In psychology, special attention is paid to the phenomenon of grief, and, as a consequence, to the stages of grief. After the death of a loved one, due to a serious life failure or separation, negative emotions can overwhelm a person so much that sometimes it seems that there will be no way out. Specialists who are well aware of the characteristics of the human psyche can talk about how grief develops and what successive stages it goes through. Understanding that this is only a temporary phenomenon, it is easier for a person to cope with what is happening in the soul.
What is it about?
It is customary to call burning the first response of a person to a certain loss expressed by emotions. Most often, psychologists have to work with people who are experiencing successively stages of grief at the death of a loved one. However, this is not the only reason. Losses that provoke difficult experiences are different. Events may not be fatal at all, from the side such seem insignificant, but the person takes them seriously, so the emotional crisis proceeds in a severe form. In some, it is provoked by the loss of the embryo, termination of pregnancy, in others - the divorce or rupture of unformed formal romantic relationships. Grief arises from the loss of financial well-being, social status. In some, the condition is formed due to the loss of a workplace or injury, injury.
As is known from psychology, the stages of grief often accompany the process of abandoning a dream that was simply impossible to realize and a person realized this. A similar condition may cause lost opportunities. If there is no chance to realize oneself in the chosen business, earn the desired amount and move to another country with relatives, a person may be in the arms of great grief. This is possible if it does not seem realistic to be with a loved one or give birth to a child. Excessive ambitiousness, unjustified expectations, the inability to realize aspirations are possible factors of grief. A person loses something that has not come true, and his psyche responds to it with heavy emotional experiences.
Experiences and reaction
The strength of the reaction to an event is usually determined by its significance and scale in the life of a particular person. In many respects, the duration of being in grief depends on what happened. There is nothing surprising in the fact that psychologists are well aware of the stages of grief at death, separation, disappointment, because this very phenomenon of sinking in grief is a cultural process. It is realized by psychic mechanisms for carrying out an emotional reaction to what happened. The main goal of grief is to restore the person as quickly as possible and return the opportunity to live and work normally, leaving what happened in the past. A procedure, a sequence of steps is a natural defensive mechanism that has appeared so that a person does not perceive the lost too tragically, which means he can continue to live normally. To some extent, the sequence can be called a psychological multi-stage way in which a person moves from tragedy to a new reality.
Although the stages of grief after the death of a loved one, divorce, abortion, and other tragic events have been studied fairly well, not everyone has an idea of such a process among non-specialists. Professionals, in turn, know that not everyone can cope with what happened - the psyche of a particular person can not withstand the pressure. The grief becomes excessively intense and destroys the person from the inside. It is disproportionate to the cause of the event. There are cases when grief accompanies a person for too long, which leads to the destruction of life.
So different but so alike
Studies have shown that the stages of grief at the death of a loved one, due to separation, the loss of a part of the body is the same for all people living in the same society. Nationality, tribe, narrow society - the conditions in which similar methods are formed to deal with grief, and often they are not recognized by people. In different cultures, the stages are somewhat different. Researchers have identified several stages and forms. The results of research and the calculations of psychiatrists depend on the era in which observations were made, which society was in the focus of attention.
If we consider a homogeneous society within the limited historical stage, all its representatives will have the same stages of struggle with grief. The intensity and duration of the process strongly depend on the characteristics of a particular person, human psychology.
On examples
As psychologists have been able to identify, almost any person experiences a stage of grief that precedes loss. It is observed if a loved one is seriously ill, if family relations have become very bad. The person tries to prepare emotionally for the upcoming difficult event. It is at this stage that the universal stage of grief for a person is observed - preliminary grief. In science, he was called anticipatory. The person experiences this period when there has not been any real loss. The human psyche is arranged in such a way that preliminary grief begins in advance, so that it is easier to transfer the main difficult stage.
When loved ones die
According to scientists, all stages of grief after the death of loved ones are phenomena caused by culture and traditional social order. A person does not have such inborn features of the psyche that would oblige him to experience this event. There are no biological mechanisms that make you feel sorrow for such a reason. The reaction ends when the person adapts to new conditions and can again function, feel safe, perceiving his own self and his personality without constant awareness of the loss of someone.
Burning is the norm of human culture, although individual deviations are possible. The reaction can transform into a pathological one. This violates human life and spoils the future of the person. A person who encounters such a problem needs qualified psychological help and support.
About signs
There are several typical phenomena that make it possible to suspect that a person alone cannot survive all the normal stages of grief after death, separation, or loss, and the person needs outside help. The first observation that allows us to suspect such a development of events is the inability of a person to talk about what happened without manifestations of acute grief, despite the large time gap that moves the current moment away from what happened. If a similar event occurs in the life of another person, a person who is stuck in grief begins to experience what happened as his own misfortune. For example, a woman who was unable to overcome grief due to an unsuccessful pregnancy has difficulty aborting her friend - as if this had happened to her.
Note that there was a malfunction in the stages of grief, a person cannot cope, it is possible if he very often returns to the topic of the lost or to the lack of his rights and opportunities to change life circumstances. So, over the course of many years, he tells everyone who is ready to listen to how difficult conditions he had to live, how early he had to part with his parents, what diseases tormented him, and what losses took place.
Signs: what else?
If a loved one dies, a person who cannot cope with grief keeps his things for too long, and this goes beyond the reasonable. Some collect huge photographs from photographs that they literally pray for, while others completely preserve the deceased's room in its original form, without allowing any changes. From the outside, it resembles a museum. Having noticed this in the life of a loved one or friend, in order to help him cope with the loss, it is necessary to recommend talking to a qualified psychotherapist if possible, otherwise the person’s condition will only get heavier.
There are such cases when, at some stage of grief, a person began to show symptoms similar to that of a deceased loved one shortly before death. Psychologists talk about people who attend receptions and complain that they had previously survived the death of a loved one due to a pulmonary disease, and themselves sometimes suffocate, although an examination of the body shows absolute health. This is possible, in particular, if the deceased died due to lung cancer. Even if the event happened several years ago, a person, if unable to cope with it, still feels sorrow, exists in a state of crisis and cannot figure out what is happening on his own. Often, working with a psychologist makes it clear that the root cause of this condition is the fear of death. For example, if a person is at the same age as his loved one, who has died from a serious illness, the condition can be very serious. This is also observed in the presence of other parallels.
Grief and its manifestations
At some stage of grief, a person may suddenly decide on radical changes. If these do not correspond to reality and the current situation, this indicates an inability to cope with grief. In some cases, the behavior becomes an attempt to escape from their own feelings. There is the possibility of the formation of depression in a chronic form, accompanied by a pressing sensation of guilt, against which the person loses the ability to respect himself. Some begin to imitate the deceased. Sometimes this happens unconsciously, a person sees no reason for such behavior, but it is still observed.
In some stages of grief, uncontrolled impulses to self-destruction may occur. It is known that people with difficulty surviving loss tend to use tobacco and alcohol, drugs, some refuse to eat or eat too much, regularly find themselves in uncomfortable and dangerous circumstances, and harm themselves. Strong grief that cannot be dealt with initiates the death drive as the only obvious way to end all sorts of mental suffering.
Pathological grief is a condition that lasts longer than a year. In people exposed to it, exacerbations usually form stably in the same season. Phobias are frequent, restrictive acts.
Do I need help?
The study of the different stages of grief during parting, death, and other difficult situations made it possible to understand: to one degree or another, the signs listed above are found in almost everyone. In psychology, the norm of grief has been introduced. The idea of it is based on statistical studies and observations of people for many decades. Normally, a person shows a couple of signs from the above, but if there are three or more, then this is probably a pathological condition. Much depends on national characteristics, family education and other specific features that determine the culture of a person. The grief reaction is not innate, therefore it is so strongly determined by external circumstances.
To understand whether there is a pathological experience of a certain stage of grief or whether the condition is normal and natural, it is worth contacting a specialist who deals with this particular issue. Not every psychologist is well versed in the characteristics of grief. A person immersed in this situation cannot distinguish pathology from the norm. His relatives also can not always evaluate what is happening adequately. The pathological process destroys human life, undermines health and complicates interpersonal contacts. Adaptation to society is worsening.
Step by step
According to the theoretical works of the famous psychiatrist Kübler-Ross, there are five stages of grief. The work in which she outlined her theory saw the light of day in 1969. First, the person denies what happened, then resentment arises in his heart, which is replaced by the desire for negotiations over time. It is replaced by depression, the result of which is the acceptance of what has happened.
Each of these steps is worth a detailed independent review.
Negation
According to Kübler-Ross, the stage of grief that a person experiences first is denial. Surviving the loss without encountering this step is simply impossible. At first, a person denies information about what happened if it injures his psyche. To some extent, a person can be compared to a stone. Many fail to realize how one can continue to live in such a shocked state. The usual way of life changes instantly, the person is not ready for this, and everything familiar just disappears. For example, if a serious incurable disease was diagnosed, a person convinces himself of a laboratory error, and if it became known that a loved one was dead, it seems as if the body was recognized incorrectly and someone else died.
Denial is a period of living outside harsh reality. A person chooses for himself a more preferable option for the development of the situation and remains in it. Denial, coupled with a state of shock, help defeat grief, ease sadness. A person does not overload himself with emotions, does not accept grief and refuses it, but at the same time takes the first step to the future. The shock state of denial is the first stage that protects the individual from difficult experiences. When this period gradually comes to an end, the soul embarks on the path of healing. Feelings suppressed in the first step erupt to the surface.
Anger
The second emotional stage of grief is the anger that accompanies the transition from a fictional world of the absence of loss to cruel reality. It seems to a man that they were treated unfairly, he does not understand why he happened to be a victim of this situation. Some blame others, relatives and friends for what happened. A person does not understand how, in general, something like this could fall precisely on her. If an event forced to experience a person immersed in religion, he can doubt the divine essence, rightly asking why he did not get protection.
According to researchers of the human psyche, anger is an important and indispensable stage in the fight against grief, and it must not be missed. The task of a person is to feel anger fully, as much as possible, to realize it as a force connecting with reality. The stronger the anger will be, the faster it will leave, the psyche will recover. Anger, anger, caused by resentment, in psychology is considered constructive phenomena that allow healing.
Bargain
The third emotional stage of grief is an attempt to bargain with this world. Very many people who find themselves in a difficult situation have the same thoughts: an attempt to appeal to a higher, almighty entity that would solve the problem, and in exchange for this offer some kind of service or resource. Some promise to become better, others - to believe more actively, others - never to complain about life again. Negotiations of this format allow us to maintain false hope. They give a person a belief that someone from above can fix everything, if he himself does something, changes something. Despite the fact that this hope is false, the step is important for a person and allows you to maintain the integrity of the psyche.
Depression
Works devoted to the stages of grief, their characteristics, always pay attention to this fourth stage, which is generally understood as the main form of grief. It so happened that in the minds of many of our contemporaries grief and depression are almost equivalent words. This stereotype is due to the fact that it is depression from all of the above that seems to be real emotion. The term refers to the condition of a person who seems to be immersed in a void. It comes with the awareness of the end of the traumatic situation, the completion, the departure of a person.
Depression is the stage when the attempt to part with life is most likely. Many describe their condition as a complete numbness of feelings, and life seems blurred and unclear. A person sees no reason to wake up in the morning, he has no desire to do something. The world seems too big, crushes and depresses. This is one of the 5 stages of grief, in which the person, suffering from what happened, does not want to be with other people. She is not attracted to talk. The dominant feeling is complete and utter hopelessness. Many have suicidal thoughts. Often in the fourth stage of struggle with grief, a person thinks most of all about the meaning of life, not finding answers to his questions.
Adoption
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Psychologists, explaining the sequence, pay attention: in the life of any person there are good periods, there are dark days. They can tell you what stage of grief is characterized by deep sadness (depression), but they assure: sooner or later it will be replaced by acceptance, followed by a positive life stage, and its duration is more substantial and longer. Having reconciled with the incident, the person restores contacts with relatives and friends, over time, she has new relationships. Of course, the lost cannot be fully replaced, but life goes on, which means that something new, no less valuable, appears in it.
Woe: difficult situation
As is known from works telling about the stages of mourning according to D. Bowlby, the loss of a loved one at first leads to numbness, some of which last only a few hours, while others survive it for days and weeks. Then the person begins to yearn, and this leads to disorganization. Recovery from grief occurs through reorganization. Any person must cope with grief, because sooner or later everyone has to survive it, and recovery from this difficult condition is the key to a further full life.
As you can learn from nursing courses, there is one interesting peculiarity in the stages of grief, namely, the connection between the mechanism of grief and the fear of death inherent in man. According to psychologists, the fear of this event is a very important factor that moves a person, and he is so strong that a person tries to hide it from himself. Many equally fear death and severe emotional upheaval. If a person is prone to experiences and those who acquire particular strength, a person himself or with the help of loved ones comes to the doctor’s office, literally begging to prescribe some strong pills, just to leave emotions outside the field of sensations.
According to psychiatrists, this is a categorically incorrect approach. If there is a situation of difficult feelings, especially in the case of the death of a loved one, you must completely survive the grief, try to do it as correctly as possible. The mechanisms described above allow anyone to cope with the loss, no matter how heavy it is. If you abandon the described sequence, "get out of the race" at some stage, the consequence may be life-long depression.
Responsible approach: the importance of grief and the fight against it
By the way, before, special ceremonies were developed, which were specially developed for decoration of grief. Traditional societies support the experience. And nowadays, in some nationalities inviting mourners in order to say goodbye to the deceased. Such wires make it easier for others to experience grief and defeat them.
The stage of struggle with grief, called petrification, does not cause surprise or doubt. At this step, a person resembles a robot, and his emotions, if expressed, are weak. Normally, the condition in the event of the death of a loved one lasts no more than three days. Do not slow down the sufferer until the phase passes by itself. If it drags on for more than three days, you can consult a psychologist.
Farewell to man: features
After the petrification stage, the acceptance of the death of a loved one experiences a phase of sobbing. Normally, a person suffers for about a week. There is no need to stop it, and there is no sense to calm it down. It is necessary to give the person to cry, to get rid of emotions. They will be replaced by depression. At this step, the person is inert and longing. The duration of the stage is a little more than a month. Many believe that the sufferer should be entertained and distracted. Just the step of depression causes the most doubt among others. Others condemn such behavior, considering it unreasonable. Psychologists assure: you just need to support the person and give her peace, be present nearby, hug, but nothing more. If depression is not impeded, it will soon be replaced by mourning, after which the death of a loved one will be accepted and experienced, and reality will continue to develop.