Many people endure various injuries from childhood, so they are usually not confident in themselves and do not respect their own opinions. And this is a huge problem for a particular person. Therefore, any normal person is looking for answers to the question: “How to love yourself and increase self-esteem?”, Because, having coped with the load of unnecessary complexes, he will certainly feel much happier.
What needs to be done first?
Love yourself and others and radiate your light on everyone. Special conditions for this are not required, since this experience is all-consuming and impeccable. Without love, there would be nothing but darkness and universal chaos. However, many are too lazy to do something for self-improvement and treat themselves with neglect. Therefore, this article is aimed at how to love yourself and increase self-esteem. In psychology, many methods are described that will help in this matter, after which you will learn to live in harmony with yourself.
Self-love is not selfishness at all!
Accepting yourself for who you are does not mean that you need to turn into a daffodil and humiliate others, suppressing them with your arrogance and unscrupulousness. On the contrary, to truly love oneself is a completely normal feeling of oneself in the Universe as one of the particles worthy of its expanses.
You must accept your spirit and body as they are, and take care of their health. Moreover, there should not be any excessive tension and violence over one’s own nature.
Loving yourself means:
- be in harmony with your "I";
- be confident in yourself, despite the complexity of the situation;
- step on the ground with ease;
- respect your own words and deeds.
It is important to remember that increasing self-esteem and learning to love oneself is a very important stage on the path to self-improvement. How to change your worldview and achieve what you want will be described below.
Commandment # 1: Realize that you are a self-sufficient person
You need to love yourself constantly, regardless of whether you have a soul mate or not. No one and nothing complements a person - neither clothing, nor his beloved. Remember that happiness is hidden within you, and not in the object of adoration. Therefore, it is very important to be able to get rid of love addiction.
Your beautiful clothes or a cool car are not and do not complement you. These are just temporary attributes that can easily be replaced with others.
It is important to understand that self-love should not have any particular reason - it is either present or absent. After realizing this, it will become much easier for you to understand the essence and love yourself as a self-sufficient person.
Commandment No. 2: Accept Your Own Nature Wholly and Entirely
It is important to learn to love yourself, being in any mood and in different situations. In addition, you need to accept your past mistakes and stop practicing samoyedy, because without them you would never have become what you are now. This is especially important because often people are unhappy that they gnaw at themselves for the sins committed once upon a time. It is important to realize that then you had no life experience and these actions were the only true ones at that time.
It goes without saying that it is difficult to admit mistakes, but it is very important in order to love yourself, despite their commission. After all, making mistakes and stumbling along the thorny path of life, we become stronger and wiser. Awareness of this should warm your heart, help in solving many problems and learn to love yourself. And how to increase self-esteem, it will become clear from the tips below.
The word “acceptance” should in no case be understood as a manifestation of weakness, because in fact, understanding one’s own weaknesses and improving oneself is a true manifestation of fortitude. Only by completely agreeing with this statement, you can feel the calm, lightness and harmony that were previously inaccessible to you because of the load of accumulated grievances and unfulfilled ambitions.
To understand and accept one’s own shortcomings and mistakes, as well as to love oneself, a mantra will help, which will suit any occasion of life, its essence is that “there is what is ...”. Then you can supplement it with the necessary words and say, for example, like this: “Yesterday I said not what I wanted, because of the excitement I messed up everything. There is what is, and it is natural and normal. ” Use this phrase in any difficult situation as practical advice answering the question of how to love yourself and strengthen self-esteem.
There is no self-image and unnecessary reflections on the need to do this or that! It’s just important to remember that accepting yourself for who you are doesn’t mean at all that you are calm about drone lying around the clock around the clock, sticking it in the zombies for days and eating donuts! Therefore, you need to rekindle the smoldering fire of desire to become better and move towards achieving new heights. Not for someone’s sake, but for yourself. The acceptance of all its sides is the lack of condemnation of one's “I” for petty inaccuracies and shortcomings, and the desire to get rid of them.
