It is difficult to imagine the modern world without the manifestation of aggression. With such a negative phenomenon, people are faced almost everywhere. The boorishness of drivers, visitors standing in line of a clinic or a store, etc. is not particularly surprising. Fortunately, such episodes are usually perceived as nothing more than ordinary situations and are quickly erased from our memory.
Family aggression is viewed in a completely different way. And although women suffered from beating husbands at all times, suffering, slowly dying and not complaining about violence, today, in our enlightened age, it is simply unthinkable to admit this. Each member of the family, being at home, should feel completely safe, enjoying the warmth and comfort of the atmosphere that warms his home. But what if the husband beats his wife? Let's try to figure this out.
Pathological causes of aggression
Unfortunately, violence in modern families is far from uncommon. Few people are surprised at the fact that a man beats a woman, whether she is a legal spouse or just a lover. Moreover, the beatings themselves by many ladies are carefully hidden. This is mainly due to fear of public opinion.
As a result, a painful situation arises in the family, but the problem is not solved. And not only adults suffer from this. Domestic violence negatively affects children.
In order for a woman to understand what to do if her husband beats her, you should first of all get an answer to the question of what pushes a man who, just recently, promised to love and protect his chosen one.
Psychologists clearly distinguish between cases where aggression exists in the family permanently or was only an isolated case. If we consider the first option, then, most likely, the home tyrant has serious mental or behavioral disorders. But if the second situation takes place, then it is unlikely to express an unambiguous opinion here.
Unfortunately, in modern society, no one teaches girls how they should choose a husband. Because of this, marriage is sometimes formalized literally with the first comer. And only after several months of marriage, a woman begins to realize what kind of person her husband is.
However, everyone can guess the probability of the occurrence of a problem of domestic violence even before the wedding, paying attention to the strangeness of his betrothed behavior. For example, it is not surprising that a man looks at other women. This is done by many representatives of the strong half of humanity. But at the same time, not everyone will begin to peep at someone else's windows or start the day with a glass of alcohol.
Why does a husband beat his wife? The psychology of this phenomenon allows you to identify the following most common causes:
- Finding a man in a state of intoxication. In this case, the usual restraint of the spouse dissolves as if under the influence of alcohol. At the same time, previously restrained discontent and hidden grievances break out.
- Chronic alcoholism Such a condition will certainly lead to degradation of the individual. And this, in turn, completely destroys a person’s value system.
- Mental illness. In this case, even a psychiatrist is not always able to help.
If at least one of the cases described above takes place, then the woman should seriously think about whether she should stay in the family. Most likely, she needs to run away from her spouse as soon as possible, which is simply impossible to help. Often, many women take the path of self-sacrifice. And that is their big mistake. They make every effort to save a loved one, often losing health, and sometimes even life.
If the husband beats, where do I go with it? Today, many cities have specialized anti-crisis centers. They are designed for victims of domestic violence. This is where a woman can turn for help.
Alcoholism
For this reason, family tyranny should dwell in more detail. After all, alcohol often turns a loving husband into a cruel man reveling in his power. Based on the available statistics, in most families in which the spouse suffers from alcoholism, conflicts, as a rule, end not only in fights, but also in the infliction of rather serious physical injuries. It should be borne in mind that the person who literally does not part with a glass, with the manifestation of aggression is capable of even killing.
But is it worth immediately breaking up family relationships if the husband beats his wife while intoxicated? A similar opinion sounds from TV screens and often appears in print media. However, in this case, psychologists advise to pay attention to subsequent events. There are men who, after sobering up, are aware of their actions. They understand all the consequences of such acts and show complete readiness to get rid of vices. In this situation, a woman leaving her only aggravate the condition of her spouse, who, quite possibly, will attempt suicide.
But it also happens that the husband still does not realize his mistake. In this case, the woman is recommended to immediately break off the relationship. After all, she was the first to suffer from domestic violence, and in the future, children may become victims. This behavior of the father will leave a negative imprint on their psyche for the rest of their lives. In addition, psychologists warn that aggression with each new episode will only increase its strength. And this, sooner or later, can lead to the most tragic consequences.
Jealousy
Why does a husband beat his wife? Sometimes the reason for this is banal jealousy. In such cases, the beatings are erratic. Sometimes a woman herself provokes a man to a similar manifestation of aggression. This happens if she herself gives him cause for jealousy.
