How to love yourself as a woman, how to increase self-esteem and confidence, how to be yourself: advice from a psychologist

A woman’s love for herself is manifested primarily in her pleasure of being herself, feeling her uniqueness and warm energy coming from within. Women who love themselves are like the sun warming everything that its rays fall on. But how to love yourself as a woman, and not just as a wife, mother, a good worker? How compatible is all of this?

Self-love - how is it?

According to psychologist N. Kozlov, only self-care, carried out with joy, releases the woman’s inner light and makes her attractive and desirable. Do not confuse worthy self-esteem and the desire to enjoy life with selfishness. If we compare one state with another, then the selfish aspirations of a person can be expressed by the thought: "Everyone owes me because I am better," and self-respecting: "I am wonderful and unique, like everyone else."

What else distinguishes a woman with a healthy positive attitude towards herself from an egoist or a person who is opposed to herself too critical:

• she does any work with the soul, her actions are devoid of automatism (fully conscious);
• she does not seek to make her happiness loud;
• she is altruistic, but without prejudice to her own interests;
• she does not take on overwhelming tasks;
• she values ​​her time and is familiar with the principles of sensible delegation.

Carrying yourself to the world as a rare work of art, respecting your unique qualities and protecting your individuality is what it means for a person to love himself. But how to love yourself as a woman?

Causes of low self-esteem in women

The girl begins to evaluate herself from the perspective of "I - everyone else" before the start of the puberty. But if in childhood the criteria for such conformity are primitive: “He who loves me is good,” then adolescents have different standards. The girl already looks at herself from the position of “everyone else” and determines her attitude to people in terms of her own behavior.

When committing antimoral acts or those that are considered to be such in the family, a teenager is inclined to condemn himself “for sins”, giving them exaggerated significance. Self-rejection occurs, the girl sharply rejects her “dark” side or, even worse, a subconscious belief develops that she “is not worthy of the best”. In the absence of psychological contact with the mother and help on her part, this conviction can develop into a life attitude and chronic dislike of oneself.

The second reason that prevents a woman from being herself is laid back in early childhood, when parents, out of good intentions, begin to inspire the girl what she should be and what should not be. By manipulating his love for his parents, the child is deprived of the right to individual traits. The mastery of hypocrisy is presented to the girl as a means of being in demand and convenient for others. Having mastered this science completely, a teenager also derives a number of advantages, and wearing masks becomes habitual and comfortable.

The wonders of disguise, or how to escape from yourself

When a woman is not satisfied with her life, she seeks to change the external conditions of the main factors of her discontent, while she should first understand the origin of each of these factors. Inattentive (lazy, aggressive) husband, problematic work, bad girlfriend, are a thing of the past and what appears in return seems more tolerable and acceptable. But soon the situation miraculously returns. Why is this happening?

The fact is that, adjusting the external circumstances of her life, the woman forgets that those traits of her character and worldview that once dragged negative events into her life have not disappeared. And just as the removal of acute symptoms does not cure the disease, but only makes it less noticeable, a change in environment and environment will only temporarily bring relief, creating the illusion of well-being. In the end, if a woman does not learn to love herself, the new husband will also not respect her, like the old one, and an interesting job will soon turn into a tedious routine.

It is necessary to understand that harmony is a very important component of an integral self-sufficient personality; it does not form around a person in the form of an aura that changes everything around in a magical way. This desired balance, transforming into external beauty, peace of mind and, as a result, into a magnet for positive events and good people, comes from the peace of mind of a woman, her self-acceptance and love for herself.

Disturbing Symptoms of Dislike

What is the manifestation of self-dislike? Below are 10 points that highlight the key points of a woman’s lack of self-esteem:

• inability to accept compliments, embarrassment about this and attempts to “lower the degree” of someone else’s admiration;
• denial of small joys to himself, arguing that "others need it";
• searching for imperfections (poor skin, gray hair) at every look in the mirror;
• denial of their achievements, belittling;
• the onset of a feeling of shame if something “superfluous” was allowed to itself (dessert, a new handbag, manicure) and a promise to oneself that “this will not happen again”;
• excessive anxiety about the opinions of others, condemnation;
• “Getting stuck” for months or even years on negative aspects of life - someone’s death, failed novel, insults;
• fear of showing an external personality in clothing or behavior;
• fear of changing something in life - getting a high position, going to an unfamiliar country, getting a new education;
• tension in the company of unfamiliar people or colleagues holding a higher position, involuntary fawning over them in order to earn their approval.

A woman who does not agree with her appearance and character, thinking that everyone else is much more beautiful, smarter and more successful than her, very acutely perceives any criticism. A reason to think that she is "being bullied", "surviving" or "hating" can even be a colleague’s remark about an unsuccessful manicure or “shooter” in pantyhose.

We correct and clean the mind

How to awaken a woman in herself? Psychologists say: just as you can’t decorate a room littered with garbage, you can’t try to establish your life, filled with old insults and negative thoughts. Therefore - first of all - a woman needs to get rid of what still filled her life, but did not make her better. You can do this mentally by connecting visualization, but it is best to approach the matter thoroughly.