Commandment 3: Self-love should not have a reason
You are a self-sufficient and independent person. And this means that special reasons are not needed for self-love, and their search deprives her of all-consuming power. And this happens because the brain begins to doubt that you really deserve it. The reasons will constantly interfere as soon as you think: “I love myself for this and that,” after which there will also be reasons to hate myself. You should be happy to be yourself, so you will very soon understand how to increase your self-esteem and love yourself.
Commandment 4: All Men Are Equal
There is no one worse off than you, or vice versa. Each person is unique, so comparisons will not lead to anything good. So what, does your neighbor get great pancakes? But you, for example, play the guitar perfectly and sing! Each has his own talent, which makes him special. If you constantly compare yourself with someone, envy and try to do what is not given to you by God, you can finally drop your dignity not only in your own eyes, but also lose the respect of others. After all, this will lead you only to a race with yourself and will never give an answer to the question that is important for every woman, how to love yourself and increase self-esteem. It is only necessary to go beyond the narrow framework of social programming and understand that people are deliberately zombied, forcing them to do something against their own will.
Commandment No. 5: Do Not Be Equal to Others, Just Stand Along
If you constantly compare yourself with someone, you can very soon feel like a worthless, miserable creature. Therefore, never strive to become someone, but just be yourself.
For example, you have a girlfriend who is very wealthy because she successfully jumped out to marry. And your business is not so good, you live with your mother. In this case, the comparisons will only do much harm, and you will be loaded with the fact that everything is bad with you, and your girlfriend is fine. Adapting to someone means betraying yourself. Moreover, in any case, living someone else's life is impossible, but you can easily turn into a miserable copy of another person. Therefore, it is so important to always be yourself, because each person has his own advantages.
Improve your knowledge and skills and do not be like everyone else, because the crowd is blind and faceless. In addition, you need to expand your own comfort zone daily. And for any girl to love herself and increase self-esteem, like for no other, it is very important. Therefore, one must stop comparing oneself with others and compete with them in whatever way.
Eternal races bring only suffering, and girls with a similar attitude can not tune in the right way and get out of the vicious circle. Comparisons are only relevant in relation to yesterday and today, because as you improve your mind, you gain new knowledge and feel your own “I” in a new way.
Every night before going to bed, ask yourself: “How have I become smarter and more experienced and what new knowledge have I acquired? Have I gone beyond my own comfort zone today? ” Only such a comparison has a right to exist. If you give a negative answer to these questions, they are already useful because they remind you that you need to work on yourself daily and strive to achieve new heights.
Commandment 6: Respect Your Body and Spirit
Consider the following technique, how to love yourself and increase self-esteem. Its principle is that it is necessary to respect the two main components of self. And this means that you need to love both your spiritual essence and your own body, that is, take care of their condition and maintenance in good shape. Simply put, a healthy lifestyle is required. And the principles of self-esteem are such that you need:
- Forever give up smoking tobacco, drinking alcohol and other harmful substances. Self-love cannot be expressed in an attempt to cram your own body with all sorts of rubbish that negatively affects human health. On the contrary, the capabilities of one's own body should be developed, and this can be done by visiting the gym or simply doing any sport. To feel the pain of your strained muscles and ligaments means to feel alive and to understand that today your body has reached a new opportunity for itself. Watching how your body improves through daily efforts and eating the right foods gives you self-confidence and a feeling of lightness. And already for this you can love yourself. After all, those people who get drunk or are poisoned by drugs live this way because they hate their bodies with hatred and cannot accept their own shortcomings and mistakes. And they are not given to understand how to increase self-esteem and love themselves, as they are weak in spirit and lazy to live a full life.
- Respect your own consciousness and not fill it with unnecessary knowledge. And this means that you should abandon all garbage floating in the open spaces of the media, and set your own thoughts in a positive way. Consciousness must be clear and devoid of all negativity. Only then will an understanding of how to get rid of self-doubt and your own phobias come. After all, nothing will stop you from growing above yourself. In addition, the mind must be constantly fed, expanding horizons and finding all new ideas, knowledge and better solutions to problems. In addition, you must sometimes turn it off, and meditation will help you with this, which you should definitely learn. The mind must feel respected and appreciated. The adoption of these principles will be the main answer to the question of how to love yourself and increase self-esteem.
