A person with a difficult character often suffers from those qualities that developed during his life. He does not understand why people shy away from him, and communication does not bring either pleasure or benefit. The complex nature is manifested in sarcasm, conflict, envy and other features. However, even such people, having worked hard on themselves, will be able to achieve spiritual harmony.
The interaction of a complex person with the world
It is not easy to deal with a person who has a difficult character. Such people often offend others, spoil their mood. Often they begin to be avoided, since communication with them rarely brings joy. If you had to deal with such a person, the simplest solution is to enter into communication with him as little as possible. The main signs of a severe nature, signaling the need to reduce the number of contacts, are:
- Unwillingness to listen to the interlocutor.
- A sense of rightness, even in situations where there is no reason for him.
- Aggressiveness, conflict, non-expressiveness.
- Propensity for criticism and nit-picking.
- Depression, a tendency to dramatization.
If it seems that only such people are around, this is an occasion to think: perhaps personal problems are not peculiar to them, but to the person himself.
Irritability
Excessive irritability is one of the main signs of a severe nature. One person will behave calmly while in traffic. Another will furiously honk and scold everyone around him - both drivers and pedestrians. If something doesn’t happen according to plan, someone will step on his foot, or if the child will bring a bad mark from school, this could turn into a real Apocalypse for such a person. Psychologists believe that irritability as an inborn character trait is inherent in only 0.1% of the total population. In other cases, this quality is a consequence of psychological problems acquired during the lifetime.
Pickiness
Often people with a heavy character believe that truth is born in a dispute, but living in peace with other people will still fail. On the one hand, constructive criticism helps to become better and benefits. But such people forget that not only what is said is important, but also how this information is presented.
By the way, phrases like “He is a complete idiot if he does not understand this” or “Her hands do not grow from there” are insults, not criticism. It is useful to remember this for people with a hard character.
The reason for such picky is often the features of education in early childhood. A child who had to listen to criticism from his parents for any act gets used to this behavior. Often, to adjust this character trait, you can not do without a long work with a psychotherapist.
Sarcasticity
This trait of a severe nature is aimed at hurting other people and hurting their shortcomings. Moreover, this is always done in the most sophisticated terms and often in front of everyone. Pleasant jokes can never spoil your mood. As for sarcasm, it causes only one negative emotions. This phenomenon is a socially acceptable form of aggression. If a person cannot tell another everything that he thinks about him, that makes him a target for his sarcastic statements.
Often the cause of sarcasm is the desire to attract the attention of others. Psychologists have found that this feature is characteristic of people who came from large families. It also affects those in whose families parents and other adults were not ashamed to communicate with each other through ridicule.
To overcome the craving for acute slander, you need to think - why pronounce offensive words and what is their ultimate goal? Indeed, in order to attract the attention of society, there are many more positive ways. If the statement of a colleague or relative seems sheer stupidity and causes a desire to give a cruel joke, it is useful instead to ask the interlocutor a few clarifying questions. For example: “Why do you think so?”, “How do you think, can things be different?” This will help to prove himself a delicate and attentive person. This will allow the interlocutor to maintain self-esteem.
The tendency to dramatize events, anxiety, depression
These qualities of people with a heavy character spoil life both for themselves and their associates. After all, they also have to constantly listen to complaints and nagging about how bad things are. The neighbors have an expensive car, the friend has a prettier wife, and the acquaintances the child managed to enter a prestigious university. The quality of life in the country is deteriorating, but salaries are not rising; and the weather every day is somehow unimportant. This is approximately the way these people think, infecting others with their pessimism.
To get rid of the habit of seeing everything in a dark light, it is useful to work on yourself. It is necessary to develop the habit of seeing things in more positive colors. Also, such a person needs to do everything in his power so that his life becomes pleasant and comfortable, brings joy.
I have a hard character: what to do? General recommendations
To be a difficult person means to condemn oneself to conflicts and loneliness. And the first step to overcoming these difficulties will be the realization of their shortcomings. People with this personality structure are often inclined to notice only the minuses of the people around them and not pay attention to their own. Even in a situation where others point out that they are wrong, they will continue to continue to believe that they misunderstood them and want to offend them.
Having a heavy character is not easy, because you need to learn to control yourself. In conflict situations, it’s useful to muffle your own feelings for a while and take an interest in what others are saying about you. Do not rush to be rude in reply or make excuses: for a start, it is better to listen impartially to criticism of other people. This will help to understand what image has developed in their head and how they perceive such behavior. If this image is negative, it should be changed.
Manage emotions
But to admit their shortcomings is only the beginning of the struggle with a difficult character. Often people get stuck half way, invent all kinds of excuses for themselves. “Nothing can be done, because I have such a character,” they say. Such an excuse becomes universal for them. They use it in any conflict situation or to justify their own weaknesses.
In reality, a severe character is not a sentence. It is formed throughout the life of a person. Only on the personality itself depends on where she will direct her natural inclinations. For example, everyone knows that people of choleric temperament are often unrestrained and irritable. But even they are quite capable of controlling their own outbursts of aggression.
If anger deprives the ability to think soberly, one should not seek to express it as soon as possible. On the contrary, first you need to slightly reduce the intensity of emotions. To do this, it is useful to use techniques of relaxation, deep breathing. Sports and fitness can help get rid of excess adrenaline. Especially effective in this regard are martial arts.
If a lover is a complex person
The severe nature of a man is not an easy test for every lady. At the beginning of the relationship, usually the weaknesses of the stronger sex are not manifested as clearly as after the end of the candy-bouquet period. When the gentleman realizes that the girl no longer needs to be looked after in order to achieve her benevolence, he gradually begins to show his true face.
In any pair, people eventually begin to learn about each other's shortcomings. But the usual relationship is characterized by the fact that these shortcomings, with due effort on the part of men and women, can be overcome and leveled. For example, if a husband constantly throws socks, this is not critical for family life. The wife can put the box in another corner of the room and offer her beloved to play volleyball with the help of socks, trying to throw them right on target.
But if the spouse is stubborn and difficult in nature, constantly provokes conflicts, God forbid, raise his hand to his wife, here one should seriously think about the advisability of continuing the relationship and the possible risks to health and life.
Other cases of severe people
The same applies to cases in which a male boss has a complex character. After all, constant interaction with such a person at work is no better than the need to endure the husband’s antics at home. Therefore, those who wish to maintain a psychological balance are also advised to minimize communication with those people who have a difficult character, in whatever field of activity they have to deal with them.
If a relative is a difficult person, here the problem requires a more detailed consideration. It may be necessary to undergo joint psychotherapy in order to find common ground, to make communication softer. But one thing must be remembered: if a person does not want to take into account the interests of loved ones, then it is unlikely that he can be influenced by persuasion.
If the soul refuses to accept this person with its terrifying flaws - this is a signal that it is time to change your environment. Unfortunately, such people often have to be deleted from life, since they themselves change extremely rarely.