Man is very complex. No wonder they say that someone else's soul is a darkness. But sometimes even in one’s own soul it’s very difficult to figure out. For example, in how personal dislike arises. You probably happened that someone annoys you. Moreover, you perfectly understand that the person in front of you is not bad, but his manner of speech, style of clothing or his life views are driving you crazy. What to do in such a situation? Read about it below.
Causes
Any consequence has its own reasons. To understand why a person annoys you, you need to understand how hostility is born.
The following situations are possible:
- The cause of personal hostility is most often an unpleasant memory. For example, in childhood, you were strongly scolded by a person who had long hair. Now all men with shoulder-length hair cause an unpleasant response in your heart. But not all people can understand that distant memory and reality have common ground. Determine the type of person who pisses you off and think if it is a shadow of some important figure in your life?
- Different views of the world. A person who annoys you may have the opposite of your point of view. Moreover, your opinions may not agree on many issues. A person with whom you cannot find a common language will annoy you.
- A person not from your social layer will cause hostility. All people grow in different conditions. Therefore, do not be surprised that you and your friends may have different views on the same things. But in most cases, people who grew up in the same social group will have similar outlooks on life, but people who are lower in the social ladder will annoy you, because you will consider them stupid.
Manifestation
How is personal hostility manifested? A person who annoys you will cause a lot of emotions in the soul. Your nerves with each of his words will be pulled more and more, and when you can no longer endure, then bring down a stream of unflattering swearing at him. Most often, this is how people express their discontent and hostility. All this will be accompanied by a furious cry and active gestures. A similar manifestation of feelings is characteristic of unrestrained people. More adequate persons will not show others their restraint. They will act differently. Educated personalities will speak with their opponent politely and condescendingly, as with a child. Sometimes such a manner is even more annoying than a scream. It’s a shame when an adult considers his interlocutor a stupid and inadequate kid who needs to be explained twice.
Effects
For each of his actions a person has to answer. And for incontinence too. But the manifestation of hostility is the result of incontinence. How is a person responsible for his actions? He spoils relations with a person who is unpleasant to him. And it would seem that there is something bad? But in fact it turns out that you spoil relations not with one person, but with a whole group. Each person, even unpleasant to you, will have supporters who, after a stormy scandal between you and an intolerant person, will turn their backs on you. Whether you want it or not, sometimes you have to maintain social ties even with people who are unpleasant to you.
Another consequence of your neglect of certain personalities can affect your reputation. Someone will consider you an arrogant person with whom you should not have anything to do.
Don't wrap yourself up
Personal hostility arises not from the person himself, but from your attitude towards him. To eliminate the oppressive feeling that arises in the soul, try to treat everyone with an open mind. Do not believe the rumors that fill the world. Enemies can dissolve them. Do not make any assessment about the person until you personally speak with him. Only when you can make up your mind can you condemn a person or extol him. But even this is better not to do until you get to know the person better. After all, everyone can have a bad mood or trouble in their personal lives. A person may just have a headache. You should not say that a person is too gloomy if you have no idea how things are going with him now. Do not wind yourself and do not think that the world revolves around you, then it will be easier to live.
Always give people a second chance
As described above, in order to know a person, you need to spend a certain amount of time. Therefore, you should not think that he is bad if he let you down or offended you. Before you judge someone, always find out the reason for the person’s behavior. Perhaps she had reason to help not you, but someone else.
Do you hear the phrase "have a personal dislike?" Consider how often a person uttering these words forgives people. Only a person who does not forgive his friends and who tend to accumulate resentment will not give people a second chance. Compassionate personalities treat everyone equally and, accordingly, do not feel hostility at all. Of course, forgiving everything and everyone should not, but learning to trust people should be.
Learn more about the person
The personal hostility of the boss is formed due to lack of information. If you know more about your subordinates, you can enter their situation. Many bosses are used to judging biased. For example, a person is late for work, which means he is a poor employee. But he can raise a young child alone and not have time to come on time for the reason that he takes the child to the garden.
Never blame people if you cannot look at the situation as a whole. No grades should be made. You have your own life, so live it. No need to get into your own business. Except in cases that relate directly to you and work with you. Recalling the above example, we can say that the boss does not need to know how his employees spend leisure time, but they need to know about the marital status and general state of affairs of their subordinates. The same goes for friends, colleagues and relatives.
Change the wording
Does your boss dislike you? Personal hostility to a subordinate can arise as a result of envy. It would seem that the idea is quite strange that the boss is jealous of his ward. But this happens quite often. You can not cope with envy, which over time develops into hostility? Think about what you can say good things about your employee. He has a wonderful family, a loving wife and excellent children. Yes, a person may seem boring to you, but he is a decent family man and you can respect him for that. Now your subordinate is not just a boring type, but a good and responsible employee. Paraphrasing an opinion about a person will make it easier to find a common language with him. Everyone should make it a habit to learn to find something good in people, and only then - bad.
Understand that not all people think like you
Because of personal hostility, many conflicts occur. What's the matter? The fact that people can not come to a consensus. Each person considers the situation from his own point of view and does not want to understand that his opponent cannot look at the world from someone else's bell tower. Always consider the fact that all people think differently. To build relationships with a person, you need to go down to his level of development. If a simple worker sits in front of you, then he does not need to convey information in high-sounding words. It is unlikely that the essence of what is said will reach the person. Do not try to demonstrate your mind in this way. Explain to the person the information is available. In this case, you will see understanding in the eyes of the opponent and will not consider him near-sighted. If you are talking to a person who is smarter than you, try to exert your strength and imagination and understand everything that is told to you. No need to think that in front of you boast of knowledge. You just speak different languages with a person. Before labeling someone and saying that it annoys you, think about whether you are in the same social environment and think the same way.
Everyone has their own flaws.
Personal hostility to the victim, and to any other person with whom you have to meet at work, is sometimes very difficult to hide. It is especially difficult to restrain your emotions when you know in advance that you are a bad person. For example, this is a person who caused trouble for herself. How to understand such people? Take for granted the fact that everyone has their flaws. It is in your power to evaluate people, but there is not a single ideal person in the world. Everyone is guilty of something, everyone has their own sins and shortcomings. Understanding this, you can ease the personal hostility that arises in you every time you look at some person or type of people.
Emotions are not the best friend
The personal hostility of the boss to the subordinate or subordinate to the boss is usually accompanied by the appearance of emotions. You should learn to restrain yourself and not give vent to your aggression. Nothing good will happen if you actively demonstrate to a person your bad attitude. Start the dialogue with a smile. Yes, she will be on duty, but this will help smooth out the sharp corners of the relationship. Do you want to treat all people with restraint? Then stop using emotions in the dialogue process. This means that you do not need to give an emotional assessment of what is happening. You will give it after you talk. In this case, you will not have a chance to break loose, and you will calmly talk with any, even the most unpleasant type.
Mirroring
Have you ever wondered what a personal dislike of a leader is? But this is nothing more than a reflection of their shortcomings among the working staff. Think about what annoys you most in acquaintances. Disorganization, isolation, lack of initiative? Do you possess all these advantages? Probably not. So why is it annoying in others that you can forgive yourself? The fact that a person cannot forgive any kind of inaccuracy causes irritation. But since a person cannot allow herself to condemn herself, she condemns those around her. Therefore, always be careful about personal hostility and try to understand its nature. You are rarely annoyed by people who are not like you. Much more often you will meet people who will remind you of personal shortcomings. If you notice a tendency to find fault with others, start working on yourself. By eliminating the deficiencies in yourself, you will cease to find fault with other people.