Commandment 7: Stop Grumbling Like an Old Grandmother
Do not blaspheme everyone and everything around you, as this takes a lot of energy that can be directed in a different direction. When discussing people who have achieved something in this life, you pour out negative emotions that do not find another way out and constantly accumulate. Therefore, do what captivates you and makes you happier. The more you grumble at other people, the deeper you will clog into the general herd, in which "each sheep is lousy in its own way."
Therefore, instead of judging someone else’s misconduct, take care of yourself and adequately evaluate a particular situation, considering it from an objective point of view. Look at things soberly, not expressing excessive emotions. This is the main advice of psychologists on how to love a woman who wants to become especially attractive to men.
Unfortunately, the youth of our time has this terrible habit of grumbling all the time and expressing their displeasure. Moreover, they are not aware that in this way they limit themselves and lose their immediacy. Consider one example. The girl sits in the underpass, sings and plays the guitar. And you and your girlfriend pass by and begin to growl animatedly that Courtney Love was found here , who doesn’t really know how to sing, it would be better to go to work! But after some time you find yourself in a big company, where you are asked to read your poems. And then you start to pound jitters, not letting you relax, and self-confidence suddenly disappears somewhere.
Why it happens? Yes, because it is conjured by your inner grouchy old woman, who had previously incited to pour mud on other people! Do not believe? So check and see that life will change for the better. Remember that you should never judge either yourself or others. You can only ask yourself in case of failure: “What have I done to achieve my own goal? What efforts have I made to become even better? ” Since this is the key to how to increase self-esteem for a woman and love herself.
Commandment number 8: if something does not suit you, do not be silent
It is not necessary to say unpleasant things in the forehead. It is enough to make it clear to the person that you do not like something with the help of facial expressions and gestures.
From the very beginning of life, parents teach a child patience and urge to silently bear all the blows of fate. And this can not be done in any case! Otherwise, how can a man love himself and increase his self-esteem if, having received a slap, he turns the other cheek? You can express your disapproval of actions without wasting words. Consider this example. Your friend lights a cigarette in the car, but you hate it when you are lit with cigarette smoke. The brain begins to feverishly think over ways to solve this situation. And here you need to say that he should stop and smoke in the fresh air. Explain that you are allergic to tobacco smoke and absolutely cannot stand it. Do not forget to also mention that while he smokes in your presence, you won’t be able to communicate normally.
Put this technique into your own consciousness and soon you will understand how to increase self-esteem and learn to love yourself. And without solving unpleasant situations for you, this will never happen.
Commandment No. 9: Clearly differentiate between what you can accept and not
Why is this so important? Because thanks to personal boundaries, people will be able to understand what you allow in relation to yourself or others, and what is absolutely not, since they must adapt to you if you want a good relationship with yourself. Thanks to the established boundaries, it will be much easier to understand people, and no one will be able to sit on your neck. Consider this example. You do not like that someone, using your kindness, sits on his neck. You hate gossips, deceivers and dupers. Write it on a piece of paper, and also write there what you value in others. This will help to understand what you really want from others.
It will also help each woman learn and understand how to love herself and weed out extra people from her environment.
Commandment No. 10: When you rise one notch above yourself, do not forget to encourage
If you were able to achieve your goal and realize it, be sure to find a way to please yourself. This is subconsciously entrenched in the brain as an encouragement of one's own efforts, and what is obtained with difficulty has a much higher price than what was received "for free." You will have an incentive to complete more and more self-improvement tasks. And if you are crazy about sweets, then please yourself with something “that way”, and life will become much more pleasant and tastier! And self-esteem and self-love will appear by themselves.
