A midlife crisis always creeps up unexpectedly. You are 30 or 35, and suddenly depression appears on the horizon. You want changes, because it seems that life is almost over and old age is just around the corner. How to get rid of these obsessive thoughts? Read below.
What is a midlife crisis?
This is a condition that appears in men and women in the middle of their life paths. The midlife crisis marks a new round in your life. Usually he comes with his next birthday. A man involuntarily thinks about age, then looks at himself in the mirror and suddenly realizes that his appearance is slowly starting to change. Wrinkles appear, a figure swims and it seems that nothing good in life is waiting for you. What is a midlife crisis? This is an awareness of impending death. A person understands that most of his goals and plans have not become a reality, and the allotted time may not be enough to fulfill a dream. Some people may realize that they live with an unloved person, go to boring work and have never traveled abroad. At this turning point, a person can choose several roads. He will either begin to realize his long-established goals, or succumb to depression and begin to engage in self-flagellation. And then, for the sake of self-affirmation, he can start buying expensive toys that he can’t afford. It can be cars, apartments or a widescreen TV. But such a thoughtless amount of loans does not help a person to feel better, but only exacerbates the problems even more.
Does everyone have a crisis?
No, far from all people are affected by this problem. Some may live happily until retirement and not know what a midlife crisis is. Why do some suffer from it, while others do not? People who know how to set goals and achieve what they want, those who have acquired family and children in time, those who know how to get along with others, will be able to avoid problems. The midlife crisis affects people with low self-esteem who are accustomed to putting life off for later. It always seems to such people that tomorrow will come, and on this mythical day everything can be changed. Today you can relax and watch TV. There are no miracles. So for laziness and apathy you have to pay psychological problems. If a person has not achieved anything in the middle of his life path, and there is some imbalance in the life spheres, then the problems will not take long.
Symptoms
A midlife crisis is not a disease. Some people consider him even a normal life phenomenon. But this is not so. A crisis is a condition in which a person falls into, who for a long time does not solve the accumulated psychological problems. If you settle everything in time, go to the therapist or find solutions to difficult situations on your own, then problems will be easily avoided. But so rarely do our compatriots. Do you know at least one person who goes to a therapist? Unlikely. Even if your friend signs up for such a session, he will be ashamed to tell others that he needed help.
The accumulated problems do not find a way out day after day. And any little thing can be the last straw. But still, if you replace the symptoms in time, you can not bring your condition to crisis. If you study yourself well, you can even conduct psychotherapy on your own.
What are the symptoms of a midlife crisis in women and men?
- dissatisfaction with their appearance,
- lack of entertainment
- Quarrels with your partner
- dissatisfaction with children
- misunderstanding at work,
- lack of sports in life.
If you are now around 30, then you should notice all your breakdowns. They show your weaknesses. If you swear with your husband every day, then think about why there are quarrels? Perhaps you want to attract the attention of a man in this way? Or maybe you want to assert yourself? Find the true conflict problem and fight it.
Causes of the crisis
You understand the symptoms of the problem, now you need to understand the causes. One of the most common in men is dissatisfaction with life. Everyone wants to do what they love, achieve a position in society and have an interesting social circle. And if a person does not achieve this, he begins stress. The causes of the midlife crisis in women are the lack of a family and children. Each girl dreams of a large and friendly family. And if a woman was not able to give birth until she was 40, the chances of doing so in the future are reduced to zero. This for many is a psychological trauma. At the age of 30, it seemed to the girls that first you need to start a career, and the family can be pushed into the background. And then it turned out that work at night does not warm. Men are the least worried about unborn children. After all, they will be able to fertilize a woman even at age 60.
Another cause of a midlife crisis can be aging. Not only women, but also men are experiencing a change in appearance. After all, they understand that the peak of their physical activity has already passed, and now, in order to maintain good shape, you need to put in two, or even three times more efforts than before.
Treatment
What is the cure for the midlife crisis and how many years does it affect a person? Each individual has his own psychology, his own complexes and principles. Therefore, the crisis of middle age begins in different ways for everyone. In some, it can start at 30. This is not uncommon for people who grew up without parents. Due to the lack of warmth and support in childhood, various complexes can develop that will only let a person know about themselves at a conscious age. If a person grew up in a normal family, the crisis will overtake him from 35 to 40. At this time, if the person has not achieved success in all areas of life, she will begin to have problems and depression. It will seem that the world has become gray and it’s time to change something. But psychologists say that no matter how a person tries to escape from himself, this will not work. So if you think that moving from Moscow to the Maldives will fix the situation, then this is just an illusion. You should deal with yourself. And if this does not work out for you, you need to go to a specialist.
How to survive a midlife crisis? You need to find a goal in life. Describe your childhood wishes and hobbies and renew them. No one will blame you for this. If you do not have enough emotions, jump with a parachute or go horse riding. If you still do not have a personal life, start dating. Try to find a balance between home, work, family, friends, sports, entertainment and self-development. And if you succeed, then you can assume that you have successfully overcome the crisis.
Or maybe leave the family?
