👩🏽‍🤝‍👨🏾 💥 🗾 Complex excellent students: signs, treatment methods, advice of psychologists 👪 👨‍👨‍👧 🐥

A woman suffering from this psychological complex constantly makes excessive demands on others. One of her strongest desires in her soul is to make every area of her life perfect. Such a lady herself wants to occupy only the first place, no matter what business she undertakes.

The desire to be always ahead

In this way, the complex of the excellent student is manifested. If this lady does not manage to be a beauty queen, a talented mistress, the best mother, wife, lover, she experiences a strong spiritual disappointment. After all, she does not want to lose in anything. Even a tasteless cooked dinner can be a tragedy.

In pathological forms, the excellent student complex is manifested in a deep inner conviction about the unacceptability of an imperfect result. You can look at this problem in two ways: on the one hand, it is the desire for ideal that spurs a person to constantly improve his skills, giving birth to a true master. But on the other, the long-awaited skill can not be achieved. A woman suffering from a complex of an excellent student can quit a job that has been started halfway in order to protect self-esteem. After all, her restless inner critic will always find what aspect of work she can still find fault with. And that part of the personality, which is designed to protect and praise, the "excellent student" has never been developed.

Questions for Introspection

This trait is recognized very easily. To identify it, a woman just needs to answer a few questions:

Does she like her own voice on audio recordings?
Does she like to view her photographs, or does each of them seem unsuccessful to her?
Does she like to receive compliments?
How many times during the day does she praise herself?
Is she one hundred percent satisfied with the performance of any work? How often does this happen?

In fact, it often turns out that a woman grows out of an excellent student, who for herself becomes the most severe critic. She can say how much she pleases that she "does not care about someone else's opinion." But in reality this, of course, is not so. Everywhere she will strive to be the best, gain the status of authority and expert. In pursuit of goals, such a woman is unable to fully enjoy her successes.

Where does this complex come from?

In psychology, the syndrome of an excellent student has been studied for a long time, and researchers are convinced: such women grow up in those families where there was a ban on unconditional love. More precisely, mother and father could give the child their warmth and attention. But this always happened on special occasions. And of course, the girl was never forgotten to punish for failures, which for some reason always turned out to be much more.

Often, in the childhood of such a woman, it also happened that she could receive praise and attention only for particularly major achievements. While every failure was subject to accounting. She spent her childhood years under the motto "This must be done!". She knows firsthand the words: “Look how Katya Ivanova is doing well with her lessons!”

The belief that you have to pay for everything

Syndrome of an excellent student in adults is also manifested in the fact that a woman is not able to receive something for nothing. In her unconscious, there is a deep belief that love or success must be earned. Therefore, she will have to overcome a thousand kilometers where the other person takes only two steps.

Fear of public speaking

A woman suffering from this complex often has difficulty speaking to an audience if necessary. After all, she is not "ideal", no matter how hard she tried. Her limbs will shake before going on stage. In her mental panorama, there will be huge images of the people around her, with whom she compares herself at an unconscious level. You can finish this picture by imagining the image of a mother or father whispering in your ear the destructive phrases “You will not succeed. See how to do it, ”“ Oh, how helpless you are, ”and so on.

Self-criticism

Depreciation is one of the main features of the complex of an excellent student in adults. Such a woman will nullify all her achievements in which she was not able to achieve the ideal. And therefore it will be harder and harder for her to set new goals. After all, nothing motivates a person like a sense of good luck, achieved success. “Excellent student” considers himself a failure, which is especially nothing to be proud of.

That is why psychologists recommend that women suffering from this complex keep a diary of their own achievements. Every day you need to record at least three points there, even if the voice of self-criticism is persistently heard inside.

Reluctance to do anything for yourself

Often a woman’s excellent student syndrome manifests itself in the fact that she does not want to do anything for herself. This happens for the reason that she rejected herself real many years ago. She spent a lot of effort on what she needs to be in order to meet the standards of society.

