Several centuries ago, the choice of a future spouse was the prerogative of the girl's parents. It would seem that now you can breathe quietly and follow the call of the heart, but here it is not so simple. Representatives of the fair sex puzzle over how to choose a husband. Of course, love must come first. But there are a number of important points that should not be neglected.
A family
Perhaps it’s time to introduce a special subject for girls “How to Choose a Husband” into the educational program. Psychologists advise, first of all, to pay attention to the family of their potential chosen one. Try to find out more about what principles prevail in his house. Most likely, after marriage, a man will try to transfer them to your family, because that's how he used to live from childhood.
Pay attention to how family members communicate with each other, what is the attitude to the woman. It is possible that the future husband will behave with you as his father behaves with his mother. Any manifestation of rudeness, neglect and violence should alert you.
But it is also worth following the man’s reaction to family traditions. Does he oppose them or willingly support them? Having carefully analyzed the information received, you can get an approximate idea of ​​what your family life will be like.
Social status and age
If we are guided by the plots of novels and soap operas, we can conclude that the dream of any girl is her husband is older and richer than her. If your chosen one is just that, do not rush to rejoice and relax. If you do not belong to a wealthy intelligent circle, you will have to work hard on yourself to match your lover. Held men love interesting and active women. With others, they are simply bored.
A promising young husband is also a good party. The advantage of such an alliance is that you can, so to speak, "tune" it for yourself. You can guide him in his career (if, of course, you have the ability to do business). Nevertheless, you should be clearly aware that a young husband is, first of all, a child who needs to be taken care of. Moreover, those family values ​​that are so important for a woman (hearth, traditions, children, etc.) are alien to him.
In this regard, many psychologists recommend looking for a husband in their social circle. It should be 3 years older than you (about so many women are ahead of the stronger sex in development). Nevertheless, all these recommendations are rather arbitrary, because feelings should come first.
How does he feel about children?
The main goal of creating a family is the birth and upbringing of children. This should prompt you to choose a husband. The psychology of women is such that they give preference to those members of the stronger sex who are more responsible and caring for children. It’s easy to find out.
Surely you have some friends or relatives who already have small children. Invite them to visit and see how your chosen one will behave with the baby. Will he play with him? Can he feed him or change his diaper? Or will all responsibility be passed on to you?
If you do not have the opportunity to conduct a practical test, call your chosen one for a frank conversation. You must be extremely honest with each other before marriage. Perhaps your views on procreation are exactly the same. If he is categorically against having children in the foreseeable future, you should seriously think about the advisability of such an alliance. As a result, the maternal instinct will prevail even over the strongest feeling.
Genetics
Based on the goal of procreation, the next point begs the question of how to choose a husband. In many Western countries, it is normal practice to undergo a medical examination and study the family tree to exclude the likelihood of any genetic diseases in unborn children.
In our latitudes this is not accepted. Moreover, asking such delicate questions is bad form, and therefore it is worthwhile to get information carefully. In any case, if your chosen one leads a healthy lifestyle and monitors his well-being, this is already a positive signal.
Life and common interests
Opposites are believed to attract. But this statement is true only for physical experiments. Speaking about a man and a woman, it is worth remembering that they should have as many points of contact as possible.
How to choose the perfect husband? As much as possible, discuss the issue of hobbies and life goals with applicants for this status. What kind of music does he listen to? What movies is watching? How prefers to spend free time? Where prefers to relax? What are his life goals?
These points should not be identical for potential spouses. But there must be at least something in common, otherwise you will spend time together only in the bedroom and in the kitchen.
From common interests and hobbies you need to smoothly move to views on everyday life. Unfortunately, there are still quite a lot of men with "Domostroevsky" views on family life. Agree, no one wants to be a slave in her own house while her husband is lying on the couch and watching TV.
To understand how independent or helpless he is in everyday life, one can suddenly come to visit. But if you make unsatisfactory conclusions based on the results of your “investigation”, you should not give up your feelings. In the end, domestic issues can be resolved on a contractual basis.
Intimate component
For many women, the ideal husband is associated with a passionate lover. Nowadays, there is no ban on premarital sex, and therefore sexual compatibility in most cases is verified experimentally.
Nevertheless, some young couples prefer to adhere to old traditions, postponing intimacy until marriage. To open the veil of secrecy, use some tricks from psychologists. There are many theories that link sexual temperament with the characteristics of the appearance and behavior of a person.