We need to get a small cardboard box and write on it in capital letters: "Everything that spoils my life." Then, cutting paper strips from notebook sheets, you need to try to fill as many of them as possible with various negative emotions, bad thoughts, old events and even the names of people who left an unpleasant aftertaste in their memory. An example of labels on paper strips:

• Sergei from the 7th grade, who was laughing at me;
• my extravagance, which everyone uses;
• quarrels with dad over a car, etc.

It is necessary to extract from memory as many as possible such “fragments” that constantly injure the soul. When there is not a single hidden grudge in the head, the notes, in turn, are picked up, read aloud and sent to the box. You can do anything wrong with a sealed “negative box” - trample it, throw it at the wall, throw it off the roof, in the end, but in the end it must be destroyed without a trace, thrown into a fire or drowned in a swamp.

Letter to the past

Despite the successful completion of the first stage of “cleaning”, the women probably lingered on in their minds and did not stop reminding themselves most acutely of the most difficult moments of her life. As a rule, those episodes that could develop in a positive way are most painfully “sitting in memory”; they follow a slightly different scenario. How is this usually? “If it weren’t for that quarrel after the party, we wouldn’t part”, “If my friend listened to me then, we wouldn’t stop talking.”

Such thoughts can poison the whole existence, so they are very dangerous. Forcing yourself to not think about them is unrealistic, but you can deprive them of the power that is called "empty regrets."

Left alone, a woman must first allow painful thoughts to prevail over the rest. This can be very painful, but the need for this measure is justified by the opportunity to look at the situation from a distance traveled. Was that guy’s misconduct so scandalous? Could he have done otherwise?

The outcome of renewed experiences should be a letter to a man whose memories are so painful, but at the same time it will become a woman's letter to herself. In his message, it is appropriate to throw out all the accumulated emotions, ask for forgiveness, explain himself. The main thing is that then, burning a sealed envelope with a letter, the woman will feel relief and a desire to move on.

Learning to love yourself

Now that everything bad from the past has been humiliated and forgotten, it's time to fill your head with only useful and pleasant knowledge about yourself. How to love yourself as a woman? Of course, realizing that there is no other, and everything that is part of such a unique personality is wonderful and beautiful by definition.

How a woman to increase self-esteem and confidence:

• to memorize 2-3 suitable affirmations for raising the spirit and repeat them more often;
• make a rearrangement in his home exactly the way he had long wanted;
• take care of yourself daily (make masks, manicure-pedicures), despite fatigue or a bad mood;
• revise the wardrobe and get rid of everything that for a long time was simply a pity to throw it away;
• at least once a day do what you really want to do - eat ice cream, watch a movie, etc.

It is worth taking note of this fact: in no film or book the main character is successful, suffocating in an unloved job or meeting an unpleasant person. All good events begin to occur with decisive changes and only after the hero has revised his life values. Conclusion? What tires or annoys does not fit into the same format with well-deserved happiness.

We read and recognize ourselves

In the pace of modern life, it is difficult for a woman to find time to attend trainings and seminars on personal “re-pumping”, and independent study of the subject is often impossible due to a lack of understanding of how to understand the mass of the literature offered. Books on psychology for women, which are worth reading at the very beginning of the path of self-knowledge, belong to the classics of popular literature, and their authors are the gurus of the modern science of relationships:

1. Ute Erhardt, a German psychologist who destroys stereotypes, and his book “Good Girls Go to Heaven, and Bad Girls Wherever They Want ...”
2. Victoria Isaeva, journalist and specialist in family psychology with the work “We and Men”.
3. Bert Hellenger, a psychotherapist, philosopher and author of psychological techniques with the book "Springs of Love."

These famous works will not only introduce a woman to the “right” everyday psychology - how to love her body, learn to respect herself and monitor her thoughts - but they will also open before her a world of other people's motives and secret thoughts.

Separately, I would like to highlight the work of the master of positive thinking, Alexander Sviyash, “90 steps to a happy life. From Cinderella to the Princess. ” The work can be safely called the answer to the question of how to love a woman. The book is written in an interesting style and perfectly stimulates achievements.

Everyday recommendations

How to love yourself as a woman? A definitive answer to this question does not exist, but there are certain rules, adhering to which any seeker will forget how to think about herself in the background:

• one must unconditionally accept such a fact - everything that happened in life should have happened just like that, and not otherwise;
• it is not necessary to see the ideal in other people, but always there must be someone ahead who would like to overtake and overtake;
• learn to take care of yourself, seeing this not as a necessity, but as a source of pleasure;
• one should often compare oneself today with oneself yesterday and note any positive dynamics with positive;
• avoid falling under the influence of such social egregors as television, political parties, fashion, etc.

Psychologists advise trying for a while (for 7-10 days) to give up 3 things (actions, habits), the need for which is controversial, but which, nevertheless, are present in a woman’s life as parasites. It can be: smoking, wearing formless (tasteless clothes), the use of swear words. After the expired test period, it was necessary to evaluate the quality of the “new” life and compare it with the previous one.

Many women note that their life improved significantly after they stopped clinging to their comfort zone and allowed themselves to be carried away by other interests, ideas and pleasures.