Almost every woman dreams of getting married. From childhood, she represents and “plays out” the role of the future wife. But what is the result? As an adult, she meets the same one of the few men with whom she would like to start a family. However, the chosen one is not in a hurry to offer a heart and a hand, but only delays the desired moment. What if the guy offers to live together, but does not call for marriage? What consequences can a girl expect from cohabitation and is it worth it to agree to such a step? You will find out about this in the article, get useful tips and find the answer for yourself.
Civil marriage is now so fashionable
Now you can often find such a phrase: "We are in a civil marriage." In this case, the girl considers herself an already held wife, the full owner of her man. However, the latter do not think so. Living in a so-called common-law marriage is convenient for a man. He does not have a “documentary lawsuit” that he could have received by entering into official marriage with his chosen one. And also in fact, he continues to remain in the status of a free guy. After all, the stamp is not in the passport, and he did not give any oaths. And the naive girl continues to believe that soon, that very soon everything will change - the guy will stand on one knee with the ring outstretched in his hand and will offer to become his wife. But time passes, and the offer does not arrive. The woman continues to wait and believe that it is necessary to wait a little longer for the guy to "mature". However, contrary to expectations, this does not happen.
The risks of informal marriage
The guy, in turn, is happy with everything. What is it to him? Everything suits him. With minimal investment, he received a woman who, perhaps, would have to achieve with great difficulty. He does not eat shame and a sense of self-failure. This all goes to the girl. After all, she has to constantly answer friends' questions: “When is the wedding? Why not get married? ” etc. After all, the scheme is simple. The guy offers the girl to live together, and after her consent, there is no sense in pursuing the continuation.
But what if in such a relationship a girl becomes pregnant? After all, a guy can turn away from her with a reproach: "I did not order a child." What are the options then? To remain a single mother or go to cripple the body and soul in an obstetric chair? Of course, there are more positive examples. The girl becomes pregnant, and this becomes the reason for the marriage. However, such marriages do not last long.
What about civil marriage? The initiator of creating such a family can be both a guy and a girl. However, women have a hope that, having the opportunity to get close, they will be able to marry their lover. The guy offers to live together in two cases:
He’s so comfortable. Why overpay if you can get everything for "so." He will live and enjoy the benefits of living together, while feeling himself free and not burdened with promises. Most likely, he has no serious intentions and plans for the future with a girl. He can easily pack a suitcase and take him to sunset at any stage of cohabitation.
An opportunity to get to know each other better. If a guy immediately offers to live together, then this does not mean that he has mercantile plans. Perhaps he wants to understand how compatible you are with him in everyday life. Which, in principle, is normal, although it does not coincide with the plans and desires of the girl.
So what to do? Is it worth living together before marriage? Let's take a closer look at this issue and find out all the pros and cons of such a serious step in a love relationship.
Women's fallacies
Here is a typical picture for you as an example: you meet with a young man, and then after a while he puts forward an offer to meet you. Motivation can be completely different. He does not have enough time for you, and so upon arrival home he will be able to spend more time with you. No matter how. It is interesting that there are no barriers to love, and if there is a desire, then there is an opportunity. So this is not a reason, but only a go-ahead.
Accepting the proposal, the girl secretly hopes that this is a direct path to marriage. She thinks: “We’ll live together, he will see how mistress I am, a good, just perfect candidate for a wife.” Time goes by, and the chance to legitimize your relationship is getting smaller every day. Why is that? If a man didn’t want to marry you, to win and to “mark” with a ring and a stamp, so to speak, this indicates his disinterest. So, this question is not so much his concern, unlike you.
I will redo it
Another big mistake and fallacy of girls. If your boyfriend offers to live together, and you hope that you will be able to change his beliefs and marry yourself, then this is the beginning of the end. It is impossible to re-educate an already existing, adult personality. All you can get is pretense. Do you need it?
If you start living with your boyfriend in an unofficial marriage, you should be prepared to accept all of his shortcomings. Otherwise, disappointment awaits you. Do not assume that you are special, and your relationship is not like everyone else. Such a feeling is created in almost every second girl who decides to cohabit with a guy. Just then it becomes a shame when in the process of living together you learn about the betrayals of your unofficial spouse. What is he? He owes you nothing, because in fact he is free. And you have no rights.
