Viktor Sheinov is a Belarusian psychologist who, in his books, teaches you how to get out of conflict situations and build relationships in a team. Tells how to be convincing and influence others. He explains how to become confident, not to be manipulated, and to recognize lies. In the article we will consider some recommendations that Viktor Pavlovich Sheinov gives.
Author Biography
The psychologist and writer Sheinov comes from Yaroslavl. There he was born on May 3, 1940. Victor was raised by his mother, who worked at the factory, his father was not. The family lived very poorly: in a small room 2 by 3 meters 6 people huddled, and the boy had to learn lessons from classmates. Teachers, knowing about the straitened situation, specially “attached” him to lagging students.
In childhood, Victor was painful, but he studied very well, became the winner of the city chess tournament. Tenth grade finished with only one four. After school, the young man entered the Moscow Pedagogical Institute at the Faculty of Mathematics, because at the age of 8 he announced his desire to become a professor.
Sheinov brilliantly graduated from high school and became head. Department of Higher Mathematics at the Shui Institute. At that time, he was the youngest manager in the Soviet Union, he was only 24 years old. Four years later, Viktor Pavlovich defended his Ph.D., later took the post of dean. Sheinov became a professor in 2000.
But what about psychology? Viktor Pavlovich Sheinov became interested in this science, being a freshman. A year later, he wrote a work on the psychology of studying the game of chess by children from a boarding school. Sheinov’s doctoral dissertation was on conflict resolution.
Victor Pavlovich calls himself an introvert and an optimist. He loves his job very much, so he spends almost all his free time on self-improvement. He considers himself a workaholic and of all resources values time most of all.
Activities
Sheinov, as a psychologist, mainly studies the topics of manipulation, psychological influences, conflicts. He is the author of 15 monographs of his own methods. Published in scientific psychological journals (Russian, Belarusian and Western).
In the series "Psychologist to himself," the publishing house "Peter" published many books by Viktor Pavlovich. For example, “Manipulation and protection against manipulation”, “Irresistible compliment”, “Humor as a way of influence” and others.
In total, Sheinov wrote 44 books. Some of them are translated into foreign languages. The total circulation is 800 thousand copies.
How to be convincing
In the book “The Art of Managing People,” Viktor Sheinov offers the reader the rules of persuasion:
- When talking with the person on whom the decision depends, start with the arguments, not the request. The sequence of arguments is extremely important: first use the strong, then medium, and leave the strongest to the final.
- To get consent, put the person you are talking to with two easy questions or worthless requests. When he answers “yes” to them, he will relax. Now you can safely handle the key problem.
- Make sure that by agreeing to your conditions, a person retains his dignity. However, do not forget about yourself: do not fawn, hold with dignity, so that you are taken seriously.
- Begin with unifying moments, with what your views converge. If this is not the case, then do not provoke the conflict with the phrase "in this matter I do not agree with you." Say better: “Thank you for voicing your point of view. It was important and interesting to know her. ”
- Show empathy during the conversation. Listen to a person to understand how he thinks. Notice gestures, postures, facial expressions - so you better understand his emotional state. Check from time to time to make sure you understand each other correctly.
- Show the interlocutor that your offer will satisfy one of his needs.
Conflicts at Work
Viktor Pavlovich Sheinov explains that a working conflict can arise for the following reasons:
- The head does not tolerate objections, dissent subordinates. He behaves arrogantly, does not allow criticism from the outside.
- The boss violates business ethics. It shows disrespect for subordinates, gives instructions not related to work, humiliates, taunts.
- The leader does not know how to convince subordinates. Prefers punishment, forgetting about encouragement.
- The boss sets the salary that does not correspond to the contribution of the employee. Gives more profitable tasks to "favorites".
- The head painfully perceives the highly qualified employee. Because of jealousy for his authority, the head of the company “does not notice” the achievements of the employee, strives to belittle him in the eyes of the team.
- The manager, taking office and meeting with subordinates for the first time, says: “I will put things in order! "Work as you are used to, no one else will!" As a result, the team unites against the boss.
Why are people afraid to say no
“Saying no without feeling guilty” is a very popular book by Viktor Pavlovich Sheinov. She, as the author explains, is written for those who are constantly “hung up” with secondary assignments that are not related to work, for which others do not want to undertake. Such people agree to the detriment of their time and against their will.
Sheinov is convinced that the cause of sacrificial behavior is conformism (the dependence of self-esteem on the reaction, the relationship of other people). The education of such a trait, in the opinion of the psychologist, is more inherent in our society, in Western democracies this is less common.
How to learn to refuse
To say “no” and not feel guilty, Viktor Pavlovich Sheinov advises to realize this:
- You are not required to respond. You can keep silent, skip ears, especially when they say: “Don’t you hear? I'm talking to you!"
- You do not have to be smart, understanding. Do not be fooled when they say: “Don’t you understand?”, “I’ve already explained to you a hundred times!”, “Are you stupid?”
- You should not be liked by everyone. This earlier condemnation of a person by others could be fraught with expulsion from the community, and it was difficult to survive alone. Now it is not a primitive communal system, and there are not even party meetings.
- You are not obliged, at all costs, to adhere to a decision, a promise. It happens that new facts are discovered, circumstances change. Then, suppressing them because of the fear of being branded as a person who does not keep words can bring problems.
- You must not explain the reason for the refusal if you do not want to. Just say no.
Following such simple advice, you can learn to refuse if necessary.