At the level of consciousness, most of these women sacredly believe in what they all do only for themselves. Moreover, they may consider themselves rational egoists. But inside there lives a little girl who is afraid with all her soul to be rejected if she allows herself to be herself, sometimes to relax, make mistakes, have her own point of view, and satisfy her needs.

Parenting

When the “excellent student” herself becomes a mother, she seeks to make her children as perfect as they are. She wants her child to be the smartest and most powerful. This allows you to consider yourself an "ideal mother."

It often happens that the psychologically traumatized inner child of such a woman tries to compete with the real child. "Excellent student" wants to once again surpass herself and get her much-desired approval from the unconscious images of her parents.

The desire to be ideal is rooted in the instincts of human survival. At the dawn of civilization, the images of mother and father were not loving, but, on the contrary, threatening. They could expel a “weak cub” from the pack or even kill a non-viable individual to death.

Signs of an excellent student complex in adults

The presence of the following properties should alert a woman, as they indicate the existing complex:

In everything, she strives to be perfect. The minimum acceptable result for her is one that can be included in the Guinness Book of Records.
She criticizes the available achievements. Such a woman cannot determine for sure whether she tried well enough or not. She doubts the decisions made, now and then returns to the situation of choice.
When the goal is finally achieved, the "excellent student" experiences a state of delight. But it does not last long. As soon as she discovers a flaw, she starts asking herself: “Why couldn’t I do better?”, “What if the decision to do this was initially wrong?”
Another sign of the excellent student complex is constant anxiety about what other people might think of her. She always strives to make a good impression. “Excellent student” wholeheartedly needs to feel the approval of other people. And they, as a rule, expect a lot from her.
She constantly condemns others. The desire to be perfect creates the same requirements in relation to others. Therefore, the “excellent student” with her demands can turn the life of others into a real competition, held under the slogan “Faster, higher, stronger!”. There are no double standards in her life - it’s just that all available standards are two times more stringent than is usually accepted.
She loves order. Her house is usually the focus of cleanliness. She will not spend her free hour on a self-care procedure or watching a movie. Rather, the “excellent student” will try to do some housework at this time, which had not reached her hands before.
She thinks a lot. It may take her half an hour to write an answer to an email or choose the right wording for an SMS message. Explanations, adjustments, and other subtle moments take away a lot of her time and energy.
"Excellent student" lives in a world of detail. And also she is able to see that which is beyond the control of others. Such a girl will persistently double-check the work several times - after all, it cannot be so that an error does not creep into her.
She misses the point and is not able to "see the forest behind the trees." Her desire for perfectionism plays a cruel joke with her, leading away from the main thing. The ideal state of things turns into an end in itself, and it often forgets about its initial aspirations.

Features of the manifestation of the complex in children

What if a similar disorder develops in a child? If this happens, you need to understand that the complex of an excellent student in a child most often occurs due to a lack of love and attention. With good school grades, the child wants to achieve the location of his parents.

There are several signs that should alert parents:

Painful dependence on the opinions of people around.
The desire in any way to earn a good mark.
Inability to lose. If a child sees someone else's success, he feels hurt.
Increased vulnerability. When the next triumph is unnoticed by the parents, the child may become upset.
Inability to prioritize. The desire to be the best in everything.

In this case, the manifestation of adult feelings can give a good effect. Psychologists believe that a person needs 8 hugs a day for the normal functioning of the psyche. Therefore, if a child has signs of this complex, it is worth paying as much attention as possible to his daughter, hugging, expressing his affection.

Chad needs to be explained that defeat is as much an integral part of life as victory. It represents an incentive for further work on oneself, finding new ways of development.

