The eternal problem of fathers and children has always existed. It lies in the fact that at a certain stage of the “adult-child” interaction a conflict arises that requires speedy consideration and a mutually beneficial solution. The problem of generations in itself is quite acute and conflicting. It is difficult for the parties to agree precisely because each has its own ideas about how life should be arranged.
Often parents simply sincerely worry about their children, and therefore seek to control their actions in everything. Children do not understand this, it seems to them that their freedom is being limited, and intentionally. But the parent never acts negatively towards the child, so to speak, out of harm, while the offspring is sometimes ready to suffer for the principle. This is the main problem of fathers and children. Arguments can be very different: from the desire to defend your point of view to the zealous defense of the individual.
General patterns of misunderstanding between generations
The most open and protracted conflicts are mainly caused by fathers and children. The problem of generations often does not allow to come to a single agreement, to understand and hear each other in a contradictory, desperate struggle of ideals, meanings, ideas. From the side it may seem to some that the children grow up ungrateful, but they simply uphold their personality, the desire to be autonomous and self-sufficient in everything. Another question: are they ready for this independence, about which they so selflessly shout? Probably not. Adolescents and youths are still sufficiently immature to begin an independent life: they simply cannot provide themselves with housing, adequate nutrition.
“I'm already an adult!”
Often such a phrase can be heard from a child of thirteen to sixteen years old. He wants to do as he sees fit, to realize his bold ideas and goals. However, it should be remembered that it is more important for a teenager to uphold the principle than to do something in reality. And he argues with the parent more often because he is not able to negotiate otherwise yet. It is important for him that others perceive him as an adult and an accomplished person. Moreover, in fact, he is still a child and not ready for a full independent life.
The problem of generations is often exacerbated by the fact that the child does not understand at all what it means to be an adult. It seems to him that the most important thing is to be able to prove your case, an idea in a dispute, but in fact genuine maturity comes when a young man is ready to provide for himself and to live completely independently. Not everyone is ready for such a step as separation from parents at 18, 20, 25 years and older.
“You dress defiantly!”
Such a replica can be heard by older children. Parents often believe that their offspring grow up too quickly, wear clothes that spoil them, unnecessarily attract the attention of others. Children have a completely different vision of the situation. It seems to them that it is their parents who take care of them too much, do not let them step on their own.
What can parents advise? It’s clear that you absolutely do not like how your child dresses: some strange styles, dark or, on the contrary, too bright colors. But the best you can do is accept your child’s choice. Respect his personality in him - and then one day he will listen to your opinion. Children should be more patient and not overextend their "independence", remembering that they have not yet become independent.
Examples of the problem of fathers and children: a daughter of fifteen years old is going on a date, painted in front of a mirror. Mother makes a remark to her: a short skirt that causes makeup. As a result, the daughter is offended and defiantly leaves. The problem is not solved. The daughter is still a minor and cannot support herself.
The son of sixteen loves to listen to rock music. All his pocket money that his parents give him, he spends on the purchase of music CDs. The father does not like the hobby of his son, he would like to see him in the future as a successful athlete. At every opportunity, the father tells his son that his hobby is worth nothing and cannot be considered worthy of a real man. The son is offended, although he does not change his position. The conflict is sluggish, but lengthy.
Difference of interests
It is important to understand that parents and children cannot have the same outlook on life, only with rare exceptions there is an almost complete idyll. This is absolutely normal, and there is no need at all to strive to ensure that everyone likes everything. In addition, we should not forget that for parents the atmosphere of peace and quiet is important, while children need communication with their peers, festivities, which means dynamism and noise.
Conflicts can cause fathers and children themselves. The problem of relationships is formed more quickly where there are tangible disagreements, pronounced contradictions.
The problem of individual housing
Perhaps this is the most painful issue that can only arise in a parent-child relationship. Of course, this applies to adult children who are already eighteen to twenty years old, and adult young people. As you grow up, you want independence, you want to see the results of your work. In this case, the problem of fathers and children does not seem far-fetched. The arguments are more than serious: the child must learn to be completely independent. But not every family has the opportunity to provide the child with everything necessary in advance, to buy him an apartment by the time he is ready to provide for himself. Those who do not have the means to buy an apartment should somehow get out of the situation: rent separate housing or continue to live with their parents. In the event that a young man or girl, having reached a conscious age, remains under the roof of their home, they must contribute to the family budget. After all, parents should not feed and support children of great age, this would be extremely wrong.
Beliefs and Values
The problem of fathers and children (the arguments in favor of the fact that the older and younger generations should listen to druk to a friend are not always correctly perceived) often generates mutual insults and misunderstandings. It seems to parents that if an adult child lives with them, then he must live according to their orders, in everything to fulfill their will. The young man would be happy to separate, but for now, for example, finances do not allow.
The outlook on life, the beliefs of parents and children, even with low conflict, will vary to some extent. After all, every person has his own goals and aspirations. Achievements of children are far from immediately visible, sometimes significant efforts are required.
The problem of borders and freedom
Those who have lived side by side with their parents for many years, and then finally got the opportunity to purchase their own housing, will no doubt appreciate all the advantages of a separate residence. Parents may be the most gold, but they can consider their task of raising children when the child has reached a good level of independence: he has the opportunity to rent housing, eat separately, provide for himself, to solve emerging issues. In a word, you need to take responsibility, and only then proceed to adulthood. Independence in itself requires large investments, the benefits are not immediately noticeable.
Living with parents under one roof, we involuntarily violate their personal space, and they inadvertently interfere with ours. This must be taken into account and understood if you are not going to separate yet. Of course, not everyone has such an opportunity, but then you must accept the rules that prevail in your family. To bend your line, argue, conflict with parents, being in their care, is unworthy, ugly and wrong.
Examples of Conflict in Fiction
One of the most significant is the problem of fathers and children. The works of Russian classical literature show us examples of such manifestations of conflict. I immediately recall famous characters: Yevgeny Bazarov and Pavel Petrovich Kirsanov, “fighting” in a verbal duel for an idea. In addition to them, there are heroes from the drama "Thunderstorm": Katerina, who could not live with a grumpy mother-in-law, and her husband Tikhon, who has been adjusting her mother’s desires all her life.
Modern problems of fathers and children
Today, generational conflicts exist the same way as many years ago. The reasons for the disagreement are the difference of interests, outlook on life, views, housing problem. The latter is a sore point for many, since not having a home for some young people leads to the prospect of spending their whole lives in losers.
No one is so keen to prove his innocence to the opponent as fathers and children. Relationship problem often lies in the reluctance to understand, take into account the needs of each other.
Steps to maintaining a warm, trusting relationship
For those who want to please their loved ones for many years, it is better to understand the motives of their actions and just their moods, our tips will be useful. A strong thread connected with each other fathers and children. The problem of generations more often than not, people don’t understand each other correctly. They seem to speak different languages. Children should respect their parents, respect their experience and wisdom, and not be ashamed to learn any useful skills. Parents will benefit from sincere confidential communication with grown children: their knowledge can be useful more than once. It is important to learn to respect the position of another person, accept him as he really is, and not try to remake him.
Thus, the problem of fathers and children is very substantial and important. Arguments indicating the presence of difficulties in interaction always contain the keys to a positive solution. Once you want to change something in your life, there are adequate and acceptable ways to realize this intention.