The most expensive word in life for every person is mom. She was for us the source of the most valuable - life. How does it happen that there are children and even adults from whom you can hear scary words: “Mom does not love me ...”? Can such a person become happy? What consequences in adulthood await an unloved child and what to do in such a situation?
Unloved child
In all literary, musical and artistic works, the image of the mother is glorified as tender, kind, sensitive and loving. Mom is associated with warmth and care. When we feel bad, we will voluntarily or involuntarily shout “Mom!”. How does it happen that for someone, mom is not that way. Why do we hear more and more often: "What if my mother does not love me?" from children and even adults.
Surprisingly, such words can be heard not only in problem families, where parents fall under the category of risk groups, but also in families that are, at first glance, very prosperous, where everything is normal in a material sense, mother takes care of the child, feeds him, puts on clothes , escorts to school, etc.
It turns out that on the physical level, you can fulfill all the responsibilities of the mother, but at the same time deprive the child in the main thing - in love! If a girl does not feel motherly love, she will go through life with a heap of fears and complexes. This also applies to boys. For the child, the internal question is: “What if my mother does not love me?” grows into a real disaster. Boys, in general, having matured, will not be able to relate to a woman normally, will, without noticing it, unconsciously avenge her for the lack of love in childhood. It is difficult for such a man to build adequate, healthy and full, harmonious relations with the female sex.
How is maternal dislike manifested?
If a mother is prone to regular moral pressure, pressure on her child, if she tries to distance herself from her baby, not to reflect on his problems and not to listen to his wishes, then most likely she really does not love her child. A constantly-sounding internal question: “What if my mother does not love me?” leads a child, even an adult, to depressive states, which, as you know, are fraught with consequences. A mother’s dislike can arise for various reasons, but most of all she is connected with the father of the child, who did not properly treat her woman, was greedy with her in everything, both in material and in feelings. Perhaps mom was completely abandoned, and she is raising a child herself. And then there’s more than one! ..
All the dislike of a mother for a child arises from the difficulties she experiences. Most likely, this woman, being a baby, was not loved by her parents herself ... It would not be surprising to discover if this mother herself as a child wondered: “What if mother doesn’t love me?”, But didn’t look for answers and what- either change in your life, but just unnoticed for yourself, went the same way, repeating the model of behavior of your mother.
Why doesn’t mom like?
It is hard to believe, but there are situations in life of total indifference and hypocrisy of a mother to her child. Moreover, such mothers can publicly praise their daughter or son, but left alone to insult, humiliate and ignore. These mothers do not limit the child in clothing, food or education. They do not give him elementary affection and love, do not talk heart to heart with the child, are not interested in his inner world and desires. As a result, the son (daughter) does not like mom. What to do if trusting sincere relations do not arise between mom and son (daughter). It even happens that this indifference is imperceptible.
The child perceives the world through the prism of motherly love. And if she is not, then how will the unloved child see the world? From childhood, a child asks the question: “Why am I unloved? What's wrong? Why is my mother so indifferent and cruel to me? ” Of course, for him it is a psychological trauma, the depth of which can hardly be measured. This little man will come into adulthood, sandwiched, notorious, with a mountain of fears and not at all able to love and be loved. How can he build his life? It turns out that he is doomed to disappointment?
Examples of negative situations
Often, mothers themselves do not notice how they created a situation with their indifference when they are already asking the question: “What if the child does not like mom?” and they don’t understand the reasons, again blaming the child. This is a typical situation, moreover, if a child asks a similar question, he seeks a way out with his childish mind and tries to please his mother, blaming himself. And mom, on the contrary, never wants to understand that she herself was the cause of such a relationship.
One example of an unwanted attitude of a mother to her child is a standard school grade in a diary. One child is encouraged if the grade is low, they say nothing, the next time it will be higher, and the other will be choked up and will be called mediocrity and lazy ... It happens so that my mother doesn’t care at all, and she doesn’t look at school and the diary , and won’t ask if a pen is needed or a new notebook? Therefore, to the question: "What if the children do not like mom?" First of all, it is necessary to answer the mother herself: "And what have I done so that the children love me?" Moms pay dearly for neglecting their children.
Golden mean
But it also happens that a mother pleases her child in every possible way and grows a “daffodil” out of it - these are also anomalies, such children are not very grateful, they consider themselves the center of the universe, and their mother a source of satisfying their needs. These children will also grow up not knowing how to love, but they will learn to take and demand well! Therefore, everything should be a measure, the "golden mean", rigor and love! Whenever a child does not love his mother, you need to look for the roots in the relation of the parent to his child. It, as a rule, is distorted and crippled, requires adjustment, and the sooner the better. Children can quickly forgive and forget the bad, in contrast to the already formed adult consciousness.
