Since ancient times, people have been aware of the importance of the ability to conduct a dialogue, since both the social status of a person in society and the quality of his personal life depend on the ability to correctly convey information and correctly understand the thought of an interlocutor. There are many solutions to address the shortcomings of interpersonal communications and the rules that are best known to anyone who is thinking about improving their social skills. How to become a good conversationalist in the company of friends and alone with a person of interest?
5 signs of a good conversationalist
All well-known psychologists teach that before you get a portion of positive emotions from your interlocutor, to gain his interest in yourself and in general it is nice to stand out against the general background, you must first of all sincerely sympathize with your counterpart. Falsity is one of the most easily recognizable types of fraud, and one caught in it once will not find a counter understanding among opponents.
The compressed characteristic of a good interlocutor looks something like this:
- he is interested in many things and therefore easily supports conversations on various topics;
- one of its main features is a sense of humor;
- he is positive, able to find a way out of any complicated situation;
- he is attentive to the stories of the interlocutors, always holds the thread of conversation and actively participates in it;
- he has developed a sense of empathy.
For a person who wants to be considered interesting and versatile, erudition is, of course, important, but not as much as the ability to use all your knowledge. It’s not enough to know how to drive a car - you still need to be able to get into it and go. Therefore, good theoretical knowledge must necessarily be supported by the ability to put most of the ideas into practice.
How to become a good conversationalist for a girl
Girls can be attentive listeners, bestow their support and understanding, but before receiving all these benefits, the guy needs to prove that he is worthy of them. Therefore, even if the guy is not characteristic of the role of the protagonist of a romantic film, he will have to at least temporarily borrow the qualities that, according to the girls, make a "dream man" from an ordinary interlocutor.
What are these qualities:
- The ability to subtly joke (but not make fun of), to give a note of positivity to each of his expressed thoughts.
- The ability to admire, and, above all, those details of the girl’s appearance, which she herself tries to emphasize. This also includes the skill “not to notice” the obvious flaws in the image of the interlocutor.
- A manifestation of interest is literally about everything she tells. This is characterized by timely prompting questions and approving remarks.
Girls do not like when during a conversation a man “runs” with his eyes around or along their figure. You can be a ossified introvert and during the whole conversation to utter no more than 2-3 words and be forgiven for it, but you never can see the privileges of the “evading” look.
How to become a good conversationalist for a man
The mistake of many women who want to arouse the interest of a man is the haste with which they strive to open to him all their beneficial aspects. In the best case, the guy will consider the interlocutor frivolous, but will continue communication, in the worst case, he will lose all interest in her.
How to become the best conversationalist for a stranger and be remembered from a pleasant side:
- Move moral teachings aside and get ready to approve - the more “likes” a guy receives for his actions and behavior, the more chances he will be interested.
- No need to compare your opponent with anyone - men really value their uniqueness.
- Do not open too much before a stranger and talk about your past - general information will be enough.
- You should not seek out personal information from a man.
- It is necessary to show at least a little sense of humor and be sure to encourage glimpses of such an interlocutor - guys put their ability to entertain high.
It is very important to understand that men do not perceive hints, and if a woman wants to continue communication, she should say directly at the end of the conversation that she was very pleased to communicate with such an interesting person. If this is not done, the man is likely to perceive silence as dissatisfaction with him and try to retire.
Listening skills and listening skills
It is important for any individual to be aware of his significance, which is manifested in the enormous value of everything that happens in his life. However, most events can be given weight only if they are demonstrated to another person, and here a qualitative selection of a worthy listener is already on the scene. In 10 cases out of 10, a person will bear the news of his achievements or the story of the calamities that have befallen him, to someone who has already shown himself to be an attentive interlocutor and has earned this the first priority.
How to become the best interlocutor and an excellent listener:
- observe in the conversation the ratio of silent attention and sensible comments is approximately 5: 1;
- to the best of express emotions that give off a lively interest;
- never interrupt the speaker;
- be able to recognize pauses during which the interlocutor is waiting for comments on what has been said.
Of course, it can be difficult to keep focus on the problems of another person, but if you suspect that you are tired of the listener, he will withdraw into himself and will no longer want to be frank with this person. Therefore, it is necessary to concentrate on the storyline of the story and consciously perceive what is heard.
Skill to be heard
How to become the best interlocutor? Making one hear oneself in the right context is almost the pinnacle of the art of communication, because each person seeks to remove from conversation only that which is close and useful to him. It is necessary to constantly scan his reaction, evaluating both verbal and non-verbal counterparts.
Signs of fatigue of the interlocutor, expressed in gestures of impatience or tiredness, indicate that the words are wasted in vain - the person has already lost the thread of the conversation and is not able to conduct a dialogue. In this case, you can try to regain your attention vis-à-vis the classical trick of the lecturers - to say some unexpected stupidity, to joke, drop a book, a pencil. You can quickly turn the attention of the listener to himself, asking him a question or asking his opinion on what was said.
For "chronic silent" training will be useful to improve public speaking skills. Psychologists advise for this purpose to devote 10 minutes daily to discuss an arbitrary topic with oneself. You need to do this by standing in front of a large mirror and watching your gestures, directness of your eyes, freedom and ease of posture.
Psychologists' recommendations
How to become the best interlocutor? At the trainings conducted to improve the communicative abilities of decision makers, psychologists focus the attention of students on the importance of the following key points of productive communication:
- voice intonations - to the best of a low, trustworthy, warm;
- attention to non-verbal signals sent by the opponent;
- timely switching of the interlocutor's attention to increase his activity in the dialogue;
- the ability to participate in a conversation not only with words, but also with the body, that is, send literate non-verbal signs to oneself;
- elimination of words and phrases-parasites that clog up speech;
- information savvy;
- positive approach.
One of the preferred options for resolving the issue of how to become the best interlocutor is to track your speech for 2-3 days, for which you need to quietly record all your conversations with people on the recorder. Then, during one evening, all notes are listened to and an objective assessment is made of the revealed communicative abilities. At the same time, it will become clear which aspects of speech will have to be worked on.
Rules of communication from D. Carnegie
Most modern communication literacy theories have been borrowed from the greatest motivational psychologist of all time, Dale Carnegie. An easy way to become a good conversationalist in his presentation is to observe a person only a few rules:
- the absence of any criticism of the opponent;
- ability to make compliments without falsehood and flattery;
- sincere interest in the interlocutor;
- the ability to give a person what he most needs;
- smiles, openness;
- empathy;
- willingly admitting wrong.
According to Carnegie, an easy way to become a good conversationalist is to stop trying to please people and set a goal to see in each opponent, first of all, good, pretty qualities. To do this, you can use a simple exercise - when you meet a person, list to yourself 10 pleasant features of a new acquaintance and completely ignore even visible shortcomings.
Just a few weeks of this practice will do the incredible - they will completely change a person’s view of the world around him, add positivity to him, inspire new partnerships and, most importantly, discover in him the best friend and excellent conversationalist.