Commandment 11: Never complain to anyone or encourage whiners to roam on your shoulder
You should not become a vest for other people's tears and a big handkerchief for their snot. Make it clear to all the "messes" in your environment. And most importantly, do not limp yourself, as people will decide that they are allowed to do this. Even the most bitter tears do not solve problems, and no one respects whiners. Let us further consider how to suppress such actions. If someone is pouring out his soul to you and complaining about life, then just ask him a question about how he is going to solve his problem. If the nagging continues, it will become obvious that the person does not even think about resolving it. And this means that he just needs the feeling that someone cares about his problems. That is, he wants to be pitied. So think about why you need such people? Then, without any doubt, exclude them from your circle of communication, and then with a calm soul we do what we increase self-love and self-esteem. And in the end, only people with a strong character will remain around you, able to pull up, not down.
Commandment 12: You Are the Creator of Any Situation
And this means that you need to learn how to be responsible for your own actions and actions. This can be done using paper and pen (or notes on a smartphone). You need to imagine any situation unfavorable for yourself and ask yourself the question: "How could I create it?" Then paint all the possible options that answer this question. Choose from them those that you are the initiator. This will help stop blaming others for their own failures. And the desire to whine and complain about life to outsiders will disappear by itself. And you finally realize that the current situation is the work of your hands, and only you are responsible for it. The method is quite effective and helps to understand how to love yourself, and self-esteem will increase necessarily. For example, if you had a fight with a man on the street, then be sure to ask these questions: “How did I bring the situation to a similar outcome?”, Then answer: “I was quite hostile and expressive. He called and provoked that person, although he could have simply gone about his business. I needed a thrill, so I pushed him. This I pulled in advance of the accumulated negativity to myself through my own actions. ”
Commandment 13: Know Your Strengths and Character Features, Write and Remember
Stay on top of your own skills and positive qualities that are good for you. After all, their ignorance will never help to understand how to love yourself. And the advice of a psychologist boils down to a clear awareness of one's own strength and a sense of oneself as a person worthy of respect. Until you understand this, others will not notice it either. For example, it will be good if when communicating with you people will experience only positive emotions and spend time in an interesting conversation on a variety of topics. Therefore, whoever you are, you are always unique.
Write down the qualities that set you apart from the gray crowd, and remember it well.
This will help get rid of obsessive thoughts about how to love yourself and increase self-esteem for a man who before that suffered from self-doubt. Write yourself these questions and the answers to them:
- What attracts others around me?
- What are my hobbies, hobbies, interests?
- What emotions do I feed people of my circle without making any effort to do this?
- How easy is it for me to open up to other people?
- How strong is my sense of inner freedom?
Each person has only the personality traits inherent in him alone, so each one has his own. But any of us, improving ourselves, can gain more and more advantages.
Commandment 14: Trust Your Own Feelings and Do What You Want
If your desires grow out of good intentions, then learn to trust them and be sure to put them into action. Do not be afraid to show your true essence contrary to the expectations of others. After all, life is one, and you need to live it in such a way that there are no unnecessary torments of conscience for constantly having to follow the wishes of others' wishes. Not every person wants to reveal himself to others, fearing that they will have a bad opinion. Therefore, he is afraid to offend anyone with his behavior. For example, a guy refuses to dance, because he is afraid that his friends will make fun of him (a familiar character, is not it?). And it’s more correct not to think about it and just relax. Therefore, never act according to someone else's expectations, but act only according to your own convictions.
Commandment number 15: every night before going to bed, do introspection and constantly strive to grow at least a millimeter above yourself
Make your life bright and fill it with pleasant events. Do not be bored alone with yourself and often pronounce mentally the words that will give you strength. Finally, take care of what makes you feel like a significant and happy person. Become an updated version of yourself and come up with motivation that will help you move in the right direction. Write down the following questions and their answers:
- What are my addictions?
- What makes me feel joyful euphoria?
- What really amuses me?
- What kind of music turns me on?
Commandment No. 16: Set a Goal for Yourself, Thoughts of which Will Be Raised from Dawn at Bedtime
Own dream needs to be constantly visualized and supplemented with details. Indeed, without it, a person does not have life, but a miserable existence. The larger the goal, the more forces will appear to achieve it. On the way to it, life will sparkle with new colors, become bright and interesting, and a person will feel respect for himself. And the feeling of personal growth will add additional potential to its capabilities.
