For pregnant women, the fear of giving birth is absolutely normal. Each future mother experiences a lot of mixed feelings and does not know how to deal with them. But, it would seem, the second birth should no longer scare, because we are usually afraid of what we do not know. It turns out that the words “I'm afraid to give birth to a second child” can also be heard quite often. And, of course, there are reasons for this. From this article we learn why fear of a second birth can occur and how to cope with it.
The joy of motherhood
Those who have already given birth once know that children are real happiness. For the first time to take a baby in his arms, hug him - this is the best reward after 9 difficult months of pregnancy. Why, then, the words "I'm afraid to give birth to a second child!" have to hear and read so often? Every girl or woman has fears about childbirth, and this is absolutely normal.
The main task is to identify them in time and deal with them. Most women are afraid of problems associated with upcoming pregnancy and childbirth. But is this fear justified? Perhaps you should look at the problem from the other side?
Types of fear
So, the words “I'm afraid to give birth to a second child” usually hide psychological and physical blocks. There can be completely different numbers, and they are caused by a wide variety of factors.
So, the psychological types of fear include:
- fear of being a single mother with two children in her arms;
- fear of sleepless nights and life restrictions;
- the mother is afraid that she will not be able to provide for the children;
- fear of becoming unattractive (stretch marks, overweight).
Such psychological blocks can occur during the first, second, and subsequent pregnancies. But most often you can hear the phrase "I'm afraid to give birth to a second child." This is due to the fact that mom already has experience. She knows how hard (psychologically and physically) pregnancy and childbirth are. In addition, she remembers well the first year after the birth of the baby. This is a difficult time when she was sleep deprived, malnourished, and generally experiencing postpartum depression. All these memories, of course, can provoke fear of a second birth.
Physical types include fears and worries about one's health and one's baby. Especially such blocks can occur if there were complications during the first birth. And, of course, my mother suggests that if the first birth was difficult, the same thing can happen a second time. The physical types of fear include various pathologies and disorders in the first newborn. And in general, this is quite natural, since some diseases are hereditary.
A striking example is Hirschsprung's disease. This is a congenital pathology of the development of nerve endings, which are responsible for the innervation of the large intestine. This is a hereditary disease, which is usually transmitted through the male line. And if, for example, in a married couple, the first-born was born with this pathology, then it is highly likely that the second child is also diagnosed with this disease.
How to handle
And, of course, women who live with fear of having a second child would like to know if they can get rid of it and how to do it. Much will depend precisely on the reason why the block arose. But in any case, one can and must get rid of fear. And first, write for yourself on a piece of paper all the advantages of the first pregnancy and childbirth. Look at your already adult first-born and imagine another baby next to him. Isn't that wonderful? But, of course, such thoughts, although they contribute to the fact that the woman calms down a little, the fear of giving birth to a second child still reminds itself from time to time. And for each psychological or physical block there are secrets that will help to cope with this problem.
Pathologies in a child and mother
Of course, when the first birth ends not with a happy discharge and joyful moments, but with the fact that the mother and newborn are transferred to the hospital, it is difficult to forget such an event. And many who have already experienced this are afraid to give birth to a second child. “I'm afraid that everything will happen again,” say desperate women. But you can change this if you better understand the situation. Firstly, there are no identical births, and the fact that the first had certain problems does not mean that they will recur.
In addition, it will not be amiss to visit an obstetrician and find out why this happened. For example, during the first birth, a woman had multiple breaks. She was sewn up, and all this caused her psycho-emotional trauma. But it’s important to find out why this happened. So, as a rule, tears occur with infections of the female genital organs (cocci, candidiasis). In addition, they can occur if it is wrong to push or to not listen to the instructions of the obstetrician at the most crucial moment. Instead of being afraid of the given situation, it is necessary to realize it and draw conclusions. Perhaps you should carefully choose the maternity hospital and the doctor who will be giving birth.
If fears are associated with a child’s disease, then a genetic examination should be carried out. Such an analysis allows us to identify anomalies and prevent them in advance.
How to prepare
In fact, it is the births that are most afraid of girls who decide on a second pregnancy. “I'm afraid to give birth to a second child because of pain!” - Such words can be heard from many mothers. There is a solution to the problem:
- Positive attitude. Be sure to think only about the good. Some women in labor say that giving birth a second time is not so painful. And in fact, the body once experienced this, and for the second time everything should go much faster and less painfully.
- Body preparation. For some reason, many women are sure: in order to reduce the risks in bearing a child, movement should be limited. But this is a false opinion. Childbirth is a difficult process to prepare for. Training vaginal muscles, exercise, walks in the fresh air are very useful for the expectant mother. If there are no contraindications, then vigorous activity during pregnancy will contribute to easy delivery. If you will be in excellent physical shape, then the statement "I want a second child, but I'm afraid to give birth!" will no longer take its former meaning.
You can’t forbid to be beautiful
Such a familiar phrase for a pregnant woman for the second time causes only an influx of sadness. From mom you can hear: "I am very much afraid of giving birth to a second child, because I am getting fat." In addition, the first year after birth is usually quite difficult. Mom does not get enough sleep, rests poorly, bruises appear under her eyes. But this period can also be avoided if the problem is approached correctly. It is advisable to draw up a schedule for yourself, an older child and a newborn and try to stick to it. You should walk with the children as often as possible, exercise with them and do not forget to take the time to yourself. When the baby goes to bed during the day, mother should do the same. Then you will not be so tired and will look much better. If you properly organize the sleep and wakefulness regime, then even with a newborn child you can be beautiful and attractive.
Relationship with Spouse
This is an important reason why many women refuse to become mothers a second time. Many mothers have a fear of being left with two children. And especially if the relationship with the spouse does not develop too smoothly. But is there an ideal relationship? Each family has certain problems that can and should be solved, but not be silent about them. And, of course, the problem should be solved together with the spouse. Perhaps you should calmly talk and discuss the situation. In addition, if a man really wants a second child, he will strongly support his spouse and help her cope with fears.
Financial difficulties
And they are in almost every family. Few people can say that his financial situation is excellent. In any case, another child in the family can very well affect the budget. “I'm afraid to give birth to a second child. What if we can’t provide it? ” - These questions concern many parents. But in fact, money for the baby is sure to be found. If you are next to a reliable person, a husband who really wants another baby, he will certainly do everything in his power so that the beloved and the children are happy and do not need anything.
Time is running
Thinking about the second baby, it should be understood that in this case, time does not play in favor of a woman. It is becoming more and more difficult to get pregnant every year, and even more so. If we turn to statistics, we can see that about 75% of women who are on conservation are older than 35 years. This is due to the environment, lifestyle of women in childbirth, heredity. And therefore, if you want a second baby, but are afraid, think about the fact that while you are overcome with fears and doubts, time is rapidly running out.
Optimal term
Many mothers say: “I want to have a second child, but I'm afraid. Or maybe it’s too early? " What should be the optimal age difference between children? It is difficult to answer this question. For some mothers, for example, it’s convenient to bring up the weather. For 4-6 years, they do not leave maternity leave, giving birth one by one. Others, only having sent the first-born to the first class, think about the second. Psychologists note two periods that are optimal:
In the first case, the difference is not so big, but at the same time, after 3 years, the mother is fully restored and ready for a second pregnancy and childbirth.
In the second case, the first child is already old enough to help with the housework and to nurse with a sister or brother. Although, on the other hand, in this case, the children will not be as friendly as in the first. So, the more they have a difference in age, the less likely that the first and second child will be real friends.
Help from
This is another factor that can help decide on a second child. Of course, the choice should be only for the parents of the future baby, but it will be useful to consult with relatives. Most often, grandparents are incredibly happy with their grandchildren. They happily help with the newborn, and with the elder too. If you have support in the person of grandparents, then this is another reason to think about your fears and put them aside.
Readiness for a second child
Many girls are afraid to give birth to a second child. Afraid not to cope, they ask themselves whether it is possible to somehow check their readiness for a second child. There are also two factors for this in psychology:
- Physical - mom’s health.
- Psychological - readiness for pregnancy and childbirth on a subconscious level.
And in order to determine psychological readiness, you should ask yourself the following questions:
- Do I like to raise children?
- Do I want the house to be noisy and fun?
If you answer these questions positively, then you are ready for a second child, and the fears that overcome you can be dispelled quickly enough.
Summing up, we can say that the question: “I'm afraid to give birth to a second child. What to do?" quite popular these days. Many women have been thinking about what to do for years and find no solution. In any case, it is up to you to take it. Do not let other people impose their opinions on you. If you feel that you are not physically or mentally prepared for a second pregnancy and childbirth, you should openly tell your spouse about this. The decision on replenishment in the family should be mutual, otherwise only one would be happy, and the others would suffer.
Deciding on a second child is not difficult if you note for yourself all the pros and cons of this event and turn to relatives and friends for support. Sometimes it’s useful to talk with parents who already have several children. Find out how they organize their day, how they manage with the kids, and then you will definitely understand whether they are ready for the newborn or not.