Constant indifference and negative attitude towards the child make an indelible imprint on his life. Mostly even indelible. Only a few unloved children in adulthood find the strength and potential in themselves to correct the negative line of fate laid down by their mother.
What should a parent do if a child of 3 years old says that she does not like her mother and can even hit her?
This situation is often the result of emotional instability. Perhaps the child lacks attention. Mom does not play with him, there is no bodily contact. The baby often needs to be hugged, kissed and told him about mom’s love for him. Before going to bed, he needs calming, stroking his back, reading a fairy tale. The situation of relations between mom and dad is also important. If it is negative, then do not be surprised at the behavior of the child. If there is a grandmother in the family, then her attitude to mom and dad is a powerful influence on the psyche of the child.
In addition, there should not be too many prohibitions in the family, and the rules are the same for everyone. If the child is too naughty, then try to listen to him, find out what worries him. Help him, show an example of calm resolution of any difficult situation. This will be a great brick in his future adult life. And all fights, of course, need to be stopped. When swinging at mom, the child needs, clearly looking in the eyes and holding his hand, firmly say that you can’t beat mom! The main thing is to be consistent in everything, act calmly and judiciously.
What can not be done
The most common question is “What if I’m not a child my mother loves?” already matured children ask themselves too late. The thinking of such a person is already formed and is very difficult to correct. But do not despair! Awareness is the beginning of success! The main thing is that such a question does not turn into a statement: "Yes, nobody loves me at all!"
It’s scary to think, but the internal statement that I’m unloved by my mother disastrously affects relationships with the opposite sex. If it so happened that the son does not love his mother, then he is unlikely to be able to love his wife and children. Such a person is unsure of his abilities, does not trust people, cannot adequately assess the situation at work and outside the home, which affects his career growth and the environment as a whole. This also applies to daughters who do not love mothers.
You can’t lead yourself into a dead end and say to yourself: “Everything is wrong with me, I’m a loser (loser), I’m not good enough (good), I ruined (ruined) my mother’s life”, etc. Such thoughts will lead to an even greater dead end and immersion in the created problem. Parents are not chosen, so the situation must be released, and mother forgive!
How to live and what to do if mom does not love me?
The reasons for such thoughts are described above. “But how to live with it?” - asks the unloved child in adulthood. First of all, you need to stop perceiving everything tragically and close to your heart. Life is one, and what quality it will be, for the most part depends on the person himself. Yes, it’s bad that this happened with the relationship between mom, but that’s not all!
I must firmly say to myself: “I will no longer allow my mom to influence negative messages in my direction! This is my life, I want to have a healthy psyche and a positive attitude towards the world around me! I can love and be loved! I can give joy and accept it from another person! I love to smile, I will wake up with a smile every morning and fall asleep every day! And I forgive my mother and do not keep her angry! I love her just for giving me life! I am grateful to her for this and for the life lesson she gave me! Now I know for sure that a good mood should be appreciated and fight for the feeling of love in my soul! I know the price of love and I will give it to my family! ”
Changing consciousness
It is impossible to love by force! Well, okay ... But you can change your attitude and the picture of the world drawn in our head! You can radically change your attitude to what is happening in the family. This is not easy, but necessary. You may need the help of a professional psychologist. If we are talking about a girl, she must understand that she will be a mother, and the most valuable thing that she can give her child is care and love!
No need to strive to please mom, and anyone else. Just live and just do good deeds. Do it necessary to the best of your ability. If you feel the line, after which a tear can happen, stop, take a rest, rethink the situation and move on. If you feel that mom is poking on you again with an aggressive attitude and driving you into a corner, say calmly and firmly, “No! Sorry mom, but you don’t need to crush me. I am an adult and responsible for my life. Thank you for taking care of me! I will answer you in return. But no need to break me. I want to love and give love to my children. They are my best! And I'm the best mom (best dad) in the world! ”
You don’t have to strive to please your mother, especially if during all the years of your life with her you understood that any act, no matter what you do, will be criticized or, at best, indifference. Live! Just live! Call and help mom! Speak to her of love, but do not tear yourself anymore! Do everything calmly. And do not make excuses for all her reproaches! Just say, “Sorry, mom ... Okay, mom ...” and nothing more, smile and move on. Be wise - this is the key to a calm and joyful life!