A middle-aged crisis in men after 40 is often associated with this issue. It seems to the man that another woman will be able to make him happier. But the question you should ask yourself is: why is my wife not happy with me? If a man could live in peace with a woman for 10 years, then that means she was quite happy with him. Leaving the family is a difficult decision. You can’t take it rashly. Especially if there are children. A man should clearly be aware of what he wants to find in a new relationship? Passion, tenderness, understanding or love? You should first talk to your wife. Perhaps she also lacks this. You can always leave. First you need to try to save the marriage. And if nothing can be done already, then parting will be the best solution.
The midlife crisis in women is a little different than in men. The fair sex is more phlegmatic, so it is quite simple for them to destroy a marriage. Especially this decision is easily taken by ladies who have already managed to acquire a lover. It seems to the woman that the new man will love her forever, that passion cannot disappear. But it should be understood that until a person changes himself, he will attract the same people with the same characters and views on the world.
Will a change of image help?
How is a midlife crisis after 30? Symptoms in women can be this: they look in the mirror and see the first wrinkles, gray hair, pigment spots on the skin. All this suggests thoughts of approaching old age. But not a single woman wants to grow old. Therefore, many decide at this age for plastic surgery. They do a facelift, they can even change the shape of the nose or lips. It seems to them that their life did not work out because of some external flaws, and not because of internal complexes. What is the point of changing the hairstyle or hair color, if thoughts do not change in any way? Of course, it’s easier for some people to tune themselves in to the fact that a new life must necessarily begin with external changes. But remember: nothing in life will change until you change.
What to do if the husband has a midlife crisis and he begins to get younger? Pay your attention to it. After all, men, like women, always want to look prettier for the opposite sex. Therefore, the wife should be the first to appreciate the efforts of men. After all, if this is not done by a close woman, there is someone on the side who can appreciate the efforts at their true worth.
Take care of your health
How to treat middle-aged risse in men? By the age of 35, the body begins to lose its former shape and strength. And in order not to be horrified, looking at yourself in the mirror, you need to play sports. This will help to avoid many health problems. And most importantly, people who play sports think more soberly and originally. The flow of oxygen and blood to the brain helps improve cognitive abilities. And sport is a great way of a kind of meditation. In this state, it is difficult to think or engage in self-flagellation. After all, you need to focus on breathing and consider approaches to sports equipment. After training, not a single person feels bad, at least morally. Therefore, if you do not know what to do or how to improve your life, you can safely go to the gym.
And what to do after a midlife crisis? Do not stop training in any case. Do not take fitness as a medicine. Think of sports as an integral part of life. Then it will be easier to go to the gym.
Children are the flowers of life
Think about why you came into this world? Right to fulfill your life mission. But you will someday die. And in order to convey your accumulated knowledge and your experience, you need to think about children. It is they who make life full. Yes, you cannot make a child the meaning of his life and the center of the universe. But it is the children who will brighten up your old age and bring a glass of water when you are already unable to stand up. Therefore, so as not to cause a midlife crisis, think about children at 28. And if you give birth to your first child under 30, perhaps psychological problems will bypass you. You do not have to cheat yourself and envy couples with children.
And what are the symptoms of a midlife crisis in men after 40? At this age, the man understands that children are part of his life. And if they are, he begins to take an active part in their development. But to earn children's attention and love is sometimes difficult. Especially if the guys rarely see dad. Therefore, a man can become depressed because his own children do not like him. In order not to look for the answer to the question of how to earn the sympathy of a child, you should pay attention to your child from his very birth.
Prevention
In order not to think about what to do for dinner after a midlife crisis, you should, having felt its symptoms, immediately begin to solve the problem. What kind of prophylaxis do? A little exercise should be done. Draw a circle and divide into those areas of life that seem important to you. It can be family, work, self-development, friends, love, sport, etc. Now put an end to each sector. It should be closer to the middle, the less you pay attention to this area. Then connect the dots. Do not worry if you get a tarantula, not a circle. Your task is to make your life in order. If you are not doing your health, sign up for a massage or in the pool, if you do not pay attention to the family, stop working in the evenings. Perform this exercise every week and you will always know which area of your life needs increased attention.
To always feel confident, you need to work with your self-esteem. Many people manage to live a lifetime, while not experiencing any pleasure from life itself. It is clear that in this situation, the midlife crisis will not take long. If a person will spend at least every weekend interestingly, go on trips, gather with friends, get out into the forest, then he will not have the impression that life is passing by. But if a person will spend free evenings and all his days off watching TV, then it will not be difficult to understand what threatens this person at 30 with obesity.
Learn to do everything in advance. It will help you a lot in life. If you don’t get exhausted all the time because you are doing the project at the last moment, you will have time to spend it alone with your thoughts. Does it seem complicated to you? Yes, organizing your life is sometimes difficult. But when you control everything that happens, calmly making some adjustments that will always appear, it will be easier to monitor what is happening around you. Thus, it will be possible to easily develop a habit of analysis. And this skill will help you sort out all your problems in a proven way.