In any human relationship, there are disagreements from time to time. And at work, and in the family, and in the relationship between lovers, conflict situations occur. Many people experience them rather painfully. And completely in vain. You need to learn how to relate to such situations and know how to correctly resolve the conflict.
Psychologists advise to treat conflict situations positively - as an opportunity to clarify and even modify relationships.
Learning to resolve conflicts
If a conflict occurs, you must definitely let your partner let off steam: try to listen to all his complaints calmly and patiently, without interrupting or commenting. In this case, the internal stress will decrease both for you and your opponent.
After the emotions are thrown out, you can offer to substantiate the claim. In this case, it is necessary to monitor the situation so that the opposite side of the conflict does not again switch from a constructive discussion of problems to an emotional one. If this happens, you need to tactfully dispute the debater to intellectual conclusions.
You can stifle the negative emotions of a partner by giving him a sincere compliment or reminding him of something good and pleasant from the common past.
Respect for the opponent is a prerequisite for how to resolve the conflict correctly. It will impress even an extremely angry person. If, in such a situation, the partner is insulted, transferred to the individual, the conflict will definitely not be resolved.
What to do if the opponent was unable to restrain himself and switched to screaming? Do not break into reciprocal abuse!
If you feel guilty of the conflict yourself, do not be afraid to apologize. Remember that only smart people are capable of this.
Some methods of behavior in a conflict situation
There are several proven tricks on how to resolve a conflict.
Reception number 1. Try to imagine yourself a commentator watching a quarrel. Look at the conflict from the outside, and above all, at yourself.
Mentally shut yourself off with an impenetrable cap or bulletproof vest - you will immediately feel that your opponent’s taunts and unpleasant words are broken against the obstacle you have placed, and they will not hurt so sharply.
Having seen from the position of a commentator what qualities you lack in a conflict, endow them with your imagination and continue the argument as if you have them.
If you do this regularly, missing qualities will indeed appear.
Reception number 2. How to resolve the conflict between the disputes? This very simple technique often helps not only to relieve tension, but also to completely avoid confrontation. You just need to move away or move away from the enemy. The closer the conflicting parties physically, the stronger the passions.
Reception number 3. Surprise your opponent at the time of conflict with a non-standard phrase or joke. This is just a great way to resolve the conflict. It's hard to swear with a person who is joking!
Reception number 4. If it is absolutely clear that the interlocutor deliberately provokes a conflict, insults and simply does not give a chance to answer, in such a situation it is better to leave, saying that you do not want to continue the conversation in that tone. Better to postpone it "for tomorrow."
By taking a timeout, you will calm down, get a break to find the right words. And the person who provoked the quarrel will lose his confidence during this time.
What should not be allowed in a conflict
Good self-mastery is the key to a successful exit from a conflict situation.
You need to learn to restrain emotions and keep calm. In the event of a conflict with partners or customers, the following are strictly prohibited:
- irritable tone and swearing;
- a clear demonstration of one’s own superiority;
- criticism of the opponent;
- searching for negative intentions in his actions;
- withdrawal of responsibility, blaming the partner for everything;
- ignoring the interests of the opponent;
- exaggeration of their role in the common cause;
- pressure on the "painful spots."
The best way to get out of conflict is not to bring it to it.
Psychologists advise treating conflict as a positive factor. If, at the very beginning of building relations, noticing conflicting moments, not hushing them up, serious quarrels can be stopped at the root.
You need to try to “put out the fire” before it broke out. Therefore, the best way to resolve the conflict is not to bring it to it. Indeed, in life there are already many difficulties, and nerve cells are still useful.
Often the cause of the confrontation is the accumulation of unspoken negativity. Something annoys the person in the behavior of a colleague or just freaks out some kind of habit of a loved one, but he does not know how to say this so as not to spoil the relationship. Therefore suffers and is silent. The effect is exactly the opposite. The accumulated irritation sooner or later spills out in an uncontrolled form, which can lead to serious conflict. Therefore, it is very important not to bring to the "boiling point", but calmly and tactfully express your claims as soon as they arise.
When to Avoid Conflict
But there are times when it is not worth avoiding a conflict situation , because it will help to resolve the problem. You can consciously go to conflict if:
- you need to defuse the situation by finding out what is sore with a loved one;
- there is a need to break the relationship;
- giving in to your opponent means betraying your ideals.
But you need to remember that intentionally going to the conflict, you need to sort things out intelligently.
Memo "How to correctly resolve the conflict"
To get out of the conflict situation as quickly as possible and with the least losses, we offer this sequence of actions.
1. First of all, the existence of conflict must be recognized. We must not allow situations where people feel a confrontation and act according to their chosen tactics, but do not talk about it openly. To resolve such a conflict without joint discussion of the parties will fail.
2. Having recognized the conflict, it is necessary to agree on negotiations. They can be both face to face, and with the participation of an intermediary who arranges both sides.
3. Determine what exactly constitutes the subject of the confrontation. As practice shows, the parties to the conflict often see the essence of the problem in different ways. Therefore, we need to find common ground in understanding the dispute. Already at this stage, it is important to determine whether the rapprochement of positions is possible.
4. Develop several solutions, taking into account all the possible consequences.
5. After considering all the options, stop on the one that suits both parties. Record the decision in writing.
6. Implement the solution. If this is not done immediately, the conflict will only deepen, and repeated negotiations will be much more difficult.
We hope that our advice will help you if not avoid conflicts, then get out of them with dignity.