Probably, there is no such person in the world who would never be offended by anyone in his life. One way or another, this feeling is familiar to everyone: it eats away from the inside, does not allow you to think sensibly, make responsible decisions. Modern scientists have proved the devastating effect of resentment on the human body and the powerful damage it causes to the psyche. In other words, resentment is a slow movement into the abyss, which will invariably absorb one who finds itself in it. This article will tell you what this alarming incomprehensible feeling is, what danger it carries in itself, how to get rid of it.
Where do the roots come from
If we turn to the nature of this mysterious phenomenon, then the following unpleasant picture emerges. A person takes offense at others when experiencing anger and irritation. It seems to him that he was treated unfairly. Grievous pride always lies at the heart of resentment. That is, a person who is offended subconsciously puts himself above others and wants to control the situation. He wants the environment not only to reckon with his opinion, but to obey implicitly. He needs to know, possess information, manage the behavior of loved ones.
Words of resentment can sink deep in the subconscious and hurt a person again and again, causing vivid painful memories. It would seem that time has passed, the offender is not around, and the person is still suffering, tormented by a couple of phrases that were once thrown casually. Absurd? Then why do we sometimes live this way ourselves, realizing how difficult it is to free ourselves from resentment?
Destructive effect
Those who are offended a lot, for whom offended behavior is a lifestyle, as a rule, persistent violations of an adequate perception of reality are revealed. They are able to see behind the words of their neighbor a second meaning that was not originally invested by the interlocutor. It's just that these people seem to be waiting all the time for a trick, a blow to the back. They do not believe that others can sincerely love them and worry about their well-being. Often they do not have friends because of their natural alertness, which actually prevents them from finding happiness.
The reason for resentment is panic self-doubt, which with age can intensify and progress. That's what resentment is. Pictures of scenes that caused an unpleasant emotional response may not let a person go for years, securing the loser's consciousness for him. It is important to get rid of negative emotions in time.
Children's resentment
We all come from childhood. What didn’t happen there: quarrels among peers, misunderstanding on the part of parents, jealousy of a younger brother or sister. The child’s resentment is so powerful that it leaves a mark in adulthood. It necessarily leaves its mark on the system of values, the worldview of a person. And in all these troubles, parents in rare cases are able to truly understand, comfort, caress.
They are so often busy that it remains only whims and other bad tricks to attract their attention. Children's resentment most acute, because the child, in principle, is not protected from the effects of environmental factors and often is not able to fully protect himself. Sometimes we may not realize that we have hurt our own child. The offense of a child is comparable only with a hurricane of emotions, which is difficult to control.
Cheating on spouse
Perhaps this is the most painful thing that can happen in the life of two people in love. And here the state of distrust, fencing off is quite justified. It is necessary to survive the pain, to put thoughts in their places. It is known that the closest and dearest person is able to actually remove the heart from the chest through their actions and deeds. Then resentment and pain literally overwhelm, not allowing you to see the truth, depriving you of the opportunity to learn to trust in the future, undermine faith in yourself and your strength. An abandoned woman or an abandoned man will need to go through several circles of hell in the literal and figurative sense in order to restore his emotional balance.
Relations with the world and oneself
Few know that resentment is unconscious wish of death. The offended person usually does not realize this, but he shows an uncontrolled feeling of aggression towards his opponent. Often, what does not speak in person has a huge negative energy. It turns out that at a subtle level, people are often ready to destroy each other. One who does not give offense to himself is not capable of actually being offended by another. If a person is sufficiently confident in himself, then he is self-sufficient and strong. One who loves himself has a positive attitude towards the world. He does not allow himself to accumulate destructive thoughts in his heart, rarely gets angry and is not happy. When harmony prevails in a person, he knows how to truly rejoice and is always aimed at success.
The consequences of constant self-digging and dissatisfaction with others
There are cases when people brought themselves to a nervous breakdown, trying to reach the causes of deep intrapersonal conflicts. You need to know where to look for the origins of the problem. Believe me, there are psychologists for this. Otherwise, it would be easy enough for each of us to just delve deeply into our own head and thoughts.
Resentment is not just accumulated negative over time. It is a painfully colored emotion that a person has experienced, perhaps for more than one year, so getting rid of it is actually not so simple. For the study of feelings, it is important to choose a competent approach that would allow a person to be filled with new positive emotions and joy.
Health Factors
Physical health is closely associated with the psycho-emotional mood. That is why it is so important to take care of yourself, treat your own feelings with increased attention and do not forget about the most important individual needs. Unfortunately, scientists have found a connection between resentment and cancer. That is, one who periodically feels that he was unfairly treated, is annoyed, and often has cancer. In an offended person, cells directed to self-destruction are activated in the body. There is nothing surprising in the fact that after a while such a person completely torments himself.
Another important factor is the attitude to an unpleasant situation, on which a person is offended. There are people who, over time, are ready to forgive the opponent, even if he does not ask about it. Others sometimes can not cope with feelings of abandonment and rejection all their lives, do not forgive and do not forget insults. This is actually scary. A person who has not learned to cope with grievances will inevitably gain illness in the future; it will be very difficult for him to live.
How to console yourself?
If someone once offended you very much, and you don’t know how to deal with a depressing feeling of insult, then the tips below will help you. First of all, one simple thing should be understood: the more you carry a grudge within you, the more it grows within you. Stop feeding her, cherish, and she gradually melts. Understand that only harm yourself. Resentment is, in fact, a living organism that responds to how you feel about it. If you pay him a lot of attention, he begins to grow and strengthen. Do you need this? You must choose a way to forgive the offender. It is best if there is a direct connection with him. But even in the case when you can’t directly interact with him, you can let go of the insult from your heart. To do this is actually not as simple as it seems. You need to work on yourself and sincerely wish forgiveness of this person. If you think that he deserves punishment, it means that deep down you are still not ready for self-healing.
A very good method is distraction. It works flawlessly. Find a hobby for you and enjoy in your free time. For some, knitting is suitable, for others - reading books or collecting dolls. Distraction is useful because it allows you to take disturbing thoughts with something new, turn your attention and enjoy the process.
How to stop being offended?
For some people, resentment is synonymous with life. The accumulation of negative emotions occurs so often that one does not have to be surprised. In order not to aggravate the situation even more, it is necessary to learn in time to free oneself from one's “reserves”. How to do it? Realize that all people are different. This is quite difficult to understand, because we are always inclined to evaluate people through the prism of our own feelings. Although this is difficult, try putting yourself in the shoes of the abuser. Ponder what motivated them at the time of your quarrel. Maybe he didn’t want to offend you at all, you just reacted so sharply? It is best to do a written analysis of feelings, then it is highly likely that you will forgive faster.
How to strengthen family relationships
Sincere trust is the ultimate dream of every normal person. Only, unfortunately, not everyone succeeds in being completely sincere in front of themselves and people. It is necessary to learn to understand your partner well enough so that you can’t hold a grudge against him for nothing. Try to spend more time together, respect his or her choice, make pleasant surprises for each other. If something happened between you, find out right away, on the same day, do not wait for the cup of patience to overflow.
Thus, quarrels, grievances - this is the lot of weak, insecure people. A strong man always understands what he needs, and seeks to understand his neighbor. You need to make every effort to get rid of resentment. The more pain a person carries in himself, the worse for him: health suffers, the general psychological background, the likelihood of oncological diseases increases. Get rid of resentment - and life will seem easier!