A famous proverb says: “Beats, then loves.” Is it so? If a husband beats his wife, the psychology of such a phenomenon does not indicate passionate love at all. Such manifestations of aggression indicate only that emotional pain with which the spouse is unable to cope.
Somewhere humanly, a home tyrant can be understood. For this, the victim of violence needs only to recall what she felt at that moment when she was jealous of her husband for an accidental stranger or for a friend. Only then will her behavior be understood. However, if the situation repeats again and again, and there were no real grounds for jealousy, then the woman must decide whether she should save the family, or better to leave her husband.
For those who want to maintain a relationship, psychologists recommend a complete review of the style of communication with the spouse. But if there is any doubt about the need for this, then it is worthwhile to think carefully about whether it is worth living with a person whom you do not like?
A real man?
According to psychologists, women who have long fought for their equality have achieved complete victory. In modern society, men have been deprived of the opportunity to take leading positions, for which they, in fact, were born. And for some of them, physical aggression is almost the only way to prove their worth and power over the other half.
This is hardly an excuse when considering the question: “Why is the husband beating his wife?” After all, a rational person will not assert himself by using force against a weak partner. Most likely, he will be engaged in the search for work to his liking and will create an atmosphere in the family in which it would never occur to anyone to defend his own superiority. If at the same time the lady will do everything to help her chosen one, then it will be completely fine.
There is another reason why a husband beats his wife. Psychology considers it in connection with an attempt to humiliate or rude management by the spouse. Sometimes ladies behave as if men are obliged to constantly follow their mood and fulfill all their whims. And sometimes a woman openly, and in a vulgar form, demonstrates her superiority. Can she then say: "The husband does not love me"? Not. Indeed, many men simply do not tolerate such behavior.
Fortunately, in such a situation, not every representative of a strong half of humanity decides on assault. But a woman should understand that her constant dissatisfaction with her husband will certainly become the main cause of conflicts in the family. And it is likely that the fact that the spouse raised a hand to his chosen one testifies to his despair. A normal man is unlikely to be able to live with someone because of whom he is not able to completely control his emotions. In this case, the woman will need to reconsider her behavior.
Blame yourself?
As you can see, to answer the question: “Why does the husband beat his wife?” psychologists definitely cannot. Is it possible that the lady herself is the cause of domestic violence? Yes. This happens, and quite often. This is primarily due to the fact that the woman takes the position of the victim. She believes that she is good for nothing, which is why she can be treated rather rudely. What to do in such a situation? Psychologists recommend that a woman immediately begin work on gaining self-confidence. Otherwise, aggression will occur in any of her chosen one.
A man beats a woman in those cases when she behaves inappropriately. With his aggression, the spouse tries to bring her to life, finding no other way to do this.
Sometimes a husband beats his wife for deliberately causing her mental pain, slander, rudeness and insults. What should the ladies do in this case? First of all, to think about whether there is something in their behavior that exposes them to attack? Indeed, sometimes for family well-being it becomes enough to make the relationship more soulful and better. And it’s far from always possible in such a situation that one can unequivocally affirm: “The husband does not love me.”
Relationship between parents
If a woman complains: “My husband is mocking me,” she should also consider the psychological background of her behavior. There is an opinion that girls always try to recreate in their family the model of relationships that existed in the parental home. However, this is not at all true. According to the results of the survey, the majority of victims of domestic violence in childhood had insufficient maternal love. The chosen women who grew up in such conditions, most often become men who have faced similar life difficulties. Due to this similarity between partners, a strong emotional connection is established. The girl believes that the chosen one will certainly understand all her emotions, feelings and feelings. But reality is not so rosy at all. Such a connection only means that the tyrant has chosen the ideal victim for himself.
Experts believe that in such a relationship between husband and wife there is such a strong psychological connection that it becomes impossible to break it. During periods of calm, violent passion and emotional attachment flare up between them. At this time, lovers cease to pay attention to the whole world and seem to dissolve in each other. With a long marriage, such a relationship becomes even stronger. It is becoming more and more difficult for a woman to find a way out of this situation. But the longer the marriage lasts, the more pronounced the violence caused by "love." It is the emotional relationship that exists between the spouses that makes the victim believe in all the repeated promises that beatings will remain in the past.
Such a model of behavior is considered one of the signs of the manifestation of "Stockholm syndrome." The wife is afraid of her husband, but at the same time she constantly finds excuses for his terrifying behavior, passing through humiliation and beatings.