Are lover's intentions serious
If you are still inexperienced in matters of relations and want to understand what it means, if a guy offers to live together, then you need to "dig" deeper. It is sad that upon hearing the coveted offer of cohabitation, the girls rush into this pool with their heads. But before it would not hurt to sort out the seriousness of the intentions of his beloved, so as not to experience the bitterness of disappointment from such an experience.
After all, it is one thing to start cohabitation by submitting documents for marriage, while collecting money for the wedding of your dreams. And the other is to spontaneously enter into a serious relationship without reinforcing this decision. Indeed, in which case, no one owes anything to anyone. If you think so, then for a girl this is a crucial step, unlike a guy. No matter what they say, the woman who starts cohabiting with a man is counting on something. A man is just comfortable. And all the excuses: “The stamp will not change anything. It’s not necessary to marry, or I’m not ready yet ”should alert the girl. So that she does not end up with a broken trough.
The benefits of cohabitation
Whatever it was, and cohabitation between a guy and a girl before the wedding gives its advantages. This is expressed in readiness for serious domestic difficulties, which may be an unexpected test for a newly-minted family. It just so happens that, meeting in neutral territory, the partners are not aware of their failure in family life and everyday life. Elementary household duties can create a lot of disagreement between a couple in love.
Couples preparing for the wedding act rationally when they try to get to know each other better, before documenting their union. After all, it immediately becomes clear what to expect in a married life. The girl can immediately prioritize her future spouse, so that this does not come as a surprise after the wedding. For her, it’s best when she has the opportunity to see her boyfriend as the head of the family. Perhaps he will not live up to expectations, or vice versa will strengthen the desire to become his woman.
Minuses
Cons of living together before the wedding are based on the opinions of others. After all, sometimes it is not easy to listen to lamentations from relatives about how it is not good to live together before the wedding. Moreover, when the friends around married almost a week after meeting their husband. But this is only the emotional side of the issue. The main disadvantage of such a relationship before marriage is unforeseen circumstances. Imagine that you learned about your pregnancy, which you did not plan before the wedding. What will be the reaction of the guy, one can only guess.
In the worst case scenario, you will be left alone with your problem. And you will try to understand how to make the guy offer to live together and ultimately put a ring on his finger. At best, your boyfriend will make an offer on his own, and you will get married. However, it is not known whether you will be happy in a marriage “on the fly”. Therefore, deciding on cohabitation, you need to take into account unforeseen circumstances that may affect your relationship.
If you decide to live together
If the guy offers to live together, and you have already decided for yourself that accept his offer, then conduct an introspection that will help to consider the situation better. Honestly answer yourself a few questions so you don’t bite your elbows later. If you are not sure about these statements, then you should drop thoughts about living together:
- You accept your partner as he is. Love him and have no desire to "re-educate."
- Ready to share the good and bad moments of life without tantrums. Not trying to blame all the unrealistic expectations of a guy who is on a par with you.
- You have never been to your boyfriend in the best possible way. For example, when you were sick or simply were without makeup and hairstyles. Indeed, in the “parade" we are all good, but the reality is a little different and can shock. The same goes for your lover. How do you perceive the fact if the guy is not so ideal in everyday life.
- Think about what moments annoy you. Are you ready to put up with your partner’s hobbies or are you going to “wean” him. After all, he is an already established personality, which may not suffer barriers and ultimatums from any side.
- Immediately understand that living together is not an endless series of romance. This is, first of all, responsibility. You will need to arrange life, to become the guardian of the family hearth. Cook, clean and wash. In a word, provide comfort.
- Living together means sharing costs. If you are used to spending money only on yourself, now you should share. And there is nothing wrong with that. Just think whether you are ready to calmly complete this step.
- Do you and your boyfriend have mutual interests that will work as a catalyst for interesting conversations. Indeed, with the absence of such an important point, life will be boring. You and talk, except for weather and politics, there will be nothing.
Conclusion
And if you still have the question of why the guy offers to live together, then you should re-read the article. Perhaps he just cannot live without you and wants to be there every minute, fall asleep and wake up with you every day. Accept an offer or not, ultimately, it is up to you. If a guy offers to live together, you already know how to answer. After all, all people are different, and you know your man better than statistics and discussions at women's forums represent. The main thing in this life is to be happy, and the rest is not so important. Love you and prosperity.