All children dream of becoming adults as soon as possible. But what happens when the long-awaited time comes? Carefree time is behind, and ahead are endless duties, responsibilities, testing their capabilities. The words “need” and “should” are rooted in the lexicon. A man finds himself under a cap of his own hopes, strayed from his path and at a loss. Psychologists call this state a quarter-life crisis. In this article we will get acquainted with the description, causes and methods of overcoming this psychological phenomenon.
Description
A quarter-life crisis spans a period of 20 to 35 years. Sometimes the beginning of it coincides with the transition of a teenager to adulthood. A person faces a serious choice. Which way to go next? What is more important: self-realization or personal life? These questions cause confusion, confusion, fear, disappointment.
The term “crisis of a quarter of life” was first used in the book of the same name in 2001 and was formulated by analogy with the crisis of middle age. The authors were two 25-year-old Americans - Abby Wilner and Alexandra Robbins, who work in the New Yorker magazine. They simultaneously experienced similar experiences.
The study of the psychological state itself began Eric Erickson back in the 90s. He proposed the concept of eight crises that a person usually encounters during his development. One of the first is the “proximity crisis”. According to the psychologist, in the period from 18 to 25 years, young people are especially keen to establish "intense" romantic relationships. In case of failure in the personal sphere, feelings of loneliness and depression arise. They inevitably affect all areas of human life, introducing an imbalance in them.
Signs
In addition to depressive moods, the list of signs of a quarter-life crisis includes other phenomena. They help accurately "make a diagnosis."
- I want to do something crazy, but fetter indecision. For example, due to the pressure of daily routine, there is a desire to quit everything and leave for India, to live in the ashram. But there are doubts whether this will bring happiness and freedom. And if this is a mistake, will it be possible to return to the previous life? Or maybe you should decide on something else? ...
- Tormented by nostalgia for school and student times. They were truly carefree. Then the most difficult question was what to wear for prom. And now a person feels that he is stuck between childhood and adulthood. Only memories can brighten up this situation, but after them there remains a bitter precipitate of hopelessness.
- The scary thought about budget planning. The beginning of adulthood carries with it financial responsibility. Payment of utilities, food, entertainment, transportation and other things requires a careful and careful calculation. And a person is often simply not ready for this.
- There is a sudden fear of failure. At the university, it was possible to skip seminars, retake tests and change the faculty in the event of an erroneous choice. Adult life does not give such concessions. One must act decisively and surely, choose once and rightly. This causes fear.
- It became boring with friends. Relaxing in a club with a noisy company no longer seems like an attractive idea. Increasingly, I want to spend the evening alone. Friendly relations are weakening. There is a misunderstanding.
- Unjustified expectations are oppressed. In childhood, adulthood seemed successful, interesting, and eventful. But in reality, everything turned out differently. Overshadow the situation of peer achievement.
The presence of at least one symptom is an alarm. It is necessary to find the cause of the psychological stagnation that has begun.
Causes
The crisis of a quarter of life, like any other phenomenon, has its origins. Among them, experts identified three main ones:
- Parent pressure They are older, and therefore wiser, more experienced and far-sighted. They are absolute authorities. But their care is not always useful. The child, already in adulthood, is trying to meet parental expectations. To do this, he neglects his own desires and guidelines.
- Information space. Virtual life brought people closer. Now, without leaving home, you can find out where the neighbor traveled, which car was presented to a classmate, and how many children a childhood friend had. Receiving information of this nature, the subconscious mind involuntarily launches a comparison program, which entails a depressed mood, dissatisfaction with one’s own life.
- Erroneous beliefs. Society and the media form a certain stereotype of success. Typically, the measure here is material income. Very often, this causes not only a quarter-life crisis, but also an inferiority complex in 30-year-olds. Another erroneous belief is that a financial condition can be “knocked together" without any effort or talent. And when unjustified expectations are faced with reality, the crisis is especially acute.
Some psychologists associate the concept of a quarter-life crisis with Generation Y. These are young people born after 1981. They deliberately delay the transition to adulthood, staying as long as possible in the parental home.
Phases
Researcher at the University of Greenwich (London) Oliver Robinson for several years studied the mechanisms of the crisis of a quarter of life. According to them, usually this phenomenon lasts no more than two years and ends with a positive result. A person is independently aware of the problem and, after considering several options, finds a suitable solution to it. During this time, he goes through four phases of a crisis of a quarter of his life:
- At the first, a young man feels hopelessness and driven into a career or personal relationship. But, even having received freedom, he still does not feel relief.
- In the second stage of a quarter-life crisis, an understanding of the need for change comes. A person no longer suffers, but studies opportunities according to his interests. That is, he begins to search for his own path of development. What he can, and, most importantly, wants to do.
- In the third phase, a person proceeds to restructuring his life. To do this, he needs to get rid of all that is superfluous and revise the system of values.
- And finally, at the final stage of the crisis of a quarter of life, new landmarks and commitments are consolidated.
Despite the complexity of the process, researcher Robinson is confident that he will lead to positive changes. The passage of this path is one of the key links in personal self-development.
How to overcome?
However, in rare cases, the process is delayed. This is due to various factors: the physical and mental health of a person, living conditions, environment and others. A reasonable question arises: "How to overcome the crisis of a quarter of life?" Experts in this regard have several universal tips. Using them, you can quickly, painlessly and as profitably as possible to bypass this period.
Do not correlate the word “must” with age
This is the most common mistake of the younger generation. Guided by social stereotypes and under pressure from older people, they are afraid of inconsistency. He believes that he is living wrong, that he must do more by his age, be socially higher ... How to cope with the crisis of a quarter of his life in this case?
In fact, if everything goes differently, then this only speaks of a different system of values. Therefore, do not rush to extremes. A sense of meaninglessness pushes a person to rash actions: conflicts and unnecessary purchases. It is necessary to realize and emphasize your individuality. Show decisiveness only with the aim of creating a comfortable personal space. And communication with unpleasant people is better to minimize.
Don't lock
Psychologists strongly advise not to withdraw into oneself during the crisis of the first quarter of life. It is simply pointless and may give the wrong result. In one interview, A. Robbins confirmed that people in a similar situation often experience all alone. It would be wiser to share with peers or an older generation. Every second one experiences an age crisis, so there will probably be a good adviser to help you overcome this condition safely.
Not all at once
Making adjustments in your life is better gradually. Clutching at several things at the same time, you may not succeed at all. There is also the risk of making mistakes, which will be difficult and even more painful to fix. It is important to decide on desires and without panic, fuss to act in stages, starting small. You should also work with beliefs. All people go to success in different ways. In some it is swift and short, while in others it is thorny and long. You can not measure everything with one ruler. Sometimes it takes time.
In culture
The phenomenon of the crisis of a quarter of life is covered not only in psychology. It is reflected in the cinema art. Films "Graduate", "Transitional Age", "Paper Chase", "Translation Difficulties", "The Phantom World" and others are devoted to this topic. In each picture, the age crisis is beaten in the original way: comedic or dramatic. This psychological phenomenon can be traced in the series “Girls” (2008). The emphasis, as a rule, is on the personal sphere of heroes. But there is only one semantic context. No matter how complicated the quarter-life crisis period is, it is useful and even necessary. It makes a person stronger and wiser, helps to find your way.