Aversion, as it is otherwise called sexual aversion to a partner, is a frequent tacit phenomenon in relationships. Mostly women suffer from sexual dysfunction, however, in rare cases, the pathology also occurs in males.
Why is sex disgusted, what are the causes of the disorder and is treatment possible?
What is sexual aversion?
Sexual aversion is a mental disorder characterized by a pronounced negative attitude towards sexual contact and the partner himself and having code F52.10 in ICD 10. The symptoms of aversion to sex are quite diverse and are expressed by both physiological and psychological manifestations. Awareness of the possible sexual intimacy for the sufferer of this phobia is always associated with negative experiences, in the spectrum of which the feeling of disgust or something shameful, abnormal prevails.
The intensity of negative signs, even in the same person, can be different in relation to the circumstances and personality of the sexual partner. In certain cases, the aversion is expressed by slight discomfort, which remains unnoticed by the partner, but most often the feeling of a number of negative emotions leads to a complete avoidance of sexual contact. The very thought of an upcoming test terrifies a person and can cause a hysterical fit or panic attack.
Clinical manifestations
With the gradual development of sexual aversion, that is, an initially positive perception of sex, followed by the extinction of attraction to representatives of the opposite sex, the following symptoms are observed:
- gradual loss of self-confidence;
- evasion of caresses, kisses and even accidental touches of the spouse;
- loss of interest in spending time together in an intimate setting;
- after sex or on the eve of intimacy, the mood deteriorates, there is dissatisfaction with the partner, the appearance of guilt.
Subsequently, all symptoms of aversion to sex intensify, and the person tries to completely exclude the possibility of an annoying event from his life.
With the rapid development of aversion, the already described clinical picture is supplemented by aggression towards the partner, headaches, nausea, and a sharp loss of external gloss. Over time, a person loses confidence in many areas of life and begins to feel inferior. Sexual aversion is a frequent reason for the development of the individual psychological complexes associated with his social and personal life.
Types of GDS
Hypoactive disorder of sexual desire does not always mean that a person cannot get an orgasm, but for this to happen, special conditions must be met. With some types of HRS, the individual does not feel pleasure in bed with a legitimate partner, but is very relaxed in the arms of an unfamiliar partner. With other forms of deviation, it seeks to enjoy by touching the partner and returning intimate caresses, but remains indifferent to the fact of removing sexual tension.
A mild aversion to sex can be limited to rejection of only sexual intercourse, while other manifestations of intimate relationships are available to the couple. A pronounced aversion is characteristic of the denial of any manifestations of sexual desire, up to the exclusion of thoughts about possible proximity.
The oscillating dynamics of the development of pathology - the aversion sometimes intensifies, then weakens - is observed in people who are prone to manipulation and want to thus manage the actions of the partner. Typically, a demonstration of a woman's variable aversion to sex has nothing to do with true pathology, which is stable enough with respect to the same partner.
Chronic hypoactive disorder of sexual desire is a fairly rare occurrence. A man tries to avoid not only intimacy, but also from watching provocative photos and videos, talking about sex, he is not inclined to regard his condition as a pathology until aversion to sex becomes an obstacle to saving his family.
Physiological causes of pathology
The intensity of sexual desire is directly dependent on the physical condition of the person. A decrease or complete suppression of the need for sex can occur due to the presence of the following factors:
- endocrine and neurological diseases;
- hormonal imbalance;
- prolonged abstinence or an excess of sex;
- taking potent drugs or oral contraceptives.
Injuries to the pelvic organs or the consequences of a sedentary lifestyle can lead to a decrease in libido, and then the development of aversion to sex.
Psychological reasons
Often, sex is disgusted by women who began to have an early sexual life or who remembered their first intimate experience as a humiliating or too painful episode. If the girl’s main feelings during defloration and subsequent contacts with the same man were the above emotions, then in almost 100% of cases the harmonious sexual life of partners will become impossible, and the relationship will go wrong.
