Not every woman will find the courage to admit that she feels hatred for men. However, according to psychologists, this is not uncommon. This unpleasant feeling makes it difficult to build a romantic, friendly and working relationship with the opposite sex. And only by understanding yourself, you can get rid of these shackles.
How does is called?
Hatred of men has a scientific name. Mizandria is an established term that means hostility or prejudice towards the stronger sex. More often you can hear the word "hate speech", which can take pathological forms. Mysandria can become a subject of paranoia, and can serve as an occasion for moral or physical violence against the object of hatred.
Psychological aspect
It may seem strange and unnatural to women to hate men. Psychology gives a completely logical explanation for this phenomenon. It has historical and even genetic roots. With the exception of those cultures where matriarchy reigned, a woman was always in the shadow of a man. Her rights were oppressed in every way. Her lot was raising children and housekeeping. Despite the fact that for a sufficiently long period of time, women have equal rights with men, genetic memory makes itself felt. Just as some men consider themselves chief, so some women consider themselves oppressed. This is the primary reason for hatred and gender opposition.
Look for a reason in your father
Female hatred of men is often formed in childhood. As practice shows, girls who are lucky enough to have a good and caring father easily build relationships with the opposite sex. They have some inner sense of security. In such women, a man is associated with love, care, protection. Moreover, they do not perceive so badly failures and disappointments, because they are sure that there are worthy men in the world who are similar to their fathers.
“I hate men,” women most often say who have had difficult relationships in their families. Perhaps from childhood they observed scandals, male cruelty, alcohol abuse and other troubles. Also, negative experience forms the departure of the father from the family. It would seem that all this was in childhood and should not interfere with adulthood. But it is at such an age that the attitude is formed, which determines the relationship with others. A woman subconsciously begins to fear a repeat of the script.
Alien experience
Hatred of men is often biased. Women have a bad habit of trying on someone else's experience. During the gatherings, the "bitter female share" is discussed in detail. Having heard from friends, colleagues, relatives and simply strangers about betrayal, bullying, deceit, the girls cultivate a sense of confidence that all men are the same. "If everyone faces difficulties, then what am I better at?" This is a huge misconception.
Yes, people like to talk about problems. But this does not mean that they are all unhappy in family life. Probably, it is customary to remain silent about happiness, not because it does not exist, but because women are afraid to jinx it. In addition, the fate of each person is unique and inimitable.
Own negative experience
It happens that you come across a rotten apple or an expired chocolate bar, and you feel dislike and aversion to this product for a long time. Sometimes hatred of men is formed on the same principle. Young girls and quite mature women often fall in love with the “wrong” men. After gaining negative experience, they begin to hate other males. Unfortunately, this is a fairly common phenomenon, from which not only the ladies themselves suffer, but also their gentlemen who receive a negative answer.
High expectations
The woman says she hates men because they do not live up to her expectations. Perhaps, from a young age, a fair half of humanity has a certain idea of an ideal life partner. Sometimes this is a collective image, which consists of heroes of novels and series, celebrities and businessmen. Trying the given parameters to others, you find out that there are no ideal ones. As a result, disappointment and hatred in a woman gradually mature - a bad feeling that does not allow one to live normally and enjoy romantic relationships.
It's one step from love to hatred...
If a woman has never had any prejudices, prejudices and fears regarding men, this does not mean at all that relations with the opposite sex will develop smoothly. No wonder they say that from love to hate is one step. Even the strongest relationships can crack, and a woman may have a feeling of hatred for a man who was his most beloved just yesterday. The reasons for this may be the following:
- Denial by a man of female dignity. This can manifest itself in numerous infidelities that a man does not even try to hide. Another humiliating situation is a comparison with previous partners. Hearing that the former was better in bed, in the kitchen, and outwardly won, not a single lady will be able to maintain tender feelings for her beloved.
- Physical and moral abuse. At the stage of courtship and building relationships, men are usually gallant and caring. Nevertheless, as people begin to build a common life and grind to each other, a person can show himself in a completely different way. So, if in the course of domestic quarrels a man begins to use force to prove his innocence, it is difficult to maintain love for him. Also, manifestations of rudeness and aggression can migrate into an intimate life.
- If a man attaches too much importance to other people's opinions, this will soon negatively affect their relationship. If he consults with friends, colleagues, relatives, and not with his spouse, this will certainly become an occasion for hostility.
