The ability to communicate is very necessary in the modern world. "What's so complicated?" - you ask. We have been able to speak since kindergarten. Indeed, all people talk, but near some there is always a crowd of people who catches their every word, while others, trying to build a verbal structure, get confused in simple phrases that do not set up interlocutors for a long and fruitful communication.
Today we want to talk about how to ask the right question. This skill can be useful to you in any situation, during an interview and conclusion of a transaction, at a meeting and during a presentation, in any domestic conflict and difficult conversation with a teenager. Reading further, you will understand that sometimes asking is much more difficult than answering. Moreover, if you know how to ask the right question, then you already know the answer to it and can figure out how the dialogue will unfold further. That is, the one who asks questions, sets the direction of the conversation, structures and directs it in the right direction.
Why ask questions
Even the question mark itself reminds us of a fishing hook. And indeed, in any dialogue, it is the question that is the hook with the bait, on which you can catch the interlocutor. If you know how to ask the right question, then you can easily turn the conversation in any direction. However, this does not mean that the questions are used exclusively for manipulative purposes. Not at all, actually well formulated, it involves a fairly large number of possible alternatives. The question helps to obtain new information, opens the interlocutor to the dialogue, directs the conversation and helps to clarify certain points.
But that is not all. Since asking the right question is not as easy as it seems at first glance, this remains a minority skill. It is these people who can easily transfer the conversation to another topic, suggest an answer. The functions of the question are also a demonstration of one’s assessment, one’s opinion, and adjustment of the interlocutor’s emotions in a certain way.
If we consider the process of mastering new knowledge, then the ability to formulate a question is a kind of measure of the depth of awareness of the material obtained. No wonder they say that only those who know how to think ask questions. That is, to ask questions, you need to be very well-versed in this topic.
The development of the ability to ask questions
Speaking about how to learn to ask the right questions, you involuntarily recall your school years. The first skills come from there, and often they are formed incorrectly. The standard form of education forms in children an idea that there is only one correct answer to any question. That is, the desire to think is killed, only memorization is used. Moreover, the situation when a question is asked for which there is no ready answer is perceived as unpleasant. Although this situation is completely normal. Realizing that you do not know the answer to the question, and trying to find the answer to it, we are one step closer to how to learn to ask the right questions. Moreover, the older the person, the more rigid his thinking becomes and the more difficult it will be for him to adapt to new skills, so you need to learn to learn from early childhood. And the questions, in fact, are needed to better navigate the world around us. Therefore, if you learned to ask them, you will be more successful than those who have not learned this skill .
Where better to ask questions
In fact, it is difficult to describe any sphere of life that requires the development of this skill. On the one hand, you can do without it, and on the other hand, you will be more successful in any field if you know how to ask the right questions. For any conversation, even personal, the questions that sound correctly will help:
- To show interest in the interlocutor, it does not matter, to the professional side of his personality or to personal qualities.
- Ensure the accessibility of understanding of one’s values to the interlocutor and discover his policies.
- Take the lead in the conversation. This is the most important skill of a novice speaker or any public figure. Questions will help to keep the conversation the right amount of time, change the topic, interrupt the monologue of the interlocutor.
- Depending on your goals, questions will help to acquire the necessary information, hint at a personal position, show confidence or willingness to devote the necessary amount of time for a conversation.
In order to develop this skill, you should learn to conduct internal dialogs, as well as practice with external dialogs.
What is an internal dialogue
This is the first step that you need to go through if you want to know how to ask the right question to a person. It is the inner dialogue that will allow you to learn how to formulate thoughts. Moreover, this process should not be allowed to go randomly. He has a specific goal - a detailed analysis of a specific situation or problem. Moreover, there is a list of questions that apply to this. The first option includes the classic questions “what?”, “Who?”, “Where?”, “When?”, That is, a description of the situation as a whole. The second group of questions allows us to consider each of the above in more detail. They are related to aspects of facts and desires, feelings, time, obstacles and means. That is, questions should clarify these aspects within a given topic. They help in understanding and making decisions based on their needs, preferences and determining the influence of other people on the situation. It is much easier to understand your inner world, organize an internal dialogue and receive intelligible answers.