A protracted hidden conflict between spouses will also lead to a loss of sexual interest, and under these circumstances, the reluctance of the physical manifestation of love will be manifested approximately equally by both a man and a woman. If the cause of long-term dissatisfaction of partners is not eliminated, it is likely that sexual acts committed "out of debt" or extreme physical need will only contribute to arousing a sense of disgust.
Of primary importance in a person’s attitude to sex is his initial sexual education. In too religious families or in the Puritan method of raising a girl, aversion is considered the absolute norm and the result of "decent" modesty in relation to carnal pleasures. Only an experienced psychologist can fix a difficult situation with children's negative attitudes.
Partner traumatic behavior
The betrayal of a loved one, betrayal or the discovery of his impartial personal qualities leads to the development of acute aversion, when an aversion to a partner arises momentarily and is fixed in the subconscious forever. In most similar situations, the deceived spouse manages to overcome himself and resume an intimate relationship with a provocateur, but once a sense of disgust has arisen, he does not let go and periodically finds a way out in conflicts.
The low level of human hygiene and unpleasant features of his body (for example, a sharp smell of sweat or decayed teeth) contribute to the gradual development of severe disgust. A person is particularly negatively aware of a partner’s deliberate non-compliance with hygiene standards, when during the courtship period he still tried to keep himself “at the level”, and then stopped monitoring himself, “went down”.
Aversion to sex in a man arises if a woman scornfully pushes the boundaries of what is permitted in relation to the physical gender difference. Some girls, for example, already at the beginning of cohabitation with a man perform hygiene procedures in his presence during menstruation or fulfill their natural needs with the doors of the toilet room open.
Aversion in family life
"I am averse to sex, being in a happy marriage" is one of the most common phrases addressed to a family psychologist. In marriage, the leading source of frustration for one of the spouses is considered to be a mismatch between the expected benefits and those that he receives in reality. This applies to all areas of family life - from the financial well-being of a partner, when his low income is equal to personal insolvency, and to problems in bed.
The sexual disappointments that provoke the development of aversion to the partner and sexual relations as such include:
- inadmissibility of the proposed forms of sexual contact;
- regular cases of premature ejaculation in men;
- female frigidity;
- inappropriate partner behavior in bed.
As a rule, a woman is able to hide the signs of aversion even for a long time after she has aversion to sex, but at the same time she makes a lot of efforts to reduce the number of sexual contacts to the maximum. Some women are ready to endure intolerable relationships for many years, bringing the frequency of intimate encounters up to 2-3 times a year. Divorce statistics in case spouses do not try to change the situation make up 95% of broken up unions.
Excitation as a method of solving a problem
Theoretically, the process of functional sex itself is associated with many unpleasant things, considering which individually (for example, the exchange of salivary fluids or oral penetration), a person may experience disgust. However, there are not many people who deny sex as a normal occurrence in life. What is the reason?
Studies by M. Borg, a graduate student at the University of Groningen, explain this fact by the fact that at the time of sexual arousal, a person's natural sense of disgust is greatly dulled. What used to seem unacceptable or shameful to him becomes easily feasible and even necessary.
It has been proved that in order for a healthy person to be ready to push back some psychological prohibitions, it is enough to watch an erotic content clip or directly observe an object of desire in front of you. An aversia sufferer, in addition, needs additional stimulation, the type and intensity of which will depend on the degree and type of the disease. Sexologists advise the couple to experiment more, avoiding the sharp moments that annoy one of the partners the most.
Is treatment possible?
If there is an aversion to sex - what to do and is there a way out? From the point of view of mental analysis, sexual aversion, like any form of inadequate response to an irritant, in most cases is the result of disorders originating from childhood. The prescribed therapy after collecting the anamnesis will follow in one of four directions:
- dual sex therapy;
- hypnotherapy;
- behavioral therapy;
- group therapy.
Treatment focuses on the study of motivation, secret fantasies, interpersonal difficulties and the existing base of unconscious conflicts. Preferably, both partners are involved in therapy, however, the practice of individual conversations is also of great importance.