Commandment 17: Accept People As They Are
Do not try to crush everyone and impose your own opinion on others. After all, people need to be treated with the same respect as they are to themselves. Moreover, it will never be possible for anyone to change all of humanity anyway. Nobody asks you about this? Therefore, look at the world realistically, and not through the prism of your own fantasies. Trying to “fit” anyone for yourself, you waste your own energy in vain and accumulate only negative, as a person still does not live up to expectations.
The circle of loved ones is a reflection of your nature. If in your eyes the people around you look evil and unjust, then it’s time for you to look at the world with different eyes. Most likely, these are the negative qualities of your own character, hidden deep inside, but they are hard to recognize and do not feel like at all. So, you need to work hard on your own shortcomings.
Commandment No. 18: Do Not Try To Be Ideal For All
Modern society, the media and television daily impose on us the concept of ideals that meet social norms. For example, if a person does not have a slender and muscular body or a higher education, he is nobody and he cannot be called.
But in reality, no one wants to conform to these standards, but does it in order to conform to society. Therefore, the desire to be perfect must be replaced by the desire to love yourself with all the shortcomings. Be the person that you are, and do not try on someone else's life.
Commandment 19: Watch Your Look
Is it possible to respect yourself by seeing a slut in the mirror? The way you look does not affect the attitude of people of the opposite sex towards you, but a purely personal one on your attitude to yourself. Indeed, if a person smells bad, and his clothes are stained with stains that cannot be removed, this can tell first of all that he does not respect himself.
And that means that the person and to others treats equally disregard. And then there can be no question of any self-confidence!
Looking good doesn’t mean wearing expensive clothes and changing them weekly! You just need to monitor its cleanliness and darn on time. In addition, you must follow the rules of personal hygiene and systematically trim your nails.
Bad advice from "well-wishers"
From some people you can often hear the phrase: "You need to constantly think positively!". And this is akin to having to hold bright thoughts in your head and focus on them. After all, our thoughts, like emotions, cannot be static, they are constantly changing depending on a particular situation.
Love yourself being both a cheerful and a sad person. Books can help. And how to love yourself and increase self-esteem, it will become clear after reading them.
Opinion of a famous psychologist
Talking about how to love yourself and strengthen self-esteem, Labkovsky said that the human psyche follows the action, and not vice versa. And this is the basis of his methodology. It is important to learn how to choose what to do, immediately and without doubting your own decision.
Respect both yourself and the chosen way to resolve the situation. If you decide to refuse someone, then say a firm “no” without too much thought. Here is the answer Labkovsky gives. And how to love yourself and increase self-esteem, you can learn by watching his video.
If you believe his words, the method works better than self-hypnosis in a mirror like: "I am the most beautiful, smart and beautiful!" Labkovsky knows well how to love himself and strengthen self-esteem! Indeed, in his opinion, a person consists of what he does and what feelings he has for himself and others, and not at all of those thoughts that are swarming in his head.
Human life is a reflection of human expectations
There are many reasons for self-doubt, the main ones are psychological injuries from childhood. For example, a little boy drew a boat. And so he joyfully runs to his mother so that she appreciates his labors. But for some reason she began to say that there is a mast and a sail, and the sail is disproportionate, and the like. And it completes this whole statement that he does not know how to draw. Such a reaction of parents to children's efforts will make the child eventually a self-doubt person, afraid to receive a negative assessment of their own actions.
There is a technique that helps a person treat himself with respect, and it is called the “Hour of Strength”. Its principles are detailed in the audio of Anthony Robbins. Love yourself, and self-esteem will grow by itself, and you will feel like a self-sufficient person. In addition, it says that you need to pay special attention to those who are part of your daily circle of friends, as these people influence you. Therefore, for better times to come, you should surround yourself with strong personalities that will give you an incentive for self-realization. And if there are none, then become your own support and support for your friends and motivate them. You must listen to an audiobook, as it will forever change your view of the world around you.