Attitude to money
Fantasy about what an ideal husband should be like, many women imagine a wealthy and generous man who not only provides for his family, but also satisfies all the vagaries of women. But in practice, everything is a little different.
The family budget is always limited, and therefore it is important to be able to rationally spend it. Ideally, a man should be in the habit of planning expenses in advance, as well as putting aside a certain amount as a “safety cushion”.
But pathological frugality is not normal. If your chosen one collects checks from all purchases (even insignificant ones), doesn’t tip in a restaurant or is ready to go through the city to buy some goods a little cheaper, this is a bad signal. Ultimately, he will begin to save on you, and then on your children.
Life position
What should be the husband? You can talk about this topic for a very long time, but all this does not make sense if your chosen one has not yet decided what he wants from life. Pay attention to the western countries. There, a person lives according to the scenario "study, career, family." The bonds of marriage mainly combine held people who have built a solid foundation. Thus, they approach the marriage consciously.
Impulsive marriages are often concluded in our country, the basis of which is only a sensual component. At the same time, people may absolutely not understand how and what they will live on.
Given that the role of the head of the family is still assigned to the man, you must unravel his life position. How is he going to build his future career? Why does he want to start a family? And does he want at all? By answering these questions, you will determine the desirability of further relationships.
Friends
What should be the husband? Most women want the chosen one to belong only to them. Nevertheless, no one has canceled the fact that the man has friends. You certainly need to get to know them in order to learn more about your lover, because it is with them that he will spend a considerable part of time. Yes, and you sometimes have to attend such gatherings.
Friends are thought to be somewhat alike. If your chosen one communicates with successful and hardworking people who have already managed to start a family (or are going to do it), there is nothing to worry about. Such a company will be useful to him and interesting to you.
If your beloved is friends with inveterate bachelors, who also abuse alcohol, you need to urgently save him from them. Firstly, for the sake of his own good, and secondly, for the sake of family happiness, because "friends" will certainly set up a husband against you.
How does he affect you?
If you puzzle over how to choose a husband, a test for your own feelings will help you decide. Get a separate notebook in which you will write down your feelings after each meeting with your chosen one.
Ideally, meetings should bring you joy, satisfaction, inspiration and peace of mind. Being close to your lover, you must develop and constantly become better. If your diary reflects only negative emotions, think carefully about whether you should connect your life with this person. If next to it you are degrading, this is not your way.
So what should a husband be like?
Based on the experience of many generations, we can draw certain conclusions about what qualities a husband makes him ideal. Women consider key such characteristics:
- Appearance. Like it or not, but this factor is important. You will have to see him daily, and therefore he must be attractive. We are not talking about the ideals of male beauty. It's about your personal preferences.
- Kindness. Brutal and brutal hooligans attract only very young girls. In family life, it is important that the person is understanding and gentle (but not weak).
- Weasel. Particular attention should be paid to how a man behaves in bed. His actions should be aimed not only at satisfying his own sexual instinct, but also at giving pleasure to the soul mate.
- Physical form. A man is simply obliged to monitor his weight and muscle tone. And it's not even about looking like Apollo. A man should be ready for physical activity at any time (move the sofa, lift a heavy suitcase, or at least carry his wife in his arms). In addition, good physical shape is the key to good health.
- Wealth and generosity. A woman is looking for a companion who can provide not only her, but also future children. Even if the wife herself makes money, the main burden of responsibility still lies with the man. To the best of his financial capabilities, he should pamper the lady of his heart with pleasant surprises.
- Devotion. Family should be in the first place for a man. Work, friends, hobbies - all this is secondary. Between going fishing with friends and family vacations in the country, he should choose the latter. Although, so that a man does not feel like a prisoner, you should not completely take away his right to spend time separately from his family.
- Goal setting. A man should have far-reaching plans that will lead to an increase in the well-being of his family.
- Reliability. Next to your man, you should feel calm and confident in the future.
How to choose a husband from two candidates?
If you have a lot of fans, you're in luck. You just need to learn how to choose a good husband among them. Make it easy. Draw a sheet of paper into four columns. In the first two, write down the advantages of the candidates, and in the third and fourth - a comparison of their shortcomings.
Who will have more positive and less negative traits, he won. But do not forget about feelings. It is possible that the heart will show you the right choice without any lists.