Also, parents should show the child on whose side they are in a relationship with the school. You can say: “I will always be on your side. You can not be afraid of anything. ”

Ways to overcome the complex in adults

How to get rid of the complex of an excellent student, to recognize in yourself a simple person who can sometimes be imperfect? There are several ways to do this:

Set realistic goals. Learn to compromise with your requirements for yourself. If the goal is unattainable - it is worth thinking about replacing it with something more mundane. You can break a large task into several small ones and be sure to praise yourself for what you have done during the day.
Delegate things to other people. Since getting rid of the excellent student syndrome in adults for many means learning to regulate their own load, this item will be very useful for hyperresponsive women. Often, "excellent students" shoulder the entire burden of responsibilities. It is sometimes useful to ask your spouse to wash the dishes or to share the work on a time-consuming project with a colleague.
When rechecking the work once again, one should ask oneself: is there too much time devoted to work that could be managed in a few minutes? Usually the reason is fear. In this case, you should analyze how real it is and how critical the possible errors can be.
Give yourself the right to imperfection. How to overcome the excellent student syndrome, if you continue to set yourself excessive requirements? It is impossible to do this, and that is why those who want to get rid of this complex must intentionally learn to do work for the “fours” and “triples”. Such women will benefit from the Japanese wisdom "Almost perfect is better than perfect." The desire to be better in itself is great, but you should not get too hung up on it.
Another way to overcome excellent student syndrome is Zen meditation. Eastern practice will help to clear the consciousness of disturbing thoughts, to turn the consciousness inward. Meditation helps release exorbitant demands on oneself and the world, focus on the joys of the moment. You can concentrate on breathing, bodily sensations or objects of the outside world. An important point - practice must be practiced regularly, only then it will be effective.
Do not be afraid of failure. "Excellent student" is often afraid to ruin everything. But in reality, what at first glance seems to be a failure, can ultimately turn into a great achievement. History knows many similar examples. For example, the Oscar-winning cartoon "Toy Story", as well as many others like him, could not have been born without failure. After a resounding departure from Apple, Apple, Steve Jobs decided to acquire an animation studio, which over time acquired the famous name Pixar.
Stop competing. In many ways, the self-esteem of the “excellent student” depends on what she does at a single point in time. She always judges herself and the achievements that she succeeds, and the process of employment in a particular case. At a certain point in her childhood, she acquired a certain competitive pride. She began to compete for "a more difficult situation than her neighbor." This allowed her to have a higher opinion of herself.
From an adult “excellent student” one can often hear phrases like “Because of the report, I’ve been sleeping four hours a day for a week already”, “I’ve been away from vacation for four years.” This allows you to create the appearance that she has everything under control. The very “excellent student” herself looks more advantageous from this in the eyes of society. But how much easier will her life be if she begins to value herself not because of a busy schedule, but because she is herself? To get rid of this habit, you need to stop comparing yourself with others, allow yourself to relax. It is also useful to find a hobby. But it is worth doing it not in order to achieve perfection, but for the sake of pleasure.

Cognitive-behavioral psychotherapy, gestalt therapy, and a client-centered approach have proven themselves as psychotherapeutic methods of treating this complex. To get rid of the syndrome, you need to conduct a minimum of 10 sessions with a psychotherapist. Unfortunately, often the excellent student complex is combined with other neurotic disorders. Therefore, the duration of therapy is always individual and depends on the personality characteristics of the woman. In any case, the key to success is your own desire to overcome the complex, as well as the experience and qualification of a psychologist.

Related book

The publication that will appeal to those interested in the features of this psychological complex is the “Excellent Student Syndrome” by Elena Romova. The book belongs to the genre of love-science fiction novel. The heroine of history, who had to become an assistant to the tyrannical leader, must overcome the psychological complex. Reviews about the "Excellence Syndrome" can be found of a different nature. Many readers write that the book is very emotional, and its plot captures from the first pages. To others, she seems too romantic. The publication is not a psychological tool and is rather entertaining in nature. The book may appeal to both women themselves suffering from this syndrome, and those who are interested in a fantastic genre with an interweaving of a love story.

Complex excellent students: signs, treatment methods, advice of psychologists