Does the husband come late, meet friends and completely forget about the family? Such problems often torment women. How to understand the reasons for this behavior and what to do, the article will tell.
Husband walks with friends: reasons
To get rid of the problem, you should first find out its causes. If the husband wants to spend a lot of time with his friends, you should not panic, much less blame him or his comrades. Often the reason lies in family relationships or is a reaction to ongoing changes in the lifestyle of spouses.
- Protective response from problems. What does a person expect when he comes home? Of course, relaxation, warmth and comfort. In this quiet harbor I want to relax after a hard day, get support. If a person coming home is faced with conflicts, problems and an aggressive attitude, an adequate reaction would be to leave, to abstract. It makes no sense to blame this man, because by nature, like all people, he has a normal response to any kind of stress - “hit or run”. If there is no possibility to give a physical rebuff to an annoying situation (violence is not practiced in the family), it remains to move away from the stress object. A men's company or computer games come to the rescue.
- It is also impossible to exclude the identity of the husband himself. Sometimes the reason for the constant pastime in the company of comrades may be some inertia - the continuation of the behavior that was familiar before marriage. This happens if the man was not psychologically ready for marriage or very young. It is difficult for him to switch from the role of a bachelor to an exemplary family man.
- Lack of common interests and topics for communication between spouses. Unfortunately, this reason is quite common. It happens that a husband and wife are simply not interested in each other's company . For example, he knows little about music, and she absolutely does not want to hear about the engines of the car. In these cases, people naturally look for a “club of interests” for themselves where they can share important things for themselves.
- The family crisis. No one has canceled the natural periods in the life of every family, when feelings cool, romance ends, and a new stage of relations has not yet been formed. The consequences in this case are often male hobbies that are not related to the house and wife.
- Reluctance to engage in family life. Very often, the cause of conflicts between a wife and a husband can be a male company, which simply takes a man from the family circle. Many representatives of the stronger sex are not attracted by the prospect of repairing, taking out garbage and vacuuming at the weekend. It is much more interesting to devote this time to your hobbies. But does this mean that the wife must bear the whole burden of household chores? Not at all. What to do in such cases - read on.
Why friends, if I have?
The widespread opinion of many women boils down to the following: why should a husband spend time with other people if his wife can also keep company in some occupation, talk or support? It makes sense. Especially if the woman is really a "universal soldier" with whom you can go fishing, bowling, and repair the car. But why should a person have only one friend, even such a diverse one?
In this case, it is worth revising your own position and attitude. Is it really important for a woman to spend all her free time with her husband? Does she have her own interests and friends with whom to meet? After all, replacing the whole world with a man, especially if he does not need it, means adding stress to his own life. Firstly, it limits living space. Secondly, it adds torment if the man does not appreciate it.
If the husband meets friends periodically, and there are no other problems in family life, the woman has the opportunity to take care of herself - looks, hobbies, talking with friends. That pleasure. And you can share the high spirits after this with the man and only establish relations with him.
If a friend is more important
Resentment of a woman (and well-deserved) can cause a man’s explicit preference for his friends. While this applies not only to leisure activities, but also to help or support. For example, to take his wife home from the supermarket, it is worthwhile to persuade him, and to pick up a friend from the club - just one call. The resentment of a woman in this case is understandable.
This situation is worth discussing. And only in a confidential atmosphere, excluding as much as possible from the dialogue all possible accusations towards the spouse. The opposite reaction can also be caused by the explicit opposition of the family as the most important sphere of life and friendship - "unnecessary and meaningless." Most likely, such words will cause a man only to protest. The dialogue should be brought into the mainstream of one’s own experiences - to show that such behavior is unpleasant and insulting, ask to take into account the interests of the family and plan your time so as not to harm any of the areas of life. Indeed, sometimes a man simply does not know about what offends his spouse in this way, and perceives hints in the form of scandals and tantrums as manifestations of her evil character.
Tired of seeing them at home!
No less often than the absence of the missus, women are obsessed with male hobbies such as meeting at home. A wife can be annoyed not only by the presence of strangers, but also by the need to fulfill the role of a housewife: to prepare refreshments, to clean the house after gatherings, and so on.
In this case, reproaches and claims certainly will not help. They will only aggravate the situation and alienate the spouses. Here, a calm conversation is important again: to explain to your husband that you sometimes want to relax at home, which is difficult in the presence of his friends, and try to find a compromise. For example, ask him to meet with friends in other places. And if they are going to nevertheless in this house, then they themselves are responsible for the related household functions.
Husband in companies abuses alcohol
If the husband drinks with friends, moreover, systematically, you need to understand the reasons for this phenomenon:
- Suspicions of alcoholism. Many men do not attach much importance to periodic drinking with friends, not considering this a problem. A woman needs to understand if the problem really exists. If at the same time a large part of the family budget is spent on such festivities, health is deteriorating and the psychological climate in the family is suffering , it is necessary to solve the problem of addiction. Start with a heart-to-heart talk, express your anxieties and find out why the husband is doing this. Then draw up a vocational rehabilitation plan.
- Avoiding problems at home. How comfortable is communication between spouses? What is the relationship between father and children? By eliminating the family troubles, you can solve the problem and forget men's passion for alcohol, like a bad dream.
