seizures occur (hysteria, cramp), a neurologist can conduct a physical examination of the child. He evaluates the degree of his sensitivity, muscle tone, strength, reflexes, and coordination of movements.
In addition, the doctor can conduct a differential diagnosis for the presence of a neurological disease.
The other side of the crisis
The famous psychologist L. Vygotsky believes that the crisis should be perceived not only as a negative. Behind him is clearly hidden positive content. It is a transition to a new form of something.
With a crisis of 3 years, the symptoms, in the form of impulsive behavior of the child, must be perceived from the positive side, namely:
- the baby is committed to productive activities and a positive assessment of his success;
- the child exaggerates his achievements in order to maintain his identity.
During this period, the child has an increased resentment in response to the restrained reaction of the parent. Therefore, it is important to praise the baby in time for his successes, albeit insignificant.
How often do such problems occur?
The manifestation of the crisis of 3 years is a mandatory phenomenon in the life of every child. This is the legal stage of growing up a baby. But the negative signs described above are a completely optional condition for the development of the baby.
Crisis of development and a crisis of 3 years, in particular, can proceed quite smoothly and without pronounced symptoms. Only personality neoplasms can occur, namely:
- the child is aware of his "I";
- talking about himself in the first person;
- self-esteem appears;
- perseverance and volitional qualities arise.
If parents take into account the age-related changes in the child, then this period will pass gently.
With a crisis of 3 years, symptoms and negative behavior are not a reason for panic, and you do not need to consider your child uncontrollable and ill-bred. All children go through this period. But in the power of each parent, the course of this complex age-related change should be made as fruitful as possible for their child. First of all, respect the child as a person. Listen to his opinion.
If you correctly adjust the relationship with your child, then the crisis of 3 years, symptoms and experiences will go more or less smoothly.