Do other people's expectations need to be met? This question to one degree or another at least once in a lifetime has been asked by each person. There are a lot of different opinions and tips regarding how to behave when they expect something from you. And often they are directly opposite.
Some experts argue that there is no need to realize the hopes of others. Others say the opposite. So what to do in this situation? First you need to understand who and what expects. For example, if the boss is waiting for overtime, this is one thing. But if the marriage partner is hoping for a change in habits, then the situation is already completely different.
What can they be?
When a person thinks whether or not it is necessary to justify the expectations of others, he usually forgets one nuance - he himself has certain hopes and expects something from other people. Accordingly, all of them can be divided into two large groups:
- Own.
- Aliens.
Own can be directed not only to other people, but also to circumstances, phenomena and, in principle, anything. You can wait for sunny weather and end up with rain. Or hope to get a premium, and instead face the need to pay a fine. That is, one's own hopes can relate to any aspect of life, including the behavior or actions of people.
Aliens are characterized by only one direction. That is, these are situations in which other people are waiting for certain actions or manifestations of emotions, behavioral patterns from the person himself. The individual can justify them or not.
Thus, another division of expectations, both one's own and those of others, becomes apparent. They are divided into two types - justified and not.
If a person waits for rain and takes an umbrella with him, and there is not a single cloud in the sky all day, this is his own unjustified expectation. In the case when the boss at work hopes for additional efforts made by the employee in his spare time, and the employee is delayed and performs the task - this is an example of how you can justify them.
What do you most often face in life?
A person who has not had to deal with this problem is a rare lucky one. As a rule, it is necessary to justify other people's expectations from early childhood to old age.
Initially, a certain behavior is expected from the child. Parents want the baby not to cry, not to be capricious, to eat well, not to get dirty and not break toys. The child grows up and the expectations of loved ones become different. Now he must study successfully, have certain "good" friends, follow the rules of behavior, etc.
Often, visits to specific circles and sections, clothing style, even books and films are imposed. When the time comes for graduation, parents want the child to go to study at a particular university.
In the future, a person has to live up to the expectations of teachers of the institute, fellow students, colleagues and superiors. As soon as a serious personal relationship arises in life, the expectations of the partner appear. Of course, at some stage in life there is a need to meet the expectations of children, and then grandchildren.
Accordingly, we cannot single out what we have to deal with more often. All life is filled with other people's expectations. But do not forget that in parallel with strangers there are always their own. For example, a child expects gifts from parents for a holiday, cooked food, a bicycle, or something else. An adult wants help, respect and friendship from colleagues at work. Thus, expectations are always mutual. And before you justify someone else’s hopes, you should remember this.
When is it really needed?
Of course, they should not always be justified. But to take with hostility every situation in which someone has certain hopes for you is also not worth it. First you need to decide how unacceptable and difficult to justify the hopes of another.
For example, if the marriage partner expects the other half to stop scattering things around the room, then you should try to make an effort on yourself. This is a trifle, which is not an occasion to defend your own "I". If the child is waiting for a weekend trip to the park, but the adult does not want to strain, do not disappoint the baby.
First, to not live up to the expectations of children is to give them a reason not to embody the expectations of their parents. Children learn from adults. And secondly, this behavior shows the priority of the parents, because their own laziness here will be higher than the desire of the baby to spend time with mom and dad.
In work situations, things are much more difficult. It is worth carefully weighing all the pros and cons before meeting the expectations of management or colleagues if they are not related to immediate responsibilities. In any case, we must not forget that you can always say a solid "no."
When can’t you follow the lead?
Everything in the world is relative and has its limits. Including compliance with other people's expectations. If a person constantly follows the lead of others, then this leads to an internal conflict of his own “I” and the surrounding reality. And this, in turn, can cause a nervous breakdown or the development of depression.
You can not follow the lead of others in fundamental and important issues. For example, if a young man wants to join the army and manage a tank, and quite consciously and seeing the prospects in this occupation, and not just succumbing to agitation, then he should not embody the expectation of a mother who believes that her son needs to go to a veterinary academy. If a woman wants to pursue a career and in the future sees herself as the head of the company, there is no need to embody the aspirations of others to have grandchildren or justify the partner’s hopes of leaving the service after the wedding.
Particular care must be taken to approach the expectations of superiors for additional work. If you always agree, then the manager will become in the habit of waiting for overtime work. And when the time comes for a choice between what the employee planned and the requirements of the boss to stay and do overtime, the refusal can be perceived as something out of the ordinary.
In other words, one cannot compromise on what is really important for a person. If you always agree with everything, then, as the people say, “they will sit on the neck and go.”
What should parents remember?
Fear does not live up to the expectations placed on the person by others - this is a serious psychological problem. It’s easier for many to forget about their own desires and needs than to disappoint anyone. And this leads to the loss of self, and the inevitable development of depression. Anyone who is used to realizing others' hopes will never be happy.
The roots of this fear are hidden in childhood. Parents who make a scandal, demonstrate their disappointment, scold the baby for having received the "three", and not the "five", form a psychological complex. It is worth thinking carefully before punishing the child for the fact that he inadvertently refused to live up to expectations.