It is impossible to assert with certainty exactly when the concept of love was formed. Ancient philosophers and thinkers thought about him. It is difficult to imagine the modern world without it. There are many shades and types of this feeling. They are difficult to define and explain. Nevertheless, we will try, with the help of qualified psychologists, to understand how to distinguish love from affection.
Love evolution
At first glance, it seems that every story of human relationships is unique and inimitable. This is not entirely true. Love or love always begins with sympathy. A man distinguishes from the surrounding crowd one person who seems to him the most interesting and attractive. At the very beginning of communication, the object of sympathy seems to us more and more attractive every day. Sometimes, even after a few days after meeting, one can be sure that this is the second half. Feeling like that is nothing but love. With complete reciprocity and regular communication, a love relationship begins. Gradually, lovers take off their
pink glasses and begin to discover the shortcomings of a partner. A significant part of romanticism and passion from relationships also disappears. Comparing the beginning of the novel and its middle, it is difficult to resist disappointment. How to distinguish love from affection and understand whether it is worth trying to maintain a relationship?
Express test for love and habit
In your free time, being alone, ask yourself a couple of questions and try to answer them honestly. You can even write down all your thoughts. This practice is advised by many practicing psychologists. Question one: what do you like about your partner? Listing some features of appearance, social status, or individual character traits is a direct hint that you are experiencing attachment. A person who truly loves will answer that he appreciates the identity of the partner, being aware of all its strengths and weaknesses. Try to evaluate how these relationships have affected your life. If you are not interested in anything other than a partner, and all other people are “abandoned” by you, it is most likely about attachment. Love is a feeling that preserves and develops a personality. People loving each other retain their own interests. Such a union is full, each of its members can have their own friends and hobbies. Now you know how to distinguish love from affection. The test above can be simplified a bit. Think about how often you talk about yourself and your partner. “We”, “ours”, “us” are words of true love. “I” and “he” are a clear sign of habit or attachment.
Five signs of true love
Still wondering how to distinguish love from attachment to a person? Remember the five main signs that characterize a deep feeling. The first of them is constant thoughts about a loved one. During falling in love or affection, we also often think about who we feel this feeling for. Most often, these are dreams of a joint future and memories of moments spent together. Love is characterized by thoughts of a slightly different nature. A man who loves never forgets that he is not alone. We warn our loved ones if we linger; We worry when they are late, we miss during separation. A good way to distinguish love from affection is to analyze the quality of communication with your loved one. If the feeling is real and deep, you can talk with each other for hours and on any topic. Popular wisdom says that love is the desire to make a loved one happy. Indeed, it is difficult to imagine this feeling without this emotion. True love is inspiring. For the sake of the joint future and happiness of her lover, I want to be better and achieve success. A loving person soberly evaluates his chosen one. The secret of love lies in the fact that, knowing all the shortcomings, we continue to love and accept the partner as he is.
Symptoms of Attachment
Many people ask themselves: “How to distinguish love from affection?” The psychology of relationships gives an exact answer. Attachment differs from love by a pathological dependence on the object of sympathy. In relationships characterized by this feeling, there is always a side that "loves", and the second, "allowing you to love yourself." Dependence is manifested in the desire to spend as much time as possible with a loved one and the desire to possess him alone. Very often in such relationships there is a hypertrophied feeling of jealousy. At the same time, the dependent side can be very jealous of other people, including relatives, pets and even inanimate objects. Sometimes the attachment becomes so strong that in the absence of a “beloved” one observes not only a suppressed moral state, but also physical symptoms of malaise.
Affection: is it bad or good?
At first glance, it seems that it is love-dependence that can help build strong and long-term relationships. But actually this is a big mistake. Attachment brings a lot of problems to each of the partners. The addict is in constant psychological tension. He is sincerely upset every time a partner is not nearby. Most often, experiencing affection, a person realizes how much he is dependent on his soulmate. Hence the fear that the partner may disappear from the life of the addict. A party that “allows itself to be loved” has no easier relationship in such relationships. The main problem is too much attention from the partner. The addict will call every hour, demand communication. Surely he will be offended if his beloved wants to spend the weekend without him.
Love is respect and care
Love is much like affection and love. And yet this feeling is special. No wonder he is called the highest and the present. Love never brings negative emotions and is built on pure selflessness. If you value and respect your partner because he treats you well, it's about falling in love or affection. A loving person will take care of his soulmate. He really cares how his partner’s day went, and he’s always ready to talk heart to heart, help in solving problems. Feeling love, a person knows that his chosen one is not perfect. But, despite this, he respects him and will never allow himself to speak disrespectfully of him.
Love does not love?
Understanding yourself is not easy, but quite realistic if you wish. And how to distinguish love from affection in marriage and understand how your spouse feels towards you? You can get an answer to this question by analyzing the behavior of your soulmate. The easiest way to recognize affection from a partner. If the other half literally chokes you with their attention and wants to control your every move, most likely there is no love. A simple way to distinguish between love and affection in men: try to understand how jealous he is. Unfortunately, constant scandals and baseless suspicions have nothing to do with love. High feelings allow partners to feel harmony. Loving people almost do not swear and are always respectful to each other.
Is it possible to love your partner after years of marriage?
Having understood that in marriage you are not experiencing love, but affection, it is difficult to resist disappointment. What to do in such a situation? Is it really necessary to urgently file for a divorce? In fact, you can live for many years, experiencing only a sense of affection for your partner. But there is an alternative option - try to love him. Try to give more freedom to your chosen one. Take care of yourself, find interests outside the home and spouse. This does not mean that the value of your soulmate in your life will decrease. Leading an active lifestyle, you will become a more interesting person. Perhaps this will help you more productively and efficiently spend time with your loved one. We hope that our article on how to distinguish love from affection has helped you understand your own feelings and improve your life.