- If gatherings in bars with friends are the only alternative to free time, you should think about family leisure. If the spouses have common interests, it is worth trying different ways of cultural relaxation together, then there is simply no time left for meeting friends with beer.
How to check if the husband is cheating?
Very often the spouse’s excitement is associated not only with the absence of the husband at home, but also with the reasons lurking behind this. Treason is the most common suspicion.
Before looking for ways to check whether a husband is cheating, you need to give yourself answers to some questions. Firstly, are there any reasons for this (cooling in relations, conflicts)? Secondly, is there any obvious reason to think so? The mere absence of a man at home does not mean treason. But, say, the lipstick on the shirt is a more obvious sign.
In such a delicate situation it is very easy to get confused. So, in order.
- Are there reasons for treason and signs of it? Stop the panic! Self-control in this matter is the most difficult, but at the same time the most effective rule. Decisions can only be made with a cold head. First of all, decide for yourself what you want more: to maintain relationships or break them? Depending on this, plan further actions.
- To understand whether a husband is cheating, you can endlessly torment yourself with suspicions, hiccup with confirmation, go to fortunetellers, etc., up to nervous exhaustion. And you can openly talk with him about your worries. And again, in a calm manner. Tell why it excites and give him the opportunity to speak. In a confidential dialogue, you can understand whether a person is lying (looks away, tries to translate the topic, unreasonably blames the answer or begins to get very nervous). It is easier for a husband who has nothing to hide in open communication to communicate and reassure his wife if she is mistaken. Or say directly about treason.
- Another option for women who choose not to break up. If there are suspicions of treason, you can turn the situation in your favor. Simply become that woman from whom you do not want to leave. To put in order the appearance and mood - this is usually enough. Accept the fact that both are always to blame for all the discord in the family. And start building life with yourself. If a man continues to change, a woman will still have her beautiful appearance and self-adjustment with which to build a new relationship is a matter of time.
What can a woman do?
A woman can do much, if not all, in such situations. In any case, it’s worth starting with determining the problem and the reasons why the husband does not want to go home. To do this, ask yourself a number of questions:
- What are your family relationships?
- How do we communicate?
- Do we have common interests?
- How interesting am I as a person?
- What do friends give to her husband?
- Why does it bother me?
- Can I help him deal with problems better than friends?
If most of the questions were answered, depending on this, you should plan your tactics. The following simple recommendations will help.
Seek a compromise
If a husband spends more time with friends just because he does not know how to allocate time, it is important to discuss this with him.
Ultimatums, blackmail and restriction of freedom will not help. It is important to explain to the man that the wife accepts his desire to spend time with friends. Moreover, supports this. But it would have been even better if he had time for those close to him. Show that the family needs the active participation of the head in her life. A man would rather accept this point of view if he really feels his importance and necessity.
Search for common interests and plan family activities
Again, this should be done gently and without commanding intonations of the type: "So, today we are going to the rink, and no questions asked!"
It is important to learn to hear each other, to accept the interests of each and to conclude: what of all this can we carry out together? And is it really important for a wife to go fishing that she hates only to limit her husband’s communication with friends?
An important point in the overall pastime can be family traditions. The rituals that people perform together bring them very close together. You can choose a specific day of the week and an activity that will bring joy to both.
One more thing - how to talk with your husband about household duties? Directly and openly. Instead of accusations of lack of help, one needs to explain that it is difficult for one to cope with all household chores. And the strength and skill of the partner would be very useful. Many psychologists recommend that couples simply share responsibilities.
Make friends with the "enemy"
Wise women know that it is important to be friends with rivals. At least keep them at close range. Why not apply this tactic with your husband’s friends? To join the company is unobtrusive, based on common interests and with the consent of the spouse. Most men appreciate it when their woman gets along well with her mates. It is very important that the wife understands that friends are an integral part of a person’s life. They do not always “take” him away from the family, but they are also able to provide a resource, emotionally nourish life.
In addition, it is quite possible that it suddenly turns out that these people are quite pleasant and interesting personalities with whom you yourself will want to spend time?
Correction of family communication
This is perhaps the place to start. If the husband and his friends spend the lion's share of the time, the negative atmosphere should be eliminated. It is worth looking critically at yourself: how often conflicts occur, with what mood a husband is greeted, how often spouses discuss something other than problems.
You should realize that no one wants to come to the house, where they are always dissatisfied with something, constantly show their tiredness, burden and sacrifice. The latter is very often manifested in phrases like: “I’m everything for you, and you ...” It is better to exclude from the vocabulary and “you should”. Problem and squabble spouse, no matter how cruel it may sound, is not needed. Any husband will run away from this: spending time with friends is more fun!
Of course, no one is iron, and everyone wants to throw out their negativity. But to do this is better not for a loved one. Self-education and self-improvement is not only a guarantee of one's own comfort, an opportunity to take free time, but also a way to always remain interesting for your husband, to which you want to come. Find something you like, develop, improve. It works!
And finally - freedom. Everyone knows the truth that you want more than what is forbidden. That is why it is important to learn not to bind yourself and a man by vigilant control. Freedom is not permissiveness. This is an opportunity to choose. And, most likely, the choice will be in favor of the one who provides this opportunity.