Why do the representatives of the weak half of humanity forgive the infliction of physical harm to their health? A similar fact is explained by the manifestation of emotional dependence. In such families, as a rule, a man forbids his wife to work. This leads to the fact that she has significantly reduced the circle of communication, and she loses the material foundation for an independent life when divorcing. If the spouse tries to leave the family, then this threatens her with new beatings. After all, a man is also psychologically dependent on his chosen one.
Propensity for tyranny
What personal qualities does a man possess who is able to show aggression? The desire to dominate is peculiar:
- Epileptoid. This type of personality is characterized by a tendency to get annoyed due to all kinds of little things. Such people are accustomed to order, pedantic, stingy and vindictive. Getting them crazy is easy. For this, any mistake on the part of the chosen one is enough. Epileptoids simply adore finding fault with various manifestations of feelings, emotions, as well as with a woman's actions. As their spouse, they choose those ladies who have similar personality traits or have a high social status. Such men see in the chosen one an equal person. That is why the respect of the spouse, ladies should be earned. Other women are unlikely to be able to live with a man who resolves disputes with his fists.
- Paranoid personality. These are embittered and suspicious people, prone to baseless jealousy. A woman who marries such a person should be prepared for constant claims and reproaches. Psychologists note that at the initial stage of the relationship, the husband does not humiliate them at all. On the contrary, he creates an image of a noble and courteous person. However, later this man shows his sadistic inclinations, experiencing real pleasure from violence. Psychologists warn that such men hurt at first, and then apologize for their actions for a very long time. Moreover, the tearful prayers uttered on their knees bring them as much pleasure as the subsequent pouring of accumulated aggression on the spouse. If a woman is not ready to accept such rules of the game, then the consequences of such an alliance will be rather difficult for her.
What else can be called, based on the advice of a psychologist, the signs of a tyrant husband? Spouse's tendency to aggression can be caused by the following factors:
- existing traumatic brain injury;
- a tough approach to the educational process;
- scandals of parents, which often ended in beating;
- poor performance while studying at school;
- a problem with discipline in childhood, as well as the manifestation of aggression against sentient beings;
- lack of empathy for people around.
What advice can psychologists give? The signs of a tyrant husband listed above, in their opinion, are not always a prerequisite for violence. If the spouse has a strong will, then he will carefully monitor his behavior, emotions and feelings. However, with the prolonged influence of psychoemotional stress and stress factors, the birth of a monster is quite possible. Hence the important advice: try to maintain a favorable atmosphere in the family if this person is dear to you. As practice shows, both partners are most often to blame for any conflicts. A woman often, without realizing it, acts as a provocateur.
Specialists also identify several types of men that contribute to the appearance of a woman's condition of the victim. Let's consider them in more detail.
Depreciating
Such men try by any means to level the achievements of women. Sometimes this is not even done directly. This is expressed, for example, in ugly statements about his beloved among friends, in ignoring and devaluing her actions. A husband humiliates his wife, rising at the same time in his eyes. Psychologists attribute such behavior to the fact that in their hearts such spouses remain insecure boys, afraid that the woman will leave them.
If such a man begins to criticize his lady of the heart, saying that the dinner is too hot or the children are not raised as they should, and she begins to apologize to him, then the situation will certainly aggravate. After all, a woman begins to play the role of the victim. What should she do with this? Try not to respond to his comments. Indeed, otherwise the husband will mock his spouse even more.
Destructive sadist
At the beginning of family relationships, they are wonderful spouses. However, some time passes, and the wife begins to complain that her husband is beating in the face. After he begins to literally crawl on his knees and ask for forgiveness. And after a short period of time, he again raises his hand on his wife, and his actions are increasing. Such a sadist does not seek to break off relations. He always acts according to one scenario. At first he beats, then heals (gives flowers or expensive gifts), and then he mocks with even greater force.Often women do not go away from such men, believing that it is still possible to fix it. But in this they are cruelly mistaken.
Crumbling
And such a man must be saved himself. To the collapsing type include drug addicts and alcoholics, workaholics and people who are addicted to games. They are not recognized in society and are hopeless in all respects.
There are a lot of options for solving problems that women choose. For example, they begin to degrade with a man, clutching at a glass or a cigarette. And the chosen one begins to pull along. A woman can be strong by investing money, time and love in her spouse. But most often infantile men after some period go to another. The woman stays with nothing. Her soul is devastated, and her health is undermined, or even completely lost.