Question words
In order to hone this skill and transfer it to an external dialogue, the following exercise exists. Since asking the right questions when communicating is far from easy. We will learn from the very basics. You need to come up with a specific topic, for example, "Conflict." Now remember the various concepts associated with this topic, and write them in the right field of the table (a sheet divided in half). This can be anger and unjustified expectations, misunderstanding and severance of relations, stress relief and reconciliation. Question words are added to the left side (at least 10). Now you have to formulate as many questions as possible, which would combine the elements of both columns. Remember situations of conflict, the reasons for which were not clear to you. After carrying out this work, you need to analyze the list, select a couple of questions, the most insightful, productive, and try to argue for yourself, based on what criteria such a choice was made.
So different questions
Here you need an interlocutor, on which you can practice the ability to find the most suitable question in this situation. The essence of the method is very simple. You need to decide on a topic that would be personally interesting to you. Now write down for yourself a few questions on it, which can be answered monosyllabically "yes" or "no", as well as others that imply a detailed answer. For example: “Have you heard about our company before”; "What do you know about our company." Try to conduct a dialogue using both types of questions and compare the results.
Unanswered Question
This is another great game that perfectly trains the ability to ask the right questions. Remember the children's game “Buy Words”: how desperately they searched for the correct answer, bumping into “everybody says every time, and you buy an elephant”. In addition to endurance and patience, she develops the ability to find such a verbal construction that will successfully overcome a difficult situation. In the dialogue we do not always ask questions, have to and answer. Therefore, the reverse skill also helps a lot.
“Chamomile of questions”
You can practice the theory of asking questions using this simple technique. You will again need to choose an interesting topic for yourself, it may relate to relationships in the team, in the family, or something else of your choice. Now in front of you are six petals, each of which will contain only one version of the questions:
- Practical issues. That is, the relationship of theory with practice ("Analyzing the situation, what would you do in this place?")
- Simple questions. This is the usual clarification of facts, events, certain information.
- Evaluation questions. Everything is simple here, it turns out what is the difference, why it is good, and this is bad.
- Clarifying questions (“That is”; “If I understand you correctly ...”)
- Interpretation issues.
- Creative questions (“What would happen if this situation developed 2000 years ago?”)
Such classes will allow you to develop the ability to pose questions, but without practical application, in a dialogue, you will not be able to develop a skill.
Start with yourself, or Prepare for dialogue
No wonder professionals say: ask the right questions, get the right answers. However, it’s easy to be a genius in ordinary conversation. In any other situation, appearing unprepared for a meeting is unacceptable. Your questions should be sketched in advance. Moreover, when starting a conversation, be sure to try to establish a good relationship with a person. Before asking your interlocutor about what interests you, it is worth showing him how interesting he is to you. Open questions are perfect for this, in which you ask a person to talk a little about yourself, about how he spent the day, how he got to a meeting, is it convenient for him now. As soon as the conversation goes into business, it will be possible to move on to questions prepared in advance. So you provide yourself with a psychological advantage.
Ability to ask open-ended questions.
Speaking about how to ask people questions correctly, it should be noted that this usually comes down to the ability to ask an open question (it involves a detailed answer). That is, you, as an interviewer, do not wait for a prepared answer, you want to hear the opinion of a person on a given topic. This alone is conducive to a conversation with you; in this way you show respect. If you need to know more facts about the situation, you can ask clarifying questions: "Who is involved in this?" It is very important to find out how the interlocutor relates to this situation. To do this, be sure to ask: "What is your opinion?"
For a good interviewer it is very important to be able to keep a neutral position. Do not impose your opinion, although you may ask: “Have you considered such an option?” Be sure to regularly ask your opponent what the reason for such a decision is, how did he come to such a conclusion. That is, open-ended questions are a way to engage the interlocutor in a dialogue, to bring him out of a closed state and to set up for dialogue.
Ability to ask closed questions
It would seem that open-ended questions are ideal for conducting any conversations and interviews. However, there are times when they can not do. For example, to ask the right question to men in discussions, it is worth formulating it as clearly and concisely as possible in order to get the same answer. Business men, as a rule, do not like lengthy dialogs, they need a clearly structured dialogue. The better you prepare for it, the more successful it will be. In addition, open questions are always fraught with danger that the interlocutor will lead the dialogue to the side. Therefore, you need to be alert and closed questions (that is, those that suggest a definite answer or the answer "yes" / "no") to return the interlocutor to the point. For this, in your arsenal there are a number of questions “how?”, “What?”, “Who?”, “Where?” and the like.
A theory without practice is useless, therefore, in order to really learn to ask the right questions, you need to hone your skills daily in dialogs, analyze the course of the conversation and the result achieved. Do not be afraid of failures, this is also an invaluable experience, thanks to which you will understand what techniques are best not to use.