Some people, working on a solution to a certain problem, willingly take the trouble to help friends or colleagues who find themselves in a similar situation. In other words, they take upon themselves part of the responsibility of others. Often, interest, shown out of politeness or friendship, causes unnecessary difficulties.
In any team there is an employee who is called irreplaceable. But upon closer inspection, public praise may turn out to be a skillfully veiled manipulation of other people's abilities. How not to turn from a voluntary assistant to a servant?
How to politely say: “No!”
Tactical refusal is a great opportunity to refuse additional loads without stopping interaction with the team. Saying "no" is necessary so as not to be among the unresponsive workers. Experts suggest taking this important step with one of the following techniques.
The first way. Having carefully listened to the request, express your readiness to take action immediately after such important details have been clarified:
- What obstacles may arise during the execution of work?
- What kind of people should be contacted for further clarification, if necessary?
- What operations should be performed first, and which should be left for later?
It is advisable to complete the clarification of the details with an innocent request: to state the procedure once again, in order to avoid misunderstandings. After such a conversation, the opponent will probably understand that he needs a more understanding assistant.
The second way. To fulfill the duties imposed so that in the future no one would have the idea to make such a request.
The third way. To shift to the petitioner a part of his work or household duties, for which now there is no time left.
Interest shown in others is not a guarantee of physical participation
Someone else's life difficulties will deprive the volunteer of internal comfort if, helping others, he cannot solve his own problems. Practicing psychologists suggest the following way out of the situation: to imagine people in the social circle as random fellow travelers. Now they can be observed and inquired about the details of their lives, but not take the information received to heart.
Allowing the interlocutor to "cry in a vest", not looking up from solving his own life tasks, a sympathetic person will not live up to the hopes of others, but will not waste his own reserves.
Kindness needs boundaries
A person who is interested in the emotional state of others and accepts their troubles as their own risks running a self-destruction program. Experts recommend that such people learn to distance themselves from the negative effects of extraneous emotions, giving priority to their own.