- The phrase "I hate you" is often said to their husbands by those women who are trying to drive into tight boundaries. If a representative of the stronger sex makes his spouse dress, talk, and build a line of behavior so that friends or relatives like her, this is an unhealthy relationship. A woman will either lose her personality or begin to accumulate anger at her spouse.
- Fortunately, there are many such examples where a man retains all his positive qualities during family life. But here there can be a place of hatred from a woman. The reason most often is a new love or a man you like. Then all the virtues of the spouse begin to literally annoy. In this case, you need to give yourself time. Either new feelings will be scattered, and everything will return to its place, or the only way out will be parting.
- Excessive workload is another reason to negatively treat your spouse. Cooking, cleaning, taking care of children, country chores - all this and much more falls on women's shoulders. It doesn’t matter whether the woman is working or the role of the earner lies with her husband. Having not a minute of free time that can be spent on herself, a woman begins to quietly hate her husband, who refuses to take on even a small part of household chores.
A friend is better ...
A woman’s hatred of a man is not always caused by objective factors. Some ladies have a bad habit of comparing themselves with their friends, neighbors, relatives. Naturally, men are the first to be hit. His husband is not so handsome, not so rich, not so skilled, but just not like the others. This is what makes women hate their spouse. Although it is stupid, but female psychology is as follows.
I hate my husband - what should I do?
Most romantic films and books about love end with a wedding. But, as practice shows, in real life after marriage, a completely new period begins with its subtleties and difficulties. Quite suddenly, a woman can confess to herself: "I hate my husband." What to do? Psychologists give such recommendations:
- First you need to calm down and carefully analyze the situation. You have to understand, hatred is a feeling or emotion? It is possible that this is some kind of turbidity caused by a strong quarrel or misconduct of the spouse. Rest, relax, and everything will pass. If hatred passes through your relationship with a red thread and does not have a specific reason, then most likely the union cannot be saved.
- Imagine that you divorce tomorrow and continue your life without a spouse. Moreover, you will never see him again. How do you like this prospect? If you feel fear, anguish and even panic, urgently put up with your husband, try together to find a way out of the situation. If such fantasies have brought you peace and relief, then your union has outlived itself.
- Learn to forgive. Hatred is a bad feeling that destroys a person from within. Think, is your misconduct so serious to anger at him? Divide the paper into two parts and write down all the faults and good deeds of your beloved. Perhaps the positive qualities outweigh.
- Do not look for flaws in your spouse. Pay attention only to its positive qualities (namely, why you fell in love with it). If there are such negative traits with which you cannot reconcile, try to solve the problem together, and not blame your lover.
- Learn to discuss issues. The longer you keep silent, the more resentment and hatred will accumulate in your soul. In this case, the dialogue must be conducted gently, giving the spouse the opportunity to express their point of view. If you take such a practice as a rule, then you will forget about family scandals, because all disagreements will be resolved through a constructive dialogue.
- Do not hurry. Succumbing to the momentary impulse, you can make an irreparable mistake. It’s better to give each other a little time for reconciliation than to regret a premature breakup.
Is it worth living in an atmosphere of tension and hatred?
If you ever said to your man: "I hate you!" - This is not just a surge of emotions. This means that this feeling has long lived in you. This is evidence of a crisis of relations, from which it is not always possible to find a way out. As a rule, in such situations, the couple try to give their relationship a second life, breathing more romance into them. As a rule, these are joint romantic trips, restaurant trips and other pleasant things that you can do together. But, unfortunately, resentment and hatred of a man persists, despite all efforts.
At this point, you need to answer yourself the question of whether it is worth living further in an atmosphere of tension and hatred. Think about the motives that make you continue to try to maintain such a relationship? Children, money, comfortable life, habit - all these factors are not worth it to spend your life on such an alliance? Perhaps parting will be the only way out that will bring you peace and give you a chance for personal happiness.
A bit of female experience
How often do women say the word “hate”? Former, real and completely strangers men. The fair sex explains their dislike of the opposite sex as follows:
- the man opens his hands, not embarrassed by the presence of children;
- the husband brings the woman to tantrums and nervous breakdowns when they are alone, and in public tries to seem like an ideal family man;
- the husband does not respect female labor (lying on the couch in front of the TV, while his wife knocked down, trying to maintain order in the house);
- if, despite the many indulgences that a wife makes to her spouse, he continues to be a tyrant, he needs to leave him, not being afraid to become a single mother;
- a man humiliates a woman by gender, considering her a lower being;
- all the failures and shortcomings of a man are blamed on his wife;
- he does nothing in the house (he does not care about repairs, old plumbing, broken sockets);
- a man speculates in financial matters and the fact that a woman is financially dependent on him;
- he cheats without even trying to hide it (moreover, love affairs are considered a matter of pride);
- after entering family life, a man ceases to treat a woman with former trepidation and respect, does not give her gifts, does not bring to light, does not pay attention;
- shows cruelty to children.
How to forgive an ex and stop hating him
How to get rid of hatred of men? If this feeling is caused by resentment against your ex, you need, as one well-known song says, to "forgive and release." On the way to this goal you will have to take the following steps:
- Understand the reasons for your hatred. If it’s difficult for you, state your claims to the former in writing. For each item, make an addition, describing your feelings. This will help to throw out negative emotions and relieve mental state.
- Remember what expectations and dreams were associated with your ex. Have they all come true? Mentally thank him for everything that came true. And those desires that have remained unfulfilled, make the goal of further full life.
- Try to understand his motivation. Put yourself in the place of the former and mentally scroll through your head all the critical moments of your relationship. It is possible that you will not find excuses for his behavior, but at least partially be able to understand.
- Forgive yourself. Your hatred of the former is not only an insult to unjustified expectations, but also a fear of repeating the script. Forgive yourself for this weakness and allow yourself to live a new free life.
- Check yourself. Imagine that you met with your ex on the street or in the company of friends. Can you talk to him as if there were no resentment or hatred? If so, then you are ready for a new life full of vivid sensations and romantic feelings.
- When the passions subside, be sure to talk to your ex. Tell him about all the experiences that haunted you during your life together and after parting. Ask him for the same frankness. Perhaps this conversation will be a good lesson for both of you, which will save you from mistakes in future relationships.
- Conduct a final introspection. Perhaps conflict situations, such as those that arose with your ex, you have experienced before. May this become your future science. Never repeat previous mistakes and do not allow the repetition of such scenarios.
Men hate too
The strongest feeling is hatred. It can destroy even the most sincere love and ardent passion. Sometimes hatred between the sexes is mutual. One stream of negative energy provokes the oncoming one. Thus, counting on mutual understanding with the opposite sex, it is worth knowing why a man can hate his woman:
- Excessive passion and initiative. Passionate caresses, as in adult films, are actually not always pleasant for a man. This should be a rare exception, not a tradition. Still, the stronger sex wants to take the initiative, not obey.
- Manipulation of intimacy does not just annoy men, but literally pisses them off. First of all, this concerns not so lonely as married. If a woman, at the slightest discord, “takes revenge” on her lack of intimacy, this is a direct path to mutual hatred.
- Most men hate women who pretend to be touchy and shy. Of course, we are not talking about rushing to the neck of the representatives of the stronger sex at the first meeting. But if the relationship has moved to a more serious stage, the behavior of the “nun” or “blue stocking” can simply offend the man and even form complexes in him.
- Men do not tolerate women who are biased against the stronger sex, believing that they have only the “one” on their minds. This is a kind of humiliation and accusation of limited views. Thinking of men in this way, one can hardly count on a respectful and reverent attitude towards oneself.
- Men hate women who transfer to them the entire burden of responsibility for shared happiness and well-being. These are some "princesses on a pea" who expect from their beloved active actions, without taking any steps towards.
- Men do not like women who are not confident in their appearance. Have you noticed that self-critical beauties are less likely to be happy in their personal lives than self-confident ladies whom nature has not awarded with such outstanding data? If you do not love yourself and will constantly focus on your flaws, a man will sooner or later believe in your "unattractiveness."
- Another factor of hatred is a refusal to take care of yourself some time after the start of a relationship. Many ladies, thinking that they have already got a man, relax. They stop wearing beautiful underwear, feminine clothes. Moreover, they allow themselves to walk with unwashed heads and scruffy nails. Naturally, a man does not want to be with such a woman, because of which mutual resentment and hatred arise.
- Like ladies, men transfer their attitude to the opposite sex from childhood. If he had a problematic relationship with his mother, some other relative, and even a school teacher, most likely he would harbor anger over the entire fair sex.
Conclusion
A man and a woman are created in order to live in love and harmony, build joint happiness and raise children. It sounds so beautiful that the hatred between the sexes seems unnatural. Nevertheless, the beautiful half of humanity often experiences this unpleasant emotion. But do not blame them for this. It is possible that the causes of this phenomenon lie deep in the mind. A difficult childhood, a delinquent man, psychological problems, and many other factors can cause hatred of men. This feeling can and must be fought.