Each person at least once lost to someone. We have been taught this since childhood. To share toys, to give in to elders, to obey someone or circumstances, because "it is necessary." And in most cases there is nothing wrong with that. Compliance teaches us to think not only about ourselves. However, be careful.
Excessive accommodating can play a trick on you. When for the sake of others you are ready to sacrifice your plans, time, interests and, as a result, life. Which you could live in your own way, but live as you were told to live. This is not your destiny. You must learn to distinguish between ordinary concessions and helping people from manipulations that ruin your personality and life. Learn to say no to anything that doesn't suit you.
The meaning of the concept
Compliance is a type of social impact when one individual seeks to satisfy the needs of others to the detriment of his desires. That is, such a person will calmly cancel his plans that he had planned a week ago, in order to go shopping with his girlfriend for the company so that she would not be bored.
Often this behavior is regarded as weakness, because if you are not able to defend your rights and interests, then you are a weak-minded person. But this is not entirely true.
Compliance is a controversial quality, the usefulness of which depends on the specific situation. In one case, softness will play into your hands, for example, during a family conflict, this will allow you to smooth the corners and complete the quarrel without big losses. In another case, compliance will bring unnecessary trouble and problems. For example, work overtime. You are a true hero in the eyes of the boss, but what will it cost you?
Altruism and humility
Soft people are very easy to manipulate. They are kind and do not see the catch where he is. If it’s good to ask, to put pressure on pity, then they will do everything with joy and gratis.
Selfless compliance is the provision of assistance without requiring anything in return.
There is nothing wrong with rational altruism that does not cross the personal boundaries of a person. But you should not break yourself for the sake of an imaginary purpose for the sake of others.
Humble character type
In humans, compliance is expressed in orientation to people, their problems and desires. These are independent, passive, insecure people who please others for their safety and tranquility. They need protection, guidance and love. Quite often, a mask of virtue hides hostility and anger towards others. This is due to the fact that this type of personality suppresses and hides its aggressiveness.
In a crowd, such a person is easy to recognize by restrained, constrained behavior. In the presence of others, they are embarrassed and lost, so they usually stay in the shade.
Perseverance and stubbornness
Decision-making in situations depends on the individual attitude of a person to his resources and interests, as well as the needs of other people. Resources are all that we possess that we have. Interests are actions that we are ready to entrust to ourselves. How they are distributed depends on how they are distributed among themselves. Stubbornness and compliance are two opposite qualities.
The interests and needs of other people enter the zone of personal space of a compliant individual, and resources act as a means of manipulation. Such a person generously shares everything he owns. He treats other people's needs sensitively and with understanding. But if only someone encroaches on his interests, then the reaction on his part may turn out to be unexpected and aggressive.
In the zone of personal space of a stubborn person, resources fall, and interests are the cause of influence. He can calmly share them with others, listen and accept offers. But if someone encroaches on his resources, then he will meet a tough rebuff and a sharp reaction.
Stubbornness is the opposite quality of pliability. To the best of a stubborn person will never allow himself to be used in the interests of others. This is an independent, active and self-confident individual who dictates his own rules of the game. Such a person is difficult to manipulate.
Exposure techniques
In psychology, compliance is a great way to achieve many goals. It is used by marketers and sellers, forcing us to be more accommodating and buy goods.
- Fawning - a person puts himself in a more attractive light in the eyes of another to facilitate the achievement of the goal. For example, the use of flattery as a tool.
- Reciprocity - if they did something good to us, then we consider it our duty to repay the same. This is a very effective method that works even when the service is done by chance or came from an unpleasant person.
- The door-to-door method - at first you are asked for a big concession, when you refuse, the requirements are reduced until you agree. This method is used by sellers, offering goods at inflated prices, and then gradually reducing them, they give you a big discount.
- The door-to-door method - you are asked for a small request, if you agreed, then follow the rest, more serious ones. For example, a colleague asked to replace him for a few hours, you agree. Next time he will ask you to replace him for the whole working day.
- The “this is not all” method - before you agree, you will be offered additional favorable conditions and offers. This technique is used in advertising on the principle: "buy one - the second as a gift" or "three for the price of two."
- The "low ball" method - a person agrees to a service on certain conditions, and then these conditions are changed without his knowledge.
Compliance Strategy
Every now and then they swear and quarrel. But there are situations when a good relationship needs to be maintained at all costs. It is best to give way in cases where the conflict has exhausted itself, but the skirmish continues automatically. Such behavior will aggravate the situation and give rise to a new wave of controversy. Compliance is a great way out of an awkward situation. She will help in the following cases:
- Your opponent is unconditionally right, and you understand that.
- The subject of conflict is less important for you than for the adversary.
- If you are sure that the disagreement will end in loss, then this step will minimize losses.
- Your opponent is stronger than you.
Tactics
These are difficult but effective tricks that will help smooth out the conflict. Use them in extreme cases, because the suppression of negative emotions can adversely affect your well-being. Nevertheless, try to resolve the differences through negotiations and jointly find a compromise.
- Pretend that nothing bad happened and everything is fine.
- Act like nothing happened.
- Suppress negative emotions.
- Go to the goal in a roundabout way, for example through charm.
- Be silent and consider the plan of revenge.
Compliance is neither good nor bad. This is a tool that people use to achieve results. Sometimes these goals are positive and aimed at good, sometimes negative and destructive. It all depends on the person.
In order not to fall for manipulations and be able to regulate situations in your favor, you need to know how this mechanism works. Respect yourself, value time and love your life!