Often people wonder why you should never regret anything? This question is, rather, a rhetorical one, since a person experiences pity and discomfort during pity. He tries to correct the situation, to level it out at his discretion, but he can not do anything and falls into some gloom. The motives for this feeling can be conscious and unconscious, give in to control or go beyond reasonable limits. Experienced specialists helped to figure out in which cases pity is necessary and when it becomes destructive.
State of pity
Pity is a feeling that has both positive and negative meaning. In our country, almost the entire population is endowed with this property, with the rare exception of a small percentage of people. But there are many countries in which you can not spare not only strangers, but also loved ones. This is regarded as humiliation or encroachment on personal space. And in this case, both the one who does this and the one who is pitied are in a losing position. From this we can conclude that such a feeling brings only suffering and trouble. This is partly true if we consider it literally. But there are many alternatives that can correct the situation. This is compassion, caring for oneself or another person, caring and other concepts that can and should replace blind pity. In the most literal sense, it is sometimes fatal, because it provokes inaction and panic.
Causes
There are many thoughts on why nothing and no one should be spared in this life. Before approaching the answer to this question, it is necessary to understand the reasons that provoke the emergence of this feeling. The main factors are the following:
- Excessive pity from the parents. If a child was too spared and spoiled in childhood, he will grow up self-absorbed. He will definitely have a feeling of self-pity, and he will not be able to cope even with the most minimally extraordinary situation.
- Lack of pity from parents. This is the second extreme, when the child did not see affection and care, as a result of which he grew too compassionate in relation to others.
- Hopeless situation. For example, breaking up with a loved one or confronting a stronger opponent. A person cannot change the course of events, since he loses circumstances in all respects.
- Physical pain. In this case, a person inevitably feels self-pity.
- Injustice, resentment. These experiences can be a source of pity for oneself and others.
Signs
Common are situations where a person draws conclusions that you can never regret anything. But it doesn’t always work out the way you want. There are symptoms and signs that I want to get rid of quickly, but not always enough strength for this. The following manifestations of pity are present in a person:
- Tears This is the most common symptom, which is sometimes difficult to cope even with the stronger sex (for example, the death of a loved one is experienced that way).
- Bad mood. Nothing pleases a person, because thoughts are occupied with one problem.
- Apathy. Absolute indifference and unwillingness to do what you love and communicate with people is a sign of pity (for yourself or other people).
- Diseases and ailments. The excessive experiences that this feeling causes can trigger a number of minor or serious illnesses.
To other people
The argument that people should not be spared is erroneous. In order to understand this, one should consider the initial part of this feeling. Each person proceeds from their life priorities, which are placed in favor of good or evil. Having delved into the situation of another person, we project it onto ourselves, thereby experiencing a feeling of self-pity for ourselves.
There is a desire to console (not to take certain steps to normalize the situation, namely to regret), hoping for similar actions in his address if a personal problem arises. For example, a single woman will regret a friend who has been abandoned by a loved one. The unemployed will sympathize with a friend who has come under the reduction. But pity is not always necessary and constructive. Sometimes under it disguised gloating, hatred or mercenary intent, and sometimes such a feeling becomes the cause of disasters on an even larger scale.
To yourself
Experienced specialists try to convey to people the truth about why you can’t feel sorry for yourself. Such a feeling is a bad habit that prevents a person from maintaining confidence when falling into difficult life situations. People stop struggling with difficulties, panic and despair, and become completely helpless in the face of circumstances. Many even stop fulfilling their direct duties (for example, feel sorry for themselves and sleep longer instead of arriving at work on time).
A person who constantly regrets himself enters into this image and gets used to it. He has no joys in life, except to always complain about fate. He rarely experiences true happiness, since he does not receive real pleasure from him. He feels real pleasure only when he is pitied. That is why in all, even the most positive aspects, such a person seeks a negative in order to get his portion of sympathy.
To circumstances
It is safe to say that one cannot regret the past. The classic expression “what has passed will be nice” should be taken literally. Negative aspects always fade into the background, and a person remembers only all the best, so there is no sense in regretting what has been experienced. You can briefly plunge into pleasant memories, draw reasonable conclusions from past experience, but do not torment yourself with regrets. Similar recommendations can be made regarding the events of today. You do not need to regret that you didn’t catch a train or plane, didn’t pass a report on time or treated your loved one rudely.
It is worth making conclusions or just restraining your emotions. There is nothing to be regretted, since this path leads to the following defeats. Sometimes people know that they will regret their deeds, but act contrary to their logic. Then they simply shrug their hands, demonstrate their readiness for such a result and begin to mourn themselves (sometimes in the figurative, and in some cases in the literal sense of the word).
Benefit
Pity is no less beneficial than its absence. It will be erroneous to say that you can never be sorry for yourself, because in some cases it saves you from inevitable trouble. A person should take care of himself if they begin to manipulate them, shift their problems, make them make decisions for other people. You need to feel sorry for yourself if you have to work a lot without rest, limit yourself to good food or deprive of simple earthly pleasures. In this case, such a feeling will be appropriate and useful, since a person in his consciousness should be a priority for himself.
The benefits of compassion are manifested if you moderately pity your child. For example, when the baby fell and hit painfully. Pity of parents in this case is a demonstration of their love for him, his support, support and reassurance. So the child begins to understand that you need to do similar things, also come to the rescue when necessary.
The benefits of pity are also great for adults. There are many cases when a person does not need help, but looks forward to a feeling of compassion (especially in the first minutes of grief, when simple comfort and support are needed). Reasonable pity is necessary for everyone: children, the elderly, sick and healthy people, animals, plants, nature.
Harm
Such a feeling can do a lot of harm, because you can not regret thoughtlessly and immensely, without objectively assessing the situation. In no case is it recommended to constantly feel sorry for the children, protecting them from any danger. For example, parents do not allow the baby to walk in the yard, because there are dangerous swings, hard asphalt, sometimes cars pass by and ill-bred children walk. At home, the child also does nothing, since cleaning seems too difficult for him, and cooking or needlework is dangerous. Such people feel sorry for their baby and try to protect him from all possible troubles. But this feeling is fatal, because it does not allow an adult to get in touch with the reality and truth of life. He will not be able to cope with difficulties on his own and will become completely helpless in the event that he is left alone.
Harmful feelings of compassion can also be felt by adults. For example, when a person is pitied and assured that the situation will be resolved on its own, at a time when it is necessary to act. Being in a state close to shock, the victim (in the moral or physical sense) relies on the person who pities him. But when time is lost, you have to pay for your inaction.
Psychologists advice
Psychologists insist that you can not spare people and yourself excessively, as this can lead to sad consequences. Do not abuse this feeling if it helps to deplete the person. In relation to other people, priorities should always be in their favor. No need to take on other people's problems, to experience negative situations on a par with the person to whom they are addressed. In this case, both sides will suffer: the one who is sorry will be disappointed in their hopes, and the one who does this will take on the intolerable burden of negative energy.
Everything should be in moderation, and pity must be